


To Be Held By You

by creative_smtimes



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Break Up, Coming of Age, Crimes & Criminals, Dissociative Identity Disorder, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Girl Penis Lexa, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Other, Past Abuse, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Character Death, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Past Violence, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Slow Burn, past self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2019-10-05 14:37:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 100,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17326856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creative_smtimes/pseuds/creative_smtimes
Summary: I have cried, laughed and nawwwwed while writing this so hopefully, you will, too, when you read it.“Hi, I’m Clarke”, she heard a voice from the chair next to hers. She hadn’t noticed someone had sat down. When she turned around, she saw it was the pretty, probably straight girl from PE again.“Lexa”, she nodded politely.“I saw you on the bus this morning, you stole my seat”, Clarke said, not looking at Lexa, but now, too, at the posters on the wall.“I’m sorry, I normally take another bus.”“Never mind, really, it’s not a big deal”, Clarke laughed and looked at Lexa now. Her eyes were so blue, “Well, my friend Octavia was about to kill you, but…”Or:Many the 100 characters in partly some underrepresented circumstances.This ff has stuff for everyone, there is high school shit, deep shit, sad shit, adult shit and baby shit (not literally)





	1. In the Beginning there was Chaos.

“What do you mean you don't believe in soulmates?”, Lincoln asked, looking confused and non-believing.

“I just don't believe that you could meet someone and be immediately starstruck and head over heels in love with them or whatever you might call it”, Lexa tried to explain, her arms waving through the air helplessly, trying to back up her argument.

“But that's love at first sight you're describing, not soulmates.”, her older cousin classified, taking a sip of his tea before putting the mug back onto the coffee table.

“They are often used interchangeably.”, Lexa tried to defend herself, “Soulmates are commonly depicted as meeting seemingly for the first time and immediately thinking they know each other from a former life and are destined to be together. Therefore they fall in love at first sight. In that life at least…”, she paused for a second, thinking, “only if you believe in it of course.”

“That's true, but not exactly what I mean”, Lincoln reacted before being interrupted by hearing someone entering the room.

“What are you kids discussing this time, huh?”

“Stop calling us kids, Anya!”, Lexa, the youngest of the Woods brothers’ children, hissed at her older sister, “I'm fifteen and Linc is almost eighteen. Just because you’re the only one of us who has moved out doesn't make you better than us.”

“Chill, kiddo, you're in discussion mode again.” Anya knew once her little sister was sure of something and trying to convince someone of her point, she was not to be stopped or she would get furious.

“She is trying to convince me that the concept of soulmates is stupid”, Lincoln finally answered Anya's question, at the same time trying to calm his cousins down.

“Love is stupid”, Anya stated with a cold voice before leaving the room to search for food in the kitchen.

“You can't just say such a thing and leave!”, Lincoln shouted after her but she didn't react.

“She has a point tho.” Lexa was staring at the coffee table, watching the clouds move in the reflection of the glass top.

Lincoln looked at her with worry in his dark eyes. This girl had been like a little sibling for him ever since his mother had taken her and Anya in six years ago. “Lex, you have a girlfriend!”, he tried but immediately knew from the look his cousin gave him that it was the wrong approach.

“Yea and dad had a wife. And then a girlfriend who became a wife. And then a girlfriend and who knows what after that.”

They had had similar conversations like this one. Many actually. But it always seemed to lead to the same conclusion: the fear of repetition and loss.

Lincoln knew Lexa didn't want to be touched when she was in this state of mind. He had learned that after having been pushed away again and again, the feeling of a tense body in his arms and whispered “don't”s. He also knew it wouldn't help if he tried to talk to her. Her replies would only be forced and short. The only person who could reach her in this state was Lexa's girlfriend. But it was summer and Costia was travelling with her family. So Lincoln decided to join Anya in the kitchen instead.

 

* * *

 

“And you really didn’t see her all summer?”, Anya asked.

“No”, Lexa replied with a mixture of sadness and excitement in her voice so Lincoln couldn’t tell which one she was feeling more at the moment. “Not since the last day after school”

“Where was she again?”, Lincoln asked now.

“England I think”, Lexa shrugged.

“Didn’t you talk during vacation?”, Anya was confused.

“Not much, she was busy.”

They arrived at their school.

“Well then, tell her hi from her favourite Woods woman”, Anya laughed and ruffled Lexa’s hair.

“Pff”, Lexa just made and closed the car door behind herself.

“Everything okay between you two?”, Lincoln was concerned.

“Sure”, Lexa smiled, but the smile vanished a second later, “Well, I think so.” She absentmindedly started trying to put her hair back into place. Lincoln quickly helped her, putting a strand of hair to the side it belonged.

“Hey, don’t get sad now”, he put his hand on his younger cousin’s shoulder, “You’re finally seeing your girlfriend again now, aren’t you?”

“I am!”, Lexa’s smile was back and, after a small relieved sigh, so was Lincoln’s. As soon as he saw Costia coming their way, he waved her, said goodbye to Lexa and went to his friends.

“Hey”, Costia said and kissed Lexa. When she wanted to pull away again, Lexa held her for a bit longer, smelling her hair and enjoying her warmth against her own body.

“I missed you!”

“I know!”, Costia said in her beautifully soft voice and caressed Lexa’s cheek, “I’m sorry we didn’t talk that much the last couple ‘a weeks.”

“Well, I’m glad to have you back.”, Lexa smiled and kissed her girlfriend again.

They didn’t have their first two periods together but in the break Costia found Lexa, standing in the hallway with Lincoln and Nyko.

“Hey babe”, she said, wrapping her arms around Lexa from behind, kissing her cheek as she turned her head a bit.

“Hello you”, Lexa kissed her back which Costia used to push her against their lockers to make out.

“You are such a cheesy clishé couple”, Nyko complained, but he laughed saying it. He liked his best friend’s little cousin and her girlfriend. Costia often joked around with him and she was almost as good in biology as he was so he often helped her study, giving her his notes from the year before.

“Oh you’re just jealous”, Costia said, leaning away from Lexa just to say it before she leaned back into the kiss.

Nyko laughed, but Lincoln could tell something was different in Costia’s behaviour. He brushed it off as just him being overprotective over Lexa. He knew Costia was good for Lexa, wasn’t she?

 

* * *

 

The walls of the room were filled with drawings and paintings. She hadn’t drawn on it directly, of course, her mother would have killed her, so she just drew on paper and hung them up all over her space. There were mostly drawings of nature: trees, flowers, animals, a few paintings of sunsets and sunrises. Clarke was fascinated by the colour of light falling through leaves but she had never been able to capture that exact beauty in her paintings.

“Clarke?”, her mum’s voice came from downstairs. “Can you come downstairs? I want to talk to you about something.”

Clarke sighed, dropped her pencil next to the sketch of a squirrel she had started and went downstairs. Her mother was waiting for her in the kitchen, sitting on her chair opposite to where the small table stood against the wall. Clarke sat down on her chair, a sad smile on her face as the partly dusty newspapers from the past few months that filled the third chair at the table caught her eye.

“Look”, her mum started. She had her serious face on, Clarke noticed. “Early this morning they brought in a woman who had taken pills with too much alcohol. My colleagues tried everything but there was nothing they could do to help her.”

“Why are you telling me this”, Clarke got nervous, a bad feeling in her chest as this moment caused a déjà vu in her head. “Do…, I mean, did we know the woman?”

“No, don’t worry”, Abby replied quickly, placing a hand on Clarke’s arm, not noticing her daughter flinch a little. “It’s just that…”, she took a deep breath. Remembering her day brought a small tear into her eye. “Her daughter found her, she is about your age.”

“Oh” They were quiet for a few seconds. “Well, do we know the daughter?”

“You don’t, no. She goes to a different high school a couple of miles away.”

“Then why are you telling me this?”, Clarke was getting more and more confused and nervous. “You normally don’t talk about your work.”

“Well I talked to the girl for a while because my shift had finished but no one was looking after her so I volunteered to take care of her and”, she had to take a short break to concentrate on holding back her tears, “Her father died when she was little and she has no other family so she would be put into an orphanage or into foster care so, Clarke”, Abby had started rambling, but now, saying her daughter’s name, she stopped for a second to, sort of beggingly, look into the blue eyes Clarke had from her father. “Would it be okay for you if we took her in, you know, as her foster family.”

That was a lot of information at once so Clarke had to think about it for a while. Her mother waited patiently, she knew how hard this had to be. But Clarke was a caring person who always tried to be good for everyone so she agreed. “Okay.” Abby’s smile looked relieved. “But she takes the guest room, I don’t share.”

“Of course”, Abby squeezed her daughter’s hand thankfully, “I didn’t think you would.”

 

* * *

 

Two days later a girl Clarke’s age stood in the Griffins’ guest room with a couple of bags surrounding her. Even though she was the same age and about the same height as Clarke she looked like the exact opposite with her dark hair and eyes, slightly tanned skin and muscular body. The two girls eyed each other for a second before Clarke took a few steps forward and held out her hand. The girl hesitated but took her apparent new “sister”’s hand anyway.

“I’m Clarke”, Clarke introduced herself.

“Raven Reyes”

 

* * *

 

The car ride was more quiet than normal. After a while of awkward silence, Anya decided to turn on the radio instead. Echo was riding shotgun. As Anya’s best friend she lived with her and, since she didn’t have her own car, Anya sometimes drove her to the police academy when bringing the younger Woods kids to school. “Why is everyone so quiet”, she whispered to Anya but Lincoln and Lexa in the back heard it, too.

“You weren’t home, I’ll explain it later”, Anya whispered back, but then remembered something. “Lex? Is it okay if I tell Echo?”

“Sure”, Lexa mumbled, staring out of her window.

When they arrived at school, Lincoln and Lexa left the car, Anya told them to tell everyone she said hi and she and Echo drove off. Lincoln saw Costia coming their way. She was slower than normal. He waved her, asked Lexa if she would be okay and when she nodded, he went to his friends.

“Hey”, Costia said and kissed Lexa like she always did. Like always, Lexa pulled her back for just a second longer of getting to kiss her.

Like always they spent their breaks with Lincoln and Nyko and whoever else of their friends joined.

In gym class coach Indra noticed that Lexa seemed to not be playing as well as normally, but when they asked if everything was okay, Lexa just nodded and forced a smile. The coach knew Lexa’s aunt so they would find out anyway, but Lexa wasn’t ready to tell them yet. Especially not in class.

In their second break, Fio and Quint were discussing games of different sports from the weekend, like always, and Nyko was trying to follow their conversation (to try to seem less nerdy). Lexa and Costia were making out or sharing looks when they weren’t making out, but this time, when Lincoln noticed a bit of sadness in their eyes, he knew what was going on.

In the afternoon Lexa had a class for especially talented students with the principal Mr Titus.

Normally Lexa loved the class where they got extra tasks for different classes and discussed philosophical and political topics. Today she didn’t really pay attention. Luna, a student that was about equally as talented as Lexa, seemed to notice.

“Why are you not paying attention?”, she asked, “Is something wrong?” She asked politely and in a way that sounded as if she really wanted to help her fellow student, but Lexa didn’t feel like talking so she just shook her head.

When the lesson was over, Titus told Lexa to stay in the room for a bit while the others were free to go home.

“I know your girlfriend”, he said the word as if it was hard for him to bring it over his lips, “is leaving our school.” Lexa just nodded. “But I do not want to see this interfere with your performance in class!” Another nod. “You are very intelligent, Lexa”, Titus’ voice was getting softer. It still wouldn’t be called soft, but this scared Lexa. She was used to stone-cold strict Titus. This was new. “I know this must be hard for you.”, again he sounded as though it was difficult to say such things. “I only want what’s best for you.”, he claimed and it was hard for Lexa not to roll her eyes. Instead, she just kept nodding. “Keep your feelings together in class” Nod. “You can do great things if you concentrate on your future.” Lexa waited for Titus to nod into the direction of the door. When he did, she wordlessly took her things and left the room. Once she was out of sight for Titus she ran to the girls’ bathroom, locked herself in a stall and cried. She missed her bus but she didn’t care anymore.

 

* * *

 

“May all Sophomores and Juniors please come to the cafeteria after sixth period”, Principal Sydney’s voice sounded out of the speakers at Arkadia High School.

“What do you think she’s going to tell us?”, Jasper asked.

Clarke shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Octavia shrugged, too and raised her arm again. They were having history, her favourite class ever, next to PE of course.

The cafeteria was packed but Octavia and Clarke managed to find their friends anyway.

“What the fuck is this? I’m gonna be late for work again!”, Raven complained.

“Raven, language!”, Harper exhorted, “We seriously need to start a swear jar for this one”

Monty nodded in agreement and the others smiled.

“Oh shut up!”, Raven rolled her eyes.

“What did I do?”, Octavia was confused.

“Not you I said O H”

“Oh”

“Exactly.”

Principal Sydney entered the cafeteria and it got quiet.

“You’re probably all wondering why I called you here”, she smiled.

“I still think she’s a vampire.”, Clarke stated, “You can’t change my mind”

“No one’s trying”, Murphy pointed out before they continued listening to their vampire principal.

“You’ve all heard of Polis High School”, Sydney continued, causing a few “Booooo”s from the jocks, including Octavia. Unaffected by the interruption Sydney continued. “Since both of our schools are experiencing an increase in dropouts this year and therefore have a record low in student numbers in your grades...”

“So?”, someone asked.

“So I sat down with their principal Mr Titus and we agreed to unify our schools in these two grades until you will graduate.”

“What about the sports teams?”, someone asked a few miles away in Polis High School.

“Due to a lack of players at both schools, they will be unified as well.”, Mr Titus explained.

“That’s bullshit!”, Lincoln exclaimed, but not loud enough for his principal to hear him.

“We have the bigger field though so practice will be held here while classes, including PE, will be over in Arkadia. Those of you who will have problems getting there after summer please stay a little longer, the others can leave now.”

“I don’t even know why you’re complaining so much”, Finn laughed at the others, “There are just gonna be a couple of new classmates.”

“Yea, but they’re Polisers!”, Octavia groaned.

“That word sounds gross”, Clarke wrinkled her nose.

“They are!”

“They’re probably just a bunch of annoying little bastards that are loud in class and don’t let others study.”, Raven agreed.

“We’ll see”, Finn shrugged.

“Why do we have to go there anyway?”, Lexa asked in Anya’s car after she and Lincoln had explained the situation. She was angry.

“Maybe their school is just bigger”, Anya shrugged.

“You’ll be okay”, Echo tried to calm them down. Anya had picked her up from the police academy as almost every day now.

“You shut up, you’re not even in school anymore!”, Lincoln complained from the backseat.

“Well, it’s only one more year for you!”, Lexa muttered back at him, “I have to go there for two years!”

“Oh, come on, you’ll survive”, Anya laughed, “I’m driving you there most of the time and it’s not much further with the bus otherwise, just in a different direction. You won’t even have to get up earlier!”

“Still sucks!”

They had arrived and Anya and Echo waved the other two goodbye for a second before driving to their flat. Lincoln and Lexa explained the news to Amanda, who didn’t seem to understand their anger either.

“Wait, isn’t Indra’s daughter at Arkadia?”, she asked.

“Think so” Lexa took another bite from her lunch.

“Then you’re finally gonna see her again!”

“Yay”, Lincoln said in an ironic voice.

 

* * *

 

“Does that mean you will be my coach?”, Gaia asked, confused. She was putting plates on the tiny table in their small kitchen.

“I believe so, yes.” Indra was cooking dinner, still in their coach outfit from school.

“Ugh”

“Hey, it’ll be okay”, Indra tried to comfort their daughter, “I know it’s probably hard to have your parent as your teacher, but I promise I will treat you just like the other students. If you want we don’t even have to tell them I’m your parent.”

“Sure”, Gaia shrugged.

“Hey, and maybe you’ll find friends from Polis.”, Indra tried to sound enthusiastic, “I know some of my students you might like.”

“That would be weird. Besides, I already know some of them like Lexa and Luna from that special class you sent me to last year.”

“Actually I believe Luna is leaving our school”

“Really?” She always seemed like a good student, Gaia thought. She and Lexa had been Titus’ favourite students, well, the students he thought could become something big, as he put it.

 

* * *

 

Even though Amanda and Anya had told them countless times that it would be okay, Lincoln and Lexa were in a miserable mood at the breakfast table on the first day of school after summer. Of course, almost every student is in that mood when summer is over and school is back to control seemingly every waking minute of your life. But on top of that, they would have to go to Arkadia, which meant they had to get up 10 minutes earlier, which wasn’t even that bad. The worst part was that it was ARKADIA, their worst enemy from the last few seasons of rugby. Both the boys’ and the girls’ team of Polis had had trouble against them. The last games had been won by Polis though, but right now they couldn’t be happy about that because it just meant they would probably be hated by most of their new classmates.

“Toast?”, Amanda asked with a beaming smile, already holding two slices over the toaster.

Grumbled mhms and nods were all the reply she got. Lincoln took two plates out of the cupboard and he and Lexa dropped down on their chairs, waiting for their toasts to be ready.

At the same time, Clarke was walking, or rather, dropping down the stairs and half-sleep-walked into the kitchen.

“Coffee?”, Raven asked, already wide awake, as always.

“Coffee!”, Clarke groaned back, grabbing the mug Raven had already prepared and dropped down on her chair.

“Well someone is looking forward for school to start again”, Raven laughed.

“Who?” Clarke wasn’t ready for any type of thinking before her morning coffee, let alone detect sarcasm.

“Never mind”

“Mh”

That was about all the conversation they managed to have before Clarke finished her second cup and asked, her voice still sounding a bit sleepy: “What do you think it’ll be like?”

“What?”, Raven asked, her mouth full of scrambled eggs.

“You know, having classes with Polis when all the jocks hate each other so much.”

“Well, I guess Finn was right, we’ll just have to see.”

Abby was already at work so the girls took the bus to school. Already they could feel a tenseness in the air, mixed with the normal annoyance and sleepiness of having to go back to school. The bus was fuller than normal, new faces and known ones. The places Clarke and Raven normally occupied were taken by a brunette girl and a boy who had his head shaved almost fully bold. They looked muscular and sporty, which explained why Octavia, who was sitting a few rows away, was staring at them angrily.

“Relax, little Blake”, Raven laughed, knowing very well that calling her that would only make Octavia even angrier.

“Shut up”, Octavia hissed back.

“Hi to you, too”, Clarke grinned, “I mean yea, it’s a bit weird to not be sitting at our normal places, but didn’t you win the last game against them?”

“So what?”, Octavia groaned, “They’re still Polis.”

The bus arrived at Finn’s stop and he entered, looking around, confused as to why his friends weren’t sitting where they usually did. He politely smiled at the Polis students who had taken their places before making his way to the others.

“Don’t talk to her or you’ll get killed.”, Clarke warned, pointing at Octavia.

“I think we should try to be nice to them.”, Finn said to Octavia, who just glared at him with angry eyes in return.

“We’ll see”, Clarke shrugged.

First period was PE. Clarke hated PE. Most of the time she just wanted to sit at the side with Raven, even if she was doing science homework. Raven couldn’t do most things that had to do with running, but the school couldn’t just let her have a free period for some reason, so she had to sit at the side or be the referee. Raven hated PE, too. She was sporty, yes, she had perfect arm muscles and abs but since they mostly did things that involved legs she couldn’t do much. Octavia, on the other hand, was overly excited when she read that they’d have PE first. She was one of the best players in the female rugby team of their school and often worked out at home which, Clarke thought, was proof of her being totally crazy.

Lexa was in the same PE class. She didn’t really have friends in this class, or in any class, for that matter. She only really had been around Lincoln and his friend Nyko in breaks back at Polis, but now Nyko had changed schools to go to some school with a better biology class and Lincoln was still one year above her so, as always, she didn’t have friends in class. She saw Gaia with a few other people, but knowing Amanda and Indra, her coach’s daughter probably knew all about her, even though they hadn’t really talked in ages. So Lexa decided to stalk the other Arkadia students instead. Some she knew from rugby like that one brunette girl that had started a personal rivalry against her in the last game. Next to her sat two other girls she didn’t know. One of them had a brace on her leg and had taken out a pen and notebook, apparently she wouldn’t be participating in the class. The other girl had pretty blonde hair and looked a bit tired, not willing to do sports this early in the morning. She smiled at something one of her friends said and Lexa felt her lips start to smile as well, but forced them to stop. “Probably straight.”, she thought to herself.

 

* * *

 

Lexa’s next class was English. She wasn’t sure what to expect from it this year since she loved reading books but hated analysing them. When she entered the classroom she noticed blonde hair. The girl from her PE class already sat on one of the chairs, talking to a few of her friends: A calm looking blonde girl who kept looking at a cute looking Asian guy. Cute as in baby not sexy, that is, of course. Lexa was way too gay for guys. After Lexa had sat down at the side of the classroom that all other Polis students had, their teacher told them that their next topic would be poems, which made Lexa really excited for the following lessons because she loved poems. After that, to the annoyance of most of the students, the teacher told them that, to prevent wars, as he joked, he wanted to have a Polis student and an Arkadia student to sit next to each other. He thought that would make everyone be best friends, apparently. To prevent chaos he had written numbers on post its.

“Polisers take a green number, Arkadians blue, please” He had to speak very loudly because everyone was loudly complaining about how stupid that was and how they didn’t want to sit with the others.

Lexa rolled her eyes and went to the front to take a post it. She got the number 7 and took her things to the table the teacher assigned her to. She placed her chin in her hand, holding up her head as she read the posters on the walls of the classroom.

“Hi, I’m Clarke”, she heard a voice from the chair next to hers. She hadn’t noticed someone had sat down. When she turned around, she saw it was the pretty, probably straight girl from PE again.

“Lexa”, she nodded politely.

“I saw you on the bus this morning, you stole my seat”, Clarke said, not looking at Lexa, but now, too, at the posters on the wall.

“I’m sorry, I normally take another bus.”

“Never mind, really, it’s not a big deal”, Clarke laughed and looked at Lexa now. Her eyes were so blue, “Well, my friend Octavia was about to kill you, but…”

“Is she the brunette one that was so excited about PE earlier?”, Lexa asked.

“Yes”, Clarke raised an eyebrow, “Were you stalking us?”, she then laughed.

“No, no”, Lexa blushed only the tiniest bit, “I just recognised her.”

“From where?”

“Last season rugby”, Lexa explained.

“Oh, were you the one that gave her such a hard time scoring last year?” Clarke remembered Octavia’s furiousness.

“Well, that’s just how the game works”, Lexa said calmly, “It’s nothing personal”

“Oh, it seemed to have been for her!”

There was a small silence between the two, but it didn’t feel awkward at all. Clarke took in the brunette next to her. Curious green eyes behind glasses and a killer jawline that was only revealed fully because Lexa had thrown all her hair over the other shoulder.

“You don’t look like a jock now”, Clarke noticed, “No offence”

“None taken”, Lexa smiled, “I guess I have many talents.”

“Modesty isn’t one, huh”, Clarke grinned, before their teacher managed to silence the class and finally start with the lesson.

 

* * *

 

Raven left her last class in a hurry, not wanting to be late for her work at Sinclair’s again. She had been working there ever since her school allowed it after she turned 16. On her way to the bus, she saw the girl Clarke had talked to in the break between second and third period. She and the guy who had sat next to her on the bus were being picked up by two older girls, maybe four or five years older than them. Raven stood still for a bit, not caring that she might miss the bus. Those women looked… beautiful. Raven had only been in a relationship with Finn and now she had Octavia’s brother Bellamy as a secret occasional fuck buddy, but those women made her feel something. Clarke and Octavia caught up with her. Clarke’s eyes followed the direction of Raven’s and she had to smile when she saw Lexa.

“Would you two stop it!”, Octavia hit them both against their shoulders.

“Ouch!”, both her friends shouted and hit her back.

“They are Polisers!”, Octavia complained, “Don’t stare at them like that!”

“Chill, O, they’re just people.”, Clarke laughed, “And Lexa is actually pretty nice!”

“She made me look like a fool last season!”, Octavia exclaimed.

“Well, that’s just how the game works”, Clarke repeated what Lexa had said to her, “It’s nothing personal.”

“Yea sure”, Octavia rolled her eyes and made her way to the bus stop, secretly looking back at the boy she could now barely see through the car window.

 

* * *

 

Anya and Echo arrived at their flat after bringing Lexa and Lincoln home.

“Whose turn is it to cook?”, Anya asked.

“No clue”, Echo shrugged. She held her hand in the air.

“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!”

Echo had paper, Anya scissors.

“Fuck”, Echo cursed, “Should have seen through your damn lesbianism!”

“Oh shut up, I’m pretty sure I cooked more last week!”, Anya laughed, causing Echo to hit her shoulder.

“Asshole”

There was a comfortable silence while Echo looked in both the cupboard and fridge for something to cook. Anya laid down on the couch and sighed loudly to annoy her best friend.

“How hungry are you?”, she heard her ask from the kitchen.

“Very!”

Echo made omelettes out of some leftovers she found in the fridge and Anya came to the kitchen just before she was finished to put plates on the table.

“So about Saturday”, Echo started, “I saw you escape with that one redhead.”

“Mhm”, Anya grinned, her mouth full.

“How was she?”

Anya swallowed her food and had to cough a bit. “Well, I know I did her good!”, she winked.

“How many?”, Echo grinned back and wiggled her eyebrows.

“Too many to count”, Anya bragged.

“Shut up!”, Echo laughed.

“How about you?”, Anya asked, still grinning. “Did you get anyone after I left?”

“No, bitch”, Echo hit her shoulder again, “Why do you think I was so fucking hungover all of yesterday?”

“True”

“You think that girl will be back next time?”, Echo asked before bringing another piece of omelette to her mouth.

“Pretty sure”, Anya sighed.

“You didn’t leave her while she was still asleep again, did you?”, Echo’s judging face didn’t work as well as it usually did because her mouth was still full.

“Maybe”, Anya looked down on her plate sheepishly.

Echo sighed and rolled her eyes. Then she grinned. “So you’re gonna need my services, hm?” She wiggled her eyebrows.

“Yup”

 

* * *

 

“How was work?”, Abby asked when she heard Raven enter the house.

“Good, Sinclair told me to go to Nasa again.”, Raven replied proudly.

“Well then maybe you should consider doing that after you graduate.”

“Ugh, is she bragging about the Nasa thing again?”, Clarke entered the kitchen.

“It’s not bragging, I’m just smart!”, Raven replied calmly.

“Oh, shut up.”

“Girls, please!”

“Just jokes, mum”, Clarke laughed.

 

* * *

 

“They tell me each year to separate the boys and the girls but I don't see the damn point in it.”, Octavia’s new coach, Indra, started the first practice on the rugby field of Polis High, “There's stronger and weaker ones in both groups so why not learn from each other? You may even work off your asses to impress each other, even better."

Octavia would never admit it but she had been pretty scared to go to practice that day. She had been one of the Arkadia students who had been the loudest about not wanting to join teams with Polis so she had been scared her new teammates would hate her.

“I know you think it sucks that our two school teams had to be put together, but that’s how it is now so you better get over yourselves and work this out.”

Octavia looked over to the Polis players. All the students were standing in a circle, Indra separating the two former teams on one side and a gap about as wide as a step on the other side. She saw the brunette who had made her games harder last year and the guy who had sat next to that girl on the bus in the morning. When she looked at him, their eyes met for a split second, but they both looked away immediately. Those two she would have to impress, Octavia thought. The brunette, who she had seen with Clarke earlier, to finally prove that she was better than her. The guy, well, Octavia didn’t really know why she felt the need to impress that very good looking boy. Probably because he was friends with the brunette. Hopefully. Hopefully only because of that and hopefully they were only friends. Octavia clenched her fist to try to stop the way her thoughts were going, but it didn’t help much.

"You will call me Coach!”, Coach Indra continued, “If anyone calls me Madam or Sir that person will do a hundred of each push-ups, mountain climbers and sit-ups and an hour of running followed by an hour of rope jumps. Understood?"

Everyone nodded. The Polis students already were familiar with Indra’s threads and knew they meant them. (According to the legend, during her time at school Anya had dared to challenge the coach and hadn’t been able to walk or carry anything for one and a half weeks.) The Arkadians saw the honest fear and respect in their former opposers’ eyes and thought it was better to not even try.

Practice went okay. Polisers and Arkadians mostly tried to stay in their groups, but on some occasions, they simply had to work together. The brunette, Lexa, Octavia had heard someone call her (and she remembered now that Clarke had called her that, too), even passed Octavia a ball really well at one point which helped Octavia score and even get a “that didn’t totally suck”-nod from Indra. After building up enough courage, Octavia thanked Lexa for it.

“We’re teammates now”, Lexa simply shrugged before she ran to catch a ball.

Octavia decided to hate her a bit less.

 

* * *

 

It was September third and Lexa was sitting on the couch in the living room, watching TV.

“Dude!”, Anya stormed into the house, searching for Lexa and finding her in the living room.

“Dude?”, Lexa laughed, happy to see her sister.

“Dude, it’s one and a half years since you’re officially not a dude!”, Anya laughed and held her hand up for Lexa to high five it. Lexa did and looked at Anya expectantly. She knew Anya would have something wild to celebrate it.

“So?”, she asked.

“So there’s this new song that you’ll love!”, Anya explained excitedly. “Put youtube on the TV!”, she commanded.

“You sound like an old lady when you’re talking about technology.”, Lexa laughed and opened youtube on the TV.

“Shut up, I’m old, okay.”

“Sure”, Lexa grinned, “What do you want me to look up?”

“Woman by Cat Power”, Anya commanded in an excited voice.

“Oh, it’s with Lana Del Rey.”

“I don’t care”, Anya said, “Put it on” Her hand was waving into Lexa’s direction while she was looking at the TV as if she wanted the remote, but Lexa put it on herself. “Louder”, Anya demanded.

Lexa did as she was told and was immediately grabbed by Anya, who made her stand up. When the women in the video sang the word “Woman” and “I’m a woman” repeatedly, Anya sang along as loud as she could, nodding in Lexa’s direction, wanting her to sing along and Lexa did.

They put the song on loop and a few minutes later they were jumping around the living room singing along at the top of their lungs. After a while, Amanda joined them and Lincoln decided to sit on the couch to look at them, a smile beaming on his face. Lexa was exhausted from all the jumping and singing, so she let herself fall onto the couch next to her cousin. She was laughing and Lincoln thought he hadn’t seen her so happy in a long while.


	2. Falling like the leaves

Bellamy was sitting in a small room with a couple of other people he didn’t know. Most of them were about his age. Of course, they were because all of them were only just starting their training to work for the police. They were all tied to chairs, their hands behind the backs of the chairs and their feet tied to the front chair legs.

“Hey, you”, said the young woman next to him.

“Me?”, Bellamy asked, confused as to why she was talking. Their job was to be the hostages, so they just had to wait for the longer trained people to free them, or, of course, to be executed by paintball guns, if the team playing the bank robbers felt like doing so. Bellamy hated being a freshman at the police academy. Always picked last, always looked down upon.

“Have you watched B99?”, the woman asked, her voice low as if she wanted only him to hear. She was pretty attractive, had long, brown hair, a great jawline and a look in her eyes that immediately told Bellamy not to mess with her.

“Sorry, what?”, he asked, not sure himself if he hadn’t heard what she said or just wasn’t able to comprehend it because his brain was distracted by how pretty she was. How had he not noticed her when they had been tied up?

“Brooklyn Nine-Nine?”, the woman asked, raising an eyebrow, “TV show?”

“Sorry, I don’t know it.”

The woman rolled her eyes and sighed. “Anyways, we shouldn’t be sitting here doing nothing.”

“But that’s what all the new guys have to do?” Bellamy was confused.

“But aren’t you bored of being a new guy?”, the woman asked, looking him directly into his eyes so he knew he couldn’t lie.

“Kinda, yea, maybe,...”, he stuttered.

“See.”, the woman just said before she started lightly rocking back and forth on her chair.

“What are you doing?”, Bellamy shout-whispered.

“Getting us out of here.”, the woman deadpanned.

Bellamy had to smile a bit. That stubbornness and determination reminded him of Raven.

The woman had turned her chair so much that she had now turned her back to Bellamy.

“Untie me”, she commanded.

“How am I supposed to do that?”, he asked.

“Turn around like I did”

He did, attracting the attention of the other hostages since he wasn’t able to turn as silently as the woman had. Some of them were shushing him, not wanting to be executed and therefore losing. Two young men on the other side of the room though looked at each other, shrugged and started turning their backs to each other as well.

Once Bellamy was in the right position the woman’s fingers found his and a weird, warm feeling struck his body. But the woman didn’t hesitate at all but just started to try to open the tape around his wrists. After a minute or so she succeeded. While Bellamy was freeing his legs from the chair the pretty-boy kind of guy on the other side of the room had freed the black-haired, teddy eyed man with the stubbly beard.

Bellamy untied the woman’s hands and then the four of them untied the others.

“What now?”, one of the hostages that had shushed asked.

“Now we fight”, the woman commanded.

They surprised the guarding members of the criminal team, stole their paintball guns and fought their way through the bank building, sometimes shooting the criminals, sometimes, if they surrendered, leading them back to the room the hostages had been tied up in, where the two men, who had untied each other, volunteered as guards.

Half an hour later the hostages had overpowered all criminals but one.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are!”, the woman, whose name Bellamy still didn’t know, shouted into the vast halls of the bank. Bellamy saw a shadow run past the columns that divided the corridor to his left from the hall in front of him.

“There”, he whispered, pointing to where he had seen the shadow. The woman followed him into the direction. She spotted a man in a beige vest, the sign he was in the criminal team, creep past the desks of the bank employees in the hall. With a few hand signals, she told Bellamy the two of them should surround the man. She ran to the other side of the hall quickly, but surprisingly silently and started moving back into the direction where she had seen the man. Both her and Bellamy hid behind the desks and crawled their way towards the last criminal. When they spotted him again, Bellamy got up right behind him.

“Gotcha”, Bellamy said triumphantly. The man raised his arm to shoot a colourful spot onto Bellamy’s jacket, but Bellamy tried to kick the gun out of the man’s hand. He failed and after a semi-loud bang, there was a dark blue splat on Bellamy’s vest. The man laughed, which distracted him from the woman who had crept up behind him. She kicked the gun out of his hand, Bellamy catching it mid-air.

“Gotcha”, the woman tried to mimic Bellamy’s deep voice and chuckled. Normally Bellamy didn’t like being made fun of, but this woman, he thought, she was allowed to.

The woman now started pushing the man towards the front door of the bank to present him to the cop team.

“Echo, by the way”, she held up her gun, waving to Bellamy who was walking a few feet behind her.

“Bellamy.”

“Get the others, Bell.”, Echo commanded. Bellamy was about to protest, but Echo cut him off as soon as he had opened his mouth. “I got the last one, didn’t I?”

“Only because I freed you!”, he protested.

“Yea, but I freed you first and I had the idea.”

 

* * *

 

Clarke had been looking forward to finally having arts club again all summer. The school just had so many more supplies than she could ever store in her room! She was excited to see if any of the Polis students were just as in love with art as she was. Of course she had seen a few of them in her regular art class, but in the club, there were students from all years.

The teacher had given them the task to pick a famous sight from anywhere in the world. They had then printed out pictures of them as a reference and had been tasked to try to draw them. Clarke had picked the triumphal arch in Paris. She had drawn it before - it was one of the drawings on her bedroom wall - so she knew the details and knew she would get a good grade for it. When she got up to ask her teacher if she could have a piece of charcoal to draw the shadows with, she walked past the guy who had sat next to Lexa on the bus. He was drawing the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC.

“Wow, that’s really good!”, Clarke complimented his work.

“My name is Lincoln, so I’m used to drawing this guy”, the boy, Lincoln, explained.

Clarke showed him her drawing. “I already have this one on my bedroom wall”, she smiled.

“It looks amazing!”, Lincoln stretched out his arm, “Can I?” Clarke gave it to him. “So much detail!”, he marvelled at the drawing.

“I still need to add shadows”, Clarke smiled. She wasn’t good at taking compliments about her art even though she knew she was good.

“Sure”, Lincoln handed the paper back to Clarke.

“I wanted to ask for a piece of charcoal”, Clarke mentioned, “I think it’s easier for shadows.”

“Great idea!”, Lincoln said, “Could you bring me one, too?”

“Sure”

When Clarke returned to her place, Octavia was glaring at her. Clarke thought it was probably because she had talked to a Poliser and just rolled her eyes. She had forced some of her friends to go to the club with her the first year and they had stuck with it.

Maya, a new student who had sat down at their group table between Jasper and Harper, saw Clarke’s drawing as she put it back down on the table.

“That’s beautiful, ehm…”

“Clarke”, Clarke smiled.

“Yes”, Maya smiled back politely. “Your drawing is really amazing, I wish I could draw like that.”

“You should see his!”, Clarke nodded to where Lincoln was sitting. He noticed and nodded back, smiling. No one noticed the small blush on Octavia's cheeks.

“Clarke has always been that good at drawing”, Jasper explained to Maya.

“Do you like art?”, Clarke asked her.

“Are you kidding?”, Maya laughed, “I love art!”

“Maybe we should go to a gallery some time”, Clarke suggested. She loved making new people feel at home and Maya seemed really nice.

“Can I come?”, Jasper asked.

“Sure”, Maya smiled.

“Since when are you into art stuff?”, Harper laughed, but Monty kicked her underneath the table. He had seen Jasper’s shy looks at the black haired new girl. It was the same look Jasper had had back when he had been into Octavia. He had eventually built up the courage to tell her.

“He is full of surprises”, Monty quickly said, winking at Jasper, who just looked even shyer now. Octavia had given him a kiss on the cheek and then friend zoned him. But they were good friends now and Jasper had gotten over his crush.

“Hey Clarke”, Finn said. He sat at a different table even if he had always been part of their friends group since middle school.

“Yea, Finn?”, Clarke asked, her smile a little smaller than before.

“I saw you were drawing with charcoal, where did you get it?”, he asked in a friendly way.

Clarke just pointed to the box of charcoal pieces on their teacher’s table. “There.”

“Thanks”, Finn nodded and went to get a piece.

When he was gone Octavia rolled her eyes but Clarke lightly hit her shoulder. “Be nice!”

 

* * *

 

Echo’s tongue was in Anya’s mouth. Anya poked her best friend’s hip a bit and pushed the tongue out with her own tongue. She pushed back from Echo’s lips for a bit to protest.

“What?”, Echo rolled her eyes, “She was walking by!”

“Ugh, still no reason for tongue!”, Anya shout-whispered, “Gross!” before pressing her lips back against Echo’s.

They always did that to scare off people they didn’t want to sleep with again. Lincoln and Nyko had seen them once and had thought they were dating. When Lincoln had confronted his older cousin about it, she had laughed for five minutes before explaining to him that it was only their cover. Lincoln had thought it was mean but Anya had put his opinion on him never having been with anyone before, so her and Echo had continued their games. Now, the day after the party, where they had successfully scared of the beautiful girl with red hair and Echo had scored a night with some blonde dude, the young women were waiting for the “little trees”, as Echo had called them once. It had earned her four pairs of eyes (the Woods kids’ and Amanda’s) being rolled and a hit against the back of her head by Anya.

Suddenly the two women saw Lexa running across the school ground towards the field behind the school. She was running after a blonde girl in a blue jacket, who was running after a brunette girl in a red jacket. Echo and Anya looked at each other for a split second before getting out of the car and following them. After turning the corner of the school building they saw Lexa and the other two close to the bleachers. They seemed to be spying on someone.

Echo immediately slowed down and held grabbed Anya’s sleeve to make her stop running as well. The situation seemed like they had to be quiet. Lexa noticed them anyway and turned around, a smile on her face. She placed her finger on her lips and then pointed beneath the bleachers. Anya and Echo carefully got closer and when they looked where Lexa had pointed, Anya couldn’t believe her eyes.

She saw Lincoln kissing a smaller girl with long, straight, brown hair. Anya couldn’t see more because their faces were too close together.

Lincoln couldn’t believe what was happening. The girl, that had made him feel a few butterflies in his stomach on the bus at the first day of school, that he had been a bit scared of, because she had given him a glare as if she had been about to murder him, the girl he had locked eyes with for a split second during the first practice with Arkadia, that girl was kissing him! And not just a small peck! They had been kissing for a couple of minutes now and, if Lincoln was being honest, he never wanted it to stop ever again.

This girl was half a head smaller than him but seemed just as fast and just as strong during practice. She looked so small and fragile in the school hallway, but on the rugby field, she looked like she could and would kill everyone who dared to stand in her way.

Lincoln had been both impressed by and a bit scared of her, but now that she was kissing him, her soft lips on his, her hands around his neck and his arms around her waist, he forgot about how fierce she could look and wrapped his arms even tighter around her, feeling protective over the girl. She smelled good, he noticed, and she felt perfect against him, their warmth mixing and turning into one. He breathed in deeply, enjoying the feeling of kissing her.

Just a few seconds after Anya and Echo had arrived, Lincoln and the girl stopped kissing and stared into each other’s eyes for a bit.

“So much to not looking at Polisers, huh”, the blonde Lexa had followed commented, causing the two lovebirds to notice all of their observers.

“What the fuck, little Blake?”, the brunette with the red jacket cursed.

“Oh so a little and a little!”, Echo giggled.

“Shut up, Rae”, the girl Lincoln had been kissing threw a death glare at the one with the red jacket.

“Can someone please introduce everyone?”, Anya asked, sounded a bit annoyed, but really she was just amused by the situation.

“Lincoln, Octavia, Lexa, Clarke”, the red jacket said, always pointing at the person whose name she was saying, “dunno, dunno”, pointing at Echo and Anya, “oh and Raven”, she pointed at herself. Anya noticed she had beautiful brown eyes. It was getting late and the slowly setting sun made Raven’s eyes shine golden.

“Anya, Echo”, Echo introduced herself and her best friend, waking Anya up from her staring at the brunette.

“So how did that happen?”, Anya asked, grinning widely on the driver’s seat.

“Thought you didn’t like Arkadia?”, Echo grinned just as much.

“And Octavia didn’t seem to like us very much either”, Lexa added, genuinely curious about how her cousin got together with the girl who had seen her as her rival.

“I don’t know…”, Lincoln blushed.

“How? Did? That? Happen?”, Anya asked, leaving a short pause between the words as if asking a stupid person.

“Well, we were chatting a bit at practice and she asked me if I wanted to work out with her a bit and I said yes and we met at the field today to just run a few rounds but then we started talking and we…”, Lincoln rambled.

“Kissed, yea we saw”, Echo laughed.

“Yea”, Lincoln chuckled a bit and Lexa thought he looked adorably happy. She hated her stomach for the jealous feeling it was giving her.

 

* * *

 

Clarke and Lexa had history class together. Clarke had been glad Octavia was in another class because she was a history nerd and had her hand raised about ninety percent of the lessons. She had been glad at the beginning of the school year, that is. She had decided to sit next to Lexa because she seemed nice and none of her other friends were in the class. In the first lesson though she had to find out that Lexa wasn’t any better than O. She seemed to have a history book downloaded to her brain. She knew literally everything! Sometimes she would have discussions with the teacher about topics that had half of the class look confused and the other half almost fell asleep. But not Clarke. Other than with Octavia, where Clarke would just roll her eyes as soon as she or her brother started talking about historic things, with Lexa she was simply impressed. Those green eyes glowing with excitement and curiosity behind those glasses… Somehow it had Clarke be in awe of this girl.

It was fall now. They were getting closer to the next history test and Clarke hadn’t really paid attention to the lesson, but, even though she would never admit it, to Lexa. So she decided to ask Lexa to help her study.

“Please! I need you!”, she begged, but she could see no begging was necessary.

Lexa’s eyes glowed up just like when she was talking about historic stuff, when she agreed.

A few days later Lexa took the bus with Clarke and they exited together at Raven’s and Clarke’s bus stop. Raven was working at Sinclair’s again so it was only the two girls. The sidewalk was filled with fallen leaves and Lexa noticed Clarke got really excited about them. She didn’t expect Clarke to actually jump into a pile of leaves but she did, squeaking like a little child as the leaves crunched under her feet. She did that for the whole rest of the way, Lexa walking behind her smiling, but too self-conscious to jump in after the girl.

 

* * *

 

 

“So you live with your brother then?”, Lincoln asked while running, before jogging to the side of the track and stopping. They had been running around the field behind the school for a while.

“Yea”, Octavia replied, stopping next to him.

“What’s he like?”

Octavia chuckled a bit. “Big brothers, you now?”

Lincoln raised his hands in defence. “Only-child”

“Really?”, Octavia was confused. “Isn’t Lexa your sister?”

“Nah”, Lincoln started stretching his legs, “She’s my cousin.”

“Oh, okay”, Octavia started stretching now, too. “What about the other two that, you know, caught us…”

“Anya and Echo?”, Lincoln asked.

“Yea, sorry, bad with names”, Octavia took a deep breath before stretching her sides.

“Anya is my cousin, too.”, Lincoln started doing the same as Octavia, “She’s Lexa’s older sister.”

“And Echo?”

“She’s Anya’s best friend and roommate. She goes to the police academy.”

“So is my brother!”, Octavia said excitedly, “Maybe they know each other”

Lincoln shrugged. “Another round?” O nodded and they started running again.

“What does Anya do for a living?”, Octavia asked, now a bit out of breath again.

“No one really knows, she’s a bit secretive about it.”, Lincoln explained.

“Hm”

They ran for a few more rounds and talked a bit in between. They kissed goodbye, Octavia letting her hand slip underneath Lincoln’s shirt to feel his abs. He just smiled into the kiss.

“See you tomorrow, girlfriend.”, Lincoln whispered against her lips and moved back a bit so that Octavia couldn’t reach his stomach anymore.

“Girlfriend, huh?”, Octavia raised her eyebrows, grinning.

Lincoln blushed immediately and backed off a little. “If that’s okay?”

“See you tomorrow, boyfriend!” O gave him a quick peck before running away, chuckling, to catch her bus.

Lincoln was still grinning from cheek to cheek, looking with heart eyes at the bus stop, when Anya pulled up next to him, pretending to have to puke.

 

* * *

 

“Who the fuck does this asshole think he is?”, Raven cursed.

“Raven, swear jar!”, Harper said in a halfway threatening voice.

“Who the fluff does this…”, Raven thought for a second, “this buffoon think he is?”

Monty and Harper looked at each other for a second to determine whether or not “buffoon” was an okay word to say. Monty shrugged and Harper sighed, rolling her eyes at Raven who was still angry.

“What happened?”, Octavia, who had only just joined them in the hallway, asked.

“Ugh, you tell her”, Raven rolled her eyes, patted Harper’s shoulder and left to go to the bathroom.

“Why did Raven just run to the bathroom, is she okay?”, Clarke asked, joining the group as well, with Lexa right behind her. Octavia and Lexa eyed each other for a second before Lexa nodded and Octavia smiled at least halfway.

“Mr Pike told her she had to pay attention more or he’d have to give her a D+ in geography.”, Harper explained.

“What?”, Jasper joined into the conversation, “And she’s upset like that? I would kill for a D+ in his class!”

“Yea, but she’s Raven and you’re you”, Octavia laugh, “No offence!”

“I’m with Jasper”, Murphy declared, “Pike is a dickhead.” That word earned him a judging look from both monty and Harper. “Whoever gets anything better than D+ in his class is a god.”

Finn nodded in agreement.

“How dare he do that?”, Clarke reacted instead. “She deserves way better than that, I swear!”

“She did chat a lot in class the last few weeks”, Harper shrugged.

“But still”, Clarke was starting to get angry, “He just doesn’t see her potential! I swear he’s like the most stupidest of people!”

“Clarke”, Lexa said in a steady voice, the k clicking, “English.”

Clarke seemed to calm down a bit and actually took a deep breath, which surprised all of her friends.

“What is happening here?”, Lincoln asked, grinning as his girlfriend pulled him into a kiss as soon as she saw him.

“Clarke is about to kill Mr Pike, that’s all”, Jasper shrugged.

“Oh, yea, he’s stupid.”, Lincoln nodded quickly.

“Who is stupid?”, Raven asked, looking and sounding a lot calmer than before.

“Pike, of course”, Harper said.

“Yea”, Raven agreed, surprising everyone by not bursting out in rage.

There was a short confused silence.

“Aaaanyway”, Octavia started, making the atmosphere even more awkward by stretching the word unnecessarily, “I’m hungry.”

“That was a lame conversation starter.”, Monty commented.

“Do you have a better one?”, Octavia asked, pretending to be threatening him, but actually starting to laugh.

“Rugby?”, Lexa asked, but all non-players (apart from Clarke, who was busy looking at the way Lexa’s hair was flowing, of course, watched closely by Octavia) just rolled their eyes.

Luckily the bell killed the awkwardness by ringing and everyone went to their separate classes.

Jasper jogged a few steps to catch up with Raven.

“Hey,... what kind of stuff do you have in the girls’ bathroom that you’re this calm now?”, he asked quietly.

“Water”, Raven just said before turning into the classroom she now had history in, leaving a confused Jasper in the hallway.

 

* * *

 

Clarke was walking out of her Maths class when she saw Lexa walking through the hallway. “Lex!”, she called out to get the brunette’s attention. Lexa looked up and smiled as she saw Clarke.

“Hey”, she simply said and held the book she held in her hand towards her locker at the other end of the hallway, signalising Clarke to walk there together.

“So my mum took one of her colleagues’ shifts Saturday night so Raven and I wanted to invite some friends over for a party. My birthday is on Friday and it’s almost Halloween so we’ll just make it a mix out of those, just, no spooky and no presents, please”, she laughed, “Would you want to come?”

Lexa hesitated. She did like spending time with Raven and especially with Clarke but she didn’t really like too many people in one spot. Clarke seemed to sense her hesitation. “If you don’t feel like being around so many people you don’t know very well you can bring someone if you want.”

“I’ll think about it”, Lexa smiled, which made Clarke happy.

“Okay, tell me until Friday, then I can give you my address”

“I will”

 

* * *

 

Back at home Clarke and Raven were eating dinner together. Clarke had cooked since her mother was still at the hospital.

“I told her she could bring someone if she felt more comfortable then”, Clarke explained with spaghetti hanging out of her mouth before sucking them in.

“Cool, maybe her friend is nice! The more people to party with the better”, Raven said excitedly.

“But what if the person she brings isn’t a friend but a boyfriend or girlfriend? I never talked to her about such things and the way I said it… ‘bring someone’... that sounds like someone someone, doesn’t it?” Clarke was nervous.

“So what? Do you like her?”, Raven grinned.

“No, no, I just… I was just wondering…”, Clarke had to cough because a noodle had gotten into the wrong pipe.

“You really shouldn’t talk while eating, Griff”, Raven laughed before putting her empty plate into the dishwasher.”

“I’m just saying!” Clarke’s voice was a bit hoarse from the coughing so she took a sip of water from her glass. “Do you think Lexa is into girls?”

“I don’t know, she does play rugby, but that’s kind of a cliché. Just ask her.”

“Nah, that would be weird”, Clarke shook her head.

“Then I guess you’ll never know”, Raven shouted while running up the stairs towards her room. Clarke just sighed and put her plate into the dishwasher as well.

 

* * *

 

It was Saturday evening and the Griffin-Reyes house, as Raven was calling it, was filling with more and more people. Clarke was nervous. Lexa had told her she would come and she would be bringing someone so she was constantly looking at the door, waiting for the brunette and her plus one to arrive.

“Who you waiting for?”, Octavia asked, her boyfriend Lincoln walking behind her.

“Huh?” Clarke hadn’t thought it was so obvious.

“You keep staring at the door”, Lincoln explained.

“Nah I’m just looking if anyone is coming who wasn’t invited. You know, those people who destroy stuff.”

“Sure, sure”, Octavia nodded but her voice sounded sarcastic.

“Is Lexa there yet?”, Raven joined the three.

“No”, Clarke replied a bit too quickly. She noticed and added: “Well I haven’t seen her yet”

“So that’s who she’s waiting for”, O noticed right when Lexa walked in. A taller girl with lighter hair and killer cheekbones walked in with her.

“Anya?”, Raven and Clarke asked at the same time. Both noticed again, that the young woman was very good looking, Raven with a good feeling, Clarke with something dangerously close to jealousy in her stomach.

“Anya!”, Lincoln smiled, walking to the arrivals. Lexa and the woman, Anya, Raven noted, walked towards him and hugged him hello. He then led them back to his girlfriend and the hostesses. “You’ve met Anya, right?”, Lincoln asked with a shy smile towards Octavia afterwards, “She is Lexa’s sister.”, he now fully introduced the woman and Octavia thought she heard a small relieved sigh from Clarke’s direction.

 

* * *

 

“Raven, Raven!”, Bellamy was trying to get the younger girl’s attention. She was trying to throw peanuts into Jasper’s mouth, having made a bet with Harper who would score more; Harper was throwing at Monty’s mouth.

“One second, I’m at 9”, she shouted back and a second later, “BOOM, told you I’m the boss at peanut throwing!” A few people applauded and she and Jasper high fived before she turned around to find out what her friend and occasional fuckbuddy wanted. “You’re great, Big Blake, but not with all these people here”, she murmured once she was standing next to Bellamy.

“That’s not what this is about”, Bellamy murmured back. “Did you see the girl who arrived with Lexa?”

“Anya? Yes, why? You trying to replace me, huh?”, Raven joked.

“No”, Bellamy said and his serious tone let Raven’s smile fall off her face.

“She’s friends with Tristan.”

“Oh.” Raven knew Bellamy’s story and at the name of the boy who had caused Bellamy so much pain, she felt hate bubble up in her chest.

“Why is she here?”, Bellamy wanted to know. Raven noticed he almost looked scared.

“She’s Lexa’s sister and Lincoln’s other cousin.”, Raven explained.

“Oh”

“What do we do?”, Raven knew how awkward the situation was and she wanted to help.

“I can’t do much against her if she’s my sister’s boyfriend’s family”, Bellamy sighed.

“I’ll do it”, Raven decided. “I think I’ve seen her pick Lexa up from school once. I’ll make her regret what she did to you.”

“You’re awesome, Rae”, Bellamy squeezed her shoulder and let her go back to her guests.

 

* * *

 

Murphy had challenged Clarke to a game of darts and of course she had accepted. That hadn’t been a good idea tho since she was failing miserably. Lexa was sitting on the couch watching the others do their weird challenges. Jasper was teaching Maya “how to be a gamer”, as he said, Raven had challenged Octavia for a game of arm-wrestling and people had gathered around them to cheer them on.

“Relax, kiddo, have some fun!”, Anya sat down next to Lexa on the couch, a paper plate with a sandwich on it in her hand.

“You know I don’t like being around too many people”, Lexa sighed.

“I know”, Anya said in a mix of a sigh and her caring-big-sister-voice. She took a few bites from her toast before she continued. “But, look, if you want these people to be your friends, you need to act like it.”

“As if you ever looked for friends at a party”, Lexa scoffed.

From the other side of the room Clarke had been watching the two Woods sisters and now saw how Anya got up and hit Lexa over the head with the paper plate she had just finished eating from. Clarke saw Lexa flinch and hurried to help her.

“Did you just hit her?”, she asked Anya who was a couple of years older older and a bit taller than her, but Clarke looked fierce.

“It’s alright, Clarke, she does that all the time”, Lexa tried to calm down the blonde.

“Even worse!”, Clarke said and tried to get the paper plate away from Anya but she managed to avoid her hand. She held the plate over her head so that Clarke couldn’t reach it.

“Anya, don’t treat her like a little child”, Lexa told her sister in a calm voice.

“No, let her fight!”, Anya smiled, but it distracted her for a second so Clarke jumped up and grabbed the plate from her. Anya was still holding on to it though so Clarke began to pull as strongly as she could. It looked like Anya was stronger than her.

Clarke didn’t like sports and Anya looked about as sporty as Lexa, but Anya seemed to underestimate Clarke’s strength and didn’t put in all her effort so after a few seconds Clarke stumbled backwards a few steps with the plate in her hand. Angrily she walked towards the kitchen to throw it away.

Lexa looked at Anya a bit angrily so Anya apologized. “Look, I’m sorry, I keep forgetting people your age are getting stronger and stronger!”, Anya smiled and tousled her sister’s hair, making her roll her eyes.

When Clarke came back she sat down next to Lexa. She was confused when she saw Lexa smile, looking like she was about to laugh. “What?”, she asked.

“Nothing”, Lexa said and started giggling, “It’s just you… you kind of look like grumpy cat when you’re angry.”

 

* * *

 

It had gotten darker outside when Raven entered the living room with two bottles of sprayable whipped cream. “Who wants to be whipped?”, she shouted into the room.

Clarke was hungry and she hadn’t really participated in any of Raven’s challenges before that so she volunteered. “Me!”, she raised her hand and made her way towards Raven. “But only if Lexa sprays it!”, she added, “You’d probably spray it on my clothes on purpose.”, she explained.

“True”, Raven admitted before handing over the bottle to a hesitant Lexa. Raven picked Octavia to “whip” her and Bellamy brought two chairs out of the dining room. Clarke and Raven sat down and opened their mouths. Octavia was good at what she was doing. She claimed it was because she was good at darts. Lexa, on the other hand, had to apologize to Clarke every few seconds for getting some whipped cream in her hair or on her shirt but Clarke just laughed with her mouth half full so Lexa thought it would be okay. While Raven and O were celebrating their win, Lexa insisted on helping Clarke get the whipped cream out of her hair so they went to the bathroom together. Clarke chose a new shirt out of her closet on the way and locked the door once they were in the bathroom. She bent over the bathtub and let Lexa wash the parts of her hair that were sticking together.

“Sorry again”, Lexa murmured.

“Don’t worry”, Clarke laughed, “I’m not mad or anything, at least you got some of it into my mouth and hell I LOVE whipped cream”

Lexa smiled at Clarke’s excitement. “I think it’s all gone”, she announced and handed Clarke a towel. The blonde dried her hair with it and then threw it into a bin in the corner. Without much hesitation she took off her shirt, revealing a pretty, dark blue bra. Lexa blushed and turned away to give her friend some privacy. A few seconds later Clarke was wearing a light blue shirt that matched her eyes perfectly and she threw her old shirt into the same bin as the towel before lightly grabbing Lexa’s arm and pulling her back to the crowd of people.

 

* * *

 

An hour or so later most people had left and Raven and Clarke decided to tell the remaining people to leave so that they had enough time to clean everything before Abby came home. The Blakes and Lincoln offered to help with the cleaning and everyone but Clarke started doing so in the living room and kitchen.

Clarke took Lexa and Anya to the door. Anya was already on her way to the car, having just thanked Clarke for having been indirectly invited and Clarke responding with a short “Thanks for coming”.

When she said it to Lexa now while hugging her goodbye it sounded a lot more sincere though. Lexa smiled and politely thanked Clarke for the nice evening.

“See you on Monday”, she said before joining Anya in the car.

“Yea”, Clarke smiled and waved a bit before closing the door behind herself and going into the kitchen to help with the cleaning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, FiFi for making me watch B99 and for being a useless lesbian whose life is a great inspiration for slow burn lesbianism.  
> Thanks to Gino for being perfect and for making me add Lincoln's thoughts.


	3. All I want for christmas is... what exactly?

Bellamy was waiting for Raven in front of the school. She had been stressed a lot lately so she had called him “for his usual services”, as she had called it.

“We should have known”, he said dryly instead of a greeting, slightly nodding into the direction of one of the cars on the parking lot of in front of the school. Raven quickly recognised Anya on the driver’s seat of the car.

“Wanna talk to her now?”, Raven asked, unsure of what to do with Bellamy’s angry gaze.

Bellamy didn’t reply and just crossed the parking lot, walking towards the car. He knocked at the window and the woman opened it.

“Remember me?”, Bellamy asked when Raven arrived at the car, having run after him.

“Should I?”, Anya asked coldly.

“Bellamy Blake”, he said as if it would explain everything.

“As in Octavia Blake?”, Anya furrowed her brow and continued before Bellamy could reply, “Is there a problem with her and my cousin?” Raven noticed that she looked seriously concerned and started to get more and more unsure about whether or not it was a good thing her and Bellamy were doing. But it might have just been due to the fact that from up close, Anya looked really fucking good.

Digest the butterflies, Raven told herself and reminded herself that this woman had bullied one of her best friends.

“This is not about them.”, Bellamy clarified. “This is about what Tristan and your gang did to me.”

Realisation started to hit Anya’s face, but at the same time, she saw her sister and her cousin approach the parking lot.

“Not now.”, she quickly said. Lexa and Lincoln didn’t need to hear this. “In an hour at the café around the corner.” She pointed in the direction. “You bring your hottie, I’ll bring mine.” She quickly looked Raven up and down before driving out of her parking space and towards Lexa and Lincoln. Raven told herself the warm feeling in her lower stomach was nothing but anger.

About an hour later Raven and Bellamy walked into the big café Anya had told them to come to. As soon as Bellamy saw who Anya’s “hottie” was, he cursed.

“What’s wrong?”, Raven asked.

“I know the other girl”, Bellamy explained, “She’s the hot woman from the police academy I told you about.”

“Shit.”, Raven just sighed. She recognised the woman as well. She had been in the car a couple times when Anya had picked Lincoln and Lexa up from school. Raven also noticed that Bellamy had a really good reason for liking that girl because she was just as hot as Anya.

Bellamy walked towards the table the two women were sitting at, Raven following right behind him.

“Echo”, he greeted the woman Raven hadn’t been introduced to before. The woman nodded before Bellamy greeted Anya as well, also simply by saying her name with a nod. Raven would have laughed if she hadn’t been so concerned because the way they were all behaving seemed like a bad mafia scene in a trashy gangster movie. She just nodded before she sat down and shot the waiter who was approaching their table a “don’t” glare.

“I want to explain”, Anya said, her voice calm, almost vulnerable, but her face stoic and cool as always.

“I’m listening”, Bellamy said, anger in his voice.

“Don’t you want to introduce your girlfriend first?”, Echo asked, sounding a bit pissed or disappointed.

“Not girlfriend, friend”, Raven clarified.

“This is Raven”, Bellamy introduced her before nodding for Anya to continue.

“Tristan was the son of one of my dad’s friends or colleagues or both”, Anya started.

“So what?”, Bellamy interrupted her, but a kick from Raven against his foot stopped him.

“My dad wasn’t exactly nice to me as a kid”, Anya continued. “I actually believe he hated me.”

Bellamy didn’t say anything in return so she continued. “So everything I did in middle school like bullying you was to impress Tristan so I could indirectly impress my dad.”

“Did it work?”, Bellamy asked a bit huffishly.

“No”, Anya shortly replied and swallowed. “But that’s not important because my father left soon after middle school anyway.”

“I’m sorry”, Raven said, earning a halfway pissed look from Bellamy, a surprised one from Echo and a thankful, but also a bit surprised one from Anya.

“It’s okay, it’s way better without him”, Anya said only to Raven and then, again to both her and Bellamy: “I know of course that this doesn’t excuse anything, but I hope you can understand and maybe forget or at least forgive the past”

Bellamy nodded, but he still didn’t look fully convinced.

“Your sister is dating her cousin”, Echo interposed, “And from what I’ve seen and heard, they’re pretty serious shit.”

Raven nodded. “Thank you for telling us this.”, she said towards Anya, seeing in the corner of her eye that Bellamy was relaxing a bit.

“I’d do a lot for Lincoln”, Anya explained, “and I don’t like unnecessary grudges.”

“I’d do a lot for Octavia, too.”, Bellamy nodded and forced a half smile.

“See, already got something in common”, Echo joked and the other three couldn’t help but smile a bit.

They said goodbye to each other shortly after, shaking hands and promising to talk again. Echo and Anya drove to their apartment and Bellamy and Raven decided to blow off steam the usual way at Bellamy’s since Octavia was at Lincoln’s anyway, or at least out running with him.

 

* * *

 

When Lincoln left his classroom to go to the bathroom he found Raven at the vending machine in front of the cafeteria.

“Hi”, she said when he approached her.

“Hey”, Lincoln said, confused, “What are you doing at the vending machine in the middle of the lesson?”

“Said I had to go piss”, Raven replied, not really explaining anything. “Can you stand exactly like that?”, she then asked, grabbing his shoulders and positioning him the way she wanted him. Lincoln let it happen, still confused about what she was doing. Raven then pulled a dollar bill out of her back pocket. It had tape stuck to it on one end and slowly Lincoln realised what she was doing.

“Isn’t that stealing?”, he asked.

Raven just rolled her eyes. “I’ll put in a quarter later.”

“Sure”, he looked at her sceptical as she took the chocolate bar out of the vending machine before pulling the dollar back out.

“Okay, I’ll do it now”, Raven sighed and threw a quarter out of her pocket into the slot. “You could take it…”, she suggested, patting Lincoln’s shoulder before disappearing around the corner.

Lincoln sighed and looked at the vending machine for a bit. He decided to go to the bathroom and take the chocolate afterwards if no one had used the quarter until then.

“Did you use it?”, Raven grinned at him in the break.

Lincoln looked down to his feet, not replying, but Raven knew he had used it.

“Used what?”, Octavia asked before pressing a kiss to her boyfriend’s lips.

“A Christmas quarter I gave him as a Christmas present!”, Raven replied, sounding like a proud child.

“Raven, not again”, Clarke sighed, sending a judging look to her adoptive sister.

“What are you talking about?”, Lexa asked. She had heard the whole conversation, she just had no clue what it was about.

“Let me show you a trick”, Raven said, pulling Lexa with her towards the cafeteria. O and Clarke just rolled their eyes, but let the two of them go.

When they reached the vending machine, Raven pulled out a quarter. It didn’t look like a normal quarter though. It was as wide as a dollar coin but flatter. Raven threw it into the slot and waited a second. She then pressed the coin return button and Lexa could hear the jangling of coins.

Raven took four quarters out of the drawback box of the old vending machine and asked “What does the lady wish?” in a bad British accent.

“Isn’t that illegal?”, Lexa asked, quickly looking over her shoulder.

“Do you see any sign that says ‘No flat hammered coins, please’?”, Raven smiled and bought two chocolates with the new quarters.

Lexa hesitated for a second before accepting the candy Raven was offering her.

“Jasper told me you had weed or some other drug stashed away in the girls’ bathroom as well”, Lexa then mentioned before taking a bite.

“Why would he think that?”, Raven asked, confused.

“Because of how calm you were when you came out of the bathroom a few weeks ago.”, Lexa explained. After seeing that Raven was still confused she continued explaining, “After Mr Pike had given you a bad grade or something”

Raven seemed to remember that so Lexa went ahead, back to their friends, not noticing Raven still didn’t remember what had happened after she had gone to the bathroom.

After their last period, everyone met up at the gate. It had been the last day before Christmas break so everyone wanted to say goodbye. Bellamy was waiting for Octavia. He had politely nodded at Anya and Echo in their car when he had walked past them but hadn’t had the courage to say hi. Both Raven and Clarke were excited when they saw Bellamy at the gate. He didn’t pick O up often and because of studying and the police academy, Clarke hadn’t seen him since the party. Octavia saw Lexa and Lincoln approach them and made her way towards them. She gave Lincoln a big hug and a kiss and, before hugging Lexa as well, noticed Lexa’s anxious look. When Octavia followed her look, she rolled her eyes because she saw Clarke excitedly hugging her big brother but grinned anyway, happy to see them smile. She then looked back at Lexa sympathetically and gave her a quick hug and a pat on her shoulder. Raven as well saw the way Lexa was staring at Clarke and smiled sympathetically as Octavia had. Everyone said goodbye to everyone, hugged and wished Merry Christmas, even though they knew they’d do it again on Christmas eve anyway.

_Anya, I couldn’t do it_

_Dw lex, I get it_  
_She was distracted with Bellamy_

_I don’t know if I will still have the courage after Christmas_

_Take your time_

* * *

 

“Ho ho ho”, Anya shouted into the flat in a deep voice as she and Echo entered on Christmas Eve.

“What you saying about yourself?”, Echo joked before Lexa and Lincoln came into the corridor to greet them.

“Hey, sweeties!”, Amanda shouted from the kitchen, busy finishing up the turkey.

“Oh are those the presents Santa accidentally dropped at yours again?”, Lincoln joked pointing to the bag in Echo’s hand while Lexa and Anya were hugging hello.

“Exactly”, Echo smiled before hugging him.

After Echo and Lexa had hugged as well as Lincoln and Anya, Amanda finally joined, clapping off the water she had just washed her hands with before opening her arms widely as if she wanted to fly away. “Come here!”, she told Echo and Anya before embracing them both tightly. Being pressed against her full body with her strong arms had always felt like home to Anya.

“Hi auntie”, the oldest Woods kid smiled and pressed a kiss to her aunt’s cheek.

“Okay, everyone”, Amanda started before going back into the kitchen, “help carry!”

They brought all the food and dishes to the living room, Lexa lighted all the candles in the room (there were a lot) and finally sat down at the table.

“This smells amazing Amanda!”, Echo breathed in deeply through her nose, taking in the smell.

“Thanks, sweetie”, Amanda smiled widely. “Pass me the potatoes, please?”

Lincoln handed them to her before Echo could. Silence dropped in as they all started eating, enjoying the taste of this once a year dinner.

“So how’s the new school been this past half a year?”, Echo asked after a while, causing Lincoln and Lexa to look at their plates sheepishly.

“I bet it’s horrible”, Anya said sarcastically, “And the people there are evil and ugly.”

“They actually aren’t that bad”, Lincoln quietly admitted, blushing a bit.

“We all know you’ve found the love of your life, dear”, Amanda chuckled, patting her son’s head, “But what about you, Lexi?”

“Oh, she has, too!”, Anya grinned widely.

“Shut up, Anya!”, Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Do tell!”, Amanda leaned forward curiously studying her niece’s face.

“Ugh okay”, Lexa admitted, “there might be a nice girl, but no high hopes, she’s straight anyway.”

“Don’t give up so quickly!”, Lincoln comforted her.

“Take your time”, Echo suggested.

“Love sucks anyway”, Anya commented, putting a maybe a bit too big piece potato into her mouth.

“Anya!”, Amanda and Lincoln complained at the same time, but Lexa and Echo just shrugged, not sure if they agreed.

After everyone had finished their meal they started exchanging presents, all with smiles on their faces and happiness in their eyes.

Anya loved being around her family.

Amanda was proud of all “her kids” as she referred to the four of them and sometimes Nyko. Echo was happy to be so accepted by her best friend’s family who started to feel like her own.

Lincoln enjoyed the feeling of being home with these people, but a part of his heart seemed to be starting to build another home in Octavia.

Lexa felt similar to Lincoln, at home, but not fully, but where his heart was building a space for the smaller brunette girl, Lexa had a blur of emptiness, regret and maybe a bit of hope.

 

* * *

 

Just like the last couple of years ever since Clarke had befriended Octavia and through that her older brother Bellamy, the Blake siblings were spending Christmas at the Griffins’ house. Clarke hadn’t been able to stand the thought of the two of them celebrating alone in their tiny apartment so she had begged her parents to let them celebrate with them. Jake, of course, had immediately agreed and after seeing the puppy eyes of both her husband and daughter, Abby had said yes as well. Jake and Bellamy had kicked it off really well, Jake referring to Bellamy as his “best bro” for a week, making Clarke both giggle and roll her eyes. After Jake’s death, his place at the table had been occupied by Raven. The first Christmas with both her and the Blakes had been a little awkward with Raven and Bellamy constantly eyeing each other and flirting, making O and Clarke really uncomfortable because they had been scared Abby would notice. This year, the second Griffin-Reyes-Blake-Christmas, was a lot more comfortable. Clarke and Octavia knew and accepted the fact that Raven and Bellamy were hooking up sometimes and the hookup-buddies, as they described themselves, were now able to keep their hands off each other. They had hung up stockings at the artificial fireplace, eaten turkey in candlelight and talked about the year. The girls had slept in Clarke’s room and Bellamy in Raven’s, just like the year before.

“Wake up, suckers, it’s Christmas morning, present time!”, Raven laughed, already fully dressed and lightly kicked Octavia, who was half asleep on her mattress on the ground, in the side.

“Lemme be, I’m awake”, O growled, rolling to the side and off the mattress before slowly getting up. When she raised her head, all her hair was in her face, but her weak attempt to blow it away failed. She made an annoyed sound before throwing her hair behind herself with her hand. While Raven was now trying to shake Clarke awake, O made her way towards the closet.

“Griff, it’s Christmas, you idiot!”, Raven halfway shouted at her adoptive sister before shaking her a bit.

Clarke sighed before slowly, very slowly, starting to try to sit up.

“Finally”, Raven sighed and patted Clarke’s messy-haired head before leaving the room to go wake up Bellamy.

“Clarkey, can I wear this?”, Octavia asked, holding up a flowy black top.

Clarke blinked for a bit, still getting used to the light and trying to focus on the piece of clothing her friend had picked. “Don’t you have your own clothes?”, she mumbled, but she knew the reply.

“I do, but yours are better.”

“Would you not wear it if I told you no?”, Clarke asked and Octavia just raised an eyebrow and grinned. “Key”, Clarke nodded, “tell me what to wear, I’m too tired to pick.”

After a while of sleepy sighs, clothes hangers being moved back and forth and a few morning sex groans from the room next door (luckily Clarke’s room was between Raven’s and Abby’s), Octavia finally threw a black dress with a white stripe on the collar onto Clarke’s bed.

Finally fully dressed they all went downstairs where Abby was in the kitchen and had already placed cookies, chocolates, oatmeal with raisins and other things she assumed would count as breakfast, on the living room table. Clarke happily noticed the big pot of coffee next to the sofa, grabbing a mug from the table and pouring coffee in it, smiling as she took in the smell.

“You really are an addict”, Bellamy smiled and took the can after her.

Clarke didn’t look offended at all, but just sleepily replied: “Well you got woken up by your addiction as well”

After a second of confusion, Bellamy shot a quick look at Raven before looking back at Clarke, causing his sister to make a small gagging sound. Raven stuffed a cookie into Octavia’s mouth, which Octavia happily accepted.

“I’m not addicted to her, she’s just this hot friend of mine who seems to think I’m fuckable”, Bellamy shrugged.

“And only that”, Raven said dryly, “otherwise you’re useless.” She unwrapped a chocolate bar and ate it, humming in pleasure at the taste to mock Bellamy even more.

“Thanks, dude”, Bellamy nodded, pretending to be hurt, but they all knew Raven didn’t mean it.

“Morning all of you”, Abby entered the living room with a second pot of coffee, knowing very well her daughter drank so much of it in the morning that there wouldn’t be enough for everyone if they only had one pot.

“Morning Mrs G”, Octavia greeted before taking a second cookie. Bellamy swallowed a bit of the coffee Clarke had managed to pour into his mug, before nodding and smiling at the woman.

“So now that everyone’s awake”, Abby looked at Clarke who nodded, symbolising she was as awake as it gets after only two mugs of coffee, “Who wants to start opening their presents?”

The three teenagers and the young adult could tell that the pretend excitement the sentence had been said in stemmed from Abby secretly wishing to awaken their inner children, which Abby seemed to miss so they all went to the stockings excitedly to find their presents.

After a while of gasps, laughter, excited screams and general happiness Bellamy and Raven sat back at the table, each a pile of their presents in front of them, watching their little siblings. Yes, Clarke’s four months age difference to Raven was nothing compared to the Blakes’ five and a half years, but still Raven liked to call and think of Clarke as the younger one, especially now that O and Clarke were excitedly jumping around while Abby was taking pictures of them.

“So”, Raven started, making Bellamy look at her instead of the Christmas tree, “What we gonna do ‘bout Anya?”

“What do you mean?”, Bellamy asked, not fully realising the complete change of topic from Christmas tree decoration to the woman he so wanted to hate, but couldn’t anymore.

“Well now that our whole family”, she pointed at Clarke and Octavia, “is basically getting married to her whole family…”

“You mean Clarke and Lexa…”

“Dude, you haven’t seen the way they look at each other in school!”, Raven laughed.

“Okay”, Bellamy breathed in deeply and then let the air flow out with a long sigh, “So what do you wanna do, be friends with her?”, Bellamy asked.

“Why not?”, Raven asked in return, “I mean we both don’t see her often, but you can be nice to Echo at the academy and I can be nice to Anya and Echo when I see them pick up Lexa and Lincoln.”

“Be nice to them?”, Bellamy grinned, “You really are a genius, Raven Reyes!”

“Lemme be”, Raven lightly shoved her friend’s shoulder, “I’m not a good planner.”

“Let’s just say we’ll be nice to them and then see what happens?”

“Okay”

After a bit more chatting and sweets eating at the living room table the Blakes packed their stuff and left, wishing the Griffin-Reyes family a great rest of the holidays and promised to be back for new year’s.

“Rae?”, Clarke asked as she and her sister were cleaning the living room of wrapping paper and breakfast remains, “What were you saying to Bell about me and Lexa earlier?”

“Oh just how you’re gonna get married someday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a bit late for the Christmas spirit but I hope you enjoyed it anyway!  
> Yea, this week's is a bit short, but I promise next week's will be longer again!  
> Thank you, everyone, for reading the stuff my brain poops out here :)  
> Love ya


	4. Second Term

“Lexaaa!”, Clarke’s voice echoed through the school hallway before classes on the first day of school in 2019.

Lexa’s heart stopped for half a second. She was surprised, but also extremely happy at the sight of her friend running towards her with her arms opened widely.

“Happy new year, Clarke”, she chuckled as the blonde wrapped her arms around her.

“Happy new year, Lex!”, Clarke echoed her and looked into green eyes with an excited smile.

At the same time, Octavia was wrapping her arms around Lincoln’s neck, kissing him. “I missed you”, she whispered against his lips.

Lincoln chuckled. “It’s not like you saw me two days ago.”

“Still.”, Octavia pouted.

A few steps away Raven was leaning against her locker, watching her friends’ excitement with a mix of annoyance and jealousy. She saw Harper arrive and took her chance to complain about the lovebirds in front of them. “Ugh, couples”, she rolled her eyes.

“Actually”, Harper blushed a little, “Monty kissed me on New Year’s and I think we’re kinda dating now” She smiled brightly.

“Finally”, Raven sighed and hugged her friend to congratulate her. “Still, too many couples.”

Harper chuckled before looking over to her other friends saying hi to each other. Now she looked confused. “Wait did I miss something? Are Clarke and Lexa dating, too?”, she asked.

“Nah, but they will be, I call it”, Raven nodded into their direction, “Just look at the happiness in their eyes about seeing each other again. It’s like aluminium meeting oxygen: immediate reaction!”

“Since when are you into chemistry so much?”, Jasper, who had just arrived with Monty and Maya, asked.

“Dunno”, Raven shrugged, confused herself, while Harper went to kiss Monty hello, who immediately blushed but kissed her back.

Jasper not so secretly looked at Maya who just smiled at him with a little blush.

“Ugh, love”, Raven rolled her eyes again.

“Hey”, Monty said in a comforting voice, “I know it’s been tough since…”, he looked around quickly, “... since Finn”, he continued, “but you shouldn’t give up on love completely.”

“Yea, man, you’ll find your dude!”, Jasper hit her shoulder lightly in the bro kind of way (probably to impress Maya, Raven thought).

“Or girl!”, Maya quickly added, looking at Clarke and Lexa who seemed to be in their own little blue and green bubble, talking about holidays, presents and whatever else.

“Yea, or chick”, Murphy nodded, moving his eyebrows up and down before the bell rang and they all went to their classes, Raven with the picture of a beautiful woman that had called her a “hottie” on her mind.

 

* * *

 

It was about 7pm and Lexa heard Lincoln come home from Octavia’s. Lexa was happy for him, of course, but she was always a bit jealous because he had Octavia and she didn’t have… but never mind. Lexa put the book she had been reading on her nightstand and got up from her bed.

“Linc?”, she asked, standing in her room’s door frame as he walked by to his room.

“Yea?”

She gestured for him to come into her room. They sat down on her bed and after a few seconds of fiddling with her blanket Lexa started talking.

“So I’ve noticed Raven is really smart, like incredibly smart”, she started and Lincoln nodded, not really knowing where she was going with this. “And she can be really nice but, you know, in a way that sometimes makes me uncomfortable.” Lincoln recognised this. “Don’t you think she’s a bit like Luna?”, Lexa finally asked.

“I don’t know”, Lincoln shrugged and thought about it for a second, “They’re pretty different people, but yea I guess they’d get along really well, why?”

“Because”, Lexa looked a bit nervous, still fiddling with the blanket and now slightly rocking back and forth, “Do you think Luna and I could have gotten along?”

Lincoln just looked at her as if he knew she was going to say more.

“You know, without Titus and everything and us being so competitive.”

Again there was a small silence.

“Because I get along with Raven and if they’re so similar and… you know?”, she looked into her older cousin’s eyes, searching for understanding and help. And it was there.

“Well, I was friends with Luna and I always thought you two could have been good friends, Lex.”, Lincoln told her honestly.

“I feel bad”, Lexa admitted.

“You don’t have to.”

“But her and I were always kind of enemies when we could have been such good friends and it just feels so wasteful that I never really got to know her.”, Lexa explained, her arms waving in the air, showing her frustration.

“Hey, Lex”, Lincoln took her hands into his to calm her down, “She’s not dead, okay?”, he smiled, “You might still get a chance to make up for it all eventually.”

“You’re right”, Lexa nodded, “Being mad about this now is a waste of time as well.”

 

* * *

 

“Guys?”, Finn entered the hallway, an excited smile on his face, waving something in his hand that chattered, sounding like metal and plastic. “Guys!”, he said again as he arrived in front of them.

“Finn!”, Raven copied his voice, but her face looked a bit annoyed.

“Guys, I got a new car!”, he announced, holding the car keys into everyone’s face.

“What’s the occasion?”, Jasper asked and then with a shocked expression whispered towards Monty: “Is it his birthday?”

Monty shook his head, looking confused.

“I don’t really know”, Finn replied, “My dad just said I deserved it, don’t know what for”, he shrugged.

“Well then, have fun with it”, Raven patted his shoulder quickly before turning around, wanting to go to her class, but Finn stopped her.

“I could give you a ride home after school”, he suggested with a polite smile.

“No thank you, I have to work”, Raven said coolly.

“I could drive you to Sinclair’s, too”

“Like I said, no thank you”, Raven turned around, leaving.

“He’s a nice guy”, one part of her brain was saying.

“He betrayed you, you have a right to be angry”, another part said. Raven felt as though she had an angel and a demon on her shoulders. She sighed before turning into the science floor.

“That was a year ago and he apologised!”

“Doesn’t mean you have to be friends with that asshole again, besides he knows you don’t like cars!”

The bell rang and Raven had arrived at the classroom. It was time to focus on class so the voices became silent.

* * *

“What is it with Finn and Raven?”, Lexa asked Clarke in English class.

“Long story”, Clarke sighed while taking out her book.

“I already know today’s poem”, Lexa said, “and you don’t pay attention anyway, so…”

“Okay”, Clarke smiled, knowing Lexa was right. She didn’t want to tell her everything yet, though.

“No offence, of course”, Lexa quickly clarified, “You’re perfect anyway”, she then added with a small wink before blushing a little, seeing Clarke was blushing as well.

“So basically Finn, Raven and I all got off to a really rough start”, she started, “why is not important right now, but because of that Raven and I have a small basic dislike towards him. I mean, he’s okay as a friend, he even once took the blame when Raven blew up half a science room with an experiment.“, Clarke had to giggle at the memory. Raven had looked like Seamus Finnigan from Harry Potter, sooty face and messy hair. Finn had taken the grime off of her face and put it on his own face, had ruffled his own hair and told the teachers it had been him. He had gotten a month of detention for it and Raven had thanked him, but it hadn’t made them close friends again.

“That sounds very nice of him”, Lexa noticed.

“It was, but it didn’t really help. For a long time Finn had been the only person Raven trusted and when he broke her trust it broke them. I don’t think they’re ever going to be close friends again.”

“Miss Griffin and Miss Woods!”, their teacher suddenly called out, “Is my lesson not interesting you?”

Both girls blushed and apologised.

 

* * *

 

 

Despite their differences the new female rugby team won an important game in May. Individually Arkadia and Polis had both lost against the opposing team the year before but together they were stronger.

Indra was so proud of them that they brought them all a bag of gummy bears in the morning of the next day. At lunch everyone was sitting at one big table that Lincoln and O had pushed together out of two smaller ones. Lexa and Octavia both took out their gummies, which immediately caused almost everyone else to beg for some. Octavia gave a red one to Lincoln because she knew it was his favourite flavour. Then she poked out her tongue and poured the rest of them into her mouth. Jasper was shocked. His jaw fell in disbelief as he looked at the empty plastic packaging in Octavia’s hand. Maya put two fingers on his chin and pushed his jaw closed.

“How dare you?”, he said, his voice shaking.

Harper looked almost as shocked as Jasper, which made Monty laugh.

“What’s the big deal?”, Murphy asked. He sat on his chair, leaned back with his feet on the table. He held a bag of gummies in his one hand and was throwing a yellow one into his mouth with the other hand.

“Where did you get that?”, Harper asked.

“Oh this one girl, forgot her name”, Murphy shrugged.

“Did you steal them?”, Monty asked, his head tilted to the side a bit, a judging look on his face.

“No, I swear! She just didn’t want them!”, Murphy threw up his hands in defence, making sure though that the gummy bears weren’t falling out of the bag.

“Sure”, Harper nodded, but her voice sounded sarcastic.

Murphy just rolled his eyes and sighed.

While everyone else was focused on Octavia and Murphy though, Lexa was calmly eating her bag of gummies unbothered. That was until Clarke noticed. She made puppy eyes at Lexa, looked down at the bag in the brunette’s hand and then back at Lexa’s lips - eyes! Of course eyes!

“Please?”, she mouthed for only Lexa to see.

Lexa couldn’t resist those blue puppy eyes so she gave Clarke the bag of gummies. She had only expected for Clarke to take one, two or maybe three bears, but she took six! And not only that! She also handed two to Jasper and Harper each, causing them to excitedly eat them before begging Lexa for more. Clarke had already swallowed her two before she noticed Lexa was glaring at her.

“What?”, Clarke said, holding up her hands as Murphy had before, “It wouldn’t have been healthy for you to eat all of them!”, she explained.

Lexa continued glaring at her for the rest of lunch and even on the next day Lexa was still glaring at Clarke sometimes. Clarke, of course, thought it was because of the gummies and felt really sorry about it (which she told Lexa and afterwards the brunette glared at her less) but really it was because Clarke confused Lexa. Why did Clarke care about her so much?

 

* * *

 

A few days later Clarke saw Lexa in the hallway after class. On her way to say hi to her friend though Clarke noticed that Lexa was limping a bit. Clarke knew she had had rugby practice the day before so she knew it must be from then.

“Lex?”, Clarke placed her hand on the taller girl’s shoulder to make her turn around.

“Oh, hi Clarke”, Lexa greeted her with a smile.

“Lexa, were you just limping?”, Clarke asked, sounding like a concerned mother.

“Uhm, no”, Lexa claimed.

“Yes, you were!”, Clarke insisted, “I saw you were!”

“Is it because of when you fell during rugby practice yesterday?”, Octavia joined them.

“I didn’t fall!”, Lexa claimed, “I barely tripped!”

“Your whole front was full of dirt, stupid!”, Octavia laughed.

“Oh shut up! See, I can walk normally!”, Lexa tried to show them, but she was still limping a bit. When she saw Clarke’s I-told-you-so-face she rolled her eyes. “Okay, but my foot is just maybe broken…”, she admitted.

“Maybe broken???”, Clarke freaked out a little. “Okay, nope, you’re coming to my place after school and I’ll tell my mum to have a look at it!”, she decided.

“Why do you care anyway?”, Lexa asked Clarke in a bemused tone, but her eyes looked shy and maybe even a bit worried.

“I don’t want you to get hurt, okay?”, Clarke admitted in a caring tone that made the worry in Lexa’s eyes bigger. “Plus my mum is a doc and you hurt your foot so as a friend it’s just normal for me to offer to help you, or to have my mum help you.”, Clarke rambled.

“Okay”, Lexa nodded, “I’ll go tell Lincoln I’m coming home later today.”

Clarke nodded and Lexa limped away to find her cousin, Octavia following her to go to her boyfriend, but not without wiggling her eyebrows at Clarke as she went away. Clarke rolled her eyes and walked after them to find some of their other friends.

* * *

After school Lexa got off the bus with Clarke and Raven. Luckily Abby had had a long shift the night before so she was home now.

Abby was in the kitchen and heard the front door open. “Girls? Can you put some plates on the table?”

“We have to eat in the dining room!”, Clarke shouted back.

“Why’s that?”, Abby asked but didn’t need an answer because a second later three girls entered the kitchen.”Oh, you brought a friend!”

“Yea, mum, Lexa hurt her foot at rugby practice”, Clarke explained while Raven started getting plates and glasses out of the cupboard, “Can you have a look at it?”

“Sure, but after dinner, honey”, Abby said before reaching out her hand to greet Lexa. “Are you the Lexa who helped my daughter with, was it history?”, she asked.

“Yes, Mrs Griffin.”, Lexa nodded and shook her hand.

“Oh, please, call me Abby!”, Abby requested.

They ate together, talking a bit about school and rugby before Abby could look at Lexa’s foot.

“It’s a hairline fracture”, Abby told Lexa after examining the foot for a bit, asking Lexa if this hurt or that.

“What does that mean?”, Lexa asked.

“It’s not that bad, but you should take care of it.”

“What can I do?”, Lexa asked.

“Well it’s a small crack in your bone so you should help your body repair it”, Abby explained.

“How do I do that?”

“First of all you should take a break from rugby for a bit.”

“O is gonna hate that”, Clarke smiled. Lexa had to smile, too and nodded.

“Then of course no lifting any heavy objects and just in general no unnecessary walking.”, Abby continued.

“Are you gonna make Lincoln your slave?”, Clarke asked, causing a savage grin on Lexa’s face.

“Totally”, Lexa said, which made Clarke laugh.

“It would also help if you ate more proteins to help the muscles in your foot hold it together and calcium and other minerals to repair the bone.”

“Thank you, Mrs Griffin”, Lexa smiled.

“Abby”, Abby corrected her.

“Thanks Abby”, Lexa nodded.

“I should get home now”, Lexa said into Clarke’s direction then.

“Of course”, Clarke nodded and brought her friend to the door.

“Thank you, Clarke”, Lexa smiled and Clarke hugged her. Still in the hug Lexa said something into Clarke’s ear. “You’re perfect.” The hug ended and Lexa winked again.

“I’m not, I just wanted to help”, Clarke replied.

Lexa simply nodded, a smile on her face. They waved each other until they couldn’t see each other anymore and Clarke closed the door, happy she had been able to help Lexa and still a bit of the blush left on her cheeks.

“I bet you’ll get together by the end of school at least.”, Raven commented, having stood just a few steps away from them.

“Shut up!”, Clarke told her.

“You’re not denying it!”

 

* * *

 

 

Anya had to work longer today so Lexa had to take the bus home. Together with what felt like half her school she stood at the bus stop, worried she would be squeezed to death if all these people would really try to fit into one bus. She breathed in deeply to try to calm her panicking body when she was lightly hit on the shoulder. It was Raven. Behind her where Clarke and Octavia, who were apparently having an argument.

“I swear I’m going to strangle him!”, Clarke shouted.

“Calm down, Griffin!”, Octavia shouted back, not really sounding like she wanted to calm her down.

“Strangle who?”, Lexa asked Raven who rolled her eyes.

“Finn Collins”, she replied.

Lexa had seen him a couple of times in the hall. She had thought the others were kind of friends with him. “What did he do?”

“That, my friend, is a very long story”, Raven said in an old lady’s voice.

Lexa looked at Clarke. She knew part of their story, but she felt like this was about the part Clarke hadn’t told her about. “Is there a short version maybe?”

“He dated Raven, moved, dated me without telling us about the other, Raven changed schools, found out, we both broke up with him but are trying to stay friends with him because he’s a decent human being apart from all that but he keeps trying to touch me and I AM GOING TO STRANGLE HIM IF HE DOES IT AGAIN”, Clarke replied, shouting the last part into Octavia’s face so she wouldn’t even start trying to calm her down again.

“Okay, I’ll hold him for you so he can’t run away”, Lexa said in a calm voice as if suggesting to eat lunch together (even though that would probably cause a nervous voice when asking Clarke). The other three girls seemed surprised by her offer but Clarke smiled.

“Thanks”, she took Lexa’s hand into hers for just a second and it set Lexa’s nerve endings on fire. Lexa freaked out a little on the inside, immediately pulling her hand away, but not too obviously so it wouldn’t feel like she was rejecting Clarke. She didn’t want to hurt the pretty blonde girl.

“Anytime”, she blushed and looked down to her shoes as she added, “No one should touch you if you don’t want it.”

* * *

“You totally are into her!”, Raven called once she and Clarke entered the house.

“Am not!”, Clarke responded in a kind of squeaky voice.

“You so are!”, Raven shouted and ran after her adoptive sister who had decided to run upstairs. “You fucking held her hand!”

“And you need to learn to stop cursing so much!”, Clarke tried to change the topic but knew perfectly well that Raven wouldn’t let go of the hand-holding thing for at least a few weeks.

 

* * *

 

Clarke was unusually quiet today. In English she had told Lexa to stop talking because she wanted to listen to the teacher. That had confused Lexa already, because usually Clarke thought English was an incredibly boring class and she normally got a little mad at Lexa when she told Clarke to listen to the teacher. But what had confused Lexa even more was, that when Clarke was silent in the break as well, no one seemed to notice, or at least no one cared. Lincoln was busy kissing Octavia against the lockers half the time so he didn’t seem to care much either and Lexa didn’t want to ask Clarke directly in case it would hurt her and she didn’t want to invade her privacy.

“What is going on with Clarke today?”, she asked Harper on the way to their physics class.

“You don’t know?”, Harper asked, sounding seriously surprised and a bit nervous.

“No?”, now Lexa was nervous, too.

“It’s the two years anniversary of…”

“Of what?”, Lexa was seriously concerned now.

“Of her dad’s death.”

Lexa stood still for a second in the middle of the hallway, causing other students to have to walk past her.

“I didn’t know that”, she said, abashed.

“Sorry”, Harper smiled politely. “Last year Finn and Raven took care of her. We all don’t really know what to do when she’s like that and I don’t know how far they came last year. Most of us try to just leave her alone as much as possible. She’ll be back to normal in a few days, hopefully.”

“Someone needs to look after her”, Lexa noticed as they kept walking to their room.”

“We don’t know how”, Harper shrugged, but she looked as though she knew Lexa was right.

Lexa continued walking after her and during physics class kept thinking about what she could do.

“Here”, Lexa said, a coffee from the coffee from the halfway decent coffee machine from the cafeteria in her hand. She didn’t say anything else, just looked Clarke in the eyes, the coffee in her hand, arm extended to her friend.

“Thank you”, Clarke smiled and took the coffee, causing all of their friends around them to look both relieved and impressed by Lexa.

After school Lexa decided to text Clarke just to check in and see if she was feeling better.

* * *

_Hello Clarke._

_I’m here if you need to talk to someone._

_Thank you, Lex_

_Do you know why I’m like this rn?_

_Harper told me_

_Okay_

_You don’t need to talk if you don’t want to._

_I just wanted you to know that you can text me whenever you feel like it_

_I just miss him so much_

_I understand_

_I should have told him I loved him more often._

_I should have hugged him that morning._

_You didn’t know._

_I wish I could turn back time_

_It would only hurt you more_

_Do you want to come over?_

_I’ve been watching Friends for two hours and I feel bad doing it alone_

_Of course._

* * *

Lexa packed some chocolate, her history homework (so Clarke could copy it. Lexa didn’t think she would be able to concentrate on it on her own), and coffee and told Amanda she would be home in the evening.

Clarke looked exhausted when she opened the door. She seemed to be home alone and Lexa didn’t ask about where her mum was. They just sat down in Clarke’s room and watched half a season of Friends. When Lexa came home it had been dark for hours even though it was late spring. Octavia’s brother had called once, but he and Clarke hadn’t talked much either. Lexa looked happy because she had been able to help without even talking much so Amanda didn’t ask where she had been.

 

* * *

 

 

“Yo, Clarky”, Octavia shouted from the other side of the hall as she saw her friend leave her class.

Clarke smiled at her as a greeting and walked towards her.

“Where is your girlfriend?”, Octavia laughed right when Lexa walked out of the classroom next to them.

Clarke didn’t have the time to protest so she just shot Octavia a death glare, hissing a “don’t”.

“Oh, there she is”, O looked up and smiled at Lexa.

“What about me?”, Lexa asked, looking confused and a bit shy.

Lincoln joined them and gave Octavia a quick kiss before putting his arm around her waist. He immediately noticed Lexa’s Clarke-face. It was a mix of blush, admiration and trying to look cool.

“Oh, I just asked Clarke where you were because I...”, Octavia tried to come up with a good lie, “Wanted to suggest a documentary series about the Roman Empire to you.”

“Oh, that’s amazing, just send me the link later”, Lexa’s eyes lit up in excitement and O shot Lincoln a quick look to signal him he would have to help her find one.

“Nerds”, Clarke rolled her eyes, but she was smiling.

“Talking about us?”, Jasper asked as he, Monty and Raven joined their friends.

“Nope, but you’re definitely nerds, too”, Octavia said.

“Well, Raven maybe not as much as we thought.”, Monty remarked.

“Why would that be?”, Lexa asked.

“She forgot her chemistry homework, again!”, Jasper explained.

Raven stayed uncharacteristically quiet and just shrugged instead of defending herself.

“Why didn’t you do them?”, Clarke asked, a bit worriedly, but also with a small chuckle, because Raven forgetting homework was like Hermione Granger forgetting homework and that literally never happened, “Isn’t it like the third time by now?”

“It is!”, Monty stated.

“I forgot because I was working at Sinclairs yesterday.”, Raven explained, her voice mild and slow.

“Oh, okay.” Clarke wasn’t used to Raven being so calm after what she probably saw as a failure. “Are we keeping it a secret from mum or…?

“No, I will tell her later”

* * *

  _Check out “Roman Empire” on Netflix_

_Thanks, O_

_Anytime_

_Hey, can I ask you something?_

_Sure_

_I wasn’t sure if I heard correctly earlier, but did you call me Clarke’s girlfriend?_

_Oh uhm…_

_Yea, but just to bully her_

_Oh_

* * *

 After dinner with Abby, Clarke knocked on Raven’s door to talk to her.

“Come in”

Clarke opened the door and saw Raven working at her laptop, as almost always if she wasn’t sleeping or eating. Clarke wasn’t even sure if this girl ever slept.

“Hey about your chemistry homework…”, Clarke started.

“Haven’t done any yet, ask Jasper or Monty”, Raven mumbled, seeming very much into her work. “Wait, did we get any homework today?”, she turned around to look at Clarke. She shrugged, “Don’t remember”, and turned back towards her desk before turning into Clarke’s direction again immediately after. “You aren’t even in my chem class.”, she noticed.

“Yea, no, I don’t know if you got any new homework”, Clarke tried again, “I mean the old ones from the lesson before today’s”

“What about it?”, Raven asked, visibly trying to remember what that homework had been.

“You didn’t do it”, Clarke reminded her friend, “And you wanted to tell mum about it.”

“Hm, really?”, Raven asked.

“Yea, really”

“Hm”, Raven shrugged and turned back to her work, “Must’ve forgotten”

Clarke just rolled her eyes and left the room, but had she stayed for a bit longer she would have seen Raven’s confused blank stare in the reflection of her laptop’s screen.

* * *

  _Hey, O, do you think she likes me?_

_Idk dude_

_As far as I know Clarke’s only been with a guy so far so Idk if she’s queer_

_Okay_

_Wait, do YOU like her?_

_She is very nice and beautiful_

_Yea, but do you like her?_

_I don’t know_

_You want me to organise a date or sth?_

_No, no!_

_I mean, no thank you_

* * *

  _Hey Lex could you pleeease help me?_

_Of course, Clarke, what is it?_

_I have to do warm up in PE next monday and I can’t think of any exercise things_

_Ugh I hate sports_

_Sure, I’ll think of some._

_Give me a few seconds_

_OMG you’re the best, thanks!!♡_

* * *

_Octavia!!!_

_She just sent me a heart emoji_

_What does that mean??_

_Oh lord, Lexa…_

_You are one useless lesbian.._

_Dw tho I’ll help you_

* * *

 

It was the end of the school year. Finally, as most of the students saw it. For Octavia, though, it was hard, since Lincoln would be graduating and they wouldn’t be able to be around each other so much after the holidays. As every year, Arcadia High was holding an award ceremony to honor students of every year who had achieved… something. None of the students seemed to actually know what the chosen students were being chosen for.

Octavia had tried to sit on Lincoln’s lap, but some teacher had told her that wasn’t allowed so now she was pissed. Raven was bored, slouching on her chair. She wasn’t actually bored, her friends knew. She was on edge, knowing her year was expecting her to be the chosen student, but also knowing that she didn’t like the spotlight on herself. She wasn’t shy or anything, she was the opposite. She just felt like stupid high school students (that didn’t include her friends of course) weren’t the kind of audience she needed in her life.

Jasper, Maya, Monty and Harper were eagerly discussing who would be their year’s students, Jasper not so secretly hoping it was going to be him.

Lexa and Clarke were sitting next to each other because Lexa had agreed on chatting with Clarke during the ceremony so Clarke wouldn’t get too bored. Clarke was also explaining the school tradition to her friend since she had been shocked to find out that Polis didn’t have it.

“Now Principal Sydney is going to give a very long, very boring speech”, Clarke commented as she saw the supposed vampire approach the lectern.

“Prepare to either die or fall asleep”, Octavia added.

“Okay”, Lexa giggled, still amused about the fact her friends thought their principal was a vampire.

After what felt like a year-long speech about class trips, school achievements, etc bla bla, Principal Sydney finally came to the part where the awards were going to be handed over.

Clarke and the others didn’t know any freshmen and sophomores though so that part was still boring.

“It’s not gonna be you, Jas”, Raven rolled her eyes, seeing him excitedly twitching on his chair.

“How do you know?”, Jasper asked, an eyebrow raised, “Did you cheat? I swear if she says your name I’ll forever accuse you of cheating!”

“It’s okay, Jasper”, Maya chuckled, “It’s not always about winning.”

“You’re right.”, Jasper asked, surprising his friends for half a second before he kept talking. “I know I’m the best anyway. If the teachers don’t see it, I’m sorry for them.”

His friends smiled at his typical comment and Maya lightly nudged his side with her elbow.

“I don’t really care who wins”, Clarke admitted.

“It could be you, you know.”, Lexa remarked softly.

“Nah”, Clarke shrugged, “It’s gonna be Raven anyway.”

To that Raven just rolled her eyes while Jasper sent her a death glare.

“I think Lexa is right”, Finn said, sitting a bit away from them.

“Why?”, Clarke asked, seeming genuinely curious.

“Well you’re a good student in most subjects and you’re nice to classmates, other than Raven sometimes”, Finn explained, looking a bit scared into Raven’s direction.

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean, dickhead?”, Raven asked a bit too loud, earning a few “shh”s from the rows behind them.

“I’m just saying Clarke doesn’t curse at people so often”, Finn raised his arms in defence, shrugging while doing so.

“He’s right”, Lexa shrugged as well.

“Hm”, Clarke turned back into her principal’s direction, “I still don’t care.”

“Come on, I keep saying you’re perfect!”, Lexa tried to encourage her friend.

“I’m not tho”, Clarke said, not in a mean way, just as if it was a fact.

Sydney finally started talking about their year and the whole group was now curious about whose name was going to be called.

“And the award goes to...”, Sydney started, trying to give the event Oscar vibes, but failing since half the hall seemed to be falling asleep. Apart from most juniors of course. “...Clarke Griffin”, Sydney announced, shocking everyone but Lexa and Finn.

“I told you you’re perfect”, Lexa laughed before Clarke got up and walked to the front.

* * *

  _YOU DID NOT_

_Lex, you didn’t actually say that earlier, did you?_

_I did._

_But, O, please don’t make such a big deal out of it._

_It’s the holidays now and she’ will have forgotten about everything after summer._

_Not so sure about that tbh_

_Clarke has a good brain_

_I don’t doubt that_

_God, I don’t even know if I should be proud or embarrassed by you!?_

_But hey at least you’re starting to say SOMETHING_

_Like stuff that could be seen as yk at least close to trying to flirt_

_Thank you, very flattering_

_OH LORD IT CAN DO SARCASM_

_It can indeed_

 

* * *

 

“God they’re getting old”, Indra said as they let themselves fall onto the couch in the Woods’ flat after the graduation ceremony.

“I know!”, Amanda sighed, walking past her friend into the kitchen to make coffee, “I only just started to be okay with Anya having moved out, but I thought I’d at least have Linc and Lex for a bit longer!”

“Well, I don’t think he’ll be moving out immediately.”, Indra smiled, encouraging their friend.

“Maybe you’re right”, Amanda said in thoughts, “He wouldn’t leave me and Lex alone, he’ll wait for her to leave, too” There was a short silence, both of them in thoughts about their kids and their futures. Finally, Amanda came into the living room with two mugs of fresh hot coffee.

“Thanks, you’re an angel”, Indra said as they held the mug in both their hands, taking in the scent.

“And you’re a very nice demon”, Amanda giggled before bumping her shoulder into her friend’s to get them to klick their mugs together.

“Cheers”, Indra said, “To becoming old and grey.”

“Oh come on!”, Amanda chuckled before taking a sip of her coffee.

They drank for a bit in a comfortable silence before Indra broke it with a sigh.

“I just hope her life will be better than mine”, they admitted.

“Oh, your life was alright”, Amanda tried in a comforting voice, but Indra just threw her a blank expression with a raised eyebrow that said “really, girl?”.

“Ya think?”, Indra chuckled sarcastically.

“You have a beautiful daughter!”, Amanda started.

“Who I conceived from being raped by a guy who was never found.”

“But…”, Amanda tried to interrupt, but Indra continued talking.

“Who struggled her whole life having to explain how one could have neither mum or dad but a parent.”

“But she…”, again she didn’t succeed.

“Who probably hates that I’m her teacher now and is probably really embarrassed by me all the time.”

“How could she be?”, Amanda finally was able to say. Indra just turned towards their friend with a curious look in their almost black eyes. “You’re hella strong and brave and smart!”, Amanda started, “Anyone should feel like the luckiest person to have a badass like you in their life, I know I sure am lucky!”

Indra was speechless for a second. “But do you think she thinks like that, too?”, they finally asked.

“I’m sure she does”, Amanda rubbed her friend’s shoulder. “Look all teenagers are a bit embarrassed by their parents sometimes, but you never treated her wrong! You never hit her or hurt her with words. You respect her and even though you might have some high expectations in her you make sure she feels good and safe!”

Indra’s eyes were starting to look a bit watery, but they didn’t say anything.

“You’re a good parent, a great one even!”, Amanda smiled sadly at a thought that had come to her mind. “If you don’t think so just look at my ex and his brother.”

Now Indra was smiling sadly as well. “You’re an amazing parent, too.”, they said, “Both to your son and your nieces.”

“I try to be”, Amanda sighed, “But as cheesy as you might think it sounds, but I could have never done it without you and Gus”

“Oh shut up”, Indra smiled.

“No seriously”, Amanda continued, “If you hadn’t let them stay at yours after school when I had to work longer to be able to afford this flat and all the food…”

“It was no problem”

“And if Gustus hadn’t come by every once in a while to take them to climbing parks and what not when I was having a bad day…”

“You took in Gaia as well in the beginning so I can thank you just as much!”, Indra mentioned.

“You did by helping me”, Amanda smiled and hugged her friend.

“Well, those three sure are a force to be reckoned with!”, Indra chuckled, remembering Anya’s attempt to defy them at practice, “Well, mostly Anya.”

“Oh, the other two can be bad, too, just in other ways!”, Amanda chuckled as well.

“I can imagine.”, Indra took the last sip of their coffee and put the mug on the coffee table.

“How long do you think until we’ll be grandparents?”, Amanda asked, looking into the mirror the black TV created.

“Oh I don’t think Gaia will have any and to be honest I’m pretty glad.”

“How do you know she won’t?”, Amanda asked.

“She just keeps saying how she isn’t interested in people that way and I can’t blame her, I’m not that into humans myself, or any living being for that matter.”

“Thanks”, Amanda said in a sarcastic tone but chuckled.

“You’re not human, you’re an angel, my friend, how many times do I have to say it?”, Indra chuckled.

“For making you coffee?”

“And so much more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know last week's chapter was a bit short, but I hope you like this a bit longer one!  
> Thanks, FiFi for being a useless lesbian and letting me use your life as inspiration.
> 
> What do you think of Amanda and her friendship with Indra? I somehow really love writing those two.


	5. Late summer

“Everyone keeps telling me to get a car”, Raven sighed, rolling her eyes as she let herself fall back onto Octavia’s mattress.

“It would be easier for getting to work and school and stuff but I get that you don’t have the money and you don’t want to ask Abby if she wants to buy you one, at least not as long Clarke doesn’t want one, too.”, Bellamy nodded, sitting across from her on the sofa.

The Blakes’ apartment was so small that Bellamy’s room had just enough space for his mattress and a nightstand so Octavia had her mattress on the living room floor between a very small and old looking sofa and the Griffins’ old TV.

“It’s not that, is it?”, O asked, a knowing look on her face as she looked at her friend.

“Not exactly, no”, Raven admitted and threw a small questioning look towards Lincoln who was sitting on the sofa with Bellamy. She then looked at Octavia, who nodded, telling her she could trust him.

Raven knew Octavia knew, Bellamy knew partly and Lincoln not at all so she explained mainly towards the two men, but with her eyes directed towards the ground before them.

“When I was six months old I was in a car accident. My mother was driving, dad driving shotgun, me in the back. Mother slightly drunk, we were driving home from a New Year’s party. It’s snowy, roads are slippery. Mother loses control over car and gets off the road. She attempts a U-turn but by that slams the other side of the car into a bunch of trees. Luckily I was sitting in the middle seat in the back so I only hurt my leg. My father died three days later in the hospital, mother survives with just a few cuts and a concussion. After that, she started drinking a lot, basically did that my whole life. But that’s a different story.” She finally looked up at Lincoln’s and Bellamy’s faces, both understanding and caring, but not in a pitying kind of way. It softened her stone cold face a bit before she could pull herself together. “Anyways, since then I don’t like cars.”, she finished her story and with that, the room fell into a somewhat tense silence.

“What about motorcycles?”, Octavia’s boyfriend broke the silence, looking first at Raven, then at Octavia, whose face lighted up a little at the idea.

“No problem with them, I guess”, Raven shrugged, furrowing her eyebrows at what Lincoln seemed to be about to suggest.

“Well I’m doing a motorcycle licence at the moment and O wants to soon make one, as well.”

Octavia nodded, an encouraging smile on her lips and light in her eyes as she looked at Raven, whose face looked as though she was starting to consider it.

“Wait, me and Echo are making one, too, for the academy, you know, to look hot on some police bikes.”, Bellamy added with a smug grin, causing his little sister to look at him with her eyes opened only a bit and then look at her boyfriend, checking if he noticed too. Lincoln nodded and then so did Octavia.

“Anya looks like she could do bikes.”, Raven nodded, now seriously thinking about it.

“Oh she definitely would”, Lincoln nodded as well, “She was actually the one who encouraged me to start with the licence. I think she felt bad for not having the time to do it herself.”

“What is it with you two and Echo and Anya?”, Octavia asked, a bit confused, but also suspecting something. “Didn’t you hate them first and now you won’t shut up about them?”

Both Bellamy and Raven blushed a little, but not enough that Octavia and Lincoln could notice. In fact, they had been talking about the two women a lot lately when they had been alone, but admitting that to their friends? NO!

“I guess they just aren’t as bad as we thought they were”, Raven shrugged.

“Yea, also, besides Miller and Brian, Echo is my only friend at the academy and Briller, as we call them, are always only focused on each other when they’re together so I’ve been doing stuff with Echo.”

“Interesting.”, Octavia simply said, but there was a lot of unspokenness in the word.

“So are we all doing the bike thing or not?”, Raven now asked to change the topic.

“We were all gonna do it anyway”, Octavia laughed.

“The question is if you’re in.”, Bellamy finished his sister’s sentence.

“And kind of also if we want to invite Anya and Echo as well.”, Lincoln added.

“Fine by me”, Raven shrugged, but the Blake siblings could see the hidden excitement in her eyes.

* * *

Soon Raven, Octavia and, after some persuasion by her cousin, Anya had applied for making their motorcycle licenses. After Raven had told him about her plans, her boss Sinclair had given her his old motorcycle so she could fix it and maybe add some extra fancy things to help her ride it and, of course, to simply make it look cooler.

“So are we some kind of rocker gang now or what?”, Echo asked, making both Bellamy and Raven chuckle a little. They were all in Echo and Anya’s apartment, eating snacks and talking about bikes.

“Not rocker, but maybe a sort of gang”, Lincoln replied.

“And what does this gang do?”, Anya asked, still not fully buying into the idea her cousin and best friend had tried to convince her of.

“Just meet up, drive around, be friends”, Raven shrugged.

“Just friends or…?”, Anya asked, looking at Raven with the same look in her eyes as she always did.

“Well, and family, since Linc is your cousin and O my sister.”, Bellamy quickly replied.

“And I think it’s pretty clear they aren’t just friends.”, Echo added to which Octavia started a small make out session with her slightly overwhelmed boyfriend, maybe just to annoy her brother. But Bellamy was okay with it.

“‘Kay”, Anya nodded, “I’m in.” She got up as everyone was looking at her with relief in their eyes. Well, everyone but Lincoln and O who were still making out. “Beer?”

 

* * *

 

“So is Anya usually like that around people or just with Raven?”, Octavia asked as soon as she and Lincoln were back in his room.

“She is often flirtatious, but I haven’t seen her this straightforward over such a long time with the same person.”, Lincoln replied while sitting down on his bed, patting next to himself for Octavia to join. She did and he placed his arm around her, pressing a kiss to her forehead in the process.

“Bell is so focused on Echo as well.”, Octavia noticed.

“He has been ever since he started at the academy, hasn’t he?”

“Yea, kinda”

There was a short comfortable silence and O pressed a kiss to her boyfriend’s cheek.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Thinking about Raven and my brother”

“Why?”

“Well, if they’re into Anya and Echo now and stuff will develop as I think it will… I don’t know how that’ll change their friendship if they won’t meet up to fuck anymore. As gross as I used to think them doing each other was, I’m kinda scared it’ll not doing that any more will change them.”

“Do you think they’ll stay friends if they’ll get together with Anya and Echo?”, Lincoln asked.

“I seriously don’t know”, Octavia replied, looking a bit concerned.

“Well at least people won’t think Anya and Echo are dating anymore”, Lincoln chuckled.

* * *

“You’re pretty interested in Raven, huh?”, Echo asked as everyone had left.

“She’s hot”, Anya simply replied, gathering the empty beer bottles from the coffee table and bringing them into the kitchen.

“Oh come on”, Echo raised her eyebrow.

“What?”

“You like her more than some party chicks.”

“What makes you think that?”

“You put too much effort in.”, Echo shrugged, “She didn’t fuck you after the first time you met but still you keep trying.”

“She’s very hot?”, Anya tried.

“Nah, girl, I think you like her in a way that hopefully means I won’t have to make out with you to get rid of her.”

“What do you mean?”

“Anya, my friend”, Echo said in a pretend serious tone, putting both her hands on her friend’s shoulders, “I think what you have is a serious crush.”

* * *

 

“So Anya seems really interested in you”, Bellamy mentioned just seconds before Raven came for the second time today.

“She is crazy hot”, Raven commented as she pushed herself off of the doorframe Bellamy had been fucking her against, causing him to carry her to the bed next. “And I guess...ahh”, she was interrupted by her own moan as they fell onto the bed and Bellamy was therefore pushed deeper inside her, making her come again and him moan just as loudly. “I guess you and Echo are getting pretty.. Ahh.. pretty close as well”

“She is crazy hot, too, you know”, Bellamy managed to reply before moaning again as he was pushing himself into Raven. They came together and Raven rolled them over, almost hitting the wall of the small room.

“She is”, Raven moaned, starting to ride Bellamy.

They came another time and Raven got off of her friend and hookup buddy, having decided that she had had enough sex for the day.

“So are we gonna try with them then?”, Bellamy asked.

“I don’t think I’m gonna have to try much”, Raven said with a wink before disappearing into the shower. “She’s already all over me.”

“And what are we gonna do?”, Bellamy asked, following her, now nakedly leaning against the doorway of the tiny bathroom.

“What do you mean?”, Raven asked, turning on the shower, starting to wash the sweat off of herself.

“Well if we both have girlfriends we won’t need to fuck anymore.”

“Naww I’ll miss your dick, too.”, Raven replied sarcastically, but Bellamy could see she was only trying not to get serious.

“Rae our whole friendship happens around booty calls.”

“I know, big Blake”, Raven said, while getting out of the shower. She grabbed the closest towel and quickly dried herself up before walking past her friend to get her clothes out of his bedroom. “Don’t worry, we have the bike gang now”, she said, pronouncing the name weirdly, “Though we seriously need a better name for it.”

“Agree” Bellamy now started to get dressed again as well.

“And just because you don’t get to fuck this gorgeous body anymore”, she grinned, pointing up and down her half-naked body, “Doesn’t mean you can’t fuck my brilliant brain with your ideas that are… almost as brilliant as mine.” She kissed his cheek on her way to the door, putting on her shirt while walking through the living room.

“Wait, Raven”, Bellamy called out, making her turn around. “Good luck with Anya.”

“Good luck with Echo, too. You’ll need it.”, she chuckled.

“Shut up”, Bellamy grinned right before Raven closed the door.

 

* * *

 

“I still don’t know if I even have the money to buy a bike”, Octavia sighed, “I mean, Bell can buy only one with what he’s earning and what we have left from mum.” Bellamy looked to the floor sheepishly.

“I don’t have any money either”, Raven added, “What I earn at Sinclair’s isn’t enough and I need some money for when I start studying for Nasa and can’t work for him anymore.”

“You want to work at Nasa?”, Anya asked. She sounded impressed.

“Yea”, Raven nodded, blushing only the tiniest bit.

“She’s hella fucking smart”, Bellamy added.

“You seem pretty perfect, huh?”, Anya asked, but it wasn’t a question.

“More than that”, Raven nodded.

“Get a room”, Octavia rolled her eyes.

“Says you”, Echo laughed, looking at Octavia who was sitting on Lincoln's lab and both of them blushed.

Anya looked at Echo for a second. Her best friend understood and shrugged, then nodded.

“I could lend you some money”, Anya said.

“What?”, Octavia blurted out, half shocked half excited.

“Whoever of you doesn’t have enough money to buy their own bike. I can lend you some and you’ll just pay me back in the next let’s say three years?”, Anya explained.

“That would be awesome!”, Raven shouted excitedly.

“Thank you!”, Octavia agreed.

“You, too, of course, kiddo”, Anya said and rubbed Lincoln’s head.

“Don’t call me that”, Lincoln rolled his eyes. “Thank you though.”

“Why do you have so much money?”, Bellamy asked what everyone but Echo and Anya had been wondering secretly.

Anya just shrugged. “Who knows, maybe I robbed a bank.”

“Wouldn’t say that in a room full of future cops”, Raven laughed.

“Why not?”, Anya raised an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t you want to see me in handcuffs?”

“Take me to your room and we’ll find out.”

“Seriously guys?”, Echo chuckled, but raised her eyebrow, looking at Anya.

“Maybe you want to take me out first?”, Anya suggested.

“I can get you a gun.”, Octavia offered Raven, but everyone but Bellamy just rolled their eyes. He looked a bit concerned.

“I’d prefer a drink”, Anya winked.

“I’m free in two weeks”, Raven said, “If you can wait that long.”

“Can I at least have your number?”

Octavia was eyeing her brother, still waiting for him to try to stop Anya from taking Raven from him, but, even though he didn’t seem completely calm, Octavia was surprised by how well he was handling it.

“Sure”

"I'll count the days"

 

* * *

 

Alone Clarke sat on the bench at the bus station. She tried hard not to cry but she did anyway. She took her phone out of the pocket of her jacket and texted Lexa. It seemed like ages of staring at the quiet street, lit by the cold light of the streetlamps before she was finally able to see Lexa walk around the corner. Clarke could have walked towards her, but her legs didn’t seem to be able to move.

Lexa was out of breath when she finally sat down next to her. She had to have run most of the way. The brunette placed an arm around Clarke’s shoulders and whispered: “Should we go to my place? It’s closer than yours. We can talk there if you like.”

Clarke just nodded and let Lexa help her up from the bench. They walked slowly through the night and when Clarke shivered, Lexa took off her jacket to place it on Clarke’s shoulders. “You clishée”, Clarke snorted but Lexa could see a small smile on her lips.

“You were cold”, she defended her action.

“Now you are”, Clarke responded.

“I love the cold. I think it’s beautiful.”

To that Clarke snorted again.

“Also shivering burns calories so it’s good for the six pack I’m working on.”

Clarke couldn’t help the thought of shirtless Lexa with a six pack and had to swallow thickly. She was glad Lexa didn’t seem to have heard it.

When they arrived at Lexa’s they were careful not to wake anyone up. While Clarke was taking off her shoes, Lexa walked into the kitchen and poured them both a glass of water.

They sat down at the table together and drank in silence.

After a while, Lexa gestured for Clarke to follow her and they went into her room. Lexa took pyjama pants, a sweatshirt and thick socks for Clarke out of her closet and went to the bathroom to get changed herself.

When she came back Clarke was awkwardly standing next to her bed in clothes that fit her almost perfectly. Her eyes still looked red so Lexa showed her the bathroom to wash her face before they went back to Lexa’s room. She had a big bed they would be able to sleep in next to each other comfortably. Lexa slipped under the blanket and patted the mattress next to herself for Clarke to do the same. The blonde did and Lexa turned off the bedside lamp.

“Sleep now”, she whispered softly, “We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

“Thank you”, Clarke managed to whisper before she yawned.

“Anytime.”

 

When Lexa woke up, it took her a second to figure out what the warmth pressed against her front was. Clarke had rolled up against her, head on Lexa’s chest and Lexa’s arm was lazily slung around her. Slowly, Lexa lifted her arm, trying not to wake Clarke as she got into a less awkward position. That feeling of warmth against her chest though… Lexa had missed it. But now was not the time for such thoughts! Clarke had come to her because she had been crying, so Lexa had to take care of her. She could have made them breakfast, but she didn’t want to leave the blonde all alone in her room. So she waited.

It only took a few minutes for Clarke to wake up. Maybe she did due to the lack of Lexa against her.

“Morning”, Lexa offered a smile, sitting on her desk chair as Clarke opened her eyes.

“Mmm”, was all Clarke managed to escape.

“You’re at my place”, Lexa decided to explain, in case Clarke was confused, “I picked you up from the station because you texted me asking for my help. You were crying.”

“Mhm”, Clarke slowly started nodding.

“If you want you can stay in bed for a bit longer and I’ll ask my aunt if she can make us some breakfast.”, Lexa suggested, “Or of course I could make us breakfast myself, yea”, she added, sort of nodding to herself.

Clarke just nodded and curled up in the blankets again.

“You need a coffee?”, Lexa smiled.

“Yesssss”, Clarke groaned and then, weaker, “Thank you.”

“Sure”, Lexa nodded and left the room.

 

Shortly after, she returned with a trail in her hands. She placed it on the bed, the smell of coffee causing Clarke to finally open her eyes.

“So you’re a coffee addict?”, Lexa laughed as she saw Clarke reach for the warm cup.

“Don’t judge”, Clarke said sheepishly before taking her third sip.

“I’m not”, Lexa took a bite from her toast, “Just good to know, I guess.”

They ate and drank in silence for a while and Clarke thankfully took the toast Lexa offered her once she had finished her coffee.

“So”, Lexa started slowly, “is it okay, if I ask why you were crying last night?”

Clarke swallowed the last bite of her toast and looked down on the empty plate. A few seconds passed before she replied.

“Yesterday was two years since my best friend passed.”

“Oh”, Lexa blinked in surprise. She had expected a fight with parents, but not that! “I’m sorry for your loss”, she quickly added.

“Thanks.”

“What was their name?”, Lexa asked, trying to find out more about Clarke’s past. She wanted to know as much as possible about the blonde girl in her bed. Not in a creepy way of course. Only in case, she had to help her again.

“Wells”, Clarke replied, “And before you have to feel awkward to ask why he passed”, she continued right when Lexa had planned to ask it, “he was killed in a robbery, but police think it had something to do with his dad being Thelonious Jaha.”

“The politician?”, Lexa had heard the name on the radio and on TV a few times.

“Yea, he’s a friend of my parents.”

There was a short silence before Lexa came up with something else to ask.

“Why did you run away from home yesterday?”, she asked carefully.

“I didn’t really run away in that way.”, Clarke explained, “I told mum I was leaving”

“That’s good”, Lexa nodded, “At least she’s not worried about where you are then.”

“She must have known why I left, but I can’t talk to her about this.”

“Why not?”, Lexa asked.

“Mum and I don’t really talk about feelings.”

“Okay”

“And Raven doesn’t really know about Wells since it was before she moved in so I didn’t want to explain.”

“Wait, Raven lives with you?”, Lexa was confused.

“Yea, my mum sort of adopted her about a month after Wells died”, Clarke explained.

“Oh, okay” Lexa didn’t want to go too far so she stopped asking. After all, she had only known Clarke for a few months. 9 actually, but, who was counting?

They sat in awkward silence for a bit and after a short conversation about school, that was even more awkward than the silence, Clarke said she should probably go home. Lexa brought her to the bus station.

On her way back home Lexa thought about how little she knew about Clarke and how much she wanted to learn about that mysterious blonde girl that made her feel dangerously close to how she had felt with Costia.

_We should meet up again._

_Sure._

_Maybe I could come to your place?_

_Great, Raven is gone on Friday afternoon and my mum has a long shift_

_so no one would annoy us._

_Should I just go with you after school?_

_Yep_

_Okay, see you tomorrow in PE._

 

Lexa had wanted to text Octavia about what had happened but had decided to keep it between herself and Clarke for now.

 

* * *

 

“Is this seat taken?”

“Oh my god, you didn’t buy...”

“Fucking hell, you did, too?”

“Echo forced me.”

“Bell forced me…”

“They’re pretty though”

“So are yours…”

Anya finally sat down on the chair opposite to Raven’s, laying her bouquet of flowers next to the latina’s. They stared into each other’s eyes for a few seconds without it being awkward before Raven started giggling, immediately making Anya do the same.

“I am so not used to this”, Anya sighed.

“Neither am I”

“I usually just pick up a hottie, have a good night and that’s it, but I don’t know…”, she sighed again.

“I’m another level of hottie, huh?”, Raven said, raising an eyebrow, smiling widely.

Her smile was so beautiful Anya could just fall off her chair and die right here in this restaurant.

“Seems like it.”, she replied coolly, “But you don’t seem to mind the view of me either.”

“How about we put some food in between us so I don’t eat you right here and now.”

Anya blinked a few times before she nodded. Raven knew that habit from Lexa already so she just smiled. “Sounds good.”

 

Raven’s brown eyes were glowing beautifully in the setting sun as they arrived in front of the Griffin-Reyes house. The restaurant hadn’t been far from the house and Lincoln had told Anya about how Raven didn’t like to be in a car so Anya had walked her home.

“This was fun”, Raven grinned and put her hand on Anya’s waist, turning her towards her. They looked into each other’s eyes for a bit, taking in the golden glow in the sea of chocolate coloured eyes. Raven’s eyes darted down to Anya’s lips only a split second before Anya’s did. Raven’s hand pulled at Anya’s waist, making her front fall against Raven’s, their faces now only inches apart. That was it for Anya and she filled the gap, pressing their lips together so that she could feel the warmth and softness of Raven’s lips. They separated again a few moments later and Raven breathed in deeply, breathing in Anya’s sent and the cool but comfortable temperature of early fall.

“Would you maybe like to send Echo somewhere and we could…”, Raven started, her eyes looking drunk off the taste of Anya’s lips.

Anya smiled weakly. She didn’t want Raven to be like any other girl she picked up at parties.

“What if we take this easy?”, Anya asked.

“What?”, Raven asked, still looking a bit dizzy.

“This, us”, Anya explained, almost sounding a bit nervous.

“Oh, so we’re an us already?”, Raven chuckled, raising an eyebrow.

“Maybe.”, Anya shrugged, “If you want us to be.”

“Then we are now.”, Raven decided and kissed Anya again.

“Is it okay though?”, Anya asked as soon as their lips parted again, mumbling into Raven’s face.

“Let’s see how long I can wait.”, Raven chuckled but nodded before giving Anya a last kiss goodbye and leaving towards her house.

 

* * *

 

Friday after school Lexa exited the bus with Clarke, like almost exactly a year earlier, Raven wasn’t with them and, since it was fall again, Clarke jumped into every pile of leaves that crossed her way.

When they entered the house it was empty. Abby was at work again and they didn’t know where Raven was so Clarke grabbed them some food from the fridge and they went upstairs to her room. Clarke let herself drop onto her bed and patted onto it, signalling for Lexa to sit next to her. Lexa did so and started making herself a slice of toast with ham and cheese.

“So what do you want to do for the rest of the afternoon?”, Lexa asked before taking a bite.

Clarke was busy trying to fit as many things as she could between two slices of toast. “Dunno”, she replied, concentrating on lifting her creation towards her mouth without anything falling out. Lexa held Clarke’s plate underneath it just in time to catch the cucumber slice that was falling out. “Thanks”, Clarke said right before the toast found her mouth and she took a big bite.

They finished eating their toasts in silence.

When Lexa was finished, she asked again: “But seriously, what do you want to do?”

“Maybe…”, Clarke looked around the room.

“We could just talk”, Lexa suggested, “That’s what we did last time and I really liked it.” She blushed a little bit.

“Sure”, Clarke smiled, “I could continue telling you things about me and then you could talk about yourself. We could just alternate asking each other stuff.”

“I’d like that”, Lexa admitted, though it made her a bit nervous. What if Clarke didn’t like her anymore after she knew her past? But she decided to brush it off. Clarke seemed eager to get to know her so, if she was that interested, she couldn’t really be disappointed by whatever she got, right?

“Ask me something”, Clarke said in a serious voice that made Lexa’s stomach make a little flip.

“Should I start with something small or…?”

“I don’t like small talk”, Clarke clarified, “You wanna get to know me, so ask me what you wanna know.”

“Okay”, Lexa swallowed, “I’ve noticed you’re living without a dad. Why is that?”

The small smile Clarke had had on her face dropped. “He is dead”, she said, her voice steady.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have started with that question”, Lexa immediately apologised.

“No, no, it’s okay”, Clarke calmed her down, “I told you to ask what you wanted to know.”

Lexa nodded.

“He died about two and a half years ago”, Clarke started, “It was a car accident. It was my mum’s shift in the hospital and she would have had to do the surgery, but when she saw it was my dad she broke down crying. She said she couldn’t move or talk or do anything really. The next available surgeon had to be woken up and even though he came as fast as he could he was too late. My dad died because my mum couldn’t keep her feelings together. I’ve forgiven her, but I think it will take a while before she can fully forgive herself. She took a few months off after the accident, but she couldn’t take sitting at home doing nothing so she went back to the hospital. She isn’t a surgeon anymore, but she takes care of patients of other doctors after the surgeries and other things. What happened with dad made me rethink if I really want to study biology and become a doctor like mum. I think I’ll just become an artist instead.” Lexa had taken Clarke’s hand into her own while she had been talking to calm her down.

“It’s good that you’ve made your own decision about this.”

“Yea”, Clarke was silent for a bit. “What about your father?”

“I’ll start at the very beginning, okay?”

Clarke nodded.

Lexa told her story as if she had written it down somewhere or at least repeated in her head a couple of times before today.

“My father and his first wife Dawa were the stereotypical American couple, even tho Dawa was Tibetan, I think. They met in college, he proposed to her during vacation, they got married, bought a house and had Anya. Everything was good at first but it was always obvious that my father wasn't exactly happy with having a baby girl. Soon he and Anya’s mother started having a lot of fights and when Anya was three he started an affair with a younger woman named Athena he had met at a friend's birthday party he attended alone because they couldn't afford a babysitter for Anya so Dawa had to stay at home. The woman from the party was a sort of rich businesswoman he was impressed by. Their affair went unnoticed for a year but he decided to leave his wife and start a new family. The divorce papers originally had Anya stay with her mother but after the pain of the divorce and her lack of money lead Dawa into alcoholism they made our father her guardian. He wasn't very happy about taking in his daughter again now that his second wife had given birth to the son he had originally wanted but my mother took care of Anya as if she was her own child. Their son, Alex, grew up with a powerful mother, a strong sister and a dad that kept getting angry. That son was me.”

Silence.

Lexa waited for the shock in Clarke’s face, the disappointment, the screaming and running away. But Clarke just nodded, signalling her to continue. 

“Anya told me that the first time she remembers me not wanting to be a boy was on my fifth birthday. Father had taken a photo of the three of us in front of the cake simply saying ‘My wife, my daughter and my son who’s getting closer to becoming a man like me’. According to Anya our father then went away, probably to do something for work, and when the three of us were eating the cake I said: “I don’t wanna be a man like him! I wanna be like you two!” Mum just put it off as me not wanting to be angry so often, but Anya claims she knew what was going on even tho she was only nine. I always wanted to be like her and my mother. Tomboyish but female. My father didn’t like that, he wanted a boy and soon he and mum were having a lot of fights, not only but mainly because of me. And then he left.”

There was a small silence in the room. Clarke still had a lot of questions but she decided to wait until Lexa would tell her on her own. “I’m sorry that happened to you”, she simply said.

“It’s okay. I don’t remember him much anyway.”

“It’s your turn”, Clarke said simply.

“What about Raven?”, Lexa asked now.

“My mum adopted her about half a year after my dad’s death and two months after Wells’”, Clarke explained, “I think she did it to fill the emptiness in the house. I was always closer to my dad than her and that became even more after his death. She couldn’t find a new boyfriend so, when she met Raven in the hospital, I guess she took the opportunity. Raven’s mother had just died from a drug overdose and mum had been taking care of Raven. When she found out Raven had no other family she could stay with she took her in to live with us to fill the emptiness.” Clarke made a short break in her story. “This sounds so much worse than it was”, she then continued, “My mum loves Raven, she really does. They get along really well and, after the thing with Finn, Raven and I have become best friends, too.”

“What happened with that Finn guy?”, Lexa wanted to know. “I know you’ve told me some of it, but what happened before that?”

“Him and Raven had been dating in middle school, but then he moved, went to my high school when Raven went to another and he just thought he wouldn’t see her again so he started dating me. But when we adopted Raven, mum thought it would be easier for us to go to the same school so then we found out that we both thought we were dating the same guy. At first, we got into a bunch of fights, but then we both broke up with him and that was it. We became friends afterwards and stayed friends with him as much as possible.”

Again there was silence. Clarke didn’t want to ask but Lexa could see the questions in her eyes. “You wanna know why I live with my aunt and not my mum”, she stated.

“Yea…”, Clarke admitted.

“When I was 10 my mum killed herself.” Now there was shock and pity in Clarke’s eyes. “I still don’t really know why. She was a hardworking business woman with her own company, I think, so she was in a lot of stress. When dad left that must have pushed her into even more depression. To us, she was always nice. Of course, Anya remembers more than I do, but I remember mum playing with me in the garden.” Lexa was smiling a bit and it flooded Clarke’s whole body with a feeling of being at peace. “She always seemed happy when she was around us, apart from a few times when I was up too late and I saw her come home exhaustedly. After school, we were at Lincoln’s often, especially after dad left. His brother Byron, Lincoln’s dad, left soon after him, because he, too, apparently thought, his son was ‘too much of a pussy’, as they put it. Amanda and my mum bonded over their hatred towards them, so mum often left us with our aunt’s in the afternoon. So when she died it was obvious that Amanda would take us in.”

“She seems like a really nice person”, Clarke smiled. 

“She is!”, Lexa agreed, “She is the best.”

Again there was a short silence before Clarke asked: “Do you want to tell me about your transition?”

“Sure”, Lexa smiled. She liked that she could finally talk about these things with someone again. “When I hit puberty I started to develop male secondary sex characteristics. I never felt dysphoric or anything, I just felt like they didn’t belong to me, that that wasn’t the body I was supposed to have.”

“I’ve read that some people who are trans don’t have dysphoria, but I mean, just let the people have the body they want.”, Clarke shrugged. “People have boobjobs and fat sucked from their hips to feel more comfortable with their body. I’m glad I’m okay with the shape my body has, but if someone doesn’t feel good about their body and there is a way to make them feel better then why stop them?”

Lexa smiled. She was relieved she didn’t have to explain it and that Clarke understood it so well.

“So, at the beginning of puberty, I felt like I could just live with the way my body was”

Clarke could tell from the way Lexa was speaking, that she was getting more comfortable around her, which made her happy.

“But when I told my then best friend and girlfriend Costia about how I felt, she told me that she completely understood and that i should tell my aunt about it, which I did after Costia helped me prepare for it. Amanda took me to a doctor who told us I was trans and that, if I wanted to, I could take E and look more feminine. Of course, since I was already almost 15 by then and had gone through a big part of puberty, I had some male characteristics like a voice that was a bit deeper, but most of it is going away by now. Luckily I hadn’t started growing a beard yet, because apparently, that takes a bit longer to go away. My breasts are still growing though. The doctor said they will stop growing in about a year or two.” Clarke caught herself looking at Lexa’s body, thinking about what the doctor had said and wondering what Lexa looked like underneath her shirt. Not in a creepy way of course, just… for aesthetic reasons… as an artist… “I had always wanted to be a woman so after a lot of thinking I decided to be like Anya and my mum: a woman but a bit tomboyish. So I started to take E and on my 15th birthday legally changed my name to Lexa. Of course, I could have stuck with the unisex name Alex but it reminded me of the boy my dad had wanted me to be so I didn’t like it anymore”

“I like Lexa”, Clarke smiled.

“The person or the name?”, Lexa laughed, which made both of them blush a little.

“Both?”, Clarke shrugged.

They smiled at each other for a while, taking in the feeling of comfort and calm they gave each other.

“I wish my mother could see me now.”, Lexa admitted after a while. “Maybe her life was harsh, but she should have survived.”

“Maybe life should be about more than just surviving.”, Clarke whispered, careful not to hurt Lexa with her words. “Don’t we all deserve better than that?”

Something inside Lexa’s head seemed to klick.

“Maybe we do”

And with that, Lexa placed the palm of her hand in the hair on Clarke’s neck, pulled the girl closer until her lips finally found the lips she had been staring at for so long. They were even softer than they looked and tasted so uniquely like Clarke that it overwhelmed Lexa completely. Clarke pushed into the kiss as if to taste Lexa even more, to take her in fully. They lost themselves in the kiss and it felt like ages had passed at the same time as less than half a second had gone by when they finally let go of each other’s lips. But by then they were already addicted. Their noses brushed against each other as they changed the angle of the kiss and continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope yall like the dynamics between everyone in this chapter.  
> What do you think of the ending?


	6. Discoveries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING  
> for mentions of past self-harm.

“Holy fucking hell, Anya”, Raven moaned as her head fell back onto the pillow, her forehead sweaty and her cheeks red. “Your fingers are magical!”

“Wanna feel my tongue next?”, Anya suggested in a seductive voice but with a facial expression as if she had just asked what Raven wanted for dinner.

“How about you try mine?”, Raven countered, spinning Anya’s body around, making her back hit the mattress. She started to kiss Anya’s boob but the older woman moved away from her lips.

“Not tonight”, Anya whispered, suddenly not sounding seductive anymore.

“You said that the last five times as well”, Raven said worriedly, “and that’s been spread over three months because of work and school so you can’t blame it on your period.”

“It’s not that”, Anya assured her while starting to put her panties back on.

“Then what is it? ‘Cause we both know you think I’m hot as fuck!”, Raven joked but Anya could see in her eyes that she was genuinely concerned. Since Anya didn’t reply, Raven decided to slowly keep asking questions so Anya would just have to nod or shake her head. “Is it because something happened to you in your past?”, she tried.

“No”, Anya whispered. “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?”, Raven was whispering, too, afraid she would scare Anya away if she talked louder than her. This woman who seemed as strong as a warrior princess outside was now sitting in her bed, looking as if she wanted to hide underneath it.

“I don’t know why I’m like this”

“Like what?”, Raven crawled just a little bit closer to her.

“I don’t know…”, Anya sighed, “I just don’t really feel like having sex, like, almost ever”

“Do you mean you’re asexual?”

“I don’t know.. Hell I hate not knowing stuff”

“Hey, it’s okay. Explain to me what you do know.”, Raven put a hand on Anya’s shoulder to calm her down and Anya let her. “You said _almost_ never, when do you feel like it?

“I don’t know, like sometimes during sex scenes in movies I want that too but then when it actually comes to doing it, I don’t.”

“Okay, I won’t pressure you into doing anything you don’t want.”, Raven promised.

“Thank you”, Anya smiled a little, “Until now I’ve only had one to maybe three-night stands and those pillow princesses loved that I told them to go to sleep after I did them and they wouldn’t have to work.”

Raven laughed. “Yeah, I can picture that. You definitely are good enough to fuck someone so exhausted they would fall asleep immediately after you pull out.”

“Well, thank you” Anya fully smiled now and even though her eyes were still a little wet Raven loved this view.

“But if you don’t like sex, why did you fuck so many people?”, Raven asked, a caring look in her eyes.

“I never said I didn’t like fucking people”, Anya explained slowly, “I just don’t want people fucking me.”

Raven nodded understandingly.

“But I certainly do like fucking you”, Anya smiled, “So you might get to enjoy it more often now.”

“I would love that”, Raven smiled back, “and tell me if you’re ever ready to experience my art as well”

It was that day in mid-May again. This year it was a Saturday.

Raven had gotten up early to make breakfast for the two Griffins so that they wouldn’t have to worry about it.

When they came downstairs she gave both of them a hug. Raven didn’t usually hug much, but a day like this deserved the effort.

“I will be at Marcus’ in an hour.”, Abby declared while drinking her first cup of coffee. She was almost as much of a coffee addict as Clarke.

“Lexa will be here by then”, Clarke mumbled into her mug.

“I’ll go to Anya’s to give you two some privacy.

“Poor Echo”, Clarke managed to smile, which caused relief in both Abby and Raven.

“Nah I think she’s at Bellamy’s often lately.”, Raven shrugged.

“Poor Octavia then”, Abby commented, a weak smile on her lips.

“Oh, she’s probably at Lincoln’s”, Clarke clarified.

“Poor Amanda”, Raven shrugged.

“God we’re evil”, Clarke sighed.

“A cycle of horror”, Abby agreed. “Isn’t Lincoln’s mother friends with the coach though?”, she then asked.

“Yea I thin Lexa has mentioned that.”, Clarke thought out loud.

“Really?”, Raven asked, confused why she didn’t remember. She must have just said it to Clarke only, she thought.

An hour later Clarke and Lexa were sitting in Clarke’s room. Lexa was giving her girlfriend (she always got butterflies in her stomach when they called each other that) comforting little kisses all over her face.

“What do you want to watch?”, she asked in between kisses.

“Actually…”, Clarke started, blushing a little, “Can we maybe talk about him for a bit?”

“Of course, whatever you need, babe.”, Lexa nodded and put her arm on Clarke’s shoulder.

“I just think he would have really liked you”, Clarke smiled weakly. “I think in some alternate universe where he survived the crash or hadn’t even gotten into an accident…”, she swallowed away her tears, “I think you could have become best friends.”

“I wish I’d known him”

“You would have loved his pancakes!”, Clarke smiled at the memory.

Abby and Marcus were sitting at his kitchen table, eating pancakes that were almost as good as Jake’s had been, and played chess. Jake had always been better than both of them. In college, they had secretly met up to practice, but he had always defeated them anyway.

“This is practice”, Marcus had said when he had taken out the chess board out of a cupboard. “For when we see him again.”

Abby had smiled with teary eyes. Marcus knew she didn’t really believe in heaven that much, but he could see she loved the gesture.

“Thank you”, she had whispered.

They played for hours while Clarke and Lexa were talking about what they remembered about Jake and, since Clarke had asked about her, Athena. Both Griffin women were starting to feel like it was going to be okay again.

Clarke was just about to fall asleep when she felt Lexa trembling beside her. She immediately opened her eyes and sat up cross-legged to see what was wrong. Lexa was rolled up in a fetal position and she was shaking like a leaf. When Clarke started stroking her arm, Lexa made herself even smaller. Her hands were now covering her face as if to hide from Clarke. “Shhhh babe”, Clarke tried to soothe her girlfriend, “what’s wrong?”

Lexa didn’t reply. Clarke grew more and more worried because Lexa’s trembling had increased. She tried to roll her girlfriend around to have her look at her but when she stroked Lexa’s cheek to turn her face towards herself she felt dampness on the brunette’s skin. “Babe, it’s okay”, she whispered, “It’s okay to cry.”

Lexa now turned around, though still not letting Clarke see her face. Instead she buried it into Clarke’s belly. Not knowing what else to do Clarke just sat there for a while, stroking Lexa’s hair, mumbling soothing words and calming sounds. After a while, she encouraged Lexa to sit up and to her surprise Lexa did. She now sat with her back turned to Clarke but she was still trembling and her breathing was way too fast. “Breathe, baby”, Clarke continued and stroked Lexa’s back up and down in the rhythm she wanted Lexa to breathe in. It didn’t work. She could hear small sobs escaping Lexa’s mouth. “No no no, baby, it’s okay, you’re okay!” Clarke threw her arms around Lexa but she kept sobbing in her embrace, the sobs even grew louder. Clarke held Lexa close to her torso before she had an idea. “I know what we can do! If you don’t feel like you can tell me what’s wrong, maybe you can write it down and I’ll read it. Do you think you can do that?” She felt Lexa shrug. “Okay, I’ll be right back!” She rolled back on her side of the bed to get her phone. She opened her chat with Lexa and handed the phone to her. Lexa took it and with slightly trembling hands slowly began typing. She gave it to back to Clarke a few moments later and patiently waited while she read just like Clarke had when she had written it.

_I’m scared, Clarke. I’m so scared. You simply are too good to be true! I know that sounds like a good thing, but.. With Costia I always kind of knew it wouldn’t work out because we were so different but with you.. We like the same things and laugh at the same things and when one of us shows the other something she didn’t know before, she loves it almost every time! And I let myself love you even tho my body tells me it’s dangerous because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But what if I don’t get to do that? What if I fuck this up and we both get hurt? We’ve both been left behind so often and I can’t do that to you but what if I do? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Maybe Titus was right and love really is weakness…_

Clarke threw the phone onto the pillows once she’d finished reading and threw herself onto Lexa, embracing her fully, letting her tears soak her shirt. When she felt Lexa’s tears become less and Lexa’s breathing to slowly get back to normal, she pulled back and blue eyes looked into green. “Lex, where in your body would you say love is located?”, Clarke asked, causing Lexa to blink in confusion. After Clarke nodded encouragingly Lexa placed her hand on her own chest, not saying anything, just curious about where Clarke was going with this. “Okay, and where is strength?”, Clarke asked. Lexa lifted her hand for a second, thinking, but then placed it at the same spot as before. “See?”, Clarke smiled, “If love and strength are located at the same spot, how could one be the same as the other’s opposite?”

Lexa smiled back at her slightly and after a second couldn’t help but lean forward and kiss the blonde. When they separated Lexa whispered: “Love is strength?” There was only the tiniest questioning tone it so Clarke nodded and whispered back.

“Love is strength.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Can I have a whiskey, please?”, Octavia asked, letting herself fall onto a bar stool.

“I don’t know, can you?”, the bartender, a woman who was just a few years older than O, probably just old enough to be working at this bar, asked. She was pretty, had her dark blonde hair in many small braids and then bound together in a ponytail and a polite smile on her face.

“Oh, come on”, Octavia sighed. The woman noticed she had already drunk something because of the lazy way she was talking and how she was slouching on the stool.

“Where did you get alcohol from?”, the bartender asked.

Octavia smiled weakly. “My brother’s room”, she explained, “I know his hiding spot. Which is not that hard when a mattress and a nightstand are the only furniture in the room.”

“How about you tell me why you want to drink so badly.”, the young woman suggested and quickly told an older man, who was with her at the bar, that he would have to take over. “I’m Niylah by the way.”

“Octavia”

They sat down at a table close to the bar and Niylah gave Octavia a glass of water.

“Now tell me, what’s wrong?”

“Why would I tell you?”, Octavia asked, drinking a sip from the water and then two more.

“Because it’s always better to talk about things than to try to drink them away.”

“Says the woman who sells alcohol.”, Octavia chuckled before emptying the glass of water.

Niylah smiled. “That’s true. But I don’t drink much myself.”, she explained, “It’s my dad’s bar.”

Octavia didn’t say anything, so Niylah asked again. “Why do you want to drink alcohol?”

“Because of my boyfriend.”, Octavia started.

“What did he do?”

“Nothing”, Octavia chuckled.

“I don’t understand”, Niylah said confusedly.

“There’s something I haven’t told him”, Octavia started, “I haven’t shown him…”

“And you’re scared of how he will react?”

Octavia nodded. “Well, he’s a nice guy, so I really don’t have a reason to be scared but…”

“But?”

“I may be ashamed”

“That’s okay.”, Niylah comforted her, “Can you tell me?”

Octavia shrugged. Then, after she had looked around, she slightly lifted her shirt, revealing some old scars on her hip.

“Oh”

“Yea”

“But hey”, Niylah started and slowly stretched out her arm to stroke Octavia’s shoulder, testing her reaction. Octavia let her do it and let herself sink into the touch a bit. “You were able to show me, a stranger.”

“Because I’m not scared of losing you.”

“Yea, but you said your boyfriend is a nice guy.”

“He is”, Octavia smiled at the thought of Lincoln.

“Do you really think he will treat you differently after he finds out?”

“I don’t want him to pity me.”

“Then tell him that. He knows you’re strong and, if he’s the right guy, he’ll see that having survived that part of your life only makes you a stronger person now.”

“How do you know I’m strong?”

“Physically: Have you seen your arms?”

Octavia chuckled a little.

“And mentally, I can tell just from your eyes and, as I said, having survived that…”, she pointed at Octavia’s hip, “You’re a warrior.”

_Babe, can you come over?_

_Bell is at Echo’s I think_

_Sure_

_Is everything okay?_

_Linc just come over pls_

“Are you drunk?”, Lincoln asked instead of a greeting when he saw the glassy eyes of his girlfriend when she opened the door

“Not that much anymore.”, Octavia sighed, walking towards the living room, which was also her bedroom.

“What happened?”, Lincoln asked, walking after her quickly, maybe so he could catch her in case she fell. But she just let herself fall onto the couch.

“I need to show you something.”

“Okay” Lincoln sat down next to the younger girl on the couch.

“I was worried you’d see it before I was ready or I’d forget about it and let you shower with me after a jog or…”, Octavia was rambling, but halted for a few seconds as she saw her boyfriend’s worried eyes. “And I know you wouldn’t but for some reason, my brain thought you’d leave if you knew and I couldn’t…”, she started crying, “I can’t… you can’t… I” Lincoln had opened his arms as an offer for her to lean against his chest, which she now dod, falling against him and soaking his shirt immediately.

Lincoln didn’t say anything even though he was burning to know what had his girlfriend so worried and upset.

After a while Octavia had calmed down and sat back up. They looked into each other’s eyes as slowly, like with Niylah earlier, Octavia lifted the side of her shirt.

Shock, worry, understanding. Those were the expressions Octavia saw in Lincoln’s eyes before he wrapped his arms around her again, holding her body against his, tightly, as if to keep her safe.

“They’re old”, Octavia whispered after a few seconds of quiet. “I haven’t done it in a while.”

Lincoln just nodded against her shoulder.

“Most of them are from when my mum kept me in the house.” Lincoln knew the story. Octavia had told him about how her mother hadn’t allowed her to leave the house until, when Octavia was 12, the police found out about her and arrested her mother. He knew Aurora Blake had committed suicide in her prison cell soon after and her children had bought this apartment with the little money they had had. Octavia and Lincoln had been dating for almost two years now and even though they were extremely attracted to each other and had sexted a little, they had yet to see each other fully naked. Lincoln had sensed that Octavia didn’t want too much physical contact, especially not on naked skin, and Octavia had sensed Lincoln wanted to wait for her to be ready.

“Some are from the beginning of school because some people were bullying me and I didn’t know how to fit in until Clarke became my friend and then Jasper, Monty and the others.”

“You won’t lose me”, Lincoln suddenly said.

“What?”, Octavia asked, not having expected Lincoln to speak.

“You won’t lose me”, he repeated, “I love you too much, I couldn’t bear to be without you.”

“I love you so much”, Octavia replied.

The kiss was soft at first. Soft and telling. Telling all the stories from their past, imagining those of their shared future. The kiss got more and more heated until they were on top of each other. They looked into each other’s eyes and saw lust and love mixed together. Octavia stole one of the many condoms she knew her brother hid in his room and, before they really started, they took in the sight of the other’s body. Octavia traced the form of the tattoo Lincoln had on his chest and Lincoln kissed Octavia’s hip gently, showing her how much he loved her body even though it had scars, or maybe even more so because of it. They had gentle, soft and caring sex on the couch first, always careful not to hurt the other, always more aware of what they wanted the other to feel than what they felt themselves. Then Lincoln wanted to carry Octavia to the bed, but instead she guided them towards the wall. They didn’t care about neighbours who would hear them anymore. Two years of seeing small parts of each other’s skin had been enough, so now their hands were all over each other, all they wanted was to feel and to let the other feel how much they cared, how much they wanted, how much they loved each other and they never wanted to stop.

 

* * *

 

 

“Raven, Clarke?”, Abby’s voice came from the front door, “Can you come downstairs, I need to talk to you.” Then there was a short whisper.

“Coming, mum!”, came from upstairs, then loud footsteps down the stairs.

When Raven and Clarke arrived in the living room they not only found Abby sitting there, but also her close friend Marcus Kane. Clarke had known him ever since she could remember, since he had been a friend of both her parents. He and Abby had gotten closer after Jake’s death so Raven knew the man as well.

The atmosphere in the room felt nervous, but a bit excited.

“Babies, sit down please.”, Abby said, pointing to the two chairs opposite to the sofa she and Marcus were sitting on.

“Did something happen?”, Clarke asked suspiciously, raising an eyebrow, looking back and forth between Marcus and her mum.

Raven could feel it were good news they were going to tell them and from the way the two were sitting, she had a feeling what it might be. And she was right.

“Girls”, Abby started, “Marcus and I are dating.”

Clarke looked surprised at first, but then happy. Raven looked triumphant, mentally high fiving herself for having been right.

“Congratulations you two!”, Raven smiled, nodding happily onto both their directions.

“Congrats!”, Clarke said before embracing both adults with a big hug.

“You’re okay with it?”, Marcus asked, blinking a bit surprised, but happy.

“Of course I am.”, Clarke smiled, “I want to see my mum happy and I know you can make her that.”

“And we were so nervous”, Abby chuckled, looking at her boyfriend, relief in her eyes.

Marcus leaned forward a bit to give her a small peck on the lips. When they parted again, they saw both Raven and Clarke had furrowed their eyebrows a little.

“Yea I do need to get used to that though.”, Clarke said.

Abby sighed, seeing Clarke and Raven in their graduation robes.

 

* * *

 

 

“Remember her first day of school?”, Marcus asked, standing between her and Bellamy, who looked a bit out of place in the middle of all the parents.

“I do”, Abby chuckled, “Jake had to tickle her awake three times before she was finally downstairs.”

“Good thing they invented coffee”, Bellamy commented, “Otherwise she wouldn’t have made it till graduation.”

“Probably not”, Abby chuckled.

“Are you talking about us?”, Clarke asked, an eyebrow raised as she made her way from her friends to the adults.

“Not at all”, Marcus lied, with with a smile on his face that told Clarke immediately that they had been talking about her.

“Hey Raven”, Abby said to her adoptive daughter who was arriving right after Clarke with Octavia, “Do you remember your first day at school?”

“I remember mine”, Octavia bragged.

“Not hard when it was seven years after ours.”, Clarke rolled her eyes jokingly.

“I actually don’t remember mine”, Raven said, visibly trying very hard to remember, “I just remember my mum said afterwards that I was way too polite to everyone.”

“You and polite?”, Anya, who was now joining with Lincoln, who was immediately greeted by Octavia’s kisses, grinned.

Bellamy chuckled and Raven just shrugged.

“Where’d you leave my girlfriend?”, Bellamy asked Anya.

“You have a girlfriend?”, Marcus asked, sounding happy for the young man.

“Yes, finally”, Raven commented.

“She’s here”, Echo announced herself, appearing behind Anya and immediately giving her boyfriend a kiss.

“Hey babe”, Bellamy smiled against her lips.

“Disgusting”, Octavia commented before kissing her boyfriend, though, other than Bellamy, she kissed Lincoln with tongue. Everyone chuckled or rolled their eyes.

A few steps away Titus found his former student watching the friends she had made in the past two years.

“Lexa”, he greeted her with a simple nod.

“Sir”, Lexa replied, immediately back in the mask being around her former principal forced her to hide behind.

“I see the way you look at her.” Titus nodded into Clarke’s direction.

Lexa was quiet in response.

“Costia distracted you then and her leaving brought you off track for weeks if not months.”

Lexa just looked at him, mask on her face, her eyes unreadable to him.

“Don’t make the same mistake again, Lexa”, he said, still waiting for her reaction, “You have great potential, don’t let love get in the way of your success.”

She still didn’t react.

“Luna let herself be distracted for reasons that aren’t important for you to know. She failed to live up to her potential. Don’t be as stupid as she was. Love is weakness.”

“I will not hear this again”, Lexa finally replied. “I’m finished with school. You have no power over me anymore.” Before Titus could reply, Lexa saw her aunt arrive with a tall man with a long beard. “I have people to greet”, she said, nodding her head goodbye and leaving Titus to stand alone.

After she had distanced herself a few steps she started getting faster and finally jumped into the man’s arms like a little child.

“Gustus!”, she squeaked. Even Clarke, watching her girlfriend from a few feet away, was surprised by how much happiness she was expressing.

Gustus didn’t seem to have expected this either, but as soon as he realised what had happened, he wrapped his arms around the girl. Lincoln and Anya excused themselves as well to say hi to the man.

“I’ve missed you”, Lincoln admitted as he hugged Gustus.

“I missed you, too, guys”, the older man smiled, “But you know how it is.”

“We know. ‘Only special occasions’”, Anya quoted Gustus from the past.

Gustus was working for a bodyguard company that sent him all around the world to protect famous people so he didn’t have many opportunities to take a day off.

 

* * *

 

 

After the ceremony everyone met up in the Griffin-Reyes house. The whole Woods family including Nyko, Echo and Gustus, the Greens, McIntyres, Jordans, Vies and Murphy with his new girlfriend Emori, none of the friends had seen before, were all squeezed into kitchen and living room so that soon the newly graduated excused themselves and their partners to go out to party without adult supervision.

“I can’t believe how old they’ve gotten”, Gustus said to Amanda, who chuckled.

“I had the same conversation with Indra last year and now another year has passed.”

“The next time I’ll see them will be their weddings, then their kids’ birthdays”, Gustus sighed.

“Oh stop it”, Vincent Vie, Maya’s father, joined in, “I can’t even think about that right now.”

“They’re getting old so quickly and it always makes me realise how old I’m becoming”, Abby agreed.

“You’ll be a grandma soon”, Marcus chuckled, which earned him his girlfriend’s elbow in his side.

“I give them three years tops”, Gustus betted, causing Vincent, Abby and Amanda to shush him at the same time.

“A toast to having survived school”, Octavia shouted, raising her glass. She had convinced everyone to go to Niylah’s bar and everyone seemed to get along with her really well. The bartender had smiled at Octavia so proudly when she had told her about Lincoln’s reaction and about the fact that she had just graduated high school.

“To all of you finally being free as well”, Anya raised her glass as well.

“To never seeing Mr Pike’s face again”, Harper laughed.

“To Jasper becoming a teacher himself so he can do better than our teachers”, Maya added.

“To Maya who is going to become a famous gallery owner someday”, her boyfriend smiled and kissed her.

“To hopefully, hopefully, hopefully”, Raven crossed her fingers, closed her eyes as if in prayers and held her hands high into the air, “getting accepted by Nasa.”

“To my boy finally having found other friends than just me and having convinced such a wonderful girl to like him”, Nyko, who had talked to Monty about healing plants the whole way to the bar, commented while bumping his best friend’s shoulder.

“To my sister and Lincoln soon, maybe, probably, opening up their own fitness studio so I can come work out there for free, hopefully”, Bellamy said with a pleading smile towards the two.

“Oh, can I do that, too?”, Lexa whispered into her cousin’s direction, who just smiled and shrugged.

“To Murphy finally having scored a girl.”, Monty chuckled.

“He didn’t score me, he is just lucky that he is handsome enough for me to date him.”, Emori clarified.

“That’s the spirit”, Finn, who Raven had invited to not exclude him, chuckled.

“Did you know he can cook?”, Emori started to brag.

“Did not know that”, Clarke replied, eying Murphy curiously, wondering what else she didn’t know about him.

“Guess now you want a bite, Griffin, huh?”, Murphy joked.

“Nah, mine’s better”, she replied, kissing Lexa on the cheek.

“Can we drink now? My arm is tired!”, Anya asked in an annoyed tone, causing everyone to laugh before they brought their drinks to their lips.

“Welcome to adulthood”, Echo said as soon as all her glass was back on the table. “It sucks, you’re gonna love it.”

Everyone but Finn, who still hadn’t watched Friends despite everyone telling him to, laughed.

Raven looked around, watching her friends fall into chatter within smaller groups. “This better be good”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School is over!!! What do you think everyone will do now?


	7. lake

It was a late afternoon in mid-August. The whole gang was on their way to celebrate their new freedom. Six motorcycles followed by three cars heading towards a lake Clarke knew from her childhood. She had assured a very excited Octavia that there were many fishes in the lake so the Blakes brought fishing gear. Abby and Clarke had taken Raven to the lake once before so she was leading the way.

“We need music!”, Clarke decided. She was riding shotgun with Lexa being the driver of Anya’s car she had to promise three times not to wreck. They had most of the camping equipment in their back because the other two cars (Harper’s with Monty, Jasper, Maya and Nyko and Finn’s sports car with Murphy and Emori) were too full with people.

“Turn on whatever”, Lexa said with a weak smile, seemingly deep in her thoughts.

“Duh, shotgun always gets to pick!”, Clarke chuckled before noticing the concentrated look on her girlfriend’s face. “What is it?”, she asked.

“I don’t know where to go from here.”, Lexa sighed.

“What do you mean?”

“School is over and I don’t know what to do now.”, she explained.

“You can worry about that later, babe!”, Clarke put her hand on Lexa’s shoulder before pressing play on her phone and “Party in the USA” started blasting out of the car speakers.

Lexa looked at Clarke for half a second and had to smile at how overenthusiastically she was singing along.

 

* * *

 

“I swear we were over the speed limit more than half the time!”, Emori complained as soon as she exited the car.

“Yea you were totally speeding!”, Harper agreed.

“But it was fun!”, Finn grinned and high fived Murphy.

“I don’t care who was speeding, we’re here now!”, Clarke said excitedly and started walking towards a small trail between the trees at the side of the parking lot that only barely fit all their vehicles.

Octavia and Maya followed her while the others started unpacking their things from the cars.

They had to walk through a bit of woods before they could finally see the clearing at the shore of the lake that they would be staying at for two nights.

“This is beautiful!”, Maya immediately said, her mouth and eyes wide open in admiration.

“I know, right?”, Clarke agreed, turning around to see the others following right behind them with all the camping gear.

Octavia chuckled at a thought she had and quickly started taking off her biker clothes, leaving her in only a top and panties. The others looked confused and some even in awe of her beautiful body.

“Octavia, seriously?”, Bellamy rolled his eyes, foreseeing what his little sister was about to do, but just a second later she was already on her way into the lake. The water splashed around her ankles, then her knees as she ran through the low water in up to her bellybutton.

Lincoln looked at the others for a second before deciding to take off everything but his boxer shorts and run after his girlfriend.

“Oh my god, Clarke, you were right!”, Octavia exclaimed excitedly, pointing at something in the water. “Fish!”

Clarke chuckled and decided to follow her friends into the water. Soon Murphy, Emori, Finn, Harper, Jasper, Maya and, after his best friend and girlfriend had convinced him, Monty followed as well.

Lexa, Anya, Echo, Bellamy, Raven and Nyko, on the other hand, decided to start assembling the tents. Nyko was an experienced camper so by the time the others finally came out of the water, they were already finished with half the tents.

With the help of the others, the last few tents and a fireplace were soon finished as well and everyone was ready for the evening.

 

* * *

 

Two hours later Octavia, Bellamy and Lincoln had each caught a fish, Harper had taken out the twist bread dough she had prepared at home, some of the other food they had brought had been placed around the fire and Nyko and Finn had insisted on carrying big stones from the water so that they could sit on them.

All sixteen of them were now seated around the campfire. Some had placed blankets or pillows on their stones because they were a little cold, but some, especially Anya, who had jokingly called them pussies, didn’t.

“I still can’t believe school is over.”, Monty brought the conversation he had had with Octavia while she had been fishing, into the big group.

“You’ll get used to it”, Anya commented, earning nods from both Bellamy and Echo.

“I still haven’t”, Lincoln shrugged.

“Yea because for you it’s only been a year.”, Echo commented.

“Plus you were waiting for your high school girlfriend to be finished with school”, Bellamy added.

“That’s true”, Octavia shrugged.

“How are the plans for the fitness studio?”, Jasper asked Octavia and Lincoln.

“I was talking to Niylah about it last week and she says we should do it”, Octavia said, smiling proudly at her boyfriend.

“You’ve been getting really close to her, huh?”, Clarke asked.

“Does Lincoln have to be worried?”, Raven added with a grin and an eyebrow wiggle.

“Nah, he’s perfect”, Octavia smiled and gave him a small peck, “She is great helping me though, seriously, I can talk to her about anything, she’s amazing!”

“Now I feel like he does have to be worried”, Finn chuckled. Raven and Clarke shared a quick look but no one seemed to notice.

“Anyway”, Octavia changed the topic, “What are all your plans for the future, except Jasper, I know yours.”

“Still think it’s weird you wanna go back to school.”, Raven commented.

“Well, I’ll show those bastards how to do it right!”, he declared.

“Gotta work on your language till then though”, Monty joked.

“You’re starting to sound like your girlfriend”, Raven rolled her eyes and then again another eye roll when she saw her comment had caused Monty and Harper to start to make out.

“Speaking of me cheating though”, Octavia brought the topic from earlier back, to the surprise of some.

“Yes?”, Lincoln asked with a small chuckle.

“Did I ever tell you guys I once had a crush on him?”, she asked with a nod into Finn’s direction without addressing him.

“Wait, what?”, both Clarke and Raven asked, causing both of them to laugh and Finn to blush a little.

“Yea for like three days at the beginning of high school”, Octavia laughed with her friends.

“Three days doesn’t count”, Emori commented.

“Oh come on, as if you knew him longer when you started dating.”, Bellamy chuckled, pointing at Murphy.

“I did, actually”, Emori replied.

“Where the fuck do you know each other from?”, Raven asked with multiple question marks in her voice, but Emori and Murphy just smiled at each other and then shrugged.

“Guess you’ll never know”, Murphy grinned.

 

* * *

 

Another hour of eating and chatting had passed, some were leaning against their partners, too tired to hold up their heads on their own. But Anya and Echo had given everyone who wanted one a beer so they had stayed around the campfire.

“Can one of you please paint this tomorrow?”, Maya asked.

“I don’t have paint with me”, Lincoln said with an apologetic look.

“Me neither”, Clarke shrugged, “But I could take a picture and paint it at home afterwards.”

“Definitely do that”, Monty said, his dark eyes reflecting the moon that was shining brightly over the lake. Its light was also reflected in the water, glittering into all directions because of the waves.

“It looks as if it was from another planet”, Emori sighed, taking in the hills fill with forest all around the lake.

Murphy got up, pulled the ends of his pants up to his knees and went into the shallow water, sitting down on one of the rocks that had been too big for Finn and Nyko to carry.

Clarke suddenly noticed that Lexa hadn’t said anything at all ever since they had sat down. While the others were following Murphy to the water she decided to ask her girlfriend.

“Everything alright? You’re not very talkative tonight.”

“Too many people”, Lexa whispered back, watching the others splashing each other with water like little children.

“I know, it can be a lot”, Clarke sighed and got Lexa to look into her eyes. She looked tired.

“I’ll go to bed”, she declared.

“Okay”, Clarke nodded and Lexa got up. Clarke touched her girlfriend’s hand to get her attention once more. “You’d tell me if something wasn’t okay, right, my girl?”

She said the last two words very softly as if to help Lexa just with them. But Lexa just nodded and went to their tent.

  


She laid down on the thin camping mat and got into her sleeping bag. She closed it and went in as far as possible so that it was now covering her from nose to feet. She wasn’t calm enough to just close her eyes and sleep, instead, she just stared at the tent’s roof for a while, deep in her thoughts and mad at herself to not be able to have fun with the others who she could still hear talking and laughing outside.

After a while, Lexa had no clue what time it was but it had been dark for hours now, she heard everyone say goodnight and Clarke’s feet approaching their tent.

Lexa pretended to be asleep so that Clarke wouldn’t try to talk to her. She didn’t feel like talking at all.

So Clarke just gave her girlfriend a small kiss on the forehead and went to sleep herself.

While they could hear some of the other couples, namely very loudly Raven and Bellamy (Anya and Echo seemed to be really good at what they were doing), have sex, Clarke was falling asleep and a tear was falling from Lexa’s eye.

 

* * *

 

“Wake up suckers, sun is up so you’re supposed to be, too!”, Echo shouted, standing in the middle of the clearing so that her voice would reach every tent.

“Finally someone who understands me!”, Raven shouted from her tent, accidentally waking Anya up in the process.

“Shut the fuck up”, her girlfriend groaned and turned around, putting a pillow on her head so she wouldn’t hear Raven’s giggles anymore.

“Weird people”, Raven sighed while crawling out of her tent, earning an agreeing nod from Echo.

“If you make just one more sound”, they heard Murphy’s voice from the tent he shared with his girlfriend, “I will end you.”

“He means that in a non-criminal way”, Emori’s voice clarified sleepily.

“Sure”, Raven chuckled. She looked over the lake for a few seconds, taking in the fresh air of the morning and the still a bit misty woods on the other side of the water.

Echo could see Raven had an idea because her eyes were glowing excitedly and full of mischief. She looked at Echo with those eyes, a smirk on her lips, then to the water, the tents and back at Echo. The young woman understood.

They collected some of the empty beer bottles still lying around where they had built themselves a fireplace and washed them in the lake before filling them with the cold water.

“Who?”, Echo whispered.

“Anya and Bell”, Raven smirked.

“Which one do you want?”

“I’ll take Bell, he’s less likely to kill me.”, Raven grinned.

“Thanks so I’m the one who gets killed or what?”, Echo pretended to be offended.

“You let me choose”, Raven shrugged before walking towards Bellamy’s and Echo’s tent.

 

Half a minute later everyone was awake. Bellamy’s surprisingly high pitched shriek and Anya’s “I will fucking drown you in your own blood you monster!” had woken them up so they were now crawling out of their tents like zombies rising from the dead.

 

“Why are you doing this to us?”, Harper complained, her eyes half closed and her walking looking as though she could fall into the sand any second.

“So we have more of the day!”, Raven replied, fully awake and a proud smile on her face. She was standing as far away from Bellamy as possible, hiding a bit behind his maybe sleepwalking sister just to make sure he wouldn’t kill her.

“Please tell me you packed more coffee than what Clarke’s about to drink”, Octavia begged nobody in particular.

“Don’t worry, I did”, Maya smiled, looking at least a little bit awake.

“I’ll put the fire back on so we can heat the water!”, Jasper volunteered. He even seemed about as awake as Echo and Raven did.

“That take long?”, Clarke mumbled but nobody really heard her because she wasn’t talking loud enough.

“What?”, Finn asked from the other side of their campfire.

“That take long?”, she repeated, not very much louder than before.

Since Finn and the others still looked like they hadn’t understood her, Lincoln, who was standing next to Clarke said it louder.

“She wants to know how long it’ll take till the coffee is ready.”

Clarke raised her arm weakly, pointing at Lincoln as if trying to say “what he said”.

“Not long”, Bellamy shrugged.

“Maybe 15 minutes”, Monty guessed, “Or longer if Jasper can’t get the fire to work”

To that Clarke wordlessly turned around and crawled back into her and Lexa’s tent, causing everyone, including Lexa, to chuckle.

 

* * *

 

After breakfast Monty decided to teach Harper how to throw a stone so that it would skip over the lake. He had been shocked when she had mentioned that she had never been able to do that and was now determined to teach her. Some of the others, especially Nyko, were trying to help them.

Octavia, Lincoln and Bellamy were back at it again trying to catch some fishes for lunch and dinner but were not having any luck yet.

Lexa, Finn and Jasper were trying to build a raft out of wood they had found and were trying to tie it together with different robes from the fishing and camping equipment.

Clarke and Maya were walking around taking pictures of things Maya wanted Clarke to draw or paint or maybe even teach Maya how to paint some of them.

Raven, Anya and Echo were chatting, sitting around the now cold fireplace while Murphy and Emori were running around them, seemingly playing catch like little children.

“Clarke?”, Raven shouted at her adoptive sister.

“Yea?”, she heard her voice come back from behind some trees she and Maya had just disappeared behind.

“What you gonna do for your birthday this year?”, Raven asked, causing everyone to pay attention curiously.

“Dunno really”, Clarke replied and reappeared on the clearing.

“You should do a sick party”, Finn suggested, “Like rent a room and invite everyone from school cuz we won’t be seeing some of them for a while you know?”

“Yea…”, Clarke thought for a while.

“That would be really expensive though”, Nyko commented. “Right?”

“True…”, Raven thought, “I don’t think Abby would like that and you don’t have your own money yet.”

“I could give you some money, you don’t need to pay it back either if you don’t have any!”, Finn offered, but Clarke’s face was saying no before she did.

“Why don’t you do it like two years ago?”, Lexa asked.

“Everyone liked that, right?”, Octavia shrugged.

“Apart from Anya maybe”, Clarke chuckled, but Anya just rolled her eyes.

“I definitely liked watching Clarke lose at darts”, Jasper chuckled and earned a death glare from the blonde.

Then Clarke sighed. “Yea we can do that again”

“Do I get to whip you this time?”, Raven asked, excitedly.

Clarke looked at Lexa, who just shrugged. “Sure if you want”, she then chuckled.

“You know what?”, Octavia asked from the rock she had been standing on, trying to catch a fish for two hours now, “This isn’t working.” She threw the fishing-rod into the sand. “I’m going swimming.”, she decided, “To the other side of the lake.” She looked around at her friends. “Maybe I’ll catch a fish that way. Who’s with me?”

“You’re definitely crazy!”, Clarke said as if realising it was her responsibility to put her into an insane asylum.

“I’m coming with you!”, Finn decided, already taking off his shirt.

“Me too”, Bellamy quickly said, “May the better Blake win!”, he then shouted and started running into the water while taking off his shirt.

“That’s unfair!”, Octavia shouted after him and started running.

“Crazy, out of her mind,...”, Clarke stuttered, watching the two of them in pretended shock, “What is wrong in their brains?”

Lexa giggled, watching the two of them run before falling into the deeper water and then swimming, looking like dying fish because they were hurrying so much.

“I would use this as a meme to describe the fish running from them right now”, Murphy said cooly.

“I’ma go float myself”, Jasper added, taking the raft they had tried to build, placing it in the water and then jumped on it from the water. He sank immediately which just caused the others to laugh even more.

 

* * *

 

A few hours later, it had started to get dark again and everyone had gathered around the fire.

They had decided to play “Would you rather”, but, since they were all too tired to think or generally not creative enough, they had allowed Raven to just read questions from the internet since she had some special phone with a seemingly everlasting battery and the best internet connection.

“Would you rather be able to control animals, but not humans, with your mind or control electronics with your mind?”

"Well, Raven can do the second one anyways", Octavia joked and Raven poked her tongue out.

They were a big group so they weren’t playing to have everyone answer but just for the entertainment so Raven continued.

“Would you rather know the history of every object you touched or be able to talk to animals?”, she read and chuckled, "That's a question for you, Pocahontas", she said to Octavia.

“Oh it’s a hard one”, Octavia said with a serious deep-in-thoughts-face. “I’d say the objects… I think… ughh”

“I’ll just take the animals and then I’ll tell them what they’re saying”, Lincoln suggested.

“That’s cheating”, Emori complained with a laugh.

“As if we wouldn’t do the same”, Murphy chuckled and kissed her cheek, pulling her on his lab to keep kissing her on the lips.

Bellamy coughed loudly next to them and Emori slowly moved back to her place, but not before giving her boyfriend a very big very long kiss,

“Would you rather suddenly be elected a senator or suddenly become a CEO of a major company. But you won’t have any more knowledge about how to do either job than you do right now.”, Raven asked the next question.

Anya looked at Lexa who shrugged, then at Echo.

"I'd want the company because there's less risk of losing the position", the eldest woman of the group (she was very proud of those two months she was older than Anya) answered.

“Yea me too and I could have more decisions about how to spend the money I earn than I do as a senator, I believe because I can choose not to be so much in the public eye.”, Nyko thought out loud.

“Okay. Would you rather wear a wedding dress/tuxedo every single day or wear a bathing suit every single day?”

“I'd do wedding dress.”, Murphy replied, earning some giggles.

“Me too”, Bellamy and Finn said at the same time.

“I’m joining if Harper wears a tuxedo”, Monty chuckled but blushed when Harper said she’ll do it.

“Would you rather have amazingly fast typing slash texting speed or be able to read ridiculously fast?”, Raven asked and quickly answered herself, “I’d definitely wanna read fast because I could learn faster or search stuff like school books for the stuff I need.”

“Me definitely too”, Nyko nodded.

“Yea, I’ve been wanting to have a control F function on paper for so long!”, Lexa chuckled, “I always take so long because I get stuck at other interesting things.”

Bellamy chuckled: “I so get what you mean!”

“But I mean texting fast could be good in an emergency”, Maya pointed out.

“That’s true, too”, Octavia, who had been nodding at all the arguments for the second decision, realised.

“Also it doesn’t say you can learn faster, just read faster”, Clarke mentioned.

“True, but that still leaves the control F thing”, Anya shrugged.

“Okay next”, Finn nodded into Raven’s direction.

“Would you rather it be impossible for you to be woken up for 11 straight hours every day but you wake up feeling amazing or you can be woken up normally but never feel totally rested?”

“Why is everyone looking at me?”, Clarke asked offendedly but just gut raised eyebrows and “duh” saying facial expressions as a reply so she rolled her eyes but chuckled.

“Would you rather go to jail for 4 years for something you didn’t do or get away with something horrible you did but always live in fear of being caught?”

“I’d go to jail”, Clarke said.

“Me too”, Finn nodded.

“Yea, the fear would kill me otherwise”, Nyko agreed.

Since no one seemed to have a different opinion Raven continued.

“Would you rather go back to age 5 with everything you know now or now know everything your future self will learn?”, she furrowed her eyebrows, “Can I still learn more though or is it literally everything I will ever learn?”

Everyone was looking confused.

“I don’t know”, Anya shrugged, “Let’s just skip it.”

“Alright. Would you rather be born again in a totally different life or born again with all the knowledge you have now?”

“I’d want to explore another life”, Harper said, “Not that this one isn’t good, but I think it’d be interesting.”

“Yea, me too”, Nyko agreed.

“Nah I wouldn't want to live these past couple ‘a years again”, Octavia shook her head.

“Me neither”, Lexa agreed, suddenly looking sad again.

“Nope”, Emori shook her head as well.

Raven chuckled before she read the next one. “Would you rather be completely insane and know that you are insane or completely insane and believe you are sane?”

“Well, tell us how it is, O”, Clarke chuckled.

“I know I’m insane”, Jasper shrugged and chuckled.

Octavia rolled her eyes. “I’m not”, she said, throwing a pretend-angry look at Clarke.

“See, she is the other option!”, Clarke pointed at the younger brunette but was speaking to all the others.

They chuckled before Raven continued.

“Would you rather live in a utopia as a normal person or in a dystopia but you are the supreme ruler?”

"Oh god that would really be a dystopia if one of you was ruling it", Octavia laughed.

“As if you would do it better”, her brother laughed.

“Would you rather know all the mysteries of the universe or know every outcome of every choice you make?”, Raven read, “Puh, that’s a deep one.”

“Both would probably be too much for me to handle”, Lexa admitted and everyone nodded.

“It seems intriguing”, Monty added, “To know it all, but I guess it would be kind of boring”

“Would you rather lose your best friend or all of your friends except for your best friend?”

Lexa looked at Clarke and caught the blonde smiling at her. Lexa noticed she didn’t really know who her best friend was, or whose Clarke was for that matter-

“Bye everyone, I'm keeping her", Anya said in a serious tone, putting her hand on Echo’s shoulder as if holding onto her for dear life.

“Well, Lex and I are still your family!”, Lincoln pointed out.

“Damn, you’re right”, Anya sighed.

“Hey what’s that supposed to mean?”, Lincoln complaint, but Anya chuckled and shook her head, showing him she didn’t mean it.

“Would you rather be unable to have kids or only be able to conceive quintuplets?”

“Definitely quintuplets!”, Harper replied quickly, “I want kids!”

Monty looked at her a bit shocked, causing everyone to laugh. “I’m okay with just one kid.”, he laughed.

“I’d do the quintuplets, too”, Maya nodded.

“Ouch”, Jasper looked around at all the women in the round, “That must hurt like shit!”

“Well I wouldn’t know”, Lexa chuckled.

“Why not?”, Finn asked curiously, but also a bit carefully because he felt like this was a sensitive topic.

“You didn’t know?”, Lexa asked, honestly surprised.

Some of the others shrugged as well.

“I was born a boy and I’m a trans woman”, Lexa said calmly, not noticing the proud looks on the faces of her sister and cousin for finally being so comfortable with coming out.

“Oh”, Finn shrugged, “Good to know.”

“Would you rather have all animals feel compelled to obey you if you come within 10 feet of them or be given the opportunity to genetically design a pet that will be loyal only to you with the combined DNA of three animals?”, Raven asked.

“I want a dragon!”, Echo shouted quickly. “I’m making myself a really really cool one!”

There was an excited light in her eyes that had Bellamy immediately lean over to kiss her and both Anya and Raven looked at them as if they were about to say “aww”. But of course, they were too cool for that.

“I want a dragon, too!”, Murphy said with just as much excitement as Echo had.

“You want a kiss, too?”, Bellamy asked with a chuckle, but Murphy actually turned his cheek to him. Before Bellamy could kiss him though, he pulled back again and started talking as if nothing had happened. “By the way, did I tell you guys I’m gonna start at the police academy in a few weeks?”

“Nope, you didn’t”, Jasper said, “That’s great!”

“Yea!”, Murphy nodded excitedly, “I’ll be with this handsome dude soon”, he wiggled his eyebrows at Bellamy who chuckled, before both of them turned around to kiss their girlfriends.

“Would you rather be an average person in the present or a king 2500 years ago?”, Raven asked and broke off Murphy and Emori’s kiss with it.

"I'd be king", Murphy decided.

"Can I be your queen?", Emori asked. Murphy nodded and they kept kissing.

 

* * *

 

“So which one of them is better?”, Clarke asked, sitting at the campfire, a leather jacket she had stolen from Lexa thrown over her shoulders and a beer in her hand. She couldn’t look gayer.

“Pfff”, Bellamy looked back and forth between Raven and Echo with a strained look. The four of them and Harper had stayed at the campfire when everyone else had decided to go to bed. “They’re both really good!”

“Why do you guys always talk about sex?”, Harper chuckled.

“Oh, come on”, Raven laughed, “I bet you and Monty will be the first to have a baby out of everyone here.”

“You think?”, Clarke asked.

“Definitely!”, Raven nodded strongly and Harper blushed.

“I don’t want kids”, Echo stated.

“I expect to be the uncle of so many kids from all of you, I don’t need to make my own kids”, Bellamy nodded and his girlfriend kissed his cheek.

“I do want kids”, Harper said, “Or maybe just one kid, I don’t know yet.”

“See?”, Raven chuckled, “You’re gonna be preggy so soon!”

“We’ll see”, Clarke shrugged, “I want kids, too though.”

“Can Lexa…?”, Raven started her question, then paused for a second, “...you know…”

“I don’t know, actually”, Clarke noticed, “But we haven’t done… that yet so I didn’t feel the need to ask.”

“Ugh, just say you didn’t have sex, we all know the word and are old enough to use it”, Echo rolled her eyes.

“As if you two can still keep your hands off each other!”, Raven scoffed a bit too loudly.

“Well we’re not you”, Clarke giggled, making Raven poke her tongue out.

Echo noticed Raven looking as if she was thinking about something important in the short silence that followed, but she didn’t know what it was.

“Hey, what do you guys think about Murphy joining the police?”, Harper asked.

“I think it’s great”, Bellamy replied, “I’m looking forward to having him as my colleague.”

“Well I don’t know him very well, but if Bell likes him he can’t be that bad”, Echo shrugged.

“Oh he’s bad in his own kinda way”, Raven chuckled, “But once you’re used to his sarcasm you can’t help but think he doesn’t totally suck.”

“I thought this time you were gonna say you actually like someone, but… meh, I guess not”, Clarke laughed.

The others chuckled a little and there was a comfortable silence as the fire cracked, the tiny waves crashed against the stones and the wind blew through the trees.

“Anyway, what’s the deal with you and Anya?”, Harper asked Echo, “Why are you so close?”

Echo was silent for a second as if contemplating whether or not the people around her were trustworthy enough for her to talk about her past.

“When I was your age and younger”, she then started, “I probably spent more time at Anya’s than at my parents’ house.”

“Why’s that?”, Raven asked and noticed that Bellamy looked very interested. Apparently, he didn’t know his girlfriend’s story yet either.

“Let’s just say my folks weren’t very nice”, Echo avoided telling them too much.

“Okay”, Raven nodded.

“We won’t ask more if you don’t want us to”, Clarke assured her.

“But you and Anya are kinda like me and Clarke then, right?”, Raven asked one more question.

“Yea, a little, maybe”

 

* * *

 

The next morning Monty, Maya, Nyko and Lexa were preparing breakfast.

They had planned to drive back home right after finishing the meal so everyone else didn’t want to get up because they didn’t want the trip to end.

Lexa and Nyko had gotten up first and had started to search the bags for the remaining food and Monty and Maya had soon agreed to help them.

Half an hour later everyone had finally made their way back to their fireplace.

Nobody knew what time it was, but the sun had risen a while ago so it was light enough but the air was still a bit cool.

This breakfast was the quietest of the meals they had eaten at the lake. Everyone was eating and looking around in silence, enjoying the moment while it lasted.

“We should do this again sometime”, Finn broke the silence.

“Definitely!”, Monty agreed.

“But with all of us”, Clarke added. “All 16!”

“As if anyone of us would want to miss another weekend like this”, Emori chuckled.

“And next time Nyko and Finn can bring girlfriends!”, Bellamy said.

“Or boyfriends, that’s okay, too”, Murphy added.

“Actually I don’t really want a relationship…”, Nyko shrugged.

“Okay, too”, Monty smiled.

 

After breakfast, they packed their things, collected their trash and turned to go back to the cars and bikes.

“Bye, bye, lake!”, Octavia said, waving her hand.

Harper laughed, “I’m sure it’ll miss you, too”

 

On the way back Lexa’s mood was a bit better than on the way to the lake, but the car she was driving with Clarke next to her was still quiet, both of them deep in their thoughts, still sorting the memories of the past two days.

Finn’s car, on the other hand, was filled with laughter and jokes told mostly by Murphy, but also some by Finn and Emori.

Harper’s car was filled with music Maya, as shotgun, had been allowed to pick, and everyone singing along loudly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The inspiration to have our friends here go to a lake came from my wonderful girlfriend, so thank you very much for that.  
> What do you guys think about everyone's behaviour?  
> Discuss your answers on the Would You Rather questions in the comments!  
> Any theories on what will happen in the next chapter?


	8. The night changes

Echo and Anya had just finished unpacking the bags they had taken with them to the lake when Anya was already on her way back to the door.

“Can’t stay away from Raven for half an hour or what?”, Echo joked as she saw Anya put on her shoes.

“I’m not going to Raven’s”, Anya replied with a serious and maybe even a bit nervous look in her eyes.

“Oh”, Echo nodded as if she understood.

“Look, she’s 18 and she’s finished with school now”, Anya explained, not really sure if she was talking to Echo or to herself, “I have to tell her now, that was the deal.”

Echo nodded and let her friend go.

“Good luck”, she shouted after her right before the door thunked shut.

 

Anya jumped up the stairs to the apartment she had to go to. When she reached the door she took out her key and opened it. She took off her shoes and walked into the kitchen, then the living room to find the person she was looking for.

Instead, she found her aunt.

“Hello you”, Amanda greeted her from the sofa. She was apparently trying to take a nap. “Did Lexa pack something that belongs to you again?”, she giggled, “Or why are you here just after you spent the whole weekend with the two?”

“Where is Lexa?”, Anya asked, looking serious, and just like Echo a few minutes earlier, Amanda seemed to understand.

“You’re gonna tell her?”, she asked, looking concerned and nervous now.

“That was our deal, wasn’t it?”

“It was, I just… kind of forgot I guess”, Amanda sighed and started to get up. Anya thought for a second that her aunt looked older than normal.

“You don’t need to get up”, she assured her, “I’ll do it myself.”

Amanda looked both proud and worried at her oldest niece. “Okay”, she then nodded and leaned back against the back of the sofa. “Good luck, she’s in her room.”

 

Anya nodded and went to Lexa’s room. She knocked and waited for her little sister’s “yea?” before she opened the door.

“Ahn?”, Lexa looked confused, “I already unpacked and none of it was yours, I swear!”, she immediately defended herself.

“That’s not why I’m here.”, Anya said and sat down on Lexa’s desk chair.

“Why do you look so concerned?”, Lexa asked and sat down on her very tidy desk, making her taller than her sister which made Anya a bit more uncomfortable than she already was, but she didn’t say anything. “It’s not even been an hour since we said goodbye at Bell and O’s!”, Lexa continued to look confused.

“Nothing happened”, Anya slightly shook her head. “But I still need to tell you something.”

“What is it?”, Lexa raised an eyebrow.

“It’s about my job… and about you… your past.. well, and future”, Anya started awkwardly.

“You’re not making any sense, Anya”, Lexa pointed out, looking very confused but also a bit curious now.

Anya took a deep breath in before she continued. “Do you know what your mother’s job was?”

“She was some kind of businesswoman, right?”, Lexa half stated, half asked.

“Well, yes”, Anya nodded, “She was the owner and CEO of Trikru.”

“What’s that?”, Lexa asked. She thought she had heard the name before but wasn’t sure where.

“We make workout equipment and other sports supplies”, Anya explained.

“We?”, now Lexa was really confused. She had never known what Anya’s job was, just that she could choose her vacation days and didn’t seem to have problems with money, even though she and Echo were living in a very small apartment.

“Yea…”, Anya took another deep breath in. “Before Athena… before she ended her life…”, Both Lexa and Anya felt a deep pain in their chests at the words, “She wrote in her will that as soon as I was 18  and finished with school she wanted me to take over the company without telling you and then, once you would be 18 and had graduated she wanted you to take over.”

“And you kept this from me all these years?”, Lexa asked with a blank expression.

“She wanted me to!”, Anya explained, “Amanda and I are the only ones who know about it! Not even Lincoln!”

“Amanda knows?”, Lexa asked.

“I was 18 and suddenly supposed to be CEO! I needed her help…”, Anya looked into her sister’s eyes searching for an emotion, her own eyes starting to fill with tears.

Lexa slowly started nodding as if her brain was starting to process the information she had just gotten.

“I know that this is a lot, I felt the same way”, Anya said with a calm voice, “I understand that you’ll need some time to think. I’ll help you with everything there, I promise.”

“Thank you”, Lexa finally whispered.

“What?” Anya had thought Lexa was angry at her for not telling her about all this.

“Thank you that you didn’t tell me”, she whispered. “It would have stressed me a lot these past years and I already had so much to stress about so…”

“Of course”, Anya nodded and opened her arms.

Lexa opened hers as well and Anya got up to hug her little sister fully.

“I love you, big sis”, Lexa mumbled into Anya’s neck, starring a bit blankly at the wall.

“I love you, kiddo”, Anya whispered back and the feeling of hugging her little sister so tightly made her think about the day a bit more than 18 years ago when she had held her for the first time.

 

* * *

 

“So, I guess I am a rich 18-year-old CEO”, Lexa finished off her explanation in Niylah’s bar on early Monday evening.

“And you didn’t have a clue all this time?”, Maya asked.

The whole gang was there. Niylah had joked the big table in the corner of the bar was starting to get their own regulars’ table to which Octavia had called Niylah “our Gunther”, causing Niylah to snort and then laugh.

“I didn’t”, Lexa replied.

“Wow, babe, you really are amazing at keeping secrets!”, Raven was impressed.

Her and Anya shared a quick look and Anya smiled a little, just for Raven.

“Why didn’t you tell us yesterday when Anya told you?”, Clarke asked, almost sounding a bit hurt.

“I’m sorry”, Lexa apologised, “I could not believe it at first and wanted to see it for myself before I started shouting it into the whole world.”

“Yea, but I’m not the whole world!”, Clarke blurted out.

Jasper gasped a little, hearing the angry tone in Clarke’s voice while Octavia wiggled an eyebrow at Lexa, trying to point out the perfect opportunity for a pick-up line.

“Anya showed me around the company this morning”, Lexa decided to ignore Clarke’s comment, “It was a comfortable but professional environment so I believe I will get used to it. I might soon buy an apartment with the money I am earning now. Of course, it will be stressful, especially in the beginning, but I’m looking forward to maybe finding out more about my mother.” Her speech was starting to sound more like one of a politician trying to be elected than an 18-year-old telling her friends about an important change in her life.

“The company makes workout equipment, right?”, Lincoln asked, looking first at Lexa, then at Anya.

“Yes”, both his cousins replied at the same time.

“If you’re asking about a family discount for your fitness studio, I think we could arrange you something”, Anya said with a wink.

Octavia and Lincoln looked at each other with beaming smiles and Octavia squeaked excitedly before kissing her boyfriend.

“If the boss is okay with that, of course”, Anya then realised she had to add, but looked at Lexa confidently.

“Of course”, Lexa nodded.

There was a comfortable silence around their table in the bubble they had built, keeping out the laughter and chatter from the rest of the tables in the bar before Raven stood up from her chair.

“Lexa isn’t the only one with exciting news today”, she started, grinning from cheek to cheek.

“You did not!”, Bellamy shouted excitedly from a few seats away from her.

“I did!”, she chuckled, “I’m one out of 10 they picked out of hundreds of people!”, she smiled so brightly, Echo thought she could see happy tears starting to build in her eyes. “I got accepted as an intern at NASA!”

Everyone started cheering, knowing that Raven had dreamed about this ever since she had been in kindergarten, as she claimed. Lexa walked over to her to give her a hug and they congratulated each other. Anya was the only one of the others to notice that Lexa held on to the hug for a bit longer when Raven was starting to lean out of it.

After a minute or so, their cheers had started to subside and they were just looking at Raven happily now, Emori got up from her chair as well. “So was I.”

 

* * *

 

A deep breath in, out, in. “Clarke, I can’t do this”

Confused laughter. “You can’t slice a tomato?”

Clarke and Lexa were making tomatoes and mozzarella for lunch. They had been standing silently next to each other, Clarke slicing the mozzarella, Lexa the tomatoes.

“No, I can’t do this!”, when saying the word “this” she pointed between the two of them with her knife, but when she noticed Clarke’s look as she saw her girlfriend point the knife at her, she quickly put it onto the cutting board next to the halfway sliced tomato. The laughter was gone and had taken Clarke’s smile with it.

“What do you mean?”, Clarke laid down her knife as well and sat down on one of the chairs at the small table in the Griffin kitchen, signalling with her hand for Lexa to sit next to her.

“I mean...”, Lexa took a deep breath in, trying to keep her tears from falling. She could feel a breakdown of some sort starting to want to take control of her body, but for now, she thought she could repress it. “I mean I can’t be with you… right now”

“Do you want to go to your place?”, Clarke asked, maybe understanding what Lexa was saying, but pretending it wasn’t true. She looked worried. “You could call me then once you want to come back or once you want me to come over or…”

“You don’t understand, Clarke”, Lexa cut her off, again fighting against tears in her eyes.

“Explain”, Clarke said and from the tears starting to build in her eyes, Lexa saw she had understood what, just not why. So she explained.

“I never really told you about Costia, did I?”

“I don’t think so”, Clarke replied, her eyes fully focused on Lexa’s.

“She is my ex.”, Lexa stated.

“Okay”

“She is pansexual and she dated me throughout my transition.”

“She helped you through a tough time”, Clarke nodded, now also trying to keep her tears inside, but it didn’t work, because a tear escaped her left eye and started rolling down her slightly sunburnt cheek.

“Yes”, now both of Lexa’s eyes let go of tears at the same time, she blinked and another one rolled out of her right eye. “She was beautiful, wild, just all around amazing. She was my first everything. I loved her with all my heart.”

That sentence made Clarke’s heart tighten in jealousy. Lexa was aware of the effects such words had on Clarke but she thought it was better if Clarke was angry at her. It would make it easier. Love was weakness after all, even though she tried not to believe it. But Titus had always told her and maybe he had been right. Making Clarke hate her would strengthen the girl so she was even helping her by doing this. Lexa had a battle going on inside her head, but the part that had her leave Clarke was winning.

“She left, but I never stopped loving her.” That was exactly the problem. Lexa needed Clarke to stop loving her. To make it easier for both of them. Clarke wouldn’t want to get back together and Lexa could drown herself in self-pity because Clarke hated her and it was her own fault. Lexa’s body seemed to want that so that’s why she did what she did and said what she said. “I still love her”

“What about me?”, Clarke asked, rivers starting to build on her cheeks.

Lexa was taken by surprise by that question.

Looking at Clarke in tears she just wanted to wrap her arms around the other girl to calm her down. But then she remembered she was the reason for Clarke’s tears so she couldn’t comfort her. The thought opened her eyes' gates and the water wasn’t stoppable anymore. She tried to breathe in deeply for what she was about to say, but her throat was tight, her nose starting to fill.

"You make me feel like she did and it confuses me. You're not her. You're here and she's not. You are so good and she...", Lexa started sobbing loudly, "and...", she tried again but the sobs were too strong.

“I’m here!”, Clarke wanted to scream, “Love me!” But she didn’t. She just sat there, eyes wide in disbelieve, sadness and, yes, a bit of anger. Not at Lexa, but at herself. For believing she could actually be fully happy some day.

“I can’t”, Lexa continued sobbing, “I…” She breathed in, got up, took a piece of kitchen roll paper and blew her nose. When turning away from Clarke to throw away the paper she stared blankly into the trash and put on her mask. She turned around and handed Clarke the kitchen roll.

“I’m sorry”, she said.

“Goodbye”, she said.

And she left.

 

* * *

 

Clarke had spent two days crying before she managed to leave the house again.

Raven had tried to take her out for dinner the first day.

Abby had tried to convince her to go for a walk to get some fresh air.

Bellamy had offered to buy her a drink somewhere.

Octavia’s suggestion to go to Niylah’s had been the one that had convinced Clarke.

Octavia had told Clarke about how calming and soothing Niylah’s voice alone had been when she had been feeling bad.

Clarke had not let her friends help her because she was secretly jealous of them. They were all dating, they were happy. Hell, even her mother had a boyfriend.

But Clarke was alone and, according to Octavia, so was Niylah so Clarke decided to give her a try.

When she walked into the bar Niylah’s father owned it was full and loud, but Clarke immediately spotted the beautiful young woman behind the bar. She smiled at how calm Niylah looked despite the stress she apparently had with getting every customer what they wanted.

Niylah spotted Clarke as she slowly approached her and recognised her immediately.

Her smile caused Clarke’s lips to form a weak smile as well, but Clarke’s stomach still felt wrong and her heart felt empty.

“Hello Clarke”, Niylah greeted, her voice smooth and her hazel eyes welcoming.

“Can I get a drink?”, Clarke asked straightforwardly.

“You’re 18, Clarke, maybe 19”, Niylah smiled knowingly.

“So what?”, Clarke shrugged, “I want a drink.”

Niylah could both see and hear that Octavia’s friend was in a terrible mood so she did what she had done with Octavia.

“Words often help a lot more than trying to forget”, she explained and told her father with hand signs that he would have to take over the whole bar for a while.

Clarke nodded and followed Niylah to where the woman could leave the space behind the bar.

But this time, since the bar was so full, the owner’s daughter couldn’t find an empty table for them to sit at.

“We could go to our flat”, she suggested, “We live right above the bar”, she then explained while pointing at the ceiling.

Clarke shrugged and followed. She felt empty and tired and alone, but Niylah’s willingness to help made her at least lose a bit of the hatred towards all of humanity that she had created in her bitter heart.

They arrived in the flat and Niylah offered her guest a glass of water which Clarke politely accepted.

Each of them a glass in her hand they sat down on the couch in the living room, Niylah looking at Clarke, Clarke staring at the wall.

“What is it you’re trying to drink away?”, Niylah asked after a bit of quiet.

Clarke didn’t reply, but just took a sip of the cold water before placing the glass on the coffee table.

Niylah did the same and there was silence again.

Looking at Clarke like this, up close and for more than just a few seconds, as she had before, Niylah noticed how incredibly beautiful she was.

She didn’t notice it in a sexual way, just as if she was looking at a beautiful landscape, admiring it.

“It’s okay to not be okay sometimes.”, Niylah whispered and placed her hand on Clarke’s shoulder to comfort her which made Clarke finally turn towards her.

“Would you mind not talking?”, she asked, her voice soft despite how harsh the words she used might have sounded.

Niylah drew back her hand, looking confused and maybe even a bit hurt.

“You want to help me?”, Clarke asked and Niylah nodded slowly, “Then help me feel.”, Clarke said almost pleadingly and took Niylah’s hand in her own, guiding it towards her breast.

Not moving her hand away, Niylah’s eyes darted up to look into Clarke’s with a questioning expression. “Is that what you need right now?”, she asked.

Clarke nodded and moved a bit closer to the other woman.

“Then I will give that to you.”, she whispered before eliminating the last bit of space between them.

 _“Her lips taste different.”_ was Clarke’s first thought as she leaned into the kiss but she let herself fall into the comfort of Niylah’s body.

The bed she fell into wasn’t as soft as Lexa’s.

The eyes that saw her naked body were browner than Lexa’s.

The fingers that made her come were shorter than Lexa’s.

Even though Niylah was doing amazing things to her body, Clarke couldn’t stop thinking about what Lexa’s body could have done to hers.

 

* * *

 

The next evening Clarke was home alone. Raven was at Anya’s and her mum was at Markus’, as basically always these days, as Clarke thought.

She was in a miserable mood.

Octavia had told her not to look at pictures of Lexa, not to text or call her and not to picture a still possible future with her, because it would just make her sad.

So, of course, Clarke did exactly what Octavia had told her not to do. She had grabbed some food from the fridge, okay maybe not some, but a lot.. And was now sitting on her bed, eating chocolate and scrolling through her camera roll, staring at pictures of and with Lexa for way too long. After that she went on to scrolling through their chat, smiling and then crying at cute messages the beautiful, green-eyed brunette with that perfect smile had sent her.

Clarke was going to die alone, she was sure of it. Raven had Anya, O had Lincoln, her mum had Markus. And she was single.

Her and Lexa had fit perfectly. Her two best friends and Clarke dating the three Woods and she had fucked it up. She would get dogs or cats and then live a sad life in a small apartment while Lexa would go on and find someone prettier, smarter, funnier and better in general.

Not only had she fucked it up, but she had decided to go and fuck Niylah, Octavia’s beautiful older friend, who had been so incredibly nice to her. She had fucked her and she had thought of Lexa the whole time. And she hadn’t even slept with Lexa yet! Yet… and she probably never would now that she had fucked it up.

That’s when the doorbell rang. It didn’t just ring, it buzzed for a full minute, or so it felt to Clarke. She got up quickly, wiping some chocolate off of the corners of her lips with her sleeve, looking at the mirror, wiping the tears off of her face next, slapping herself lightly on both cheeks to make it look as if she had just blushed from the warmth in her room and her red eyes were because of a cold.

When she opened the door, her small, puffy eyes immediately widened in shock. Finn was standing in front of her, anger written all over his face. He smelled like alcohol and his knuckles were red with blood. Clarke looked around if he was alone and spotted a small red spot on the wall next to the door. So that was where he had bruised his knuckles.

“What the fuck, Finn, what’s wrong?”, she knew she should be showing more empathy, but why did he have to be in this condition NOW?

“My fucking pieces of trash ass parents are wrong”, Finn cursed. Clarke was even more shocked now. Yes, Finn might not have been the best of people ever, but he was a nice guy all in all. She wasn’t used to him cursing like this, let alone get violent.

“Why, what’d they do?”, Clarke asked, concerned, but still a bit annoyed for having been interrupted in her emo-ness.

“Those shitheads think you guys are shitty friends and want me to stay away from you”, Finn started crying, “But all I want is to GET AWAY FROM THEM!” He kicked one of the bushes in front of the entrance.

“Finn!”, Clarke shouted back, “Calm the fuck down okay?” Finn breathed heavily but didn’t seem to be wanting to say anything so Clarke continued. “Look, you’re 18, okay? You can decide stuff for yourself now!”

“No, you don’t fucking get it, okay?”, Finn shouted back, furiously ruffling his hair.

“Then fucking explain!”, Clarke echoed his tone saying the f word.

“They wanna move away, okay?”, tears started streaming down his face again, “Like other side of the country away.”

“Then why don’t you just move out?”, Clarke laughed ironically as if Finn had been stupid not to think of this, “I thought you wanted to get away from them?”

“I don’t have the damn money for that, don’t you get it?”, Finn shouted, “All the money I ever spent was theirs! They never gave me pocket money or told me to get a damn job because they wanted to tie me to them so their perfect fucking son wouldn’t leave so they could keep showing him off.”

“Then get that fucking job now!”

“I don’t know how!”, Finn cried out, “Or what or where and I fucking can’t stand their presence anymore, shit why can’t they just go to hell?!”

“Dude, you just have to get your shit together and move your ass for once!”, Clarke was getting pissed at Finn’s behaviour. He should be thankful to have two parents, a part of her brain kept repeating. She wasn’t in the mood to be a helpful and supportive friend right now.

“Wow, how great of an idea, Miss Griffin, maybe I’ll twerk for money!”, Finn laughed sarcastically. Before Clarke could say anything in her defence he kept going. “Maybe they’re right and you’re all just a bunch of weak shits who want my money and that I should stay around kids from my ranks instead.”

“Your ranks???”, Clarke burst out. “Go to hell, Finn, if you don’t want me as your friend, why did you come here in the first place, huh?”

“I don’t fucking know, okay”, Finn shouted into her face, “Maybe I just needed someone’s help, but apparently this is not a place for a loving welcome”

“Then fuck the hell off if you don’t need me!”

And Finn did as he was told. Not without kicking the bush again, he left, slamming the gate and then the door of his car shut just a second before Clarke did the same with the front door. Then she broke down crying, her back pressed against the door, her arms wrapped tightly around her legs. She cried and she screamed, feeling her throat burn as her heart broke into pieces and just wishing for warm arms around her torso, a soft body pressed against her back and legs thrown around her shaking body. But she was alone as she was falling apart, with only herself to pick up the pieces in the morning.

* * *

“Clarke, fuck, wake up!”

Clarke was woken up by an upset Raven. Not as in “did you seriously eat my chocolate again”-upset, which, to be fair, Clarke had done, but a sort of “get up, someone died”-upset. Raven was crying, her whole face was red and her voice was breaking.

Clarke was awake immediately. She jumped out of bed, trying to remember how she had gotten from the front door to her bed. Then she remembered why she had been at the door in the first place, what state she had been in, why her head hurt and finally what had happened before her crying. She started having a weird presentiment of what might have happened.

“Raven, tell me, what’s wrong!?”, she shouted, her voice hoarse from the screaming and crying of the night.

“It’s Finn”, Raven cried.

“What happened to him, is he alive?” Clarke needed to move, needed to do something so she ran past Raven and started to run down the stairs, finding her mother, Markus and Anya in the living room. They were all in a similar condition as Raven.

“He’s alive”, Raven shouted after her right when Clarke entered the living room, “but…”, Raven couldn’t breathe. The running, the crying, her leg,... she collapsed on the floor right next to the living room door, causing Anya to immediately jump off of the couch to help her. Abby had jumped off, too, but Markus took her hand, urging her to sit back down, to let Anya handle it so that Abby could focus on Clarke who was standing in the middle of the room, crying, confused and scared.

“But… he did something.”, Markus finished Raven’s sentence.

“Clarke, baby, sit down.”, Abby gestured to the spot on the couch Anya had been sitting on, “Please.” Her voice was so low Clarke knew she had been crying for a long time, so long that her body was exhausted now. The pleading in the last word made Clarke believe Abby was scared she would collapse at the news so she sat down.

Clarke looked frightened now. Abby couldn’t bear the sight of both her girls like this and she started crying again, clenching Clarke’s hand with one of hers, her other hand starting to try to wipe away Clarke’s tears. There was no point in it though because they just kept flowing.

“What happened?”, Clarke managed to say between her sobs. She was looking at Markus now because she knew neither Raven nor Abby were able to speak. “Explain!”

“Clarke, Finn was drunkenly driving and he drove his car into a group of people in town.”, Markus explained.

Clarke’s mouth fell open. She had seen him get into the car, she should have stopped him and she didn’t. She couldn’t breathe. She felt like someone had tied a rope around her chest and was now squeezing every last bit of air out of her lungs.

Raven had managed to get up again. Her and Anya had walked back into the room and were now standing between the coffee table and the TV, Anya supporting Raven by letting her lean on her shoulder.

Markus decided Clarke had to hear the rest so he continued. “He was driving way to fast. Five people died on the street, one is in a coma. They don’t know if that person will wake up, but it’s not looking good. Three others broke some bones, but they will be okay.”, he sighed, “At least physically.”

Clarke stared at the man blankly, nothing in her eyes but pure shock.

“That’s not all”, Raven said, more to Markus than to Clarke, because she couldn’t bear being the one to tell her.

“The person in the coma…”, Markus started.

“It’s…”, Anya decided to finish his sentence, her voice breaking before she could say the name. Clarke was shocked even more by seeing a tear roll down the normally so strong and cold woman’s cheek. A picture of Lexa flashed by Clarke’s inner eyes, causing her heart to skip a beat in fear. “It’s Lincoln.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My girlfriend is calling me "evil, evil person" for this but I'm sorry I really love writing my characters in pain I have no clue why.  
> I apologise for being so cruel, I hope you're glad I had fun writing this.
> 
> Tiny question on the side: I'm writing a part of the chapter for April 14th rn and I was wondering would y'all rather see all these people do Secret Santa together or have a cute Ranya scene in the middle of a sea of other ships stuff?


	9. Finn.

“Where is Lincoln Woods?”, Octavia stormed into the hospital, tears running down her face, dripping onto her shirt and soaking it.

The nurse from behind the counter stood up and walked towards her, a concerned, but experienced look on her face. “Are you related to Mr. Woods?”

“I’m his girlfriend”, Octavia explained right when Lexa entered the hospital, also with tears in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, but for now Mr. Woods is only to be visited by family members.”, the nurse explained.

“I’m his cousin”, Lexa ran towards the two who were still standing in the middle of the entrance hall. She reached into her back pocket and took out her wallet. Her hands were shaking so it took a few seconds for her to take out her ID. “There, Lexa Woods”, she held the card in front of the nurse’s face, still shaking.

“Okay, I will take you to him.” The nurse turned towards Octavia again. “You, Miss, can sit over there and wait, I’m very sorry”

“No no no”, Lexa protested, “She is family, too!”

The nurse looked back and forth between the two crying women. Octavia was looking desperate.

At that moment, Markus Kane walked into the hospital. “I’m here to see the victims of the accident on Washington Street.”, he said, holding up his ID.

“Who are you in the case?”, the nurse asked.

“I’m the driver’s lawyer”, Markus explained.

“Mr. Collins is down the same hallway here”, she said, pointing into the direction she had been leading Lexa. She looked Octavia up and down again before sighing. “Okay, you can come with them, Miss…”

“Blake”, Octavia said at the same time as Bellamy who had just entered, a concerned look in his eyes and his badge in his hand. He was wearing his police uniform.

The nurse simply nodded and gestured for everyone to follow her. Markus noticed that Octavia had shot her brother a short but angry look.

They walked down a hallway until it crossed another hallway. “Collins is that way, second door left”, the nurse told Markus. “Mr. Woods is over here”, she said to Lexa and Octavia, guiding them to a door a few steps away. “He’s still unconscious and probably will be for a few days. He has another operation scheduled tomorrow morning. After that, we will know for sure if he…”, she looked the two young women in the eyes, “If he’ll make it”, she then finished her sentence, causing new tears to appear in both of their eyes.

Lexa nodded and the nurse opened the door.

The sight of her boyfriend unconscious, oxygen mask on his face and all sorts of machines around his bed caused Octavia to break once again.

“I’m sorry”, Bellamy whispered behind her.

“You’re sorry?”, Octavia burst out, shocking both Lexa and the nurse. “This is your fault!”, she screamed.

“O- I-”, Bellamy stuttered, completely overwhelmed with the unexpected anger his sister had towards him.

“You sent him home!”, Octavia continued, not letting her brother say anything to defend himself, nor the nurse shut her up. “He wanted to stay at ours tonight but you sent him home because you were tired! You could have just put a pillow over your head or told us to be quiet!”

The nurse kept trying to get her to stop, but she didn’t.

“Hell, could’ve just asked politely, but you sent him away and now he may be DYING!”, she shouted.

“Octavia”, Lexa said in a calming, but breaking voice and tried to put her arms around her friend.

“No, let me go!”, Octavia burst out and, with the force her arm had from pulling out of Lexa’s grip, slapped Bellamy across the face.

Markus entered the room, having heard the screams from the other side of the hallway. “What is going on here?”, he asked loudly but figured out himself. He grabbed both Blakes at their arms and shoved them outside the room. “You two better leave and calm down!”, he said to them once outside the room.

Octavia still had tears streaming down her face, but now there was anger in her eyes. Bellamy’s eyes, however, were filled with shock and disbelief.

“Go!”, Markus ordered them, “And once outside, go into different directions!”

Both nodded and left, Octavia still staring at her brother angrily.

Markus sighed and stayed outside for a few more seconds, listening if they were fighting again. When he heard a door close without any more shouts, he went back into Lincoln’s room.

Lexa had sat down next to the bed and the nurse was about to leave.

Seeing the tears on Lexa’s cheeks, Markus took out a package of tissue paper and handed it to her.

“Thank you”, Lexa whispered and dried her tears before blowing her nose.

There was a silence, partly strained because of the fact that Lincoln was lying there, unconscious, and partly comfortable between Markus and Lexa as if they knew they understood each other.

“I haven’t hung up the jersey yet.”, Lexa thought out loud.

“The what?”, Markus asked and took the other chair out of the corner to sit down next to Lexa.

“The jersey I had in my room”, Lexa explained, without really explaining anything. “Linc gave it to me when he found out I was a girl.”

Markus raised an eyebrow, surprised, but didn’t say anything.

“It was a girls’ cut version of my old one, but I never wore it because the boys’ cut was more comfortable.”, Lexa smiled at the memory of Lincoln rolling his eyes with a bright smile as she had told him why she wouldn’t be wearing it. “I hung it up in my room instead, but now I moved and I haven’t hung it up yet.”

“You can do that later”, Markus comforted her, “You have time.”

At that, a tear rolled down Lexa’s cheek again.

“What if he doesn’t?”, she asked, looking up at the older man.

Markus understood. “I’m sure he’ll make it.”, he whispered and gave Lexa another tissue.

* * *

After Markus left the hospital he found Bellamy in Niylah’s father’s bar.

He sat down next to him and ordered a beer for himself.

“What was the fight earlier about?”, he asked.

“O thinks it’s my fault and I’m starting to believe her”, Bellamy sighed before drinking a sip of his beer.

“Why would it be your fault?”, Markus asked.

“I was tired and didn’t want them to be loud so I sent him home.”, Bellamy explained.

“And in what way did you make Finn drive a car into a crowd?”, Markus asked, confusing Bellamy.

“None?”

“See, it’s not your fault what happened to any of those people!”, Markus assured him.

“But it’s my fault Lincoln is one of them!”, Bellamy said frustratedly.

“There is no way you could have possibly known what would happen”, the older man tried to comfort the younger with little success.

* * *

When Lexa exited Lincoln’s room in the hospital, she saw Clarke stand in the door of the corridor, tears in her eyes, looking back and forth between Lincoln’s and Finn’s door. When she saw Lexa at Lincoln’s she looked down at the floor and slowly made her way to Finn’s room. After she had entered, Lexa hesitated for a second before following her.

When she arrived at the door she could hear Clarke’s voice through it: “Markus told me nobody actually saw you drive the car… well, except me, but he doesn’t know that. I won’t say anything”

That’s when the corridor door opened and Lexa saw Amanda enter with the same nurse that had brought her to Lincoln’s room.

Lexa didn’t want Amanda to see her listening in on Clarke’s conversation so she entered Finn’s room.

She was met with two shocked, confused pairs of eyes. Clarke’s, in addition to that, were also a bit angry, but Lexa understood.

“What are you doing here?”, Clarke asked.

“I wanted to visit.”, Lexa half-lied.

“The guy who just almost or possibly did kill your cousin?”, Finn asked with a voice full of bitterness towards himself.

Lexa simply nodded, not very convincingly.

Not caring that Lexa heard her (he had just confessed to her anyway), Finn continued his conversation with Clarke.

“I want you to tell him.”

“But why?”, Clarke asked, a desperate, sad, overwhelmed tear threatening to make its way down her cheek. “Do you want to go to jail?”

“Yes”, Finn simply said.

“But-”

“You both said you would go to jail”, Lexa interrupted her.

“What?”, Clarke asked and Finn looked just as confused.

“At the lake when we were playing would you rather…”

She was met with still-not-understanding faces.

“One of the questions was if you’d go to jail for 4 years when you did something bad or run from the police for the rest of your life.”

Now the two others seemed to start to understand.

“You both said you’d go to jail!”

“You understood it then, Clarke, please understand me now!”, Finn said, almost begged.

“Not facing the punishment for something he knows he did would hunt him for the rest of his life, Clarke”, Lexa added.

Clarke looked back and forth between her two exes, overwhelmed with the situation and incredibly sad in an almost numb way.

Then she nodded, slowly, but she was nodding.

“Thank you”, Finn mumbled, realisation of what this meant slowly hitting his face.

Lexa nodded into his direction, a polite face but without a smile.

He nodded back, thankful for her aid despite the circumstances.

Lexa left the room after one last look towards Clarke, who she didn’t dare comfort due to the fear of being pushed away, and went back to Lincoln’s to support her aunt.

* * *

The next morning, right after Lincoln’s operation, Octavia, Lexa, Anya and Amanda were back in his room at the hospital. The doctor that had done the operation entered the room with some papers in his hand.

“Hello everyone, my name is Dr. Eric Jackson”, he held his hand out for Amanda to take and she shook it. Then he did the same with Anya, Lexa and Octavia. All four women looked nervous and scared, even Anya.

“How is he?”, Anya and Octavia asked at the same time.

“Did the operation go as planned?”, Amanda asked in the same desperate tone.

“Yes”, Dr. Jackson replied. Lexa had noticed he was pretty young, not much older than Anya, and had been scared that they had let an inexperienced doctor operate her cousin, but now that tenseness was lifted from her shoulders.

They all sighed in relief.

“When will he wake up?”, Lexa asked.

“He still has the drugs in him we used to make sure he wouldn’t wake up on the operation table, but without them, he would be awake.”

“How long?”, Octavia asked emphatically.

“Not longer than maybe half an hour.”, the doctor replied.

Amanda and Anya went outside with the doctor to talk about the details of his injuries and their healing. Lexa and Octavia were left alone with the peacefully-asleep-looking young man they both loved so much.

“I’ll give you a minute”, Octavia said at the same time as Lexa said, “You can…”

They both had to chuckle.

“It’s okay”, Lexa said in a soft tone. “You can have a bit of alone time with him. I’ll go listen to what the doctor has to say.”

Octavia nodded with a smile. “Thank you.”

While Lexa left the room, Octavia sat down at the side of the bed.

“Hey”, she whispered, not really knowing what to say. She put one hand on his cheek and kissed his forehead.

“Well, no one saw that happen, huh”, she whispered with a slight giggle, that quickly stopped as she remembered the seriousness of the situation.

“I’m so sorry I sent you home that night”, she continued, “You shouldn’t have been out there, you shouldn’t have been hurt, you shouldn’t be in the hospital." Tears started building in her eyes.

“Remember what you told me at that one game?”, she remembered with a sad smile, “You know, the one I was stupid enough to get a ball right in my face because I forgot I needed hands to catch it?”, she smiled a bit wider at the memory of Coach Indra saying that.

“Remember what you told me then?”, she continued, “You simply said ‘ _Get knocked down, get back up’_ and I did. I got back up and luckily didn’t have a concussion so I kept playing. I got back up, Lincoln!”, the tears started flowing at this point.

“You got knocked down and I’m so sorry I let that happen to you”, she whispered after she had cried in silence for a few minutes. “And now it’s your job to get back up!” she took his hand and squeezed it a little, letting her head fall into the duvet on his chest.

“Please Lincoln, you said it yourself! Get knocked down, get back up!”

“You…”, she heard his voice both through his chest and through the air. She shot up, looking him into the half-open eyes. Those beautifully dark, almost black eyes.

“You look so good”, he said, obviously still a bit high on the drugs.

Octavia smiled widely and wiped away her tears.

“Where am I?”, Lincoln asked after looking around confusedly. “Are we not at yours? Wait no I went home… or…”

“You never got home”, Octavia started her explanation, “You were hit by a car, Linc. People… people died”, the tears were back, “You could have.. You.”

“But I’m here”, Lincoln noticed. “This is not what heaven looks like.” He halted for a second. “You do look like an angel though”, he then said with a smug smile.

“Stop”, Octavia said, a mixture of wanting him to be serious and wanting him to continue lightening the mood in her voice. Then she remembered something. “Your family is here, too”, she informed her boyfriend, “I’ll tell them you woke up.” She gave him a quick but meaningful kiss and went outside to get the others.

They explained to him everything that happened and that Finn’s trial was to start soon. Lincoln was shocked at hearing who had driven into him since he had always thought Finn was pretty nice. The doctor said he’d have to stay for a few more days, but afterwards, he would be fully healthy again with just a few scars on his leg and hip reminding him of that night.

 

* * *

 

Clarke’s hearing was a few days after Lincoln had woken up.

Finn, slouching on his chair, ashamed and scared because of the victims’ families and friends sitting behind him, was looking at her when the prosecutor called her to the stand. He looked sad, but thankful for her honesty.

Markus Kane was sitting next to him in his very elegant looking suit. He and Bellamy behind him looked at Clarke encouragingly.

She took a deep breath before sitting down next to the judge.

“Miss Griffin”, the prosecutor started, “did you see Mr. Collins in the night between 3rd and 4th September, the night of the accident?”

“I did”, Clarke replied.

“What condition would you say was the defendant in when you saw him?”

“He seemed angry and hurt”, Clarke started, “He told me his parents wanted to move far away and he had no way of staying here without them.”

“How did he show his anger?”

“He punched the wall of the house so that his knuckles were bleeding and he kicked a bush on his way to the car.”

“So you saw him get into the car?”, the prosecutor asked, feeling he was going to win this case.

“I did”, Clarke nodded.

“And you’re also saying he was angry when he got into his car.”

“Very angry, yes”, Clarke nodded, “And I believe he was drunk, too”

“No more questions, your honor”

  


“You made the right decision”, Bellamy said as he and Clarke went outside the courtroom.

“I really hope I did”, Clarke sighed. She looked exhausted. Bellamy knew she hadn’t slept much since the night of the accident but he didn’t know how to help.

“I saw Raven and Octavia earlier”, Bellamy looked at his friend carefully.

Clarke looked up, waiting for him to explain why he mentioned this.

“They walked past each other in the hallway here and they both looked pretty angry.”

Clarke rolled her eyes a little. “What happened is neither of their faults!”

Bellamy saw something in her eyes, a small glint of a thought. “It’s not your fault either.”

Clarke looked up at him again, confused because he seemed to have read her mind. “I’m not so sure of that.”

Bellamy put his hand on her shoulder and she accepted the little comfort he was trying to give her and leaned a bit against him.

“Why, Clarke?”, Raven suddenly walked out of the courtroom. “Why’d you do it?”

“I-”, Clarke tried to defend herself, but Raven didn’t let her.

“If he goes to jail, or better yet if they give him death sentence it’s your fault!”, she shouted the last part, looking at Bellamy in between as if disgusted by the fact that he was supporting Clarke and was even working against Finn at the police.

“He a-”, Clarke tried again.

“Shut up!”, Raven shouted back, “I’ve heard enough from you today! I’ll never forgive you for this! I’ve been living with you for three fucking years! Finn betrayed me with you and I hated him for that, but he is still important to me! We were friends and now you throw him under the bus like this? This is pathetic!”

That’s when Murphy exited the courtroom, having heard Raven shout in the hallway. He put his hand on her shoulder, exchanging a small “I’ll take care of her” look with Bellamy, nodded at Clarke and lead Raven outside, leaving Bellamy and Clarke look at each other with sadness and disbelief.

 

* * *

 

_Lexa?_

_I need your help._

_Of course, Clarke. What do you need me to do?_

_Raven is angry at me because of the testimony._

_I heard._

_Could you tell her why I did it and that Finn wanted me to?_

_She’s not listening to either of us._

_Sure._

_I’ll do my best._

* * *

“Lexa?”, Abby asked, confused when she saw her daughter’s ex-girlfriend at the door. “Clarke is at the Blakes’. I thought you were…”

“I’m here for Raven”, Lexa used the short uncomfortable pause in Abby’s sentence.

“Oh”, Abby took a step to the side and opened the door fully. “She’s in her room.”

“Thank you, Mrs… Abby”

The mother smiled a weak smile, clearly tired of her daughters fighting and stressed by all that was going on. She walked back into the living room where she was watching TV while Lexa took off her shoes and the leather jacket that Clarke loved so much.

 

She knocked on Raven’s door and waited a few seconds.

“What?”, came her friend’s voice from inside.

“It’s not Clarke or Abby”, Lexa clarified, “It’s Lexa.”

“What are you doing here?”, Raven asked. “Did Clarke send you?”, there was a short scoff, “Wait no, you broke her heart.”

That sentence felt like a knife in Lexa’s heart and stomach but she swallowed the pain and entered the room.

“But you’re right”, Lexa started, seeing Raven in her usual position at her desk, face towards the computer.

At that, Raven turned around a confused but curious eyebrow on her forehead.

“I am here for Clarke.”

Raven scoffed again and turned around. “Then you can go home right now before you waste your time.”

“Finn and I asked her to testify.”, Lexa started, seeing Raven’s back tense up at the words. “The day after the accident, in the hospital. Clarke visited Finn and I walked in, too, after I came back from seeing Lincoln. Finn was pleading with her to tell the judge she had seen him in the car because he wouldn’t be able to live freely, knowing what he had done.”

“That’s not.. That can’t be…”, Raven stuttered.

“It’s true.”, Lexa took a step towards Raven, “I helped him to convince her.”

Raven turned towards Lexa again, her eyes angry and sad at the same time.

“But he…”, she mumbled, “he could have been free.”

“No, he couldn’t”, Lexa said softly, “He would always be scared of being caught, that night would hunt him and he’d feel guilty for having made Clarke lie for him.”

Raven stared at Lexa for a bit, Lexa holding the stare. Then Raven started nodding. Slowly, but it was a nod.

After a long silence, Raven took a deep breath in. “Tell Clarke I’m not ready to talk to her yet, but I understand. I’ll talk to her once we know how long he’ll get.”

“Please don’t be angry at her.”, Lexa said before turning towards the door, “She’s feeling miserable already, I see it in her eyes.”

“Why’d you leave her if you understand her so well?”, Raven asked right before the door could close behind Lexa.

Lexa just looked at Raven, then the floor, and closed the door.

 

* * *

 

“How are you holding up?”, Indra asked over the phone.

“I don’t know, honestly, I still can’t believe all this is happening!”, Amanda sighed and let herself fall onto the couch with the telephone in her hand.

“How is Lincoln?”

“He’ll be back home tomorrow or the day after so he’ll be okay soon.”

“You’re all alone at the moment, aren’t you?”

“I am”, Amanda looked around the living room, feeling the emptiness of the apartment hit her, “Sometimes I forget Lex has moved out now, too and I put a plate for her on the dinner table.”, she admitted. “There are still a few boxes of her stuff in her room, but once they’re out I have no clue of what to do with her room.”

“It’s the same with Gaia’s”, Indra said sympathetically, “By the way, have I told you she wants to be a yoga instructor!”, Indra’s voice sounded confused and helpless about what they could do about that decision their daughter had made.

“That’s nice.”

“You know how she started when she told me?”, Indra talked over Amanda, a bit faster now, “She said she’d do something with sports like me! SPORTS!”, Indra chuckled in an exaggerated way, “Yoga isn’t a real sport!”

“Well, have you tried it?”, Amanda asked calmly.

“No?”, Indra replied as if it was a stupid suggestion.

“Well, how do you know it’s not as hard, tiring and sweat producing as your lessons?”

“Have you seen yoga?”, Indra asked, confused about their friend’s opinion.

“No, but I think it would be harder for me to do those stretches than running across a field with a ball in my hand.”, Amanda chuckled. When Indra didn’t say anything in return, either pouting or thinking, Amanda continued. “I just want you to know what you’re talking about before you make any false accusations, my dear.”, she explained.

“I know, I know it’s just…”

“It’s not what you expected, huh?”

“Not exactly”, Indra admitted. “But anyway, let’s get back to you: Should I come over later so you’re not so alone all the time?”

“I’d love that”, Amanda smiled, “But I’m actually not that alone at all”, she then realised, “Nyko brought me a self-made cake yesterday and Echo has been cooking for me and the girls, even Octavia, for the past few days because we didn’t have time between running back and forth between Lincoln and the court.”

“That’s so nice of them!”, Indra said.

“It is”, Amanda nodded, “My kids picked themselves some good friends.”

“And girlfriends”, Indra added.

“That’s right, and girlfriends”, Amanda sighed after saying this. “She really loves him, you know? I can feel it in the way she talks about him.”

“Have I ever told you that I saw them exchanging looks since the first day of practice they had together?”, Indra asked.

“You didn’t, but that’s adorable. I always knew my boy’d become a romantic little fluff.”, Amanda chuckled, causing Indra to laugh a bit as well.

“What about Lexa and Clarke?”, Indra then asked, “They still going strong?”

Amanda’s face lost its smile, fully aware that Indra couldn’t see it through the phone. “No”, she simply replied.

“What happened?”, Indra asked, sounding seriously concerned.

“I don’t really know.”, Amanda started, “Lexa broke up with her.”

“But why?”

“Could be because of stress with the company”, Amanda shrugged.

“It was right you and Anya didn’t tell her till she graduated”, Indra immediately said, wanting to prevent Amanda from blaming herself.

“Yea…”, Amanda sighed, “Or she could still be clinging on to memories of Costia, hoping she’ll come back and fulfil Lexa’s dream.”

“I really hope that’s not it”, Indra said, “Costia has been away so long, she has probably found someone new by now.”

“I hope so”, Amanda admitted, “She was such a nice girl.”

“She really was”

The two friends remained silent for a bit, both just in their own thoughts.

“What about Anya’s girlfriend… uhm”

“Raven”

“Knew it was some bird”

Amanda chuckled.

“She seems actually really perfect for Anya”, Amanda thought, “Same sarcasm, same sense of humor, but still different enough to give her something to discover.”

“Wasn’t she Clarke’s sister or, like, adoptive sister?”, Indra remembered.

“Adoptive, yes”, Amanda answered, “That’s why them with my two girls would be so perfect! I’ve even talked to their mum a bit.”

“Really?”

“Yea, her name is Abby, she’s a doctor, widowed and has a boyfriend”, Amanda listed the things that came to her mind when thinking about the woman that seemed so different from her but seemed to love her daughters just as deeply as Amanda loved her kids.

“Boyfriend?”, Indra asked, “Should get you one of those!”, she chuckled.

“Nah thanks I’m done with men”, Amanda chuckled as well.

“Girlfriend?” Amanda could hear her friend raising their eyebrow.

“Nah”

“Who’s the boyfriend?”, Indra asked.

“Finn Collins' lawyer”

“Oh.”

“Yea…”, Amanda sighed, “But he seemed nice when I talked to him, both before and after the accident.

“Finn never did seem like a bad guy either, as far as my colleagues say.”

“The kids did mention he was nice sometimes, especially after that weekend trip they did.”

“Boy just made one mistake and now people are hating him.”, Indra sighed, “Not that you didn’t have a reason.”

“I know I do, but I still feel sympathetic towards him.”

“He’s just a kid like them all.”

“Exactly”, Amanda agreed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's LexaDeservedBetter day, everyone! Go tweet to get it trending again!
> 
> Thoughts on this chapter?
> 
> Also please check out my new work, it'll be a collection of poems that are in some way the100 themed.


	10. leydon, foutaim.

Raven’s heart was pounding loudly within her chest.

The chairs for the audience were filled with people.

Survivors and family and friends of those who didn’t survive.

Just a few steps in front of her was Finn.

The reason everyone was here, the reason she was here, but, she thought, she was probably the only one for whom that sentence had two meanings. She was here because of what he had done, just like the others, but she was also here for him.

Despite all the talking of the people around her, Raven felt as if she was in total silence.

She felt alone.

Clarke had looked at her when she and Anya had walked in, but Raven had looked away.

Bellamy was there, too. He had nodded at her. She had looked him in the eyes without expression. It took her longer than with Clarke, but she looked away.

Lincoln was there, sitting in between his mother and Abby, who had volunteered to take care of his wounds.

Raven could feel the irony, the struggle in the situation of some of the people close to her. Anya, Abby and Clarke in particular, all having an, albeit indirect, connection to both Lincoln and Finn.

Raven could feel Anya’s hand in hers, grip tight and trying to comfort her, but all Raven wanted was to run out and scream.

Scream to let out this fear, this disappointment, this deep, deep sadness.

The feeling of loss and regret had filled her heart these last couple of days and Raven could feel those feelings stick to her insides, knowing they’d be hard to wash off.

She heard a person behind her cough.

A door opened on the other side of the room.

People entered and Raven started to feel like she couldn’t breathe.

Don’t let them see your feelings.

You’ll be okay.

She felt herself get up and sit down again with Anya’s help.

She heard Finn’s name, then mumbling, then the words

“Sentenced to death …”

 

* * *

 

“I don’t want you to visit me”, Finn said when Raven and Clarke were finally allowed to talk to him after the decision. He was behind a glass window, speaking to a telephone receiver.

“What do you mean?”, Clarke asked at the same time as Raven asked: “Why?”

“It will probably take more than 10 years for me to actually…”, he said, all three of them looking down, knowing what he meant but no one wanting to hear the word. “I don’t want you to visit me”, Finn repeated.

“Why not?”, Clarke protested, “You’re still important to us.”

Raven nodded.

“I don’t want you to keep seeing me, to be sad because every time you see me you’re gonna have to think about what I did and that I will die because of it”, he explained.

Clarke was silent. Him saying the word ripped a hole into her heart. But she understood. Still, there was a tear running down her cheek.

“Clarke, don’t cry, please”, Finn looked concerned. This caused Raven to turn to Clarke and wipe away her tear, before turning back to Finn. Clarke had expected some “be strong”-look from her friend, but Raven hadn’t even looked her in the eye.

“I’m so sorry for making you feel like this.”, Finn started to cry now, too and despite what he’d done, Clarke felt the need to comfort him and felt bad that neither she nor Raven or anyone really, could hug him. “I never wanted to hurt you two again, but I did. I hurt all of you.”

“Hey”, Raven said, as if she wanted to comfort Finn, but her voice was weirdly cold, “You did something wrong and now we all have to live with it. We are going to get through it, as we’ve all been through a lot.”

“Raven is right”, Clarke said, softer and with more feeling in her voice than Raven. “We’re all strong, this will just bring us closer together.”

Finn’s face was hard to decode. He looked happy at the thought of his friends' group holding together strongly and he looked sad because he knew he wouldn’t be a part of it.

“I don’t want any of you visiting me.”, he said, his voice slowly but surely breaking. “Not Bellamy, not Lincoln, not Monty or Jasper, no one, okay?” He listed those names, knowing that, if they did as he told them, he would never see any of them again. “Tell them that.”

“We will”, Raven’s cold voice replied.

“I gave Markus something for each of you.”, Finn smiled a sad smile. “I want it to hold all the positive memories you had with me, okay?”

Clarke nodded, trying to figure out what those gifts were. Raven’s face was stone cold.

“I want none of you to look at it and cry, promise?”

“Promise,”, both girls nodded. Raven’s voice unmoved, Clarke’s full of sadness.

“Goodbye”, Finn said. “Remember the good me but learn from my mistakes”

“I love you”, Clarke shouted after him right before he dropped the receiver into its place at the side of the window.

“Thanks, princess”, she heard a whisper of his voice, then the clicking sound of the receiver.

The girls stared at him as the guard lead him out of the room. Raven’s eyes emotionless, Clarke’s filled with tears.

 

When the two young women left the room they were greeted by Abby and Markus. Abby looked worried seeing her girls, Clarke’s face full with tears and Raven’s eyes looking at nothing, empty. Clarke swallowed the tears that were trying to keep escaping her.

“Finn said he gave you something for us?”, she asked Markus.

“Yes”, the man took two small envelopes out of the inside pocket of his coat. The letters C and R were written on them like on Christmas presents.

Clarke felt her envelope in her hand, heavier than expected. It didn’t contain a note or letter, but something else. Clarke and Raven both opened their envelopes. Both contained necklaces. Clarke’s eyes let the tears flow again as she saw the pendant. It was a lion. Clarke had told Finn and Raven about how her father had always called her his little lion cub when they had helped her on the one year anniversary of his death. Clarke understood what Finn wanted to show her with this. It had been about three and a half years since Jake had died and Abby was now happy with Markus and Clarke, of course, still missed her father every once in a while, but she didn’t cry anymore every time she did. The lion was to tell Clarke that she would get over the loss of Finn. The lion, known for its strength, was supposed to give Clarke exactly that.

When Clarke looked over at Raven though, the brunette again didn’t seem very affected by her gift. Her necklace had a raven on it. Clarke knew that it didn’t just stand for Raven’s name, but for intelligence, freedom and her ambition to fly to space. But Raven didn’t seem to think of that. She had just taken the necklace out of the envelope and, without looking at the small metal raven for long, had just put it around her neck and had let the raven sink underneath her shirt.

“Do you two need to be alone for a while?”, Abby asked, her voice and eyes full of concern and compassion.

“Yes”, both girls replied.

“Do you want to be fully alone?”, Clarke asked Raven who just nodded. It was a cold, stoic nod that made Clarke think of Lexa. Lexa, the girl she had always felt safe around. And speaking, or rather thinking of the devil, …

A group of their friends had been standing at the other end of the corridor and now, just when Clarke thought of her, Lexa turned around to look at her. Clarke saw the sadness inside of her when their eyes locked. Lexa must have sensed that Clarke was on the verge of tears again, because she said something to Bellamy, who was standing next to her, putting her hand on his shoulder for a second before turning around and walking towards Clarke.

“You can go home”, she quickly said to Raven, giving her a short hug that Raven didn’t return. Then, with a small nod to her mum and Markus, she walked towards Lexa. They met in the middle of the hall and immediately fell into each other's’ arms, seeking safety and comfort in the other’s embrace.

“Can we go to your place?”, Clarke asked, her voice breaking, barely a whisper.

 

* * *

 

 

Once Clarke and Lexa entered Lexa’s apartment all their walls fell. There were only the two of them in the apartment so it was safe. Tears started to roll down Clarke’s cheeks again and Lexa let out a long, shaky sigh.

“You need to drink something.”, Lexa decided and went to the small kitchen. She came back just a few seconds later with a bottle of water. Clarke had dropped down on the floor, her arms around her legs, pressing her thighs against her chest. She had her nose buried between her knees and was sobbing.

“Hey, hey, hey”, Lexa tried to calm her down with her voice, immediately putting the bottle down on the floor, dropping to her knees next to Clarke. “Hey, it’s okay, you’re safe”, she continued in her calming voice.

“He’ll die”, Clarke sobbed, “he’ll die and it’s all my fault!”

“It’s not, Clarke”, Lexa said decidedly.

“It is”

“You did not drive the car that night, Clarke!”, she was clicking the k like she always did and Clarke loved it, but she couldn’t focus on it right now.

“But I let him leave!”

“It was his decision to get in the car and drive!”, Lexa continued to convince Clarke.

“I told the judge what I saw, I shouldn’t have, I should’ve…”, Clarke’s sobs became too much for her to keep talking.

“He wouldn’t have been able to live with what he did”, Lexa stroked Clarke’s back slowly, sometimes lightly touching her hair.

“But..”

“Finn is a good person”, Lexa sighed, tears starting to build in her own eyes now, “He knows he has to answer for what he did, otherwise it would kill him from inside.”

At the word “kill” Clarke’s sobs became louder again.

Lexa’s knees had started hurting from kneeling down so she switched to sitting cross-legged, never stopping to stroke Clarke’s hair and back.

“Come here”, Lexa told Clarke, patting on her lab with one hand.

Clarke scootched towards Lexa, then wrapped her legs around her torso, sitting cross-legged as well, but on Lexa’s lab. Their fronts were pressed against each other now, both being able to feel the other breathing underneath their breasts. They both wrapped their arms around the other tightly, pressing even closer to the other’s warmth, as if to become one.

The comfort of Lexa’s warmth filled Clarke’s body and that feeling of safety and love built in her lower belly again. Lexa felt the same way, comforted and safe, finally able to let go of warm tears that soaked the shoulder of Clarke’s sweater. They sat like this for a while, wrapped in each others’ bodies. When their grips got a bit lighter, Lexa looked into the beautiful blue of Clarke’s eyes. She loved those eyes. This was what she needed, Lexa thought. This embrace, this warmth, safety and comfort.

“I need you”, Clarke whispered, her bottom lip shaking, foretelling new tears.

That was it for Lexa. She leaned forward a bit and made their lips touch. Because both their lips were shaking, it took a while for them to get into the kiss, but when they did it felt like all they had ever needed, being handed to them. Lexa’s hands found Clarke’s hips while Clarke wrapped her hands around Lexa’s neck.

When they finally broke apart again after a few minutes, Lexa whispered: “I need you, too. And I will give you all you need.”

 

* * *

 

“How dare you do that to her?”, Clarke heard a shout from Raven’s room when she came home.

“I helped her.”

“No, you did not! She needs that memory to be hers!”

“She couldn’t have handled that situation.”

“She is strong!”

“She only is because of us.”

“You didn’t let her say goodbye!”

“It would only have hurt her!”

Both sides of the conversation were Raven’s voice. But they still sounded a bit different. One voice was the one from the conversation with Finn. Cold and emotionless. The other one was warm, full of love and compassion. The cold one was talking in a calm voice, as if not understanding what made the other so angry because the other one was shouting loudly.

“She is strong on her own, too!”, the caring voice said desperately.

“We both know she isn't. What I did was right.”, the cold voice responded.

Clarke was confused and concerned so she jumped up the stairs, two steps at a time, not bothering to take off her shoes or jacket first.

“Someone is coming”, the cold voice noticed. “Go back”

Just throwing her bag against her room’s door Clarke ran to Raven’s room. When she opened the door Raven laid on her bed, looking exhausted.

“Raven what’s wrong?”, Clarke asked.

“What do you mean what’s wrong?”, Raven asked. It was her normal voice again. “Wait, what happened after the sentence?”, she asked, rubbing her forehead. “Did we go drinking? I can’t remember anything.”

“Raven, we didn’t go drinking”, Clarke was even more confused. “Well, I was at Lexa’s for like two hours I think because I thought you’d want to be alone for a bit. I don’t know what you did while I was gone.”

“Two hours aren’t enough for that much drinking and then getting back here and I don’t feel very hungover”, Raven noticed, puzzled.

“Raven you were shouting at yourself”

“What do you mean at myself? When?”

“When I came in just now”, Clarke explained, “You had two different voices. Well, it was your voice but different. They were fighting.”

“How is that possible?”, Raven asked.

“I don’t know.”, Clarke shrugged.

There was a short pause where they just looked at each other in confused and, on Clarke's side, worried silence.

“Does your mum know any psychologists?”, Raven asked, her face less confused but determined to find out what was happening to her, now.

“Yes, her friend CeCe”, Clarke nodded.

“What time is it?”, her adoptive sister asked while storming out of the room.

Clarke took her phone out of her back pocket and replied: “5:47pm”

“Is that CeCe still in office now? If yes, where is it, if no, where is her house and what is her phone number?”, Raven shouted from the stairs.

“Mum and her often meet at around 5 so I guess she isn’t at work then”, Clarke shouted down the stairs while running after Raven.

The brunette had already grabbed Abby’s old-school telephone book. “Last name?”, she just asked.

“Cartwig”, Clarke replied, looking concerned. “Raven you can’t just go to her house.”

“Like hell I can”, Raven shouted back, “I wanna know what’s wrong with me.”

“Then I’ll go with you.”

Raven shut the phone book and started putting on her shoes. “No.”

“But Raven...!”, Clarke shouted again.

“This is about me and me alone”, Raven shouted before slamming the front door behind herself, leaving an overwhelmed Clarke behind.

 

* * *

 

“The first time I really heard Raven talk I noticed her having that extremely caring voice”, Lexa remembered. Two and a half hours had passed since Raven had stormed off. Clarke had called Lexa after some stress eating to calm herself down and to have someone to talk to about the weird thing that had just happened.

“Really?”, Clarke asked and tried to remember if she had ever heard Raven talk in those voices before.

“Yea and then afterwards she didn’t remember anything about it, remember? It was when she was angry at that teacher, probably Pike again.”, Lexa continued, “And when I asked her about it some days or weeks later she didn’t even remember the conversation.”

“Wait”, Clarke remembered something, too, now.

“Huh?”

“I think back when she and Finn helped me when it was one year since my dad had died, Raven had that voice, too!”

“Did she remember afterwards?”, Lexa was curious now. She was about as worried about their friend as Clarke, but this whole thing also seemed so interesting and mysterious.

“I don’t know”, Clarke sighed, “But wait a second.”

“Yea?”

“Sometimes she used to repeat the same arguments and copy stuff she had heard about, like…”, Clarke tried to remember one of them, but she couldn’t, “one day she would say it in that caring voice and then the next day she would say a similar thing in her normal voice but not know where she had read or heard it.”

“That’s weird”

“Yea and I don’t know if this is related at all, but she does have a lot of déjà vus.”, Clarke mentioned.

“I don’t know, could be.” There was a small silence.

“What do you think it is?”, Clarke asked, her voice sounding scared.

“I don’t know”, Lexa sighed and Clarke thought she could hear her shrug, “But, hey, it won’t be too bad, okay? Don’t worry, babe.”

The word caused a weird feeling in Clarke. A sting of pain in her chest at the same time as the warmth of hope in her stomach. Lexa noticed Clarke’s silence after the word and knew she shouldn’t have said it.

“Sorry”, her voice was soft and sad.

“Don’t be”, she heard Clarke’s voice from the other end of the line, sounding sad, but loving.

“What does it mean?, Lexa swallowed, “You know, what we did?” She could hear Clarke’s breath, sounding metallic through the speakers of her shitty phone.

“Would you be ready?”, Clarke asked after a few seconds. “I mean, you know”

“I would do anything for you, Clarke”, the k sound was almost as beautiful on the phone as in reality, Clarke thought.

“But what about you?”, Clarke asked and wished nothing more than to be able to stroke Lexa’s face right now. “Would this be good for you, too?”

“I told you how much I need you”, Lexa’s voice was serious but warm.

“I want you, Lexa”, it left Clarke’s mouth without her having thought about it first. It had to be said. She heard Lexa’s small gasp.

“I’m ready”, Lexa finally breathed. “I can do this and I want to.”

A tear streamed down Clarke’s face. Three words were in the front of her brain, on the tip of her tongue, but she held them back. For now.

 

She wouldn’t have been able to say them anyway, because she heard the front door being opened and closed right afterwards.

“I think Raven’s back”, Clarke whispered. It was too early for it to be Abby.

“Call me again as soon as you’ve talked to her”, Lexa’s voice sounded concerned again.

“I will”, again those three words were so close, but Clarke hung up before her mouth could betray her brain again.

She heard Raven run up the stairs so she got up quickly to talk to her before she could lock herself in her room if she was angry.

“Rae?”, Clarke asked as she opened her door.

“Abby’s friend is brilliant.” It was Raven’s voice. Clarke was relieved.

“What did she say?”

“She said I was lucky and that normally people like me spend years with different therapists and psychologists to find out what they have.” Clarke couldn’t tell what Raven was feeling. Her lips were smiling a bit, almost proudly, but her eyes looked worried or even scared.

“What is it then?” Clarke wanted to take Raven’s hand in support, but she couldn’t tell if Raven would want physical contact right now so she held her own hands together in front of herself instead.

“She says I might have DID.” Raven walked towards her room, letting Clarke come after her.

“What’s that?”

“Well I described to her what you had told me about the screaming and she asked me a few questions like if I have blackouts sometimes, don’t remember situations other people tell me I was present at etc.” Raven started her laptop and sat down in front of it.

“And what do those letters stand for?”

“Dissociative Identity Disorder”, Raven said, sounding as if she was imitating CeCe.

“Which means?”

“I may have different personalities in my body.”

“Huh?”

Raven opened the Wikipedia page for DID so Clarke could read it.

“Dissociative identity disorder (DID), formerly known as multiple personality disorder, is a mental disorder characterized by at least two distinct and relatively enduring personality states. There is often trouble remembering certain events, beyond what would be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.”, Clarke read out loud. “Sounds like you.”, she added. Raven just nodded.

“It says at least two.”, Clarke looked back at Raven next to her. “How many personalities are in you?”

“Well”, Raven shrugged, “You said you heard two different voices and I don’t remember that conversation, so it must be at least two more besides myself.”

“Okay..”

“It says it’s caused by childhood trauma.”, Clarke read.

“Got plenty of that shit”, Raven sighed.

“What are you gonna do?”, Clarke asked her friend and adoptive sister.

“Well Dr. Cartwig, or CeCe, if you call her that, said she’d help me with it.”

“Are you able to talk to your other personalities?”, Clarke asked.

“Not yet, but CeCe said I might soon, with her help. Also, she called them alters.”

“Oh, okay.”, Clarke made a mental note to remember to call them that, too. “When do they…”, Clarke tried to ask, but didn’t know how to word her question, “Take control?”, she then asked with an extra question mark in her voice.

“I don’t know, yet, but maybe in stressful situations? I really don’t know.” Raven hated the feeling of not knowing stuff and Clarke knew very well that Raven would be researching all through the internet all night to find answers.

“I was talking to Lexa earlier, can I tell her about this?”, Clarke asked and quickly added, “I’ll tell her not to tell Anya or the others so you can do that.”

“Sure”, Raven said, absentmindedly, already deep in the Wikipedia article. When Clarke had already left the room she suddenly heard Raven’s voice shouting after her: “Wait, you were talking to Lexa??”

Clarke chuckled a bit and picked up her phone that she had left on her bed. She quickly sent Lexa the link to the Wikipedia article on DID with the message “Doctor says this is probably it”.

When Clarke walked into Raven’s room again, her adoptive sister wasn’t sitting at her desk anymore, but stood in the middle of the room, looking at her as if she had waited for her. Her face looked nice and calm, other than it had before, but still serious.

“Nice to meet you properly, Clarke”, the soft voice said, “I’m Becca”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts on:  
> \- Finn's sentence  
> \- Finn's decision about Raven and Clarke  
> \- Clexa in this chapter  
> \- RAVEN HAVING DID???
> 
> Tell me in the comments or dm me!


	11. brana taim

“Hello Becca”, Clarke nodded. She looked her up and down, realising she was standing a bit different from the way Raven would. Despite Becca’s soft and caring voice, Clarke didn’t trust her fully yet and Becca sensed that.

“I know this must be a bit confusing for you”, the woman said.

“A lot actually.”, Clarke admitted, still eyeing her adoptive sister’s body a bit sceptically.

“I understand that.", Becca assured her. "I have researched about our condition before Raven knew we existed so there is some things I want you to understand and maybe you can communicate them to Raven, too?”

“Okay”, Clarke replied, raising an eyebrow.

“Alie and I are part of Raven”, Becca started her explanation, “We aren’t something added to Raven’s mind, but just as much part of the mind that belongs to this body as Raven is. She is just the one that identifies with this body and the name it was given. Alie and I don’t look like this.”; she pointed at the body.

“What do you look like?”, Clarke wanted to know.

Becca chuckled. “I can’t explain really well and none of us is as good at drawing and painting as you are.”

Clarke was a bit confused about how Becca knew about her talent, but then remembered that with Raven the other two had lived in this house for years.

“Maybe one of us can try to describe us to you and you can draw us then?”

“Maybe”, Clarke replied in thoughts just when the door downstairs was opened.

“I’m home girls!”, Abby’s voice filled the house.

“I’m here, too”, Markus’ voice followed.

“Okay”, Clarke shouted back in an everything-is-okay voice. Then she looked into Becca’s eyes, not wanting to ask her to leave, but wanting her to understand that she needed to talk to Raven right now.

Becca understood and nodded.

A few seconds later, the body in front of Clarke was standing like Raven again.

“Wait wh-”, Raven asked, pointing at the chair, indirectly asking when she had gotten up. “Did…?”

“Yes, Becca just introduced herself to me.”, Clarke explained.

“Becca.”, Raven repeated, as if trying to find something in her memories that belonged to that name.

“Yes and she said the other…alter’s name is Alie”, Clarke added. “She didn’t mention anyone else so I guess it’s just the three of you in there.” She pointed at Raven’s head.

Raven’s face went from a bit overwhelmed to slowly grasping that this was real and the way she was.

“Mum and Markus are home.”, Clarke said slowly to not overwhelm Raven again. “Do you want to tell them?”

Raven looked into Clarke’s eyes, finding a love and support she only found in her sister. She nodded, Clarke nodded, and they went downstairs.

Abby and Markus were sitting at the small kitchen table, looking exhausted. Markus was sitting with his back to the door, but Abby, sitting opposite him, saw her daughters approaching and immediately got up. She went towards them, happy to see them walk next to each other without mean looks thrown into the other’s direction. She put an arm around each of them and pulled them into a tight hug.

Clarke and Raven remembered. In the whole chaos that was Raven’s diagnosis they had forgotten about what had happened earlier that day. Feeling the comfort of Abby’s hug, both melted into it, putting one arm about their mother and the other around each other.

The family hug lasted for a minute and seemed to give all three of them strength. 

When they parted, all three of them had tears in their eyes, but they all wiped them away.

“I got something to tell you.”, Raven whispered, but even Markus heard her.

“What is it?”, Abby asked, a concerned look in her sad eyes.

Raven told her and Markus everything that had happened after Clarke had come home and Clarke added what Becca had told her earlier. Abby and Markus recognised the term DID from when CeCe had talked about it in college so Raven was glad she didn’t have to explain too much. 

After their conversation that included more hugs than had happened in the house all year, as Clarke thought, Raven texted Anya to come over. One of the alters had apparently told her after the sentence that Raven wanted to be alone and she had been worried about her ever since.

“Are you okay?”, Anya asked as soon as Raven opened the door.

“I am… well”, Raven hesitated for a second, “Yes, I am.”

Anya raised an eyebrow, questioning the truth in Raven’s words before following her upstairs.

As Raven explained to her the same things she had told Abby and Markus earlier, Anya took her hand and assured her that she loved her and would support her through all of it.

* * *

 

On the next morning Raven told the whole friends group to meet up at Niylah’s. Everyone was concerned and confused because obviously they had all heard about Finn’s sentence or had been there to hear it directly, but after Raven had assured them that it had nothing to do with Finn, they were even more concerned.

When Raven and Clarke entered the bar, Octavia and Lincoln stood right next to the door. Seeing them, looking into their eyes immediately sparked an awkward tension within all four of them because of the way they had treated each other in the past few days.

“I’m sorry.”, Octavia started. “I shouldn’t have been mean to you. What Finn did isn’t your fault. I know he is important to you and deep down he is a good guy.”

“I didn’t know him well, but, even though he hurt me, he doesn’t deserve this.”, Lincoln added.

“I’m sorry I was mean to both of you.”, Raven said to Octavia and Clarke, realising she still hadn’t really apologised to Clarke. “And I’m sorry for what he did to you.” She looked into Lincoln's eyes and the feeling of shame inside her stomach was slowly getting smaller by the young man's understanding and forgiving eyes.  


“I’m sorry, too”, Clarke nodded and Lexa, even though she was a couple of steps away at the table, could see a bit of the blame Clarke gave herself was still there.

The four of them went to the table with their friends and everyone but Raven sat down. She told them about what Clarke had heard, about her visit at CeCe’s and about what Becca had told Clarke afterwards. Clarke and Anya also noticed that she mentioned some extra information that were probably from her night of research.

“Is that why you behaved differently sometimes in school?”, Harper asked.

“Was that why you knew stuff about chemistry you never studied?”, Monty asked.

“So you didn’t have drugs in the girl’s bathroom?”, Jasper asked.

Raven just nodded, happy her friends didn’t judge her for this but were simply curious about it instead. What followed was an active discussion and everyone asking to meet the alters some time. Raven explained that she didn’t know how to talk to them yet, but promised, that, as soon as Dr Cartwig had taught her how, she would ask them.

 

* * *

 

When Raven and Clarke arrived back home after the meet up with their friend’s at Niylah’s they decided to sit down in Raven’s room to calm down from all these stressful events.

“About Finn…”, Raven started, immediately causing Clarke to feel as though someone had stuck a knife into her chest.

“Yea?”, she asked, a bit afraid about what Raven was going to ask.

“Will you visit him?”

“No”, Clarke immediately replied which confused Raven. “He told us not to, Rae!”, Clarke explained, tilting her head downwards a bit, looking up at Raven as if it was a kind of dumb question.

“He did?”, Raven asked, looking confused for a second.

“Yea he…”, both girl’s faces started to fill with realisation, “told us it would only hurt all of us and he gave us necklaces.”

“He did?”, Raven asked, a mixture of sadness about Finn and anger at her alters in her voice.

There was a small pause again and Clarke saw a shift in her sister.

“Let me explain.” This was Becca’s voice.

“Wait”, Clarke immediately cut her off, “I need Raven to hear this! I can’t be your messenger!”

“She’s hearing this”, Becca assured Clarke.

“I am, I don’t know how, but we are sort of both in control right now”, Raven’s voice added.

This looked a bit bizarre to Clarke, a body talking to itself with two different voices, but by picturing them as two different people, which, well, they were, she could handle it.

“Alie took over when you two were to say goodbye to Finn.”, Becca explained, “I told her it was wrong, but she kept herself in control. I fought with her afterwards, which was when Clarke heard us, but, as you probably remember”, she nodded at Clarke, “She didn’t listen to me.”

“Let me talk to her”, Raven’s voice asked.

There was a short pause.

“No come out front, Clarke needs to hear this, too”, Becca’s voice said a few seconds later as if debating with Alie who wanted to stay on the inside.

There was an annoyed sigh. “I did it to protect you from being hurt”, the cold voice, Alie, explained, “That is what I am here for.”

“But there are moments Raven needs to experience herself.” Becca was calmer than during the fight the day before. The next sentence though shocked Clarke because it was screamed so loudly.

“You stole my memories, you crazy bitch!” This was Raven.

“Clarke”, Alie addressed the girl sitting next to them.

Confused, shocked and in awe at once, Clarke nodded.

“You were there with me. Tell Raven that it was more than sad to be there.”

“It was”, Clarke admitted and there was a short triumphant look in the brown eyes she was looking into that must have come from Alie, “But still that memory should be Raven’s.”

The eyes looked defeated for a second, then angry again.

“You can’t just decide what I get to see and experience without even informing me about your existence!”, Raven shouted again.

“We wanted to protect you”, Becca replied, somewhat calmly as if she had expected a fight like this to come sooner or later. “That is our purpose, that is why your mind isn’t just Raven but three people! During your early childhood you were treated horribly. It was my job to protect you by behaving the way your mum wanted you to when you couldn’t because you were angry at her. Alie was the one who had to be the emotionless wall between you and your mother’s insults. The way she is is not her fault, your mind just needed her to be that way just like you needed a loving caretaker who your mum would like and who could take care of you and therefore created me.”

Clarke was speechless. She had known Raven’s childhood had been bad, but only now she started to be able to picture how bad it must have been.

The body across from her was silent, too. Becca had explained enough, Alie was probably waiting for Raven’s reaction while the latter was just as speechless as her sister.

“Thank you, then... I guess”, Raven’s a bit overwhelmed stutter finally left her lips. 

There was a small shadow of a smile and Clarke thought it might have come from all three.

 

* * *

 

Clarke and Raven had been sitting calmly in Raven’s room for a while. Clarke could see from her friend’s posture that her two headmates had gone back into wherever they went when they weren’t up front. They were both staring at the wall, in their thoughts until Raven broke their silence.

“Anyway, what was going on in our lives before we discovered my brain roomies?”, she asked, chuckling a little.

Clarke chuckled as well and, after a second of thought, had to blush. “Uhm… you asked me why I went to Lexa’s after the sentence.”

Raven swallowed sadly at the mention of the sentence, but then turned towards her sister, an eyebrow raised curiously.

“So…? Why were you there then?”, a corner of her lips went up, making her half-smile. She knew what had happened just by the look on Clarke’s face, but she wanted her to say it anyway.

“Uhm… I guess we are…”, Clarke blushed even more now, knowing what Raven’s reaction would be, “I guess we’re back together.”

“Wooohooo”, Raven shouted, jumping up into the air, “I knew this would happen, I fucking knew it!”

Clarke chuckled as she saw her sister this happy while Raven took out her phone to send an audio into the groupchat.

“Everyone back at Niylah’s tonight at 7, we have something to celebrate!”, she said into her phone.

 

Clarke quickly took out her phone to text Lexa.

 

_ I told Raven we’re back together.. That’s what she wants to celebrate.. _

_ I hope that’s okay…? _

_ Of course it is, Clarke. _

_ They would all have found out anyway. _

_ And this way we don’t have to tell them when Raven will. _

_ You’re right _

_ See you tonight then _

_ I’m looking forward to it. _

 

While texting Lexa Clarke’s phone kept buzzing from messages sent into the groupchat.

 

**_Monty_ ** _ Why? _

**_Maya_ ** _ Did something happen? _

**_Emori_ ** _ Why do you sound so excited? _

**_Murphy_ ** _ Did someone finally film Jasper being high and crazy?? _

**_Jasper_ ** _ Fuck. Did you? _

**_Raven_ ** _ No it’s better! _

**_Octavia_ ** _ Well now I’m curious _

**_Lincoln_ ** _ What is it? _

**_Raven_ ** _ It’s a surprise, kiddos _

**_Echo_ ** _ Why do you talk like Anya? _

**_Lexa_ ** _ Please don’t. _

* * *

A few hours later everyone started to show up at Niylah’s again. Clarke and Raven had been the first to arrive since Raven was really excited and therefore left the house way too early and Clarke just came with her.

When Lexa arrived, Clarke died of bisexuality. The brunette was still in her business outfit, suit, fancy watch on one wrist, leather band on the other and a long, pretty necklace hanging over the black button up. Clarke's jaw had fallen open and she couldn’t stop staring at Lexa’s beautiful figure.

Suddenly she felt two fingers on her chin.

Octavia had closed her mouth my lifting her jaw and at Clarke’s confused look her giggles turned into full laughter which soon caused Lincoln and Bellamy to join in.

Everyone had noticed the way Lexa and Clarke were staring at each other and the fact that Lexa had taken place right next to Clarke so when Raven got up to announce the reason she had called everyone there, they all already knew why.

“To the two most blind people in the world”, she said, raising her glass before looking at the two lovebirds staring at each other, “Who, despite being too in love to notice we are celebrating them”, she cleared her throat loudly so that Clarke and Lexa finally looked at her as well, “Finally realised they’re too gay for each other to function alone!”

Everyone raised their glasses and repeated after Raven: “To Clexa!”

“Echo”, Raven finally addressed her friend, “I guess you owe me 10 bugs.”

“You betted on them to get back together?”, Bellamy asked, looking back and forth between his girlfriend and his best friend.

Echo just shrugged. “Yep” She handed the bill to Raven who smiled smugly.

Before everyone could fall into the usual chatter, Raven raised an eyebrow at seemingly nothing. “Someone else wants to congratulate you!”

Everyone got quiet, knowing what that meant and, since all but Clarke and Anya hadn’t officially met Becca or Alie yet, they were all curious.

“Congratulations, you two.”, Becca’s voice said towards Lexa and Clarke.

“Thanks”, Clarke blushed.

“You must be Becca?”, Lexa half asked, half stated, “It’s very nice to finally meet you properly.” Lexa extended her hand and Becca gladly took it, not only shaking it but taking it into both her hands.

“I’ve seen the both of you together and I truly believe you are very good for each other.”, Becca nodded, making Clarke and Lexa blush.

“Also they need to stay together to complete the COR dating Woods trilogy”, Jasper stated, confusing most of the others.

Everyone now finally fell into chatters with many starting to ask Becca lots and lots of questions. Lexa noticed Becca and Anya exchanging a few warm looks of friendship and was really glad they seemed to be getting along so well.

 

* * *

 

Ding dong. The doorbell rang. As soon as Lexa opened the door and looked into Clarke's eyes, there was a connection: electricity that Lexa felt in both her heart and her crotch. She opened the door wider after she had gotten her breath back and let Clarke come inside. On her way in Clarke gave Lexa a small kiss on the lips that made her legs weak.

It was only them at home. Lexa was so glad right now that she had bought an apartment. There was no Amanda she had to send to go out for dinner with Indra and that would have to promise, with a wink of course, that she would stay at their's afterwards. No Lincoln for whose date with Octavia she’d have to pay. 

Lexa had placed some snacks on the coffee table, which made Clarke visibly happy. 

"Which movie do you wanna watch?", Lexa asked in the softest voice Clarke had ever heard. 

"You choose", Clarke smiled and sat down on the couch, immediately reaching forward for a piece of chocolate.    
Lexa sat down next to her and started to search for a movie. Neither of them paid attention to it when it was on. Both having their full attention on the other’s body. Well, 98% of Clarke's attention since the rest was on the snacks.

The sides of their bodies were touching, always stroking against each other when one moved towards the coffee table.

About half an hour into the movie then, Clarke finally placed her hand on Lexa's thigh, which caused the brunette’s heart to miss a beat. Clarke's hand started moving closer to Lexa's centre where it caused something to harden. Lexa forgot how to breathe. She looked up at Clarke whose blue eyes looked less like the sky now but more like the darker blue of the sea. 

"Didn't you want to just hang out and watch Netflix?", Lexa asked, her voice shaking.

"Well that's not far from Netflix and chill", Clarke replied, her eyes darting down to Lexa's lips. "Unless of course, you aren’t ready to...!", she then added quickly, looking Lexa in the eyes again. Now Lexa could see she was just as nervous as she was. Lexa bit her lip, not trusting her voice enough to reply. "Do you want to?", Clarke asked.

Lexa nodded slowly then more surely.

"Good", Clarke nodded, too, "because I want you!"

That was enough. Lexa shot forward and kissed the blonde with just as much force so she wouldn't hurt her. This caused a moan to escape Clarke and when she pushed forward into Lexa, the same sound left her, too.

Lexa helped Clarke out of her sweater first before Clarke undid the buttons of Lexa's button up.

After Lexa had spent enough time staring at the pretty blue bra on her girlfriend's body, she finally decided to see what was underneath. And when she did, Clarke could see by looking at Lexa's pants, that she liked it. Lexa started to caress Clarke's breasts with her hands before taking one nipple into her mouth, sparking another moan from the other girl. It didn't take long for them to undress each other fully. When the last piece of clothing, Lexa's boxers, hit the ground, Clarke was speechless. She had not expected Lexa's cock to be this big. Lexa grinned when she saw Clarke's reaction. 

"Should I stretch you a bit first?", she offered, holding up her hand. 

Clarke nodded. "Can you...?", she tried to ask, pointing at Lexa's crotch, "Do you...?"

"If I make sperm?", Lexa asked, bemused by Clarke's inability to speak. "I might a bit, but don't worry, I have condoms."   
Lexa took Clarke's hand and, fully naked as they were, lead her towards her room. There she opened a drawer of her nightstand and took out a condom which she then put on her cock.

Clarke sat down on the bed and when Lexa started crawling on top of her, she crawled  backwards until her head found the pillow. 

“Stretch me”, Clarke begged and as soon as Lexa’s hand moved towards her centre she opened her legs.

Lexa did as she was told. First she wanted Clarke to get used to feeling her against her body so she made her come by slowly circling her clit, teasing a bit in between. Clarke was already moaning loudly, holding tightly to Lexa’s hips. Then Lexa let her fingers slip into Clarke’s wet pussy. Clarke’s moan was deeper this time.

Lexa started with two fingers, but she knew she had to put in more to prepare Clarke for her cock. So she added a third finger, making Clarke escape a small scream.

“Ugh another”, Clarke demanded, very out of breath.

Lexa pushed in four fingers and decided to circle Clarke’s clit with her thumb. She kept Clarke on the edge for a while before finally lowering her pace. She slowly pulled out, making Clarke come another time in the process. 

“Do you think you’re ready?”, she asked once Clarke’s panting had become less.

“Yess”, Clarke replied, “I want all of it inside me.” With that Clarke rose from the bed and turned their bodies around. Now Lexa laid with her back on the mattress, her hard cock rising from between her legs. Clarke stroked over it with her hand, making Lexa close her eyes to enjoy the feeling. Then Clarke straddled Lexa’s legs, kneeling with her pussy right above the tip of Lexa’s penis. She took it into her hand and slowly lowered her body, making it enter her pussy. Both women moaned at the feeling of the other, closing their ey es to savour the moment. 

“Ride me”, Lexa moaned.

“With pleasure”

Clarke moved her body up and down, every time letting Lexa’s cock enter her a bit deeper until she was balls deep inside her. They were so loud, they were sure the whole neighbourhood could hear them when they came together. Lexa held onto Clarke’s hips the whole time, enjoying the softness of her skin while Clarke caressed Lexa’s breasts.

“This is the best type of sex ever”, Clarke sighed when she fell next to Lexa onto the bed.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s my bisexual heart’s dream!”, Clarke started to explain, “I get fingers, cock and boobies”, she continued while cubbing Lexa’s breast with her hand.

“I’m glad I can be of assistance”, she smiled.

“You feel so good”, Clarke sighed, “So right”

“So do you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yea here we have a small crash course on DID and some smut you hopefully liked...  
> Tell me your opinions in the comments


	12. Sen ai in

Clarke was slowly waking up, a comfortable feeling of pleasure filling her body and a soft warmth pressed against her side. She opened her eyes slowly and was met with a loving green.

"Your eyes…", Clarke started, mumbling it a little since she was still half asleep. 

"What about them?"

"They look like sunlight falling through leaves in spring", Clarke explained, her voice now raspy, "I've always wanted to paint that."

"Why haven't you?", Lexa asked, raising her head curiously, supporting it with her hand.

"I've tried, but I've never been able to do it right so that it looks as perfect as in reality."

Lexa smiled and they simply looked at each other for a bit. 

Something shifted, changed in both of them and they could see the tension in the other’s eyes. Their eyes looked a bit sad, melancholic, a bit of regret in them. Not for tonight, but before.

“I’m sorry, Clarke”, Lexa sighed, finally lifting the apology off her shoulder that had been pressing on her back for months. “I’m sorry for leaving and I’m sorry for doing it the way I did.” She took a deep breath. “I’m so sorry for it all.”

“It’s okay”, Clarke said, moving a bit closer to the other woman.

“It’s not.”, Lexa shook her head and sat up on the bed. "I was so scared of losing you that I figured it would be better if I had nobody to lose to begin with. That way it was in my control. I knew I'd hurt you but my stress was clouding over my good judgement.”

Clarke listened closely as she sat up slowly, feeling sorry for the girl that had broken her heart before putting it back together.

“I was stupid”, Lexa continued, “I should have known that you’re worth taking every risk in the universe! I should have known that hurting you would become my deepest regret!”

“Lexa…”, Clarke started, but Lexa wasn’t finished yet.

“I know nothing can excuse what I did and I understand if you still have a bit of hate for me left inside you…”

“I could never hate you!”, Clarke cut her off. “Never!”

Lexa was speechless for a second. “But I…”

“You hurt me, yes”, Clarke nodded sightly, looking into Lexa’s eyes to see every emotion she was feeling, “And I was angry at first, frustrated and sad. But I understand you now.”

A tear was starting to form in Lexa’s eye.

“I understand you and I want you back! You may have broken my heart that day but when I broke down in your arms you helped pick me back up! I’m stronger now than I was before, but to be even stronger, I need you in my life!”

Lexa nodded. “I’ll always be here for you.”

“From now on you tell me if something is wrong, okay?”, Clarke asked, “If something is stressing you and your brain is telling you to do stupid things…”

Lexa nodded again. “I will, Clarke. I’m all yours.” She bowed her head a little until Clarke couldn’t see her face anymore.

“Hey”, Clarke whispered, putting her hand under Lexa’s chin and lifting up her head slowly, “Don’t do that”, Clarke whispered once Lexa’s eyes met yours again. “Don’t put yourself beneath me!”

With a light push from Clarke's hand, Lexa lifted her head fully so that she was at the same height as Clarke again. She nodded slowly. “First you’re yours and I’m mine. And then we’re each other’s”, she whispered.

Clarke smiled and nodded slightly. "Exactly.", she whisperd.  


Lexa looked deep into her eyes, feeling as though Clarke was still hiding something. And she was right.

“I have to tell you something.”, Clarke whispered.

Lexa nodded encouragingly and curiously.

“I fucked up as well”, Clarke sighed. “I… I slept with someone after we broke up”

There was a short, sad flicker in Lexa’s eyes, but she nodded, understanding. “That’s okay, Clarke.”

“It was Niylah”, Clarke confessed.

“It doesn’t matter who it was.”, Lexa continued, “We weren’t together and you were hurt. I have no right to be mad at you and you have nothing to be sorry for.”

“We can do this together, right?”, Clarke asked, but she knew the answer.

“We’ll survive together”, Lexa nodded.

“I believe life should be about more than just surviving.”, Clarke said and took Lexa’s hand in hers.

“Then we will live together”

“I love you”, Clarke whispered.

“I love you”

The touch of their hands filled the spaces, the things they didn’t find the words to to express.

Blue eyes looked into green, then flickered towards plump, pink lips. Green, pink, green. She couldn’t hold herself back anymore. Clarke moved a bit closer to the girl she loved, placed the palm of her hand in the hair on Lexa’s neck and pulled the girl closer until her lips finally found the lips she had been waiting for, staring at for so long.

She had gotten them last night, of course, but that hadn’t been right. They hadn’t spoken yet and they had just been acting on what their bodies had told them to do.

But now it felt like coming back to life, as if she hadn’t lived, only existed until this very moment, when those lips that could form the most beautiful smile in the universe, were now enveloping hers. They pulled back for a second to look at each other, making sure this was real, this was HER. It was true. And upon realising that, Clarke saw a tear of happiness and relief form in Lexa’s eye. Like a raindrop falling from a leaf into the sand, the tear rolled out of her eye and over her soft, tanned cheek. Even though she knew it was a good tear, a happy tear, Clarke was overcome with the need to take care of Lexa, to protect her, and the only way she could think of how to do that, was by kissing her again. So she did, and they barely stopped until they laid on top each other again, panting and ready to continue their sleep in each other’s arms.

 

* * *

 

_ Rae I’m bored and Emori isn’t coming home for another hour or so and Idk I feel like chatting with you _

_ You free? _

_ Yea sure _

_ I’ll be at yours in 10 _

_ You’re the best _

_ And you’re a cheesy ass _

_ Can I be mozzarella please _

_ Shut up or I’m not coming _

_ Is what you kept telling Bell back then _

_ Ok I’m coming over but only to put a vacuum cleaner on your dick _

_ Joke’s on you. We don’t have one. _

_ Why am I friends with you two disgusting pieces of trash again? _

_ Bc you love us _

  
  


“You didn’t protest against the loving us part”, Murphy said triumphantly as he opened the door.

“Because I was already on the way.”, Raven defended herself.

“Sure”, Murphy smiled as he let her in.

“So they really gave Bell a promotion, huh?”, Raven asked while taking off her shoes, maybe just to change the topic.

“Yea.”, Murphy shrugged on his way to the kitchen. “Want something? Coffee, tea?”

“Don’t tell anyone but I’ll take a hot chocolate.”, Raven replied, her voice a bit lower than before.

“Oho big bad Reyes likes hot cocoa, it would destroy her if anyone found out!”, Murphy mocked her.

“Shut up!”, Raven hit the back of his head lightly, “Your coffee machine just makes it so good!”

“I know right”, Murphy smiled and made two mugs.

In a warm, comfortable silence that neither of them would admit made them feel homey and at peace a little, they made their way to the couch.

“He said he’ll have to travel a lot though”, Murphy continued their conversation.

“But I mean, he says he really likes the new stuff.”, Raven shrugged, “He feels more important in a special force thing than just being a regular street officer.”

“I get that”, Murphy nodded.

“Do you maybe wanna get into his group, too?”, Raven asked curiously.

“I’ve been thinking about it, yea.”

“Well if you wanna, go for it!”

They drank in silence for a bit, looking at nothing in particular and just thinking their thoughts.

“So about that DID thing...”, Murphy then broke the silence.

“Yea?”

“What's your theory on why you think you have it?”, he looked at her, a mixture of curiosity, love and wanting to take care of her in his eyes.

“Well, the doc says it’s from childhood trauma.”

Murphy looked back at his mug as if remembering something.

“Cartwig and I have been talking about my past a lot, which I kinda hate but I mean, gotta do it to find out why I have this so…”

“And you couldn’t stand not knowing everything about it, yea, I know you, dude”, Murphy smiled.

Raven slightly rolled her eyes. “Anyway, it’s pretty clear it’s because of my mum.”

“But you were 15 when she died”, Murphy half stated half asked, “That’s not childhood.”

“Oh, she caused me a good amount of trauma most of my life.”

“How so?”

“Well, I’m sure you know that the reason why my leg doesn’t really work is because of a car accident I was in when I was basically still a baby, right?”

Murphy shrugged. He had been told some parts of that story, but never all of it.

“Well my dad died in that accident so I guess that’s a big trauma that might have caused them.”

“Did they… appear”, there was a slight questioning tone in his voice, asking if that word was correct, “at the same time?”

“They say they did, yea”, Raven explained.

“But since, as far as I can tell by now, Becca seems to see herself as a sort of mother figure for me, I guess they split from my mind a bit later.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well, as Dr Cartwig explained it, you can picture a mind like a cake. Your mind for example is an unsliced cake. In my brain there aren’t three cakes, there’s one cake in three pieces. Becca, Alie and me are just parts of the old Raven, I just happen to be the one that identifies with the body.”

“Okay. Why do you think they appeared later? What happened after the accident?”, Murphy was genuinely curious about this now.

“Mum started drinking”, Raven said cooly, “Like a lot.”

There was a short silence before Murphy admitted: “My mum was an alcoholic, too.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for yours, too.”

“Guess we have more in common than we always thought, huh?”

“Yea…”, Murphy shrugged, “So Becca appeared to make up for your constantly drunk mum?”, he then asked.

“Basically, yea”

“Then what is Alie’s reason?”

“She’s a pretty stone cold bitch.”, Raven said, but with a smile, as if she’s grown to appreciate the woman with an affinity for the colour red. “I guess Becca was too caring and I guess.. nice, so she couldn’t keep off the cruel stuff my mother used to say so she needed Alie who doesn’t really seem to have feelings because she wouldn’t take mum’s shit personally.”

Murphy thought for a few seconds. “If my mum had been just a bit worse a bit earlier in my life I might have two other people in my brain now, too, huh?”

Raven shrugged and drank the last bit of hot chocolate. “I guess, yea.”

“Another?”, Murphy asked, sounding deep in his thoughts as he pointed at the mug in Raven’s hand.

“Thanks”, she nodded and handed him the mug.

 

When he came back from the kitchen with their hot mugs Raven asked: “So, do you have any deep, dark secrets?”

“Don’t we all?”, Murphy asked, a bit as if he was trying to avoid a thought.

“I told you mine”, Raven nudged his side before drinking a bit of her hot chocolate.

Murphy took a deep breath in, then out. “Okay.”

Silence.

Raven looked at him, eyebrow raised, a small “c’mon”-saying smile on her lips.

“I was raped.”

The smile fell immediately.

“A year and a month ago.”

“Who?”, was all Raven managed to ask.

“Older girl, maybe three years older. Never saw her again.”

Raven just stared at him blankly, in shock that she hadn’t known this before.

“She must’ve been 21. I had been thrown out of a club and she and her friends saw me. She was some sort of leader chick, I guess ‘cause everyone seemed to listen to her. Even the guard at the door when they took me inside. At first, I felt super cool because I was able to get into that club with her. I didn’t really want to drink much, just dance and experience the club life I guess. Maybe I was scared I’d turn into my mum if I drank too much. I guess that girl was rich or something, at least after a while in the regular club downstairs she told me to follow her upstairs to where the special guests could go. I was stupid. I just thought finally a girl is noticing me, you know.”

Raven nodded slightly, feeling a deep sympathetic pain in her stomach.

“She took me to this room with just a bed and red lights, I guess they wanted it to look romantic. When I finally realised what she was doing she had already taken off her shirt. When she started taking off her pants, too, I told her to stop, I told her no, but I couldn’t go anywhere. If I’d went outside without her I was scared the guards or some other dudes would beat me up for getting in again when they’d just kicked me out. I was almost scared for my life!”

Raven noticed the tears in his eyes as he looked at her. She nodded slightly, signalling him that it was okay, he was safe and she wasn’t gonna judge him so he let the tears fall.

“So I let it happen. I didn’t do anything”.

“You told her no”

“I should have been more direct, more, I don’t know…”

“It’s not your fault!”

“I know…”, he slowly calmed down as if someone had told him this before.

“You said no and leaving would have been dangerous!”, Raven tried to comfort him.

Murphy got up and got a box of tissue papers from the kitchen. He dried his tears and blew his nose a few times.

“Thank you for telling me”, Raven said, her voice full of honesty and compassion.

“There’s another part of the story.”, Murphy told her. “But…”, he looked at his watch, “you’ll have to wait a few minutes.”

“Why?”

“Can’t tell it without Emori”

“Okay.”

There was a small silence again. A very safe and comfortable feeling silence.

“So you three…”, Murphy started to change the topic back to Raven, “Can you just switch at will or… how does that work?”

“Well… we have that thing called the headspace”, Raven started to explain, “Dr Cartwig told us to create one. It’s basically a world, can be a room, house, island, whatever, where the alters are that aren’t in control of the body right now.” She threw a questioning look at her friend to see if he was still able to follow.

“What’s yours like?”

“It’s a lab”, Raven smiled.

“Why am I not surprised?”, Murphy chuckled back.

Raven just shrugged, a bright smile on her face. “Anyway, in that lab, we have this window that basically shows us what the body is seeing and whenever we are in that part of the lab we are co-fronting so we see and hear and feel all the body sees, hears, feels but we have no control over it.”

Murphy was nodding slightly, showing his friend he understood.

“But when we see that the one who's fronting, so the one in charge of the body, is in a situation she can’t or doesn’t want to handle right now, we can take control, or the one fronting can kind of fall back. Then the one closest to the door to the outside or the if someone was cofronting that one is forced to take control.”

“Back in school when you weren’t you, did you let yourself fall back?”, Murphy asked.

“Sometimes, yea, but sometimes the others just decided to take control to give me a break.”

“How did you not know they were there? Where were you when you weren’t in control then?”

“I don’t really know. Before we made the headspace there was just kind of darkness. I guess I just felt like I’d been asleep. I don’t remember those moments.”

“That’s so interesting!”, Murphy said.

Raven chuckled. “Yea, right?”

“Do you think I could talk to one of them right now?”, Murphy asked carefully.

“I could try falling back.”, Raven shrugged, “Let’s see who’s closest to the door.”

The young woman closed her eyes and took a deep breath. A second later she opened them again, a completely different look in them and started to change the way she was sitting.

“Hi, I’m John Murphy, in case you don’t know me.”

The woman next to him eyed his upper body with her head tilted to the side a bit. “I do know you”, she then said, her voice slightly different from Raven’s normal voice. “You were in her school.”

“Uh, yes I was”, Murphy nodded. “And you are…?”

“My name is Alie.”

“Knew it!”, Murphy chuckled.

Alie just eyed him again, her eyes slightly confused, an eyebrow raised.

That’s when the door of the apartment was opened with a click of the key in the lock.

“John?”, Emori’s voice sounded around the corner.

“Yea”, he replied. The apartment wasn’t big so Emori could tell which room he was in just by the direction his voice had come from. After a second she stood in the door frame of the living room.

“Oh, hello…”, Emori raised an eyebrow, tilted her head a bit like the woman on the couch, “Alie?”

“Yes”, Alie replied, “But Raven is co-fronting so she’s seeing you, too.”

“Hello, all three of you then.”, Emori greeted as she put her backpack on the floor.

“How'd you know it was her?”, Murphy asked, confused.

“Oh since Raven told the boss  about them they’ve both been out at work a couple times.”

“Really?”, Murphy asked, more into Alie’s direction than Emori’s.

“Nasa has wonderful equipment”, Alie excused herself and Becca, “We couldn’t resist!”

“Well, as long as Raven allows it and it’s okay for everyone at work.”, Murphy shrugged and both Emori and Alie nodded.

“It’s really nice meeting you, Alie.”, Murphy nodded at her and smiled politely.

“You want to continue your conversation from earlier.”, Alie simply stated in her slightly cold sounding voice.

“Uhm… yea”, Murphy nodded, realising again, that not only Raven but probably also Alie and Becca had heard what he said before. He decided that that was okay though because he had decided to try to become friends with the two anyway.

Alie closed her eyes and after a second the body fell back into the more comfortable looking Raven position.

“What were you talking about earlier?”, Emori asked, sitting across from them on a comfy chair.

Murphy looked her in the eyes and just with that, she knew what he had told Raven.

“Can I tell her…?”, he then asked.

“How we met?”, Emori asked back and Murphy nodded. Emori looked at Raven for a second and then nodded.

“We met at a support group for rape survivors”, Emori started.

“Were you…?”, Raven asked, looking at Emori and then at Murphy.

“Yes, I was raped, too”, Emori nodded.

“Wh…”, Raven started but didn’t finish the word, just shocked that she hadn’t known that this had happened to two people she had grown rather close to.

“I’m was born intersex”, Emori started her explanation, “Which in and of itself is a perfectly normal thing and it doesn’t define me as a person much since I identify as female.”

Raven nodded.

“It’s just that there are some stupid people on this earth.”, Emori shrugged with an ironic, sort of sad smile, “And one of them was at a high school party I went to. He had heard gossip about my down there from some girls who had seen me naked in the locker room and he decided it would be super fun to fuck me just because I look a bit different between my legs than others. He got me drunk, took me to a bedroom, undressed me while I was only half conscious and went inside.”

Raven’s face was all wrinkled in disgust of that guy.

“Apparently he didn’t like it though because after just a few seconds he pulled out again. I’m sure he told his friends all about how funny it was and how weird and whatever else. I managed to put on my clothes again and puked onto the carpet in the upstairs hallway of whoever’s house it was. Then I slowly dragged myself home and fell asleep crying.”

“Why are people so horribly stupid?”, Raven asked, not able to stop shaking her head, disgust, fear and compassion all mixed in her eyes with a deep undefeatable shock.

“I told my brother a couple of weeks later and he helped me find a support group.”

“I had gone there on my own because I couldn’t handle not telling anyone, but I was scared all of you would judge me for it.”

“We wouldn't have, I’m sure!”, Raven assured him, “At least I wouldn’t have.”

“I know… I was just scared.”

“I understand.”

“But now we have each other”, Emori half whispered, looking at her boyfriend with an almost melancholic smile.

“And we’ll make sure nothing like that ever happens to us again.”

“If anyone even looks at either of you weirdly or bullies you or whatever, I swear I’ll build a bomb in seconds and throw it in their face!”, Raven declared.

“Thanks, Raven.”

 

* * *

 

_ Lexa? _

_ Costia? _

_ Yea, it’s me… _

_ I’m in town and I wondered if we could meet and yk catch up? _

_ You don’t have to say yes if you don’t want to see me. I’d understand _

_ Of course I want to see you, Cos! _

_ Okay, then meet you at la dolce vita? _

_ Tomorrow at 1 _

* * *

 

**Almost four years earlier**

 

_ Lex can I come over? _

_ Sure, you know you don’t have to ask _

_ I know but.. We need to talk about something _

_ Did something happen? _

_ No, no… just.. _

_ Wait till I’m there _

_ Okay…? _

 

_ When Lexa opened the door she wasn’t greeted with the smile she loved so much, no excited hug and wild story that Costia thought of on the bus. Instead Costia’s smile was smaller and her eyes looked sad. _

_ “Babe?”, Lexa asked worriedly, “What’s wrong?” _

_ “Let’s go to your room.”, Costia forced a smile, kissed her girlfriend’s lips as she walked past her and waved Amanda while passing the kitchen. _

_ As Lexa followed her, she looked into the kitchen as well. Apparently Amanda had noticed the difference in Costia’s expression as well, because she looked at Lexa questioningly. Her niece just shrugged and hurried after her girlfriend. When she arrived in her room Costia had already sat down on her bed. She patted the blanket next to herself, asking Lexa to sit down as well. The brunette closed the door and sat down.  _

_ “Look, I’ve been thinking.”, Costia started, looking at her hands that were fidgeting with the hem of one of her sleeves.  _

_ “About what?” Lexa decided to just look at the fingers, too. _

_ “Well, the homecoming dance is in a few weeks and…” _

_ “I know”, Lexa interrupted her, “but I thought it’s already clear we’re going together so what are you here to tell me?” _

_ “Well, have you thought about what we will do after graduation?”, Costia looked up into light green eyes. _

_ “I’ve thought about applying for a few colleges in the area and with my grades I should get into one of them, I thought you wanted to do the same.”, Lexa was confused. _

_ “Well, I said I would but I never actually meant that, I guess, because I don’t think that’s really what I want.” Sad dark brown eyes looked up at Lexa again. _

_ “Then what do you want?” _

_ “Travel. I want to go to Europe and Africa, maybe even Asia!” _

_ Lexa could now see a light in the girl’s eyes. _

_ “But we’d be so far apart.” _

_ Costia didn’t like that sad tone in Lexa’s voice. _

_ “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” _

_ “Okay?” _

_ “Lexa, I don’t think we could stay together then.” _

_ Those words felt like thousands of tiny pieces of broken glass being shot through Lexa's torso. “What do you mean?”, tears started forming in Lexa’s eyes. _

_ “I mean that maybe in Europe I meet a really inspiring french person and maybe your college roommate is a really hot crazy girl but we’d have to say ‘Sorry I have this girlfriend that is on the other side of the world and I don’t even know when I’ll see her again but yea we can’t be together.’ Do you want that?” _

_ “We could be in an open relationship. You could sleep with people you meet out there but when you come back you’ll be with me again.” _

_ “You know you’d be jealous of them, Lex.”, Costia tried to chuckle, but it made a tear roll down her cheek instead. _

_ “I want you to be happy.”, Lexa said, wiping away Costia’s tear while two ran down her own cheeks. _

_ “I couldn’t be happy thinking about you missing me all the time. I want you to have your fun in college, too!” _

_ “Then I’ll have fun, if you want me to, but we can still come back to each other afterwards and we can live here and have a house and a family and…” _

_ “But that’s the point, Lex!”, Costia interrupted, “maybe I don’t want all that. Maybe I’ll love Paris or Prague or London and I’ll stay there, I mean who knows? And to be honest I don’t even think I really want kids.” _

_ “We don’t have to…” _

_ “Lex, please! All you’ve ever wanted was the stereotypical life of wife, house, garden and two kids. Hell, you’ve came up with more dog names than Anya has had hook-ups!” _

_ “Why bring up my sister’s sex life?” Lexa placed her hands over her ears. _

_ “Sorry.” Costia softly took Lexa’s wrists into her hands and intertwined their fingers between their laps. “All I want is for you to be happy. And I’m sorry that I can’t be the woman to give you what you want” _

_ “But I love you!”, Lexa tried, but she knew Costia had made up her mind. _

_ “I know.", she looked as though she was disappointed in herself, "I love you, too! But I have to go.” Another knive in Lexa's chest.  
_

_ “But what does homecoming have to do with this?”, Lexa asked. _

_ “I’m dropping out afterwards.” _

_ “What?” This felt too quick, too soon. Lexa felt like she was about to panic and normally she would show that to Costia, but not now, not in this situation.  
_

_ “My dad is taking a job in London and I’ve decided to move with him. I can explore the UK easily and it costs less to get around the rest of europe in vacations.”, Costia explained and the light in her eyes when she thought about all the cities and sights she would see made Lexa understand that she had to let her go. _

 

_ When Costia left that day, Lexa left a few minutes after her, barely holding back the tears on the way to Anya’s apartment. Once she arrived she broke down and explained what Costia had told her to her older sister. _

_ Anya held her and explained that she thought Costia was right. She assured Lexa that she would find love again, that she would find the wife to have two kids and a dog with and Lexa felt safe in her sister’s arms. _

_ When Lexa and Costia saw each other in school those last few weeks, they kissed and chatted about classes and exams and for someone who didn’t know them they probably looked like the happy couple they had always been. But their friends and family could see the bags under their eyes from nights spent crying and they could feel the sadness in the air when the couple kissed. _

_ At homecoming they danced together, holding each other so close that none of their classmateswas able to see how wet the button-ups under their suits were, soaked with tears. They spent the night together, both knowing it would be their last time, and when Lexa brought Costia to the airport for her flight to London on the next day, they smiled when they said goodbye, wishing each other a happy life. They didn’t kiss goodbye and didn’t look back as they walked their separate ways.  _

_ “She’ll be back”, Lexa thought as she left the airport. _

 

**_Now_ **

When Lexa walked up to the pizza place her and Costia had always spent their free periods at, she immediately recognised her ex girlfriend. She had her black curls in a messy bun, wore an olive green blouse and dark grey pants. She had her back turned to Lexa, sitting at one of the tables on the terrasse. Apparently she was checking her phone because her arm kept getting lifted from the table and then placed back. 

“Hey”, Lexa smiled as she lightly placed her hand on Costia’s shoulder. The dark skinned girl immediately shot up and hugged Lexa, who was a bit overwhelmed but not in a negative way.

“I thought you wouldn't come. I was just checking my phone, expecting a message saying you couldn’t make it or something.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to see you?”, Lexa asked while sitting down at the opposite side of the table.

“Because I left you all alone after kinda having promised I’d stay here”, Costia explained, her face expecting, as if still thinking Lexa would remember what she did, jump up and leave.

“But that’s almost four years ago”, Lexa stated, “Plus, I saw on your Insta that you were happy.”

“You stalker! That’s so unfair, you always had your profile on private and I wasn’t brave enough to request to follow you.”

“Well then that’s your fault", Lexa grinned, "Also you stalked me, too, if you know that!”, she laughed.

“Okay, yea… I’m guilty”

“You were also right”, Lexa sighed.

“Right about what?”, Costia looked confused, but smiled. She always loved being right.

“About the me finding a hot girl thing”, Lexa blushed and looked down at her fingers.

“Shut up!”, Costia exclaimed, causing some of the other guests to look at them, “Oh my god, Lexa!”, she scream-whispered and squeaked a little.

“Costia…?”

“Okay, you gotta tell me everything right now! Who is she? What is she like? What does she like? Does she like you back? What does she look like?”

“Calm down, Cos, people are looking!”, Lexa hid behind the ice cream menu that stood between them on the table but Costia pushed away the menu and looked Lexa directly in the eyes.

“No, I won’t shut up”, she declared, “Not until you tell me everything about your girlfriend, wait, is she your girlfriend?”

“Yes, actually…”, Lexa blushed again.

“Okay, tell me everything, how did it happen?”

“Well her name is Clarke and…”

Lexa explained the whole story, always accompanied by funny and weird and way too loud comments by Costia.

When Lexa mentioned the break up the young woman opposite to her looked sad and maybe a bit scared that Lexa was angry at her for indirectly causing that. But Lexa continued and told her that that part of their story had only made her and Clarke realise their love even more and had therefore strengthened them.

They finally ordered their pizzas and Costia talked about her travels while Lexa listened quietly. When they finished their lunch they hugged goodbye, promised to meet up again soon and Lexa had to swear that she would introduce Clarke to Costia. On her way home Lexa had to smile when a quote came to her mind:

_ “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship” _

 

* * *

 

“So what did you get her?”, Lexa asked excitedly, hopping onto the barstool next to Bellamy. She nodded towards Niylah’s questioning look, signaling her she would take the same as always.

“I took your advice and brought her lilies”, Bellamy smiled into his glass.

“Oh my god that’s wonderful!”, she wiggled on her stool like a little child in a candy shop, “You said she’s bi right?”

“Who is bi?”, Raven asked while climbing onto the barstool next to Lexa. 

“Echo”, Bellamy clarified. 

“Does she like movies?”, Lexa asked next, her eyes glowing with excitement.

“I don’t know, we don’t really watch many together.”

“Anya and I were talking about movies and which ones we should watch together.”, Raven stated, “She mentioned having watched some gay movies with Echo, why?”

“Did she mention ‘Imagine me and you’?”, Lexa's excitement made her seem as though she was on fire.

“You two together, no that’s too much for humanity”, Murphy, who had just entered the bar, commented.

“What?”, Lexa was now looking very confused. “Oh, yea, no it’s the name of a movie!”, she then clarified, turning to her excited look back towards Raven. 

“I think she mentioned it, yea”, Raven remembered. 

“This is brilliant!”, Lexa exclaimed.

Murphy and Bellamy had been hugging hello and now Murphy was the one looking very confused. “What is she talking about?”, he asked Bellamy while sitting down next to him.

“For some reason she thinks it’s very funny that I brought Echo lilies for our date on her birthday yesterday.”

“And what does that movie have to do with it?”, Murphy asked into the girls’ direction.

“Everything!”, Lexa exclaimed while taking the beer Niylah handed her. Both Raven and Murphy made eye contact with Niylah and nodded. When the blonde had turned away Lexa started to explain. “So in that movie two women fall in love at the wedding of one of them and the other owns a flower shop and the first woman, you know, the one that was getting married, her favourite flowers are lilies and she keeps asking the other one what they mean ‘cause she like knows all the meanings of all the flowers and she doesn’t want to tell her at first but then she says it and I just really love the part in the movie!”

“Little Woods, you were rambling again”, Raven pointed out unnecessarily.

“And you didn’t even tell us what the meaning was”, Murphy complained.

Lexa tried to imitate the voice of Luce from the movie and said: “The lily means I dare you to love me”

“That was a very weird british accent”, Raven commented.

“What’s so funny about that?”, Murphy asked Bellamy.

“Because Raven and I used to dare Anya and Echo to do crazy things and vice versa, and now Lexa thinks it’s a funny dare to dare her to love me”, Bellamy explained for Lexa.

“Get it?”, Lexa laughed.

“You are just weird”, Murphy sighed, taking his beer from Niylah.

“Yep you are”, the blonde commented while placing another beer in front of Raven, “All four of you.”

“But in a good way, right?”, Bellamy raised an eyebrow.

“Sure”, Niylah replied in a tone that didn’t make clear if she meant it sarcastically or not and turned around.

After a few seconds of quiet thoughts, Bellamy sighed. “High school us would never believe this.”

The others nodded, immediately understanding what he was talking about.

“All of you basically dating all of us”, Lexa sighed into her glass of beer.

“I blame O and Linc”, Raven smiled, “Adorable little assholes.”

“We sound like old people”, Murphy groaned.

“Well”, Bellamy shrugged, “we all either have a real job now or will be starting soon. “

“We are old”, Raven agreed.

“Cheers to growing old and grey together”, Lexa lifted her glass.

“Cheers”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts on  
> Memori backstory?  
> Lexia future?  
> and all the other stuff in here...
> 
> I really like this chapter because I love writing deep, meaningful conversations. I actually cried when rereading the Lexia stuff sooo...  
> And with this chapter, the 2nd out of 4 acts is DONE.  
> Congratulations you have now read half of my brain stuff that is this ff.
> 
> Tell me something about yourselves, I wanna know who reads my story...


	13. It's a new life

“I miss summer holidays.”

“Dude, O, you’ve been doing your dream job for almost two years now, shush up”, Raven rolled her eyes, but they all knew she wasn’t really mad at her friend.

“True”, Octavia shrugged. "But you gotta admit it was cool back then!"

“Still can’t believe they let Murphy into your group.”, Echo said into Bellamy’s direction but indirectly to everyone.

“At the police?”, Lexa asked.

“No, actually, Bellamy and I have been going to this dance studio…”

“John.”, Emori cut off her boyfriend, sounding semi-pissed.

Murphy threw up his hands in defence but Bellamy was chuckling behind him.

“Ooo, can we go in there, that dress looks incredible!”, Clarke squeaked and she and Octavia immediately disappeared into the shop. Bellamy and Lincoln rolled their eyes.

“Please don’t buy more things!”, Bellamy begged.

“Why?”, Echo asked, knowing very well why her boyfriend was whining. He was carrying five bags already after all.

“Because his muscles are all show no use.”, Anya replied.

“And yours are better?”, Lincoln asked, causing his older cousin to just shrug with a smug grin.

“Okay then”, Lincoln replied and placed two of the bags he was carrying right in front of Anya’s feet.

“Uhm, no” Anya simply kept walking, following Octavia and Clarke into the shop.

The daring look on Emori’s face told him he had to pick up the bags again so he did as he was told and followed his friends, exchanging an annoyed but “we love them anyway”-saying look with Bellamy.

“If anyone wants to buy something for my birthday, I swear I may look away.”, Echo said before entering the shop.

* * *

Clarke and Octavia had been trying on clothes for almost an hour now. While the others had gone ahead to a café, Lincoln and Lexa were forced to wait for their girlfriends and give their feedback about everything they put on.

Clarke had been looking like grumpy cat for a couple of minutes now since she really wanted to find something beautiful to wear to her exhibitions.

“When girls wear dresses it makes me gay.”, Lexa commented out of the blue while Clarke and Octavia were changing again.

Lincoln just chuckled and Lexa sighed out of boredom.

But when Clarke exited the changing room again, her girlfriend was blown away by the blue suit over white button-up she was wearing. “Girls in suit make gay too.”, she managed to mumble between Clarke’s seductive looks.

“How about if she wore nothing?”, Octavia asked from behind her curtain.

“Shut up, O!”, Clarke hit the curtain of Octavia’s changing room.

Lexa cleared her throat. “Please stop putting such pictures in my head.”

“You stop being such a useless lesbian.”, Lincoln chuckled his reply.

“Can you seriously blame me?”, Lexa asked with three extra question marks in her voice, pointing up and down Clarke’s body.

“Nah, she does look amazing.”

Octavia stuck out her head from behind her curtain to look at her friend and immediately whistled. “Damn, Griff, you look really fucking hot!”, she commented.

“I do.”, Clarke noticed, looking at herself in the mirror.

“Bought.”, Lexa decided.

“Agreed”, both Lincoln and Octavia nodded.

 

* * *

 

“I still can’t believe Bell won't be back for another two weeks.”, Echo sighed.

Raven was sitting across from her at the kitchen table of Anya and Echo’s apartment. “That sucks, can you hand me that box over there?”, she asked, pointing behind Echo.

“Which one of your ten tool boxes?”, Echo chuckled. “Seriously, should I just move out or should we tell the landlord there’s three people living here?”

“Why should we tell him the truth if lying is cheaper? The blue one on the left.”, Raven replied, again digging deeply into the whatever it used to be now pile of screws and metal and plastic pieces that had spread over the table.

Echo handed her the box and she started searching for whatever tool she needed. Echo watched her for a while before she remembered what she had been talking about.

“Anyway, Bell will be in... I think Chicago on my birthday so that sucks.”

“What a useless dick.”, Raven commented, somehow focusing on both Echo and the thing she was repairing or building or who knew what she was doing, at the same time.

“Actually we both know his dick is…”

“Disgusting”, Anya commented from the kitchen where Echo had forced her to wash the dishes since she, Echo, had cooked dinner for them.

“Oh shut up”, Echo slammed the door to the kitchen shut with a smile.

Raven returned the smile, for once looking up from her pile.

In the kitchen, Anya praised the lord for not having to listen to the conversation of the others anymore.

“I could take you out.”, Raven shrugged.

“What?”, Echo was confused and a bit taken aback.

“For your birthday, so you’re not alone.”, Raven explained, “Red one top left”, she pointed at the box she needed and Echo gave it to her.

“That would actually be pretty cool, I didn’t know you were nice, Reyes.”

“Well, I’m full of surprises.”

  


A couple of days later Raven had picked up Echo with her bike and, because Monty had recently gotten to them with his nature-friendly stuff, Echo had hopped onto Raven’s bike behind her instead of taking her own. They were now sitting in an open bar, the light of the setting late summer sun hitting their faces in an almost romantic way as they sat there and drank their drinks.

“I miss Bell already”, Echo sighed and took another sip from her beer.

“He’s only been gone for three days”, Raven smiled, but she understood.

“I know, but it just… I miss being held you know? As cheesy as that might sound and don’t tell Anya I said this but I think I’d go crazy without him holding me and just, you know, being there.”

“What kinda crazy?”, Raven asked.

“Like murder crazy.”

“You already murder people with your looks girl.”, Raven chuckled.

“That one was bad”, Echo commented.

“I know”, Raven sighed. “I’m out of practice.”

“Me too honestly.”, Echo sighed, “Damn, Bell and Anya really have a bad influence on us.”

“We should just meet up and keep up our game together.”, Raven suggested.

“Like on each other?”, Echo asked.

“I mean, why not.”, Raven shrugged, “You’re hot, I’m like incredibly hot so…”

“You’re saying I’m hot?”, Echo laughed.

“Dude I literally just said that with a bad pick up line, pay attention!”

They both chuckled and looked at each other for a bit and then their drinks.

“Is everything okay with Anya?”, Echo asked a bit more quietly than before.

“Of course, why wouldn’t it be?”, Raven asked confusedly.

“I don’t know, I just feel like there’s something she isn’t telling me…”, Echo shrugged.

Raven hesitated for a second, knowing what it probably was but also knowing that it wasn’t her place to tell Echo. “Well, I’m sure whatever it is it is nothing to be worried about.”

“You know what it is”, Echo half asked half stated.

“I think I do and it’s something about her that only me and her know so I think it’s not my place to tell you.”, Raven explained.

“Okay, I understand”, Echo nodded, but still sounded a bit worried or even disappointed.

“Hey, I promise it’s nothing bad”, Raven assured her, placing her hand on the hand Echo had around her bottle of beer.

Both women knew that neither of them was especially touchy with their other friends so they both looked at their touching hands before, somewhat awkwardly, pulling them back apart.

They talked for a bit longer, about work, Bellamy, Anya and as stereotypical things as the weather. They made each other laugh and felt genuinely comfortable.

On their way back, Echo leaned against Raven’s back a bit closer than she had two hours earlier on their way to the bar.

 

* * *

 

“Lexa!”, Clarke shouted through her girlfriend’s flat. “Lex, babe, come here!”

“What happened?”, Lexa asked, confusedly entering the small room she hadn’t had a purpose for before Clarke had claimed it as her workshop.

“I did it!”, Clarke shouted still, despite the fact that Lexa stood only a few feet behind her.

The artist turned around to look at her girlfriend, excitement and happiness filling her eyes and the beautiful glow that was beaming out of them immediately finding their way to Lexa’s heart and stomach, setting them on fire.

“What did you do?”, Lexa asked, giggling. Clarke’s happiness had created a big smile on her lips.

“I painted it, I captured it! The thing I never could!”

“The leaves?”, Lexa asked.

“You remember?”, Clarke was confused and impressed at the same time.

“Of course I do.”, Lexa smiled. “You told me you loved the colour of my eyes and that it reminded you of the way light falls through leaves and that you’d never been able to paint that properly.”

Clarke just looked into Lexa’s eyes, full of love that Lexa actually remembered that moment so well because it showed Clarke how much Lexa loved her.

Then Clarke squeaked and threw her arms around Lexa’s shoulders, pulled her close and kissed her, completely overwhelming Lexa. Once the kiss was over Clarke took a step to the side to let Lexa see the painting on which she had finally succeeded to paint her favourite part of nature.

“Look look look”, she said and pointed at the painted leaves as if she was 3 and wanted her mum to see the sand castle she had built.

Lexa looked at the painting and back at Clarke. “Beautiful”, she whispered, still completely overwhelmed by this very happy, very excited version of Clarke.

“Me or the leaves?”, Clarke giggled.

“Both”, Lexa sighed and leaned back into Clarke to kiss her.

“I need to tell Lincoln!”, Clarke broke off the kiss a few seconds later at the realisation and ran to get her phone that she had placed on the small table in the corner of the room.

Lexa just smiled as she looked at her girlfriend like this.

“Linc!”, Clarke shouted into her phone.

“Uhm.. Clarke..”, Lincoln replied, confused and seeming a bit busy. “I was kind of..”

“Linc I made it! I painted it!”, Clarke shouted excitedly, ignoring the tone in her friend’s voice.

“Made what?”, Lincoln asked.

“The leaves that look like Lexa’s eyes!”, Clarke explained, jumping a tiny bit in excitement which made Lexa have to sit down because she looked so adorably dorky.

“That’s wonderful, Clarke”, Lincoln said, sounding genuinely happy for his friend. “But uhm.. Can I hang up now.. I was kind of.. Uhm.. in the middle of something...”, he stuttered.

“Oh”, Clarke said, realising what that probably meant.

“Griffin you asshole, fuck off!”, she heard Octavia shout in the background and Lincoln giggled a little.

“Oh...”, Clarke said again, “Yes... bye!” She hung up and looked at her phone a bit sheepishly.

Lexa was giggling behind her so she put the phone back on the table and made her way to her girlfriend who had sat down on a chair in the corner of the room.

“What you giggling about, huh?”, she asked and sat down on Lexa’s lap, her legs around her torso. Then she started tickling Lexa who started to laugh uncontrollably but tried to tickle Clarke back until they both laid on the floor.

Clarke was on top of Lexa and sat down on her lap, bringing her hip and armpits (which were her secret tickly spots) out of her reach. Lexa just looked up at her, happily grinning until a thought came to her head and she raised an eyebrow.

"Can ghosts travel by car or train?”, she asked, totally confusing Clarke. “I mean if they can walk through walls, that means they'd just break through the back of the car, right? Or can they choose when to go through walls?"

Clarke shrugged and had to laugh again, kissing her dorky girlfriend.

 

* * *

 

The hotel room was grey and dismal.

There had been no rooms with two separate beds left and two single rooms would have been above their budget.

So, Bellamy and Murphy would have to share a bed. It wasn’t a big deal, really. They were good friends and comfortable around one another.

The first two weeks went by without any incidents. They did their training all day, showered and ate dinner when they came back and, if they didn’t fall asleep immediately after and if it wasn’t too late at night already, they called their girlfriends.

On their second Saturday night though, training hadn’t been too hard and it wasn’t that late yet so they decided to go out and finally try out the bar they had been passing by every day.

The bar wasn’t very good so they decided to just get drunk.

A few hours later, Murphy had convinced Bellamy to a karaoke contest at the machine in the back of the bar.

Afterwards, they went back to their hotel, making fun of each others’ singing and jokingly pushing each other around.

When they arrived at their room, Murphy was imitating Bellamy’s singing, repeating a slurred version of the “Nana-nana-nana-na” of P!nk’s So What over and over again.

Bellamy jokingly pushed Murphy against their door but Murphy managed to get a grip of his jacket so they fell against each other, Murphy’s back against the door.

Their faces were close, too close.

But if Bellamy saw it correctly, there was something in Murphy’s eyes, that looked dangerously close to lust.

Bellamy’s eyes darted down to his friend’s lips the same time Murphy’s did to his.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think will happen next?
> 
> Give me some good feedback ppl, I'm writing the fourth part atm and I'm having a bit of a writer's block..


	14. How all of this works

Bellamy closed the door behind himself and took a deep breath. In. Out.

“You can do this, you’ve done nothing wrong!”, his brain reassured him. Still he was tense and scared.

Echo wasn’t in a much better condition. She had been pacing around the living room for 20 minutes before she had heard Bellamy’s key in the lock and had finally managed to sit down on the couch.

“In the living room”, she informed her boyfriend in a surprisingly steady voice.

She stood up again and walked towards Bellamy when he entered the room. She placed her arms around his neck while his went around her hips and they kissed each other slowly. Instead of happy, like last time Bellamy had come back, this kiss felt melancholic and emotional. They pulled away after a few seconds.

“I gotta tell you something”, they said at the same time which made them look at each other with even more worry in their eyes than before.

“You start.” Again at the same time.

“Why don’t we sit down?”, Echo suggested, gesturing to the couch. Bellamy nodded and they sat down next to each other, not looking into the other’s face.

“Okay, first I wanna make sure you know that nothing happened!”, Bellamy started his explanation, making Echo unsure of what to feel.

“But something almost happened?”, she asked.

“Yes.”

“What?”, she breathed in and quickly added, “Sorry, that sounded harsher than I wanted it to.”

“It’s okay”, her boyfriend assured her. “So Murphy and I were sharing a hotel room again ‘cause it’s just cheaper and, you know, we were gone so long and I was missing you and he was missing his girlfriend, Emori, you know, and.. Again, nothing happened! We stopped before it could become anything but we were a bit drunk because we went to this bar and when we got back to the hotel we were kinda teasing each other and I don’t know who stopped who but we were saying we can’t do that because of you and Emori and…”

“I’ve been flirting with Raven”, Echo interrupted his rambling.

“What?”, Bellamy sounded confused.

“I miss you, too. I miss you so so much when you’re gone and Raven and I have been meeting up every once in a while and we were talking about you and, you know, about a bit of sex stuff, too because obviously we’ve both slept with you and you know how flirty both her and I can be so we’ve been flirting with each other a bit and I told her how much I miss, you know, being touched when you’re not here and she said she had this thing with Anya, she didn’t really wanna tell me because, I don’t know, it’s some sort of secret but she said I should talk to you and you’d understand and, Bellamy, I don’t wanna lose you. I love you, but I just…”, Echo didn’t know what else to say. She could feel tears building in her eyes.

“I love you, too”, Bellamy moved closer towards Echo, placing an arm around her shoulder, lightly pulling her closer. “And I don’t wanna lose you either.”

Echo wiped a tear away with her sleeve. She knew it was safe to cry around Bellamy, that he wouldn’t tease her about not being tough, but this moment didn’t need her becoming overly emotional. “So how do we do this?”

“Do what?”

“Well we want to stay together but we also want to sleep with Raven and Murphy. So what are the terms?”

“Oh, okay uhm…”, Bellamy thought for a second, “Well Murphy and I are just friends, I don’t want to do anything romantic with him just, you know, when I miss you…”

“Okay, well, I think I’m kinda into Raven, like I could see myself go on dates with her, you know, because in this relationship, you do the, you know, gentleman stuff, and I really love that, but I feel like, with Raven, I could do that sometimes so…”

“Okay, so do you just want to do that when I’m gone or also when I’m here?”

“I don’t know… I guess we’ll see.”

“Okay so we’re doing this?”, Bellamy smiled a little for the first time this evening.

“If Emori and Anya agree, yes”, Echo smiled, too, “I love you.”

“I love you, Echo.”

 

* * *

 

“Babe?”, Raven shouted into the house while placing her helmet on the counter, next to Anya’s.

“Kitchen”, Anya’s voice came back.

On her way to her girlfriend Raven’s phone buzzed. She gave the woman on the barstool a quick kiss before walking to the fridge. She opened Echo’s text message the second she closed the fridge, with a beer in her hand.

 

_I told Bellamy.. apparently he’s been having a similar thing with Murphy so he’s okay with it. Have you talked to Anya?_

_Will do now. Wish me luck._

 

“Want one?”, Raven asked her girlfriend, holding up the hand she was holding her beer in.

“Sure.”

“Soooo”, Raven began, not knowing how to start the conversation. She didn’t like talking about her feelings. She stepped from one food on the other multiple times before finding a steady stand, leaning against the kitchen island.

“Yes?”, Anya raised an eyebrow, confused about the latina’s behaviour. She closed the laptop she had been typing on to fully focus on Raven.

“You know how Echo and I have been getting along really well lately, always going to the bar and stuff?” Raven placed the two beer bottles on the kitchen island.

“Yes, I know that.” Anya’s voice sounded confused.

“And you know how Bellamy is always gone so much?”

“Yes? What’s your point?”

“Okay.” Raven took a deep breath. “I love you, you know that, I know, I just wanted to say it before I go on.”

“Do I have to be scared?” Anya was looking worried now.

“No, no, no! I mean, I don’t think.”, Raven’s heart was beating faster, “I love you, and I love having sex with you, ‘cuz you’re hella good, but I also wanna fuck someone, you know? I haven’t fucked anyone in like two years now and... I’m not a pillow princess!”

“I know. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you at first” Anya looked at the beer in her hand and took a gulp. Raven wasn’t sure if her girlfriend was sad or mad at her.

“But babe, this doesn’t have to change anything about us. Echo talked to Bellamy and I don’t know, he has this thing with Murphy and he said Echo can do whatever she wants when he’s gone and… I’m kinda into her, but also you, god I’m into you!”, Raven was starting to ramble, “And I definitely don’t want to lose you or change anything about us and I can tell Echo no if you want me to and we can forget about all this and…”

“Raven”, Anya interrupted her. “It’s okay.”

“What?”

“Echo is a good person. Why didn’t you start with this being about her?”

“I don’t know.. I thought it would make you even more pissed because she’s your friend.”

“Best friend.”, Anya corrected and since Raven didn’t say anything but just nodded, Anya continued, “And that’s exactly why I trust her with this. And I trust you.”

Raven looked at her girlfriend with teary eyes. “So you’re really okay with this?”

“Of course. I want you to be happy and if you feel like something is missing here, who am I to keep you from having it? I don’t own you!”

“But I mean it’s not like I just want to fuck Echo, I’m like actually into her, you know, like, I want to go on dates with her and stuff.”

“So what? We can go on triple dates.”, Anya smiled.

“Realy?”

“Yes, idiot”, Anya chuckled, “And you can go on dates with her alone, too. Like I said, I trust you two. And she has Bellamy as well, who I know she loves, because she just won’t shut up about how cool he is.”

“I mean, she’s not wrong”, Raven chuckled now.

“Exactly. So I know she loves him and I know you love me so who cares if you also love each other? If that’s what makes you happy, go for it.”

“It does, you do, and she does and urgh I love you so much.”, Raven threw her arms around her girlfriend, kissing her cheek.

“I love you so much, too.”, Anya laughed before kissing Raven’s lips.

* * *

_She said yes!!!!!!!!!_

_God, Raven, you were supposed to ask if we could fuck, not propose to her!_

_Oh shut up, Echo, that’s what I did!_

_That’s amazing!_

_I know!_

_She even said we could go on triple dates together_

_OMG those poor waiters who have our table_

_We should pray for their souls._

_Amen._

* * *

_So, best friend, you’re into my gf huh?_

_Kinda, yea…_

_Kinda??? Are you stupid?? She’s the hottest woman alive, dumbass_

_Yea, you’re right, I’m totally into her._

_Yess now I finally have someone to talk to about how freaking hot she is!!_

_We’re weird_

_Yes, but in a good way._

_Be good to her._

_I will be._

_I know._

_Okay, enough cheesy. Did she tell you why I said yes?_

_Because you know how freaking hot her and me would be together?_

_Obviously, but there’s something else_

_She didn’t tell._

_Well she said there was something, but she didn’t say what_

_I’m ace._

_Oh okay._

_You make hella good sex jokes for an ace person._

_It’s just me being a Chandler_

_I see…_

_So I’m being the good friend who lets your girlfriend fuck me, because I’m that nice_

_You’re perfect_

_Didn’t you say no more cheesy?_

_Okay, yea true. I’ll shut up_

_One last:_

_Love you, asshole_

_Love you too, dumbass._

 

* * *

 

“Wait, so who is dating who now?”, Octavia asked. She and Lexa were playing one-pocket, a more strategic kind of pool than the usual one. “Oh, damn you”, she shouted before she could get an answer, because Lexa had pocketed the 8-ball, therefore winning for the fourth time.

“I’m dating Anya and Echo”, Raven explained.

“And Echo is also dating me”, Bellamy continued.

“And I’m dating Emori”, Murphy said while putting the pool balls back onto the table so Lexa could bring them into position again.

“And those two also fuck”, Raven pointed her finger towards Bellamy and then Murphy.

“Did not need to know that.”, Niylah hid her face behind her tray. She had watched the game, cheering Octavia on, but now she was called by a customer again.

“Me neither.”, Octavia gagged, making Niylah laugh as she walked past her.

“You asked”, Lexa grinned, gesturing for Octavia to start the next game. “Didn’t Raven and Bell use to hook up, too?”, she asked Murphy who was watching their game again.

“Hey Rae”, Murphy called out despite Lexa trying to stop him, “Who’s best out of those and Anya?”, he pointed at Echo and Bellamy.

Raven just rolled her eyes, kissed Echo on the cheek and ruffled Bellamy’s hair which made the two of them smile. “My girls are pretty good, but I mean, there’s a reason why Bell and I stopped, so I’m so sorry for what you must be going through, Murphy.”, she said, pity in her voice at the end.

Murphy laughed and Bellamy poked Raven’s hip where he knew she was ticklish, causing his friend to jump sideways, almost falling off her chair. She hit his chest in return but he just giggled.

“Anyway”, Bellamy started into the direction of the pool table, “Lex, what are you gonna do with Clarke on her birthday?”

Lexa placed her index finger on her lips and shushed while wiggling her eyebrows. “Secret”

“Gross”, Murphy commented.

“No!”, Lexa quickly corrected, “not that!” Then, after Raven’s fake disappointed look, she added, “Well not only that”

“Did not need to know that either”, Octavia commented.

“Then what else are you gonna do?”, Bellamy asked again.

“Nope”, Lexa shook her head, “It’s a secret.”

“Come on, we won’t tell Clarke”, Raven held up two fingers to show that she swore it.

“Promise?”, Lexa asked.

Everyone nodded.

“Nope, still not telling you”, she then grinned.

“Hey, unfair!”, Octavia complained.

“Hey, I don’t know what you and Lincoln do on your birthdays!”, Lexa replied.

“Yea, but you never asked”, Octavia just shrugged.

“Then what did you do last year?”, Lexa asked.

“Oh”, Octavia started laughing, “Trust me, you don’t wanna know”

“We probably don’t”, Bellamy nodded, taking a sip from his beer.

“Anyway”, Raven hopped off of her barstool, “I’m going on a date with my girlfriend now”

“Which one?”, Lexa asked before pocketing the 8-ball again, causing Octavia to hold up her hands in a way that looked as though she tried to strangle Lexa through the air.

“Right, can’t say that anymore now”, Raven nodded, smiling proudly “It’s Anya”

“Tell her I said hi then”, Lexa waved behind her, not watching Raven as she went because she was busy poking her tongue out at Octavia and then running away from her.

 

* * *

 

It was Clarke’s 20th birthday.

For her girlfriend’s birthday, Lexa had planned to take her to an art gallery. The exhibition was called “exhibition of all arts”, which Lexa had thought could be really interesting. The two entered a room the size of a school gym that was divided by cardboard walls that formed a number of small cubes. Between the cubes were corridors for the visitors to walk through. At the end of the hall was a stage on which musicians took turns presenting their art. Right now a woman with black hair was filling everyone's’ ears with beautiful piano music. The first cube Clarke and Lexa went past was the cube of a girl around 18 with dyed redish hair, light brown eyes and a polite smile. She was surrounded by both printed digital paintings and what seemed like watercolour ones. The digital paintings were of all sorts of things like people, planets and landscapes while the watercolour paintings were mostly landscapes. A few sunrises and sunsets caught Clarke's attention and Lexa smiled as her girlfriend ran over to look at them from up close.

“I’m glad you like them”, the girl smiled.

“My girlfriend paints sunsets and sunrises, too.”, Lexa explained, a proud look in her eyes as she looked over to Clarke. “They’re her favourite”

“I love them, too. My girlfriend sometimes sends me pictures of ones she thinks are especially beautiful.”, the girl had to grin happily at the thought of it.

“Maybe I should start doing that, too then”, Lexa thought out loud.

“She’ll love it”, the girl said with a nod in Clarke’s direction.

“Thanks for the tip”, Lexa smiled before they continued to the next artist.

 

It was a woman with dark blonde or light brown hair in a pretty red dress who seemed to be having a discussion with one of the people at her table.

The drawings on the wall almost all appeared to have a political meaning and the short stories on the table told tales of suppression and revolution.

The woman's voice was calm as she told the man she was discussing with her opinions but Lexa saw the passion inside her that she put into every word. The same passion she read in the stories on the table.

The artist reminded Clarke of Raven. Beautiful without a doubt but much more worth remembering for her brain, her will and the power in her words.

The woman had put post its and pens on her table to leave commentary on her work.

Lexa took a blue post it and showed it to Clarke who immediately had to smile at the memory of the first time they had talked to each other. She took the post it from Lexa and a pen from the table to write her commentary on one of the stories.

“I love the passion your characters have. It seems to be your own passion shining through. The stories are wonderful, keep going!”, she wrote and placed the post it somewhere between the others on the table before they continued walking.

 

The music changed. Now there was a young woman with a spanish accent and hair that had a bit of every colour but black was playing the guitar, switching between singing and reciting poetry to the tunes of her instrument. Her voice was calming and warm and made the hall feel smaller and a lot more homey.

 

In the next box a tall woman with short brown hair and a beautiful voice, that had the tiniest french accent, was reading poems out loud. Lexa was really moved by the texts while Clarke started to look at the artwork around the woman. There were mostly animals, many in their skeletal form, but also a lot with skin and fur or scales. Clarke could even see a few made up animals and magical creatures like a mermaid, which was the closest any of the drawings came to a human.

 

Next was a young woman with long brown hair, a cute nose and pretty makeup that sat on a barstool, apparently to make herself look taller than she actually was. The cardboard wall behind her and the table in front of her were covered in incredibly realistic looking faces. Lexa knew some of them, they were famous, actors maybe, but some she didn't know. Either they were famous people she simply hadn't seen or the woman had drawn people she knew personally. When Lexa went to ask her the woman replied a bit shyly but in the most beautiful, calm and a bit deep voice that some drawings were indeed of friends of hers.

 

Around the corner the next row of cubes started with a woman with wild curly hair and a goofy smile that lightened up the room and everyone's faces. She was reading short stories that were funny, sweet and heartwarming at once. She also had a guitar leaned against the wall behind her, maybe she would go up on the stage later.

 

The music changed again to an asian looking woman in a black suit and red tie who looked way too badass to be singing "hostage" by billie eilish in the softest voice.

 

In the next cube an asian woman was sitting on her chair cross legged. She was reading short stories and jokes from a notebook while giggling about the funny parts herself. Next to her where a keyboard and a trumpet. Clarke thought she looked adorable while Lexa noticed she was the woman who had been playing the piano when they had come in.

 

The next musician was a rather small and pretty, asian looking woman playing the violin as if her life depended on it. It was the perfect background music for the art behind the next cardboard wall.

 

A woman with pretty black hair and eyes almost as dark as the hair sat on a comfortable chair, chatting with people about the art she was presenting. Just sitting there casually she looked like a model, Clarke thought. Behind the woman a small screen showed a movie that she told one of the visitors she had written, directed and acted in. Around the screen and on the table were short stories and poems about nights at lakes, moonlight and love. They reminded Lexa of their trip to the lake and when she looked at Clarke she knew she was thinking the same.

 

After another change in music where a woman with long blonde hair and freckles was playing guitar, singing "wicked game" in a voice that seemed tailor made for the song and really any ballade, during which Clarke and Lexa roamed through the rest of the artists’ cubes, the music stopped and instead a short haired goofy looking girl in a red and black flannel did a sort of stand up comedy, switching between very upper class english and a sloppy canadian accent. The jokes were partly about gay culture, laziness and some other random topics. Lexa had to giggle at a joke about how it was gay culture to stare at a girl for months thinking she was straight before finally finding out she actually was queer and you could have been dating her for months. Seeing the way Lexa grinned at Clarke, the comedian winked at them as if she knew exactly what they had gone through.

 

On their way back to the exit Clarke and Lexa went past a couple of other artists when suddenly Lexa held her hands onto Clarke’s eyes and giggled.

“What’s going on?”, Clarke laughed confusedly.

“I found the most beautiful piece of art in here!”, Lexa announced and put her hands from her girlfriend’s face. Clarke was looking into a mirror. When she realised what Lexa just did, she first made a “Seriously? You’re so cheesy!”-face, before a sly grin formed on her lips instead.

“Yea, the frame of this mirror is really pretty”, she replied coolly.

“Oh, shut up”, Lexa laughed and took Clarke’s hand into her own, bringing it up to her lips to kiss it, before they walked out of the gallery.

“That was beautiful!”, Clarke said, a look of pure excitement and joy on her face.

“I knew you’d like it”, Lexa smiled, heart eyes forming as she saw Clarke’s happiness.

“I loved it!”, Clarke jumped into a pile of leaves on the sidewalk, still holding Lexa’s hand tightly. “There were so many different kinds of art and artists and different styles of drawing and painting and everything and…”

Clarke rambled on about how beautiful it was until they arrived at her home. Raven had promised to spend the day at Anya’s and Abby said she would stay at Marcus’ after her shift so they could be alone. It was 3pm so they decided to have a bit of cake, watch one or three of Clarke’s favourite movies and then sleep after some special birthday sex.

 

* * *

 

“Oh I’ve missed this”, Echo breathed out as Raven’s hand moved over her naked chest.

“I missed having this affect on someone.”, Raven admitted, seeing Echo’s muscles get weaker from every touch. Her hand slowly moved lower, over Echo’s abs (how was she just as hot as Anya??).

“Do it already, touch me”, Echo demanded.

“But I am touching you”, Raven smirked.

“Touch me where I want you”, Echo added, looking at Raven as if she would kill her if she didn’t obey.

“You’re hot when you’re horny”, Raven simply continued smirking.

“I’m always hot”, Echo coolly replied.

Raven sighed. “True.”

“Wanna see how hot I am when I’m coming?”, Echo suggested, buckling her hips a little underneath Raven’s body, causing her hand to slip between her legs, into wetness.

“Maybe in a bit”, Raven slightly bit on her lower lip and held her hand against Echo’s center with just the tiniest bit of pressure.

“You know what?”, Echo laid her head a bit to the side and pushed herself up to her forearms.

“What?”, Raven raised an eyebrow, curious and a little scared of what Echo was gonna do.

“Fuck you”

Raven was about to make a joke about how that was exactly what they were doing at the moment but her body was being grabbed and thrown onto the mattress. Echo was on top of her now, her naked breasts hanging in Raven’s face and her wet center right above Raven’s healthy leg. Echo’s leg was between Raven’s legs which were opened and made her feel as though there was a serious lack of something inside her.

Raven was looking up at Echo, partly wanting to see what she was gonna do and partly wishing she was gonna do her. But instead, Echo lowered her body so that her wet folds hit Raven’s thigh. And she started moving forwards and backwards, rubbing herself against the other woman’s skin, now slightly leaning forward so that their boobs were touching. Raven was overwhelmed by how wet she was getting at the sight - and feeling - of Echo fucking herself against her leg. When Echo came, Raven couldn’t take it anymore and grabbed the other woman’s hand, pressing it against her own pussy.

“Do me”, she commanded.

“Hmmmm”, Echo thought, “Should I?”

“Please”, Raven begged, “I’ll do you with a strap on next time!”, she promised.

“Well then…”

  


The next morning, Raven had woken up to morning kisses and morning sex by her new girlfriend, had chatted a bit with Anya, her other girlfriend, on the phone during breakfast (well, she hadn’t talked much since her girlfriends had been talking about all the things they knew she liked in bed and sharing suggestions, making her blush a little which caused Echo to make fun of her for it but also call her adorable - which kind of was a way to make fun of her since Raven liked to think of herself as intimidating)

Now she was just arriving at work and greeted Emori who was already working.

“Dude I still need to thank you”, Raven realised.

“Thank me for what?”, Emori asked with a smile.

“For allowing Murphy and Bellamy to bang so that I can bang Echo because let me tell you, that bitch is amazing!”

Emori nodded. “Well I don’t need more details on that but you’re welcome I guess, I mean.. I don’t own John.”, she shrugged, “I’m glad to be his girlfriend but I’m also glad he has someone to keep him company when we’re apart.”

“Do you need someone for that time, too?”, Raven asked, seriously caring about Emori.

“Nah, I’m not that sexual anyway”, she shrugged again.

“I understand”, Raven nodded, “But if you ever feel lonely, you know, just text me.”

“Thanks Rae”

“Oh uhm, would you mind if.. Becca is asking if she can continue her work from yesterday.”, Raven asked.

“I’m friends with all three of you, you know that, just tell Alie not to ignore me all the time, okay? It’s kinda annoying.”

“Will do.”

 

* * *

 

“Hey Becca”, Anya nodded as she saw her friend sitting on the couch, reading a book.

“How’d you know?”, the older woman asked.

“The way you sit and you’re reading a chemistry book, Raven only does tech and physics.”, Anya replied, pointing at the book in Becca’s hands.

“Ah, should have spotted that one.”

“Don’t worry about it”, Anya shrugged. “What you want for dinner?”

“I don’t know, what do you have?”, Becca asked and, while Anya was on her way to look into the fridge continued talking. “Echo said she’ll be back here at ten and we should leave her something to eat.”

Anya was just turning around as Becca realised what she was going to ask.

“Yea, Raven is asking me to let her spend some time with you, too so.. See you tomorrow?”

“Yea, see you girl.”, Anya said before her girlfriend stood up from the couch and kissed her hello.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you surprised about this change?
> 
> The artists in the gallery are all inspired by people who changed my life for the better so, if you know me and see yourself in one of these people: I love you!


	15. celebrations

Her girlfriend’s stiff body nodded lightly and in a drab voice said: “Happy birthday, Anya.”

“Thanks, Alie”

“Becca made you a cake in the headspace, I don’t really know why since you can neither see nor eat it nor blow out the candles.”

“It’s still very nice of her.”

“If you think so.”, Alie stood there a bit helplessly. She wasn’t used to being out in what could be seen as comfortable situations. “Anyway, she wanted to say something, too, so…”

“Thanks for fronting just to wish me a happy birthday, last year was a bit awkward.”

“I mean, you’re not bad, I mean… you at least pretend to have as little feelings as I do.”

Anya had to smile. “You’re not so bad either.”

As soon as Becca was out she took the two steps forward that Alie had left between them and Raven’s girlfriend and wrapped her into a motherly hug that surprised Anya a little. “Happy birthday, Anya”, she said in a voice that made Anya smile immediately. “Alie told you about the cake?”

“She did”, Anya nodded as if to thank her friend with it. “You know you could have made it out here as well.”

“I know but… I can’t really bake”, Becca admitted, “In there I can just sort of make it appear.”

“Thank you though, it means a lot.” Anya smiled again, not just to be polite because she genuinely liked Becca and even Alie started to grow on her.

“It wasn’t really any work.”, Becca smiled but Anya could see she appreciated her thanks.

Raven came out front and gave Anya a long kiss.

“I like what you’re wearing, by the way, babe”, Anya pointed out, pointing at the.. Well.. sort of suit but not really. Anya wasn’t good at fashion vocabulary.

“It’s Octavia’s”, Raven explained somewhat sheepishly, “And Becca picked it.”

“Yea thought so”, Anya chuckled.

There was a comfortable calm feeling in both of them as they looked into each other’s eyes and kissed in between.

“So what we doing today?”, Anya finally asked.

“We…”, Raven started and went to the coat hooks. She took Anya’s coat and threw it at her before starting to put on her own. “...are driving to the mountains.”

“And what are we doing in the mountains?”, Anya asked while putting on her coat.

“Well, there’s snow there…”, Raven said slowly as if to tease Anya.

“Yes…?”, Anya went towards the shoes to put on her boots.

“So I thought… we…”

“Raven!”, Anya chuckled, “Just say it.”

“Could throw snowballs at little kids?”, Raven suggested with a wide grin.

“You’re perfect”, Anya’s eyes were glowing with excitement.

“I love you, too, evil person.”

 

* * *

 

Clarke tumbled into the kitchen, finding Lexa in only boxers and a sports bra, making coffee. When Lexa turned around, Clarke pointed her finger at her girlfriend’s tummy and closed one eye to focus better.

“Hello, you and you and you and you and you and you”, she said, always moving her finger a tiny bit.

Lexa tried to look offended but had to smile. “Did you just say good morning to my abs and not me?”

“Whaaaat?”, Clarke threw up her arms in defence, “You said good morning to my boobs before my face this morning!”

Lexa looked down at her coffee sheepishly before grinning. She turned around and grabbed her shirt from one of the bar stools. She put in on and looked back at Clarke.

As expected, Clarke was pouting about the loss of abs to look at and Lexa had to giggle.

“Why you giggling?”, Clarke asked in a baby’s voice, still pouting.

“You still look like grumpy cat when you pout!”, Lexa explained, now laughing fully.

“Ey”, Clarke complained weakly but had to smile.

When Lexa stopped laughing and Clarke stopped pouting they looked each other in the eyes for a bit, taking in the moment and enjoying every second of it before Clarke had to go back home again. Then Clarke looked up and down Lexa’s body, causing Lexa to look down to find whatever her girlfriend was looking at.

“That looks cuddly”, half-asleep-Clarke said in her baby voice before shambling towards her girlfriend, opening her arms widely. Lexa opened her arms as well and Clarke fell into them, taking in the scent of Lexa’s hair, kissing her neck while enjoying being held by her strong arms.

“Coffee?”, Lexa whispered after a while, feeling Clarke nod against her shoulder.

She helped Clarke sit down on one of the bar stools before getting the coffee and filling their mugs.

After two mugs of coffee each and a bit of cereal, they left the apartment, Lexa to go to work and Clarke to go home, even though Lexa felt more like home to her than any walls ever could.

 

* * *

 

On her birthday Lexa was woken up by her girlfriend who, as basically always these days, had slept at hers.

“Good morning, birthday girl”, Clarke whispered into her ear.

“You’re awake?”, Lexa asked and looked at her phone which showed her it was 10:26, “At such an early hour?”

“Anything for you!”, Clarke smiled proudly and kissed her girlfriend’s lips.

“That’s the best birthday gift then.”, Lexa smiled and kissed her again.

 

After they had gotten up, Lexa scrolled through and replied to all the birthday wishes she had gotten already. Clarke made them breakfast and, right after they had finished eating, the first person called.

It was Costia. Lexa was really happy to hear her voice, since she had been in Australia and New Zealand for two months now and they hadn’t talked much.

Costia sang her the happy birthday song and Lexa smiled the whole way through.

“Thanks, Cos.”

“Is Clarke there?”, Costia asked.

“I’m here”, Clarke replied. “Lexa put the call on speaker and I’m sitting next to her in the kitchen.”

“Did you guys have morning sex? Lex used to love that.”

“Costia!”, Lexa protested and blushed a little.

“We didn’t but now that you say so, 11 still counts as morning, right?”, Clarke chuckled.

“Babe, don’t team up with her”, Lexa blushed even more now.

“Of course it counts”, Costia simply ignored Lexa. “Anyway I gotta tell you, I met this girl over in Melbourne and…”

“Please spare us the details, Cos”, Lexa pleaded.

“Yea, we have other stuff to do”, Clarke said in a deep voice that made Lexa’s knees weak and Costia chuckle.

“If you say so”, Costia said and they could hear her shrug.

“Bye, Costia”, Clarke laughed.

“I’ll call you again next week, Lex, I promise”, Costia laughed and hung up.

“You’re gonna learn what really is the best birthday present ever”, Clarke told Lexa, commanding her with her hands to follow her to the bedroom. She pointed up and down her body, “Me.”

“I don’t doubt that”, Lexa replied in a weak voice as she followed her way-too-hot girlfriend into her bedroom. They missed the calls of Gustus and Indra because they were… busy.

 

Since Lexa had gone to an art museum with Clarke on her birthday, Clarke decided to take Lexa to a history museum.

Clarke spent several hours lovingly looking at Lexa gushing about historical facts she knew about the exhibits and their time period.

Clarke loved seeing Lexa with her glasses (which made her look incredibly beautiful since they made the greenness of her eyes shine) excitedly reading texts and telling Clarke about how interesting they were.

Clarke realised all over again how much she loved this woman, seeing the light in her eyes at seemingly dull things like a really old book in a display cabinet.

 

 

In the evening, Lexa invited everyone to Niylah’s. With the bar owner’s permission, Maya and Harper had brought a self-made cake with candles, which Lexa had to blow out as soon as everyone had finished singing the birthday song for her. They all ordered drinks and Maya started cutting the cake. Once everyone had a piece on their plate, Monty and Harper got up from their chairs to tell their friends something.

“Sorry for stealing your thunder, Lex, but”, Harper started, but she was interrupted.

“I knew it”, Raven shouted and pointed at Clarke, “Remember? I called it!”

Clarke chuckled.

“Let the people talk, Reyes”, Murphy told his friend.

“Raven is right, though”, Harper smiled, putting a hand on her tummy.

“We’re having a baby!”, Monty announced, squeaking like an excited child.

“And yes, Raven called it at the lake”, Harper added with a small nod into Raven’s direction.

“I’m gonna be an uncle!”, Jasper jumped up from his chair excitedly, making Maya chuckle.

The soon-to-be-parents’ two best friends got up to hug Harper and Monty tightly and Jasper insisted on the Jonty high five.

Everyone congratulated the two and Maya and Lincoln were starting to ask them about baby names.

 

 

Back at home in Lexa’s apartment, as soon as the door closed, Lexa lightly pressed Clarke against the wall next to the door and started kissing her neck and cheeks.

“This day was wonderful”, she whispered into her girlfriend’s ear before kissing that spot right below it that she knew made Clarke weak.

“We’re getting old”, Clarke sighed but it didn’t necessarily sound negative.

“I can’t wait to grow old with you”, Lexa whispered and continued kissing her girlfriend’s collarbone.

“Me neither”, Clarke smiled and kissed Lexa’s neck which she was now able to reach.

They got lost in each other for a few minutes before Clarke broke the quiet bubble consisting of barely audible kissing sounds and tiny moans.

“Are we gonna have kids?”

This question ripped Lexa out of her slightly sleepy comfort.

“I don’t know”, she whispered, this time not in the sexy kind of whisper as before, but a careful, almost scared whisper.

“Do you not want kids?”, Clarke asked and looked into Lexa’s beautiful eyes.

The birthday girl turned towards the apartment and started slowly walking inside.

“I do…”, she started and sat down on the not very comfortable couch that had come with the apartment. “It’s just… I…”, she struggled to find the words.

“Do you not know if you can make enough sperm?”, Clarke asked, “We could go and ask a doctor about that.”

“I know”, Lexa sighed and Clarke realised that this wasn’t why Lexa was so hesitant and maybe she hadn’t even thought about that problem because there was something else that kept her from even thinking about having babies.

“What is it?”, Clarke asked in a concerned voice, sitting next to her girlfriend, carefully placing her hand on Lexa’s thigh.

“It’s because of mum.”

Clarke’s back got a bit tense. Lexa didn’t really talk much about Athena and, as far as Clarke knew, the brunette didn’t know very much about her mother to begin with.

“What about her?”

Lexa took a deep breath in. “I’m scared.”, she admitted.

Clarke could have asked her why but she decided to give Lexa her time and not to push her into answering any questions immediately.

“I’m scared I’m…” Clarke could see tears forming in Lexa’s eyes. “I’m scared her having kids was part of the reason she was so… she was…” Lexa started sobbing slightly so Clarke moved closer to her and took her into a tight hug. “I’m scared I’m part of the reason she was so stressed she killed herself.”, Lexa finally finished what she wanted to say and the last bit of her sentence opened the floods in her eyes.

Clarke just held her girlfriend for a bit, rocking her back and forth, letting her cry a bit.

“You know…”, she then started trying to calm her down, “When… or if we have kids, we will have Monty and Harper already having some experience with it and we’ll have all of our friends who will help us raise them. Lincoln and Anya will be excited to be aunty and uncle and so will Raven and Bell and O… I’m sure Becca will love to be an auntie”

Lexa’s crying was starting to get less. “Murphy, Alie and Jasper maybe aren’t the best influence on kids, but…”, this even got a small chuckle out of Lexa, who was now lifting herself out of Clarke’s embrace. “We have such a big network, Amanda and my mum and Markus will love to help as well.”, Clarke continued, “And for that matter I work from home so I will be here to look after our kids anyway and even though you might be pretty busy at work, you still have Anya helping you, which Athena didn’t, and you can choose your vacation days which is awesome for a parent.”

Lexa seemed like she was starting to get convinced by what Clarke was saying.

“Do you think I can make children?”, she asked and Clarke knew that this question meant her previous problem wasn’t as important anymore.

“I do”, she smiled and gave Lexa a small kiss on the cheek, “And there are always other options if you can’t”

 

* * *

 

A few days after Lexa’s birthday Clarke had to sleep at her old home for a week because Abby had gotten sick so she, Raven and Markus had to take shifts to take care of her and since Clarke didn’t have set work hours, she had gotten the biggest shift. Lexa had insisted on bringing her to Abby’s.

Now that she was back, Lexa closed the door of her apartment behind herself and leaned against it for a while. She hated being alone in this place. Before she and Clarke had gotten back together it had been fine but now every time she came back to a silent place she thought about Clarke alone in her bed. Yes, Clarke had her mum and Raven, but in her room she was alone. Just like Lexa right now. She didn’t feel very hungry but Clarke’s voice in her head told her she had to eat because she “can’t just not eat” so she made herself a sandwich with things she found in her not-very-full fridge.

She took out her phone to check her messages. Of course, Clarke had texted her while she had driven back to her place.

 

_Yesterday I just kinda walked around the apartment and everywhere I looked I saw memories with you._

_Almost cried but in a happy way._

_Sometimes I could even feel you holding me or hearing your voice when you sang_

_I love you so much. I want to be next to you_

_I know, babe. Soon_

_Not soon enough_

_We should just move in together_

_Yea_

_Can we plan that tomorrow? I’m tired_

_Sure_

_Sleep well, beautiful_

_You too, most beautiful_

 

Lexa rolled her eyes with a smile and put her phone back into her pocket. She couldn’t decide whether she wanted to sleep or watch Netflix so she just took her laptop to bed with her, changed into her pyjamas, rolled up in her blanket and started a documentary about turtles she had seen before.

After 20 minutes, she closed her laptop to try to sleep. She tossed and turned for a while before laying on her back, staring at the ceiling, thinking of Clarke.

Lexa smiled. She loved that girl so much! She could hear her laugh and just her voice in general and it made her feel warm inside. Those eyes, coloured like the horizon at sea, half ocean, half sky, …

Lexa’s hand twitched as if to reach for her girlfriend’s hand but she remembered she wasn’t there.

She was alone. They both were.

She fell asleep with wet eyes and damp cheeks.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What would you prefer to do on your birthday? Go to a museum or terrorise children?


	16. to build a home

“Guys, guys, guys”, Raven stormed into Niylah’s bar.

“What, what, what?”, Octavia asked, trying to sound just as out of breath as Raven did to mock her friend.

“What’s wrong?”, Emori asked, concerned about Raven having apparently run here. 

“Okay, so”, Raven nodded at Niylah, who then started to make Raven’s usual drink, “You know how much it sucks that we all don’t live together?”

“Of course we know, Rae”, Harper said confusedly.

“Take a breath and then tell us what you want to say”, Lexa told Raven calmly.

“So…”, Raven took a deep breath in, holding her chest. Echo and Anya looked at each other for a second before Echo got up to take care of their girlfriend though Raven had already sat down on one of the bar stools when Echo arrived from the pool table where she had been kicking Anya’s ass. Anya followed right after her until finally all their friends were gathered around Raven.

“So I just saw this big old office building on the way here”, Raven started explaining, her eyes lighting up slightly.

“Wow, cool”, Jasper and Murphy said at the same time, though Murphy said it sarcastically while Jasper actually sounded excited.

Raven just grinned at them. “Well, it said it was for sale”

“You want us to buy an old office building?”, Clarke asked, looking at Echo to find out if she knew what was going on in Raven’s mind, but Echo just shrugged.

“Well, it had three stories, perfect size for four apartments downstairs and two bigger ones per story above that.”

“We’re 14, Raven, why 8 apartments?”, Monty asked.

“Four big ones because I guess you guys”, she pointed at him and Harper, who he had an arm around, “Are starting a family and those cheesy ews”, she pointed at Lincoln and Octavia and then Clarke and Lexa, “and they”, she interrupted Jasper and Maya’s kiss by lightly hitting against the back of Maya’s head, “all wanna do that, too”

“Four families with kids”, Lexa nodded, “But that still leaves only you, your girlfriends, Bell, Murphy and Emori.”

“Yea, we’ll just leave one flat for storage or I don’t know”, Anya shrugged. Raven just nodded.

“Well”, Lincoln started, “We shouldn’t be making any decisions before we’ve even looked at the place.”

“Exactly”, Clarke agreed, “We’ll look at it, then see if we can afford it…” Anya chuckled a little. Clarke apparently still hadn’t fully accepted the fact that Lexa was pretty fucking rich. Lexa glared at her sister while Clarke continued. “... and then we’ll think about buying it, okay?”

Everyone nodded.

“Raven”, Bellamy started planning in his head, “You go past there again and get the phone number of the people selling it, call them and ask for a meeting.”

“Will do, boss”, Raven saluted, making Bellamy grin.

“And whoever has time then, will go look at it and send the rest some pictures.”

Everyone seemed to agree that the topic was over for now and got back to what they had been doing before Raven had stormed in. Echo and Anya went back to the pool table, Emori, Lexa, Lincoln and Octavia joined to watch their duel. Jasper and Maya were making out again, Bellamy and Murphy were talking about work and Monty and Harper were excitedly discussing what kinds of plants they wanted to plant someday, or something. Clarke never understood all the weird latin terms they were using.

Raven sighed as she let herself drop onto the bar stool next to Clarke, which made the blonde look at her instead of her beautiful girlfriend. 

“You think we’re gonna have kids?”, Clarke asked, now looking at Lexa again.

“Of course you are”, Raven chuckled. “If not on purpose then by accident.” She took a sip of her beer. “The woman gets a boner every time you walk into the room.”

Clarke blushed. “Not true!”, she lightly shoved Raven’s shoulder away from her.

Raven just laughed and raised her eyebrows, her face saying ‘You know I’m always right, Griff.’

“Anyway, why are you looking at my girlfriend’s crotch?”, Clarke raised an eyebrow at her friend.

Niylah had heard that question and let an exaggerated gasp leave her mouth. “Raven!!!”

“Okay, okay, maybe I only looked a few times, not every time”, Raven couldn’t stop giggling. “The things you do to mock your friends”, she shrugged.

“Do you do that with Lincoln and Bell and the others, too?”, Niylah asked.

“Sometimes, but less often than Lex.”

“Why?”, Clarke asked, trying to sound offended.

“You and her are the funniest to mock”, Raven stated simply. “Anyway I wanna try something, watch”, she added before Clarke could protest.

Raven placed her beer on the bar and turned towards the pool table again. “Babe!”, she called out, causing both Echo and Anya to turn her way saying “Yea?” at the same time.

Raven burst out laughing and the others giggled a bit, too.

“Okay you seriously need different cutesy names for us”, Anya rolled her eyes, but she was chuckling a bit, too.

“Will try to think of some”, Raven replied. “Clarke, got any ideas?”

Clarke just rolled her eyes, thinking back to the time when Raven had tried guessing names she and Lexa occasionally called each other and, even though Clarke had obviously lied about the number, had been right about most of them.

Everyone had turned back to the pool table when Raven made a whining sound. Clarke turned towards her again and saw she was leaning with her back against the bar, her head shaking a bit as she was looking back and forth between two spots.

“Help me, Griff”, Raven whined.

“With what?”, Clarke got a bit concerned, but not too much, because she already expected it being another attempt to mock her.

“I never know which one to stare at.”, Raven explained, seriously sounding like she was suffering. “They’re just both so hot!”

 

* * *

 

A few days later, Monty, Harper, Clarke, Raven, Lincoln, Maya and Jasper went to look at their possible new house. The building had the shape of a U, though not in a curve, but two halves, connected by a big middle piece at one end, that was just as wide as the two sides. In that middle piece were both the stairs and the entrance. When entering they saw that the opposite wall, just like the wall to their back and the upper floor walls they’d seen from the outside, consisted of only windows, opening the view to the centre of the U with a few trees and other plants.

The sight excited Monty and Harper who immediately started discussing a beautiful garden full of self-grown fruits, vegetables and herbs.

The light in their eyes awoke excitement in their other friends as well and Maya shot a smile into Clarke’s direction, knowing very well Clarke would spend a lot of time on the stairs, drawing the trees.

Clarke smiled back and nodded happily.

Anya stayed downstairs with the estate agent to talk business, as she had said. The others started spreading around the house.

It still looked more like an office building than an apartment building, all three stories looking the same with the same small rooms, but everyone’s imagination was running wild about what they could do with this place.

Lincoln took out a notebook and pencil to roughly draw the layout of the house with every wall, door and window. He took a mental note to ask the estate agent about the footprints later.

“Okay, so”, Raven started half an hour later when everyone had gotten a look around the house, trying to gather everyone around herself, “let’s see how we can split all this into 8 apartments.”

“Well”, Clarke came back from the left half of the building. She had looked at the right half earlier. “As far as I see it, the halves are identical.”

“That’s right”, the estate agent said before continuing her conversation with Anya close to the door. 

“So as I said, we’ll just make four big apartments and quarter one story”, Raven continued Clarke’s thought.

“Which one do you suggest?”, Jasper asked while putting an arm around his girlfriend.

“I’d say this one”, Raven pointed around them, “because of that one.” She was now pointing at her knee.

“Smart”, Jasper just commented.

“Okay then, no more stairs for Raven”, Monty smiled and, only because they all knew Raven so much, they could see the relief and happiness in her eyes. 

They spent a few hours walking around the house, excitedly planning rooms and what their future lives would be like with kids and maybe pets and just living together as a big family.

Lincoln noted and drafted all of their plans until they eventually decided on a final solution:

Jasper, Maya, Monty and Harper would live on the middle floor, growing plants both on the flat roof of the building that would be a roof terrace and in the garden in the middle of the building. Clarke, Lexa, Lincoln and Octavia would live on the upper floor, just like in the story below them having big enough flats to start families. Bellamy and Echo were going to share an apartment next to Raven and Anya on the right side of the ground floor while the apartment next to Murphy and Emori’s on the left side would stay empty and function as a place to meet up at. 

They compared their plans with the footprints Anya had gotten from the estate agent and discussed the new floorplan. A unanimous vote (including votes by Alie and Becca) at Niylah’s bar finalised their decision to buy the house by each paying as much as they could give at the moment and, after Maya had insisted on it, the ones with less money promising to pay back the ones who gave more. Everyone was happy to soon be constantly surrounded by the people they loved.

 

* * *

 

Abby was standing in the doorframe of the kitchen, Markus right behind her, his arms around her waist. They were watching Raven and Clarke carry the last bits of their stuff to the three-seater moving truck Octavia was waiting in. They had collected everyone’s furniture (hadn’t been much at the Blakes’) and were now going to drive it to their new home.

“I can’t believe they’re moving out”, Abby said half to Markus behind her and half to the girls that were just walking past her.

“We’re old, Abby”, Markus sighed and the girls couldn’t tell if he was feeling like Abby or if he was mocking her.

“No they’re old”, Abby was almost pouting.

“We all are.”, Markus sighed again.

“Soon we’ll have grandkids!”, Abby noticed, not making clear if she was excited or scared.

“Clarke’s job!”, Raven immediately reacted, pointing at her sister.

Abby and Markus chuckled while Clarke blushed a little, leaving the house. 

When the older, really  _ adult _ adults couldn’t hear them anymore, Raven called out: “Did you just blush?”

“What?”

“You totally blushed!”

“What’s happening?”, Octavia, who had gotten out of the truck to help Raven with her stuff, asked.

“Clarke and Lexa are totally planning to make babies soon or… oh god! Are you pregnant?”, Raven asked and poked into Clarke’s tummy making her jump back because it tickled. “Are you?”, Raven asked louder, pure excitement in her eyes.

“I’m not, Raven!”, Clarke chuckled embarrassedly.

“But you will be soon, I call it”, Raven pointed at her as if she could magically conjure a baby into her.

“And she’s good at it”, Octavia reminded Clarke, “She called Harper’s kid and she was right!”

“It’s not that easy for me”, Clarke sighed while she got into the car.

Raven climbed in to sit in the middle. She only felt safe driving in the middle when other people would be the first to get hit. It sounds like an asshole move but her friends understood.

“But Lexa can make you preggy?”, Octavia asked, climbing in after Raven and signalled Clarke to start driving.

“Probably, I mean,... maybe”, Clarke shrugged.

  
  


“And how will you do that?”, Anya asked in her car on the way to their new house.

“Well, I’ve read some things and asked my doctor and she said if I go off hormones for a few months and try then, it could work…”

“Could?”

“Yea…”, Lexa sighed, “Otherwise maybe we’ll adopt. But for now, this is our plan.”

“Good luck”, Anya said in a serious tone and then, “I can’t wait to ruin your kiddos, kiddo.”, she grinned.

“Anya!”

  
  


A few hours later, when they had unpacked everything and Jasper was driving back the moving truck, everyone was lying on the floor or couches or sitting on chairs in Monty and Harper’s new living room.

Octavia, Clarke, Lexa and Maya were laying on the floor in square form, each with their head on another girl’s stomach. 

Echo sat next to them and was using Anya’s legs as her backrest since her best friend was sitting on a chair.

“I’m happy”, Harper broke the exhausted silence.

“Me too”, Maya smiled and Clarke chuckled because Maya speaking made her stomach, which Clarke was lying on, shake a little.

Clarke’s chuckle, in turn, made Lexa laugh which then made Octavia laugh. Soon all four girls were laughing and they infected the whole rest of the room. Everyone was purely and utterly happy as their laughter filled not only the room and the floor and maybe the whole house, but their hearts. This was going to be their forever home and they could feel it. Feel the feeling of family, of togetherness, of belonging. Safety and calm and all together happiness. Only Clarke and Raven shared a short, melancholic look. The empty apartment underneath them… Finn would… could… or maybe should have lived there.

 

* * *

 

In the afternoon of their second day at the new house, they all decided to celebrate by having a sort of early game night. 

After a half an hour of discussion over which game to play, Monty suggested to just play Guess Who with themselves as the characters. Everyone agreed since not only would it be fun, but it would also help those, who maybe hadn’t been that close so far, to get to know each other better.

Lexa wrote all their names on post-its (Clarke winked at her at the memory), folded them and put them into a bowl.

They all went into the empty apartment because it had the most space. Maya had suggested bringing chairs, but everyone was too lazy to carry them and Clarke said they could all just sit on the floor.

After Jasper had asked for the third time, Emori decided to explain the rules to everyone again.

“Okay so one of us will pull a name out of the bowl. Then all but one of us will stand in the middle of the room and the other one is the player who has to guess whose name was on the note. Only yes or no questions are allowed, understood?”

Jasper nodded and everyone else had apparently understood it before already so they began.

Jasper volunteered to be the first one to draw a name and Monty immediately wanted to be the one to guess.

 

“Are they…”, Monty thought for a few seconds and looked into the faces of his friends that were now all standing opposite to him. “Ooo, are they part of the LGBT community?”, he then asked.

“Yep”, Jasper simply replied. He was smiling brightly, hoping Monty would take a long time to guess who and also because he could sit down now. Monty was having everyone who wasn’t in the community sit on the floor and about half of his friends remained standing.

Monty looked around the remaining people, trying to figure out a way to get about half of them to sit down.

“Would one leave their kids with them or would one have to fear they’d… allow them to do things they shouldn’t be allowed to do?”

“Only yes or no questions!”, Emori reminded.

“Oh, uhm, would one leave their kids with them and have a safe feeling about it?”

“Hmm, yes I would.”, Jasper nodded.

“Okay. Raven, Anya, Echo, Murphy sit down.”, Monty commanded.

“You’re the bad aunties and uncles”, Harper smiled as she helped Raven sit down next to her.

Now only four people remained standing.

“Are they sporty?”, Monty asked next.

“No, definitely not.”, Jasper laughed.

“Okay, it’s Clarke!”, Monty pointed at her.

“Hey, it could’ve been Emori, too!”, Jasper defended himself, sad his round had been over so quickly.

“Nah, you said no too quickly.”, Monty clarified.

“Also I don’t think I’d leave my kids with her.”, Raven commented, earning a light hit against the shoulder from her colleague.

“Glad to know my reputation is like this”, Clarke laughed.

“Hey, at least he’d let you look after his kids!”, Echo reminded.

“True, thanks Jasper, I’m very flattered.”

“I mean.. You are a mum friend.”, Octavia shrugged.

“You totally are”, Lincoln agreed before Clarke could protest.

Clarke pouted for a bit before she got up and declared in a voice that sounded like a small child: “I wanna be next!” 

“In knowing or in guessing?”, Emori asked.

“Guessing”

“Then I’ll pull a name!”, Emori decided.

“Put Clarke’s piece back in though so it’s as hard for her as it was for me”, Monty ordered and Jasper obeyed.

 

Emori grinned widely as she read the name on her piece of paper.

“I bet it’s Murphy”, Raven whispered into Echo’s ear.

“Would one leave their kids with them?”, Clarke asked.

“Nah not really”, Emori chuckled.

“Could be”, Echo whispered back into her girlfriend’s ear.

Clarke had a few people sit down before she asked her next question. “Are they sporty?”, she asked, earning a joking “think of your own questions” comment from Monty to which she stuck out her tongue at him.

“Definitely sporty.”, Emori answered the question.

Clarke had Murphy sit down to which he shrugged and said: “I’m just too pretty to do sports.”

Because of Monty’s comment, Clarke took some time to think of a creative question to ask next.

“Would or do they call themselves a god?”, she finally asked.

“Yes”, Emori chuckled.

“But would others call them a god, too?”

“Definitely”

“Could they make someone question their sexuality?”

“Hm… yes”

Anya and Echo, who were both still standing, high fived to this, grinning at Raven who facepalmed.

“Can they cook more than just toast?”, Clarke asked next, with a grin matching Anya’s and Echo’s on her own face.

“Does Mac & Cheese count?”, Emori asked.

“Okay, it’s Raven.”, Clarke concluded and chuckled.

“I knew your bad cooking skills would get to you someday.”, Octavia joked.

“Can she really cook Mac & Cheese?”, Harper asked and after Raven nodded proudly and Anya made a hand sign that could read as “well kinda.. Not really”, she added “I’m very impressed” and chuckled.

“Can I be next to pull a name?”, Harper added after a second.

“I wanna guess!”, Anya jumped to the front of the room and held the bowl of names out, first to Emori to put Raven back in and then, after some shuffling, to Harper to pull the next one.

 

“Hmm…”, Anya made for a second as if she hadn’t been preparing questions in her head the whole time. “You know how there’s two kinds of old people?”

“Yes, but that’s not a question for this.”, Lexa commented.

“No like there’s the grumpy old person and the candy grandma. Which one would they be?”, she asked and, before someone could protest that that wasn’t a yes or no question, she added: “Would they be the grumpy old?”

“Nah”, Harper replied.

“Okay, so they’d be the candy old?”

“Yes”

Anya had a few people sit down and turned back to Harper.

“Would one trust them with looking after food? Like you know in an ‘I have to pee, can you hold my fries for a minute’ situation.”

“Definitely would trust them with that.”, Harper said.

“Are they likely to be a villain in a story?”, Anya asked next.

“You’d trust a villain with your food?”, Lexa asked confusedly.

“Nah they wouldn’t”, Harper replied and Anya, too, ignored Lexa’s question.

“Would you leave your kid with them?”

“If they can look after food they can look after a kid, right?”, Jasper asked around the room, getting a lot of agreeing nods, but Monty and Harper looked at each other questioningly, but then smiled and Monty gave Harper a small peck on the cheek.

“I’d trust them with that, yes.”, Harper said, making everyone who was still standing feel proud.

Anya smiled knowingly. “Are they older than us?”, she asked the last, reassuring question.

“Yes”, Harper answered, knowing Anya knew now.

“It’s Becca isn’t it?”

Harper nodded

“Wait, Becca and Alie are in there, too”, Bellamy asked.

“Obviously, they’re part of the group”, Echo replied and immediately added: “And by the way, I’m next.”

While Echo was already reaching for the bowl with names, Raven, who had been out for the most part of the day, let Becca come forward. “You would trust me with looking after your child?”, she asked, looking extremely happy and proud.

“We would”, Harper replied after getting a slight nod from Monty.

“As long as Alie and Raven don’t come out in between.”, Monty chuckled.

“Whoops, they heard that”, Becca informed her friends.

“Doesn’t matter. They know they’re evil aunts”, Harper chuckled, “Raven is probably even proud of it.”

“She is!”, Becca nodded knowingly before Murphy declared that he would be the next to guess.

 

“Have they…”, Murphy looked around the room to make sure he had everyone’s attention, “Kissed multiple people in this room?”

“Yes”, Echo replied with a poker face.

“Okay, everyone but these sluts sits down: Bell, Raven, Echo, Anya!”

“You’re just as much a slut as we are”, Bellamy replied.

“Hey, no slut-shaming!”, Clarke interrupted them.

“Cough! Mum friend”, Raven said in an ironic voice.

“Hey, I’ve kissed more people than one, too”, Jasper exclaimed.

“Really?”, Murphy asked, surprised he didn’t know this, “Who?”

“Guess you’ll never know!”, Jasper shrugged.

To the surprise of everyone, not even Maya seemed to know who it was, but they all figured it couldn’t have been too important or they would have found out.

“Okay so, would they model?”, Murphy asked his next question.

Echo took a few seconds to think. “Yea, probably.”

Murphy nodded and continued. “Would one leave kids with them.”

“Yes”, Echo replied quickly.

“Would they know how to use a sword?”

Knowing Murphy would know after this question, she replied: “We both know he looks hotter with a big gun.”

“You do, Blake”

Bellamy blushed a little but thought they might be right.

“Can I pull the next name?”, Lexa asked politely.

“Of course”, Echo replied and put Bellamy’s back into the bowl.

“I’ll guess!”, Octavia jumped up excitedly, making Lincoln behind her chuckle.

 

“Okay so on a scale of cinnamon roll to would kill you, are they more cinnamon roll?”, Octavia asked.

“Yes”, Lexa replied simply.

“Would they share food?”

“Yes, definitely.”

“Do they…”, Octavia thought for a few seconds, looking at her remaining friends, “Do they care about humans more than about plants or animals?”

“I’d say so, yes.”

“Are they a mum friend?”

“Yes”

Octavia had some of her friends sit down, including her brother.

“I’d say Bell is a mum friend.”, Lincoln commented, trying to help his girlfriend.

“More a daddy friend”, Murphy commented and Echo and Raven both high fived him, making Bellamy hide inside the collar of his shirt, which he pulled up by doing so, unintentionally now showing some of his abs. Echo whistled and Bellamy quickly pulled his shirt back down.

Octavia rolled her eyes and continued. “Would they land in prison?”

“Well, you never know”, Raven commented before Lexa could reply, causing the room to fall uncomfortably silent, everyone having been reminded of the person who should be living in the apartment they were in right now.

After a few seconds that had everyone miss the warm and cosy feeling from before, Lincoln told Octavia to ask the next question.

“Okay”, Octavia said, breathing in deeply as if the guilt of having asked that question had pressed on her lungs before.

“Could they draw a bird and people would recognise it as a bird?”

“Hmm… yes”, Lexa replied.

“Lincoln, right?”

“Actually, no”, Lexa replied.

“Huh?” Octavia was confused.

“It was Maya”, Lexa explained.

“Maya can draw?”, Anya, who had never spent much time with the younger woman and knew that she liked art, but hadn’t known she was artistic herself, asked.

“Well I’m not as good as Clarke or Lincoln”, Maya shrugged, “But I guess I could draw a decent bird.”

“See?”, Lexa said to Octavia, who was pouting a bit over having guessed the wrong name.

“Thanks for thinking I could, Lexa”, Maya smiled.

 

* * *

 

In the evening everyone met up in the empty flat again. Even though there was no furniture in the whole flat it was a bit tight. After all, they were fourteen people squeezed into a tiny flat. 

Soon, after a very, very long fight about what to eat, Murphy, Clarke and Echo went next door to cook dinner for everyone. 

“I still can’t believe you can cook”, Clarke shook her head as she was watching Murphy season the food a bit later.

“I literally have the biggest kitchen of all of us because of that.”, Murphy laughed.

“I know what you’re thinking”, Emori smiled at Clarke. She had come in to check on how far they were.

“Huh?”, Clarke and Echo turned around. 

“‘Why are all the good ones taken?’”, Emori continued in an exaggerated sigh.

Clarke rolled her eyes with a smile. “Mine’s pretty amazing, too.” 

“How good that I live so far away from you two”, Echo laughed.

“Pff, as if you guys were any better”, Emori grinned.

Echo just grinned back, knowing her friend was right.

“Hey, Clarke, try this”, Murphy held a spoon in front of his friend’s face.

Clarke blew some air over it to cool it down and then put it into her mouth. After a second she ran to the sink and spat it out.

“Argh, Murphy, are you trying to kill me?”, she started gagging and ran to the fridge to find some dairy product to calm down her burning tongue. “What was that? Pure chilli in water?”

“Almost”, Murphy said with a smug grin. 

Echo hit his head and handed Clarke the bottle of milk Murphy had hidden on the counter behind himself.

“Thanks”, Clarke managed to make her mouth say in between gulps. She placed the bottle back onto the counter, the others watching her silently, partly grinning, partly pity in their face.

Clarke shot Murphy one last glare before leaving the room.

Murphy turned back to the herbs he had been cutting and, because he was still chuckling a little, accidentally cut his finger.

He turned around, looking a bit pissed.

“This knife needs sharpening!”, he told Emori.

“You just cut your finger with that, had it been sharpened your finger would be cut off, John!”

“Well, karma I guess”, Echo shrugged with a smile.

 

Back in the empty flat, everyone had sat down on the floor or was leaning against the walls.

“Maybe to eat we should go upstairs to one of the bigger flats”, Lexa suggested.

“Good idea, maybe ours?”, Lincoln asked.

“You’re brilliant”, Bellamy said to Lexa with a funny face and threw her a kiss across the room.

“I know”, Lexa replied, throwing Bellamy a kiss as well.

“What is happening here?”, Clarke asked, looking back and forth between her friend and her girlfriend.

“Nothing”, Bellamy grinned.

At the same time, Lexa leaned into Clarke and said: “What are you talking about, babe? Nothing happened.” She went past her girlfriend, following Bellamy as they both giggled, leaving Clarke rolling her eyes and some of the others laughing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guess along at game night?
> 
> I actually built this house in sims so tell me in the comments if you wanna see it and I'll figure out how to include them in the next chapter!


	17. what dreams are made of

Lexa and Clarke were sitting in the bathtub together. Lexa was placed between Clarke’s legs, her head resting on her shoulder, her face to the side so that Clarke was able to kiss her.

"The water is getting cold", Clarke mumbled against Lexa's lips which were so full and beautiful and still tasted a bit like the pizza they had eaten for dinner.

"Is it?", Lexa asked and through Lexa's teasing voice and raised eyebrow Clarke knew exactly what Lexa wanted her to say.

"Yes.", Clarke mumbled back while pecking Lexa's jawline, "And your body between my legs and your back rubbing against my nipples make me hella horny."

"Good", Lexa mumbled back while teasingly rubbing her back against Clarke.

Clarke let the water flow out of the bathtub and they got up. They loosely dried each other up before Lexa took her naked girlfriend’s hand and pulled her to their bedroom.

Lexa swirled Clarke around before the latter could open the door and pressed her against it.

Lexa’s thigh separates Clarke's legs and grinded strongly into her centre.

A breath combined with a barely audible moan left Clarke as Lexa started kissing and nipping at her jawline and down her neck.

Clarke’s hand found the doorknob and they stumbled inside as she opened the door.

Lexa used Clarke’s loss of balance to take full control and pushed her onto the bed.

Slowly Lexa followed one leg between Clarke’s, letting Lexa's hand wander on the inside of Clarke’s thighs

Lexa’s other hand found one of Clarke’s breasts, squeezed it and her thumb started rubbing Clarke’s nipple while the other was being licked by her

A light bite caused a shaky breath to leave Clarke.

"Fuck me", Clarke commanded which made Lexa smirk up to her.

"You want me?", Lexa asked before her mouth found Clarke’s again and their tongues danced together.

As Lexa pulled back to pay attention to Clarke’s neck again her girlfriend moaned, "I want you"

"And", Lexa licked her collarbone, "where do you want me?"

"Inside me you fucker", Clarke begged, opening her legs more.

"Good", Lexa's hand slit through her folds, teasingly poking both her clit and entrance.

"Fuck me!", Clarke moaned and her hips moved against Lexa's hand in an attempt to get more friction.

Lexa’s mouth started caressing the brunette’s nipples again as finally two of her fingers entered Clarke. She started with a slow rhythm that made Clarke push herself up to her elbows to rock against Lexa. Her fingers got faster as Lexa kissed down Clarke’s abs to finally find her clit and gently start sucking at it.

"Harder", Clarke commanded and Lexa did so, adding another finger as Clarke told her to.

Lexa fucked her hard and Clarke felt her orgasm coming closer as Lexa got slower to keep her on the high for as long as possible. Clarke moaned loudly and when Lexa curled up her fingers inside her and with a strong push got her over the edge, Clarke punctuated it with a screamed "fuck".

  
  
  


Lexa woke up before Clarke so she decided to go have a shower while Clarke was still in bed, snoring quietly in her sleep. She looked adorable so she gave her a light peck on the forehead and walked towards the bathroom.

When Lexa came back she realised Clarke was still asleep so she threw a pillow at her head and said: "Baby, wake up!", in a soft tone.

Clarke rolled over onto her side so she was facing Lexa still with her eyes closed.

The sleepy woman stayed like that until Lexa got impatient and nudged her lightly.

"We need to go shopping and get some milk for breakfast!", Lexa whispered into Clarke’s ear which sent shivers down Clarke’s spine so she slowly opened her eyes adjusting to the light and looked at Lexa smirking to herself because her girlfriend was just in a towel so her shoulders were on clear view. Clarke slowly lifted herself up so her back rested against the wall still smirking at Lexa, which made her confused.

"What?", the brunette said in a cute way which made Clarke smile even more.

"I love you", she said in her husky morning voice and before Lexa could reply Clarke’s hands landed behind her neck. She pulled her into a kiss which turned into a heated make-out session.

Lexa moved away when she felt too hot and needed to catch her breath. She smiled and said: "wow."

Clarke pouted like a baby because she wanted more.

She still had her hands behind Lexa’s neck. Lexa leaned in and gave her two quick kisses on her lips.

She tried to move but Clarke didn't want her to leave so instead Lexa hugged her and Clarke laid her head onto Lexa’s shoulder.

"My towel will fall down if you don't get off me soon", Lexa said and laughed.

"Sorry", Clarke said and kissed her girlfriend’s shoulder before she lifted her head up and stared at Lexa. They smiled, feeling each other’s warmth. “I wouldn’t be opposed to it falling, though.”

"Come on, get out of bed!", Lexa said still smiling at her. Clarke quickly got up and got changed.

 

About half an hour later Lexa walked downstairs where Clarke was waiting. As soon as she entered the big entrance room of the house Clarke said: "Good morning, gorgeous!"

"Good morning to you, too", Lexa said in the beautifully soft voice her girlfriend loved so much.

Clarke smiled at Lexa while she was looking for her car keys in her pockets. Clarke had snatched them while Lexa had still been getting dressed and now took them out of her back pocket.

"Are you looking for these?", she asked.

Lexa walked closer towards her and smiled. "Yes, thank you", she said calmly.

"If you want them you have to give me a kiss first!", Clarke said smilingly.

Lexa leaned in and kissed Clarke on her lips.

"I'd be happy to kiss you whenever you want", Lexa said seductively. That made Clarke smile brightly.

Lexa always smiled whenever Clarke was smiling. She leaned in to kiss her girlfriend but Clarke backed away leaving Lexa behind, looking sad because she didn't get a kiss.

She didn’t like it when Lexa was sad so Clarke blew her a kiss because she knew they had to leave. Clarke locked the front door and they made their way to the car.

Lexa opened the door for Clarke which she found really cute so Clarke pecked Lexa's lips and said: "thank you".

Clarke fastened her seat belt as Lexa made her way around the car to sit in the driver’s seat. Clarke viewed everything Lexa did smiling. When Lexa sat in the car and wanted to start it Clarke said: "wait!"

Lexa looked at Clarke with confusion in her eyes until her girlfriend leaned in and kissed Lexa on the lips.

They both got lost in the kiss until Clarke pulled their lips apart.

Lexa realised that Clarke was on her phone. Apparently, Clarke had taken a photo of them kissing.

Clarke smirked at Lexa while she just laughed a little bit.

Lexa started the car and they drove out of the parking lot. Lexa was paying attention to the street while Clarke decided to post the photo on Instagram with the caption: " _This is the most amazing person I have ever met and I can't wait to share more memories with her @lexwoods_ " and also tagged Lexa in the photo.

“ _Cutiesssss_ ”, Octavia commented and liked the post just seconds after Clarke had posted it.

Lexa placed her hand off the steering wheel and laid it on Clarke’s lap. She then turned it upwards, indirectly asking Clarke to hold it, so she did and took a quick photo of that too.

 

They arrived at the parking lot outside the supermarket. Lexa stopped the car and looked at Clarke.

She smiled happily back at Lexa before they both got out of the car and Lexa locked it behind them.

Clarke walked over to get a shopping cart while Lexa walked behind her. She pushed it like a little child, swinging on it playfully.

Lexa looked at the list for what they needed to buy. As Clarke walked into the shop she felt arms around her waist. She tilted her head and Lexa gave her a kiss on the lips.

"What was that for?", Clarke giggled.

"For you being so cute", Lexa replied with a smile and Clarke just smiled brightly.

Lexa kissed her again a couple times before Clarke backed away.

"Lex, we're in public", she said in a slightly embarrassed tone because so many people were staring at them.

"I don't care, let them see how beautiful being gay is!", Lexa said proudly which made Clarke laugh.

They continued shopping with a few occasional pecks on each other’s cheeks and lips.

When Clarke got to the pizza section she asked: "Babe, what pizza do you want tonight?" She didn't get a reply so she turned around but Lexa and their cart were nowhere to be seen. Clarke decided to get a margarita and a pizza with spinach on it because she knew Lexa liked that.

As soon as she turned around she saw Lexa standing next to her with a smirk on her face. Clarke looked down at the cart because she knew that face meant something like “Sorry but I had to it looked so tasty!”

Clarke was right. As she looked down she saw 4 packages of chocolate.

"Seriously?", Clarke asked rolling her eyes and smiling at the same time.

"They give me motivation!", Lexa said in her defence with a cute look on her face that made Clarke smile.

Clarke kissed Lexa on the tip of her nose as she put her hand on the cart again. Clarke felt Lexa's hand lay on top of hers and Lexa smiled at Clarke which made her even happier if that was even possible. After a while of continued shopping and swapping small kisses and happy glanced they were just about to pay when Clarke felt Lexa's eyes watching her.

She turned around, looked at Lexa, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and turned back around.

Clarke still felt Lexa staring at her so she looked back again. "Wha–," she started to ask but got cut off by Lexa's lips crashing into hers. Clarke felt the pressure from Lexa's lips kissing her until she kissed back. They continued kissing for a while and forgot everything that was going on around them.

Lexa backed away only inches from Clarke’s face and stroked Clarke’s hair behind her ears. They then saw that the person next to them was smiling brightly and the person behind the checkout machine was smiling as well. Clarke hid her face in Lexa's neck and mumbled "I love you"

"I love you", Lexa mumbled into Clarke’s ear.

Lexa carried the bags back to the car with one hand while Clarke was fiddling with the knuckles of Lexa’s other hand and then kissed them a few times which made Lexa smile.

 

They drove home quietly.

While Lexa concentrated on the road and Clarke just looked at her smiling, wishing that they could just pull over and stop the car so they could make out.

Just as they got up to the gate at the end of their road Clarke started humming. Lexa loved the melody so she looked at her and smiled. The dimple that Clarke loved so much appeared and she just wanted to pull Lexa's face into a kiss but she didn't because they were driving.

As soon as they arrived at their house, Clarke quickly got out of her seat and crawled over the gear lever. She allowed herself to sit awkwardly on top of Lexa, who was slightly startled.

Clarke was just looking at Lexa's lips begging to kiss her.

As soon as Lexa took the keys out of the engine, Clarke latched forward onto Lexa's lips and Lexa kissed her back.

The kiss got heated and Clarke’s tongue begged for access into Lexa's mouth which the brunette allowed. As their tongues danced together and the kiss got even more heated Clarke soon got uncomfortable.

She got off of Lexa while opening the car door and grabbed her girlfriend's hand. While Lexa quickly locked the car Clarke opened the door to the house.

They ran up the stairs to their apartment, Clarke opened the door and stumbled inside. Clarke turned towards Lexa as she could see Lexa's eyes darken, begging for the same thing she wanted.

 

Just as they finished making love to each other Clarke crawled onto Lexa's stomach while Lexa was breathing heavily. Clarke started to feel cold because of the air touching their naked bodies so she decided to pull on her underwear, Lexa's sweatpants (because she wanted to have her smell) and her sports bra back on without a t-shirt.

"Baby”, Lexa said pouting, “You're wearing my pants!"

Clarke just looked at Lexa with a smile, pecked her girlfriend’s lips and stuck her tongue out. That made Lexa smile because she looked cute so she gave Clarke another kiss.

Lexa decided to put on her bra and underwear and stole Clarke’s hoodie.

Clarke looked a bit annoyed because she liked it when Lexa was shirtless because then she could see her six-pack but Lexa just smirked and walked to the bedroom in just underwear to find some pants.

Clarke just laughed to herself and shouted: "I'm going to make the pizza now!"

"Okay, baby I'll pick a movie!", Lexa shouted back from the bedroom.

 

When the pizzas were finished Lexa took them out of the oven.

Clarke was sitting on the counter looking at her phone.

Lexa placed the pizzas on the table next to Clarke and moved her body between her girlfriend’s legs.

She looked at Clarke so that she put her phone away.

Clarke thought that Lexa looked adorable as she pushed her hair behind her ears and gave her a light kiss on her lips. When they pulled apart they rested their heads against each other.

Lexa lifted Clarke from the counter so she was clinging onto Lexa like a monkey, kissing Lexa's cheeks a few times before Lexa placed her next to the pizzas and started feeding it to Clarke.

 

As they finished their pizzas Clarke decided to make them hot chocolate and popcorn while Lexa went back the living room to look for something to watch.

Clarke quickly made it and put the dessert on a tray to carry it to the TV. Clarke put it down on the coffee table and went to go sit down on the sofa while Lexa finally picked something.

She stared at Lexa as she walked back over to the sofa and sat next to her.

Lexa didn't like sitting so far away because their bodies weren’t touching so she pulled Clarke closer until she was laying on her chest. Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke's shoulder and cuddled her tightly.

As the movie started Clarke grabbed the hot chocolate and passed it to Lexa.

Lexa drank a sip but it was too hot. She turned to Clarke with a pout and said: "I burned my tongue"

"Do you want me to kiss it better?", Clarke asked Lexa with sympathy.

She nodded so Clarke leaned in and kissed Lexa.

After a while, Clarke leaned back to look at Lexa, who smiled at Clarke so brightly that her dimples were showing. Lexa looked so cute that Clarke kissed her a couple of times on her dimple. Then she pecked Lexa on the lips and they turned away from each other as they continued watching the movie while cuddling.

  
  
  


The only thing Clarke could see through her blindfold was the tiny bit of greyish sunlight that shone through the parts where the scarf was only wrapped around her head once.

She could smell paint and Lexa.

She heard Lexa’s breath right next to her ear. It sounded nervous but excited as well.

She could feel Lexa’s hands on her hips, guiding her into her studio. She felt her feet, barefoot on the tiles of the corridor and the button-up she had stolen from Lexa’s part of the closet against her upper body.

In addition to that, she could feel curiosity and excitement in the bottom of her stomach and a nervous smile on her lips.

She could feel that they had arrived in her room by the change of flooring.

Lexa kissed her neck before taking off her blindfold.

The nervousness had been worth it.

 

“Catch up!”, Octavia shouted and turned around to see how far ahead she was from her boyfriend.

“Says you”, he said, tapping her shoulder softly as he ran past her.

Octavia loved running in the woods. The softness of the ground made it feel like flying and even when her lungs were burning and her thighs were hurting it made her feel like nothing else could.

“Come here!”, Lincoln called out. He had turned around and was spreading his arms for his girlfriend to run into like a little child.

She did and he swirled her through the air for two rounds. The bit of sunlight falling through the treetops made her skin and her beautiful green eyes shine whenever it fell onto her.

When Lincoln let Octavia back to the floor she was giggling lightheartedly. He decided he needed to kiss her. “You’re my home.”, he whispered against her lips.

“And you’re mine”

“I don’t need a house to be happy.”, he continued, “We could just live right here in the woods and I would be happy as long as I’m with you.”

“What’s stopping us?”, Octavia half-joked.

“We should watch a few survival videos first”, Lincoln chuckled.

“Hm, true.”

“‘Kay, break’s over”, Lincoln suddenly said and continued running towards their favourite clearing.

“Hey, unfair!”, Octavia complained and followed a couple of steps behind him. When she reached the clearing after a minute, she couldn’t see her boyfriend there.

“Linc?”, she called out but didn’t get a reply.

She looked around the edge of the clearing, behind every tree, bush and rock, until she found him.

 

“You did not!”, Clarke exclaimed in bliss.

“Octavia took it”, Lexa smiled, happy to see Clarke so overjoyed by the present.

“It looks so perfect!” Clarke took a step closer to the canvas. It was a square canvas about as long as Clarke’s arms with a close-up photo of Lexa’s eyes on it.

“I know you love my eyes so now whenever you’re in here working when I’m not here you can look at them to calm yourself down.”, Lexa explained.

“I love you so much!”, Clarke squeaked and stared at the picture for another few seconds, taking in the beauty of her favourite colour in the most perfect lighting.

When she turned around to kiss her girlfriend, she had to look down.

Lexa was on one knee.

 

Lincoln was on one knee behind one of the bushes.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now!?”, Octavia screamed, scaring away a couple of birds around them.

“Octavia Marie Blake”, Lincoln started and both of them already had tears building in their eyes.

“Shut up!”, Octavia squeaked and when Lincoln actually did and looked at her confusedly, she shook her head, “Okay, go on.”

Lincoln smiled and continued. “You and I have survived so many things together, we have lived through good and bad times together and I can’t picture my life without you anymore.”

Octavia was nodding along continuously, trying to take in everything about this moment at once.

“So, do you think we can survive planning our wedding together and then a whole life afterwards?”

“Yes!”, Octavia chuckled. She hadn’t even looked at the ring her boyfriend - now fiancée -  was holding up. It looked simple but beautiful with a small stone on it and the ring itself a plain silver coloured metal. Octavia loved it.

 

“Yes! Yes! Yes!”

“Clarke, I haven’t even asked yet!”, Lexa pointed out while she was chuckling.

“Oh, sorry, ask”

“Clarke Elizabeth Griffin.”

Clarke’s hand movements told Lexa to hurry up because she wanted to say yes again.

“Do you want to be my wife?”

“Yes!”, Clarke shouted even louder than before.

Lexa got up to put the ring on Clarke’s finger and give her a kiss.

“This is beautiful!” Clarke was looking at her engagement ring.

“Raven and Emori made it.”, Lexa explained. “It’s neither silver nor a real gemstone. Just steel and sanded glass or something. Lincoln just proposed to Octavia with a similar one, too.”

“Oh god, really? It looks amazing, I love it!”

“Of course you’re gushing about something artistic”, Lexa chuckled about how Clarke wasn’t even talking about the fact that they were going to get married. When Clarke looked up at her sheepishly, she added: “I love you so so much and excited you makes my whole body tingle.”

  
  


Two months earlier, just after Lincoln had moved out and, with everyone else, moved into their new home, the Woods family, Indra and their daughter Gaia met up at Amanda’s apartment.

“We really should move in together.”, Amanda stated.

“We should”, Indra nodded.

“With all of you leaving us old people alone”, Amanda fake whined.

“Admit that you’re at least a little glad to have us out the house”, Gaia smiled.

“A little”, Indra admitted.

“Good to know”, Gaia laughed.

“Speaking about the future, though”, Lexa changed the topic. “I’ve been thinking about proposing to Clarke.”

“You’re kidding”, Lincoln spat out.

“Huh?” Lexa was confused. Was there something wrong about her asking Clarke?

“I just wanted to say the same!”, Lincoln explained, “I want to propose to Octavia!”

Gaia and Anya looked at each other, both rolling their eyes. Ever since Anya had found out Gaia was asexual and aromantic, they had been talking a bit more again.

“That’s great!”, Amanda said, her eyes lighting up both because she was proud of her kids but also in realisation of how big they had become. Indra could see both emotions in their friend and placed their hand on her shoulder.

“How are you going to do it?”, Indra asked.

“Not sure yet”, both of them replied.

“What do they love the most, besides you two of course?”, Amanda asked.

“Take them somewhere they would least expect to be proposed to.”

“Yes, do it as a surprise”, Gaia agreed with her parent.

“So they fall over in shock”, Anya suggested, which gained her a “please” look from her aunt.

“Do it somewhere they feel comfortable.”, Amanda advised.

“Do you want someone to film it?”, Gaia asked.

“Are you not going to propose to your girlfriend?”, Indra asked Anya.

“Nope”, Anya replied, “Echo is her girlfriend now, too and I don’t want there to be a difference in her relationships with us.”

“That’s a very modest thought, Anya.”, Amanda praised.

“I just don’t want her to choose. Echo and I should be equal, it’s just fair. Neither of us owns her so neither of us should have a paper that makes us more to her than the other.”, she explained and everyone nodded in agreement.

  
  


“O, Bell, Raven.”, Lexa started a few days later by looking at her three friends that she had told to meet her in her old room at Amanda’s. All three of them nodded, somewhat excitedly though kind of confused about why they were here. “I need you to help me propose to Clarke.”

 

“Clarke, Bell, Raven.”, Lincoln looked at his girlfriend’s two best friends and his, hopefully, probably future brother in law. “I need you to help me propose to Octavia.”, they all looked extremely excited and, luckily without Clarke noticing, Lincoln threw a look at the other two to not let it slip that they were working on another proposal as well.

 

On “Sauron’s day”, as Raven had called it because it was the day the rings would change owners, she got the messages from both Lexa and Lincoln at the same time as Bellamy. They were sitting with their girlfriends in Bellamy and Echo’s flat, just chatting over pizza, waiting for news from the now fiancées.

“And there they go, my dear friends”, Raven sighed in a dramatic voice, “into the arms of the Woods.”

Echo and Bellamy looked at Raven, then at each other and then, with very exaggerated head and eye movements pointed out the fact that while Raven had said that, Anya’s arm had been around her neck.

“I admit, I have been taken myself, but now they have been bound forever.”

“They aren’t married yet”, Anya chuckled when all their phones buzzed from a message in their house group chat.

 

_**Jasper:** Harper just gave birth and they’re naming their kid Jordan! _

_**Jasper:** Like JASPER JORDAN, get it? _

_**Octavia:** Lincoln just proposed to me! _

_**Lexa:** So did I! _

_**Echo:** To Octavia? _

_**Lincoln:** NO, to Clarke, stupid! _

_**Bellamy:** And they both said yes!! _

_**Murphy:** Obviously _

 

Emori and Murphy laid their phones away.

“And then there is us””, Emori pointed at herself and her boyfriend, sitting on their couch in underwear, watching Spongebob.

“We’re cooler than them anyway”, Murphy simply replied.

“Should we have sex?”

“Yessss, but after this episode”

Emori hid his crotch not nearly as strongly as she could have.

“Okidoki, we’ll have sex now.”

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to my friend Alex who kind of co-wrote that second part of Clexa just being cute together.
> 
> Can you guys see the difference of two years between writing that part^ and the proposals? I could totally see the difference while I proofread this!
> 
> Do you like how Lexa and Lincoln did it?


	18. turning the page

They walked down the aisle, four, then three.

It hadn’t been easy finding the right people to walk them to the altar, granted none of the four soon to be newlyweds had a father anymore.

Gustus, by throwing the party at which Lexa’s parents had met, had felt bad for leading Robert onto his trail of betrayal ever since he had left Athena, and had sworn to make up for Robert’s mistakes by filling the whole of the father figure at all of Lexa’s and Anya’s and sometimes even Lincoln’s biggest moments.

Now that two of the Woods kids were getting married, it was his time. His arm was linked into Lexa’s, whose other arm held her cousin’s biceps and Lincoln held his mother’s hand.

Lexa and Lincoln were wearing matching suits; grey three-pieces with light blue bow ties. Amanda and Gustus left the two of them at the altar, each giving both a kiss on the cheek before sitting down next to the aisle.

Markus had offered Clarke to walk her but she thankfully declined. He had understood. She didn’t want to feel the sadness of needing to find a replacement for her dad. Of course, Markus would never replace Jake, not even to Abby, but to her, he could give love and someone to share her bed with. Clarke didn’t want a potential father figure to walk her so Octavia and she had asked Bellamy if he would walk the two of them.

Bellamy’s suit was similar to Lincoln’s and Lexa’s but he was wearing a tie instead of a bow tie.

Clarke and Octavia both wore simple white dresses with not many specialities about them. Both girls didn’t care much about how they looked in this moment, what mattered were the two handsome Woods cousins they were walking towards, looking at their soon to be wives as if they had fallen from heaven.

Bellamy squeezed the two young women’s hands, leaving them with their partners to join Raven and Anya at the side of the altar.

Lexa, Bellamy, Harper and Monty had chosen the flowers that were surrounding the couples and their bridesmaids and groomsmen, well, groomsman, it was only Bellamy. The flowers matched everything from the dresses over the ties to the colour of the floor they were standing on; it was beautiful.

And blue met green and green met brown and there were four “I do”s and four rings and two kisses and love, love was everywhere.

 

* * *

 

 

After the ceremony, everyone met up, not at Niylah’s this time because there were simply too many people so they didn’t fit into her bar. The two now married couples had invited her and her father though and they had been very happy to come.

After a very, very, very good dinner as Clarke pointed out many times, it was time for toasts.

Bellamy got up from his chair and did the stereotypical knife against glass thing to get everyone’s attention.

Anya and Raven applauded without him even having started his speech and he shot them a “c’mon guys” look to shut them up. He looked around the room to see if everyone was listening and Echo noticed his eyes got stuck on a dark-skinned man with short curly black hair that was sitting with Amanda, Indra and Clarke’s parents. She looked back to Bellamy who nodded slightly to get his own attention back to his speech.

“Today”, he started, “has got to be one of the best days of my life. Yes, I know today is not at all about me, but I just wanted to say that.”, he looked at the four newlyweds and smiled a smile full of love and happiness, “Today four of the most important people in my life tied the knot with someone they never ever want to lose and to these four especially that means a lot, because both these happy couples you see here with their bright smiles almost didn’t get married. Both of these couples were almost separated.”

He looked around the room, finally finding Raven’s eyes a few seats next to his and she nodded. “Death is what almost separated my little sister and her wonderfully caring husband Lincoln. I don’t want to talk about those truly terrible days of their and our lives too much, because Lincoln pulled through, he kept fighting and he got back up because he knew what a great life was ahead of him, a life with Octavia, who he loves so very much. Today is the day they can truly start that life together so may it be long and happy and full of friendship, love and family.”

Everyone cheered and raised their glasses to wish Octavia and Lincoln the best of the best.

When everyone was starting to calm down again, Raven got up to give her speech about Clarke and Lexa.

“Now my part. “, she started and her friends could see that she wasn’t as comfortable with all those eyes on her as Bellamy had been. “I just want to say that I called this!”, she said, pointing at Clarke and Lexa, causing people who knew her to chuckle.

“In sophomore year of high school, the most important thing in Lexa Woods’ life was winning rugby.”, Raven started her speech as if she was the narrator at the beginning of a teen comedy, “Actually I can’t say that for sure since I didn’t know her back then which… sad times, people, sad times.”

She winked at Lexa who winked back.

“What I do know is that, as soon as Lexa and Lincoln came to our school, I knew Lexa and Clarke were gonna be a thing. You see, when Clarke Griffin is down, like, really down, nobody ever knew how to help her. Her mother Abby didn’t know, I, her adoptive sister and best friend” (both Blakes attempted to argue about this but Raven didn’t let them speak) “didn’t know how to help and neither did her secondary best friends Octavia and Bellamy.”

The Blakes looked at each other in a jokingly annoyed way and smiled.

“And then this girl from our rival school comes along and brings Clarke coffee and it helps!?”, there was genuine admiration in her voice for what Lexa had done years ago. “I had known there was something between those two from day one but at that point I was sure that they were whipped for each other and sure, they did break up for some time in between and Lexa’s ex is really f-ing cool”, she saved herself from the bad word Harper had told her not to use and pointed at Costia who, to Lexa’s excitement, had managed to come to the wedding, “but I always knew they would get back together, I’m telling ya.”

Clarke and Lexa looked at her thankfully.

“Now you guys, raise your glasses for these two incredibly whipped-for-each-other couples who will stay together forever because I call it and as I’ve established through this speech I’m pretty much always right.”

 

* * *

 

After the three Ds of weddings (dinner, dance, dessert (the latter had been chocolate cake, which Jasper swore he could eat for the rest of his life)), Monty and Harper and other people with kids had already left and others were starting to leave as well.

Becca had asked to front to wish her friends all the best and was now talking to Abby.

“Do you think Raven will ever get married?”, Abby asked. She had learned to view Becca as sort of another mother to Raven and had started talking to her in that way.

“No”, Becca replied.

Abby just made a sound that Becca read as “you’re right” with a bit of a sad tone to it.

“First of all, she wouldn’t be able to choose between Anya and Echo and second of all she’s just not the kind of romantic person like that.”

When Abby again just made a sound, Becca continued. “Of course she loves both of them just as much as Clarke loves Lexa and Lincoln loves Octavia, but she isn’t someone to show it by tying the knot. She knows she loves them and they know it, too, so they don’t need a paper to prove it.”

“Why do you know my girls so much better than I do?”, Abby asked, the sound of her voice the perfect middle between joking and serious.

“Well, first of all, I live inside of Raven’s head so I have very good insight there.”

Abby had to chuckle at that.

“And when it comes to Clarke I think we are both know that Lexa is superior to us.”

“I know”, Abby sighed.

“Well I have some lab work to attend to in there”, she tapped against her temple, “And Raven is telling me not to tell you that she just said she wants to go make fun of Clarke and Lexa now.”

Abby nodded her friend goodbye and saw the body next to her switch back into being her daughter.

“I swear Becca is like a snitch-y aunt.”, Raven rolled her eyes but Abby knew she appreciated her headmate.

 

* * *

 

Since Abby started talking to Amanda next, their dates, Markus and Indra (the latter of course as friends), were left sitting at their now empty table, both a bit tipsy from the whine.

“So you’re a PE teacher?”, Kane asked.

“Yup”

“Interesting.”

“Yup”, Indra replied again, “And you’re a lawyer.”

“Yup”

There was a short silence of them just watching Abby and Amanda talk about how their kids were so old and it made them feel so old and things like that.

“Do the kids listen to you?”

“Yes, actually, they do.”, Indra said somewhat proudly. “They are probably scared of me.”

“Why would they be?”

“I threaten to have them do impossible numbers of push-ups.”, Indra continued almost proudly. “There are probably rumours at school that people who said something against me have died or at least ended up at the hospital because of the tasks I told them to do as their punishment.”

Markus seemed impressed. “I think law enforcement could need people like you.”

“Thanks, I’m happy with threatening kids.”

 

* * *

 

 

When Bellamy and Echo came back after the wedding Echo lightly pulled Bellamy’s arm to get his attention, moving him towards the living room.

“Hm?”

“Babe, you wanted to explain to me why you behaved so weirdly around that friend of Clarke’s parents.” Echo’s voice sounded caring.

“Oh, yes”, Bellamy sighed as he sat down on the couch, Echo beside him. “That was Thelonious Jaha.”

“Doesn’t ring a bell”, Echo shrugged.

“That’s because I was afraid to tell you”, Bellamy looked down, as if to hide from Echo. “But I think I’m ready. I trust you.”

“I love you, Bell, and whatever you’re about to tell me won’t change that!”, Echo rubbed his back comfortingly.

“I shot him.”

“What? When?”, Echo was shocked but noticed her voice had become louder so to reassure her boyfriend to tell her what happened she added in a softer voice: “Explain, please.”

“I’ll start from the beginning.” Bellamy breathed in and out slowly in an attempt to calm his heartbeat but it didn’t work.

“I’m right here.” Echo continued rubbing her boyfriend’s back as he started to explain.

“O and I never knew our dad. We don’t even know if it’s the same one or if we’re just half-siblings. We grew up with our mum in a small house in a not very rich neighbourhood. I loved my mum a lot but she was paranoid. She thought someone was out to get us.

“Ever since I was little I was only allowed to go out for school, had to come back home immediately after or she would shout at me, telling me I could have been killed or hurt. She worked from home as a tailor and would sleep with different men, changing about every month or so, to get more clients.

“Every time one of the men was there we had to hide in a small room in the basement, not make a sound and stay there for the whole night. She had put a pile of books there for me to read, hero stories from ancient Rome and Greece. I knew them by heart because I always read them when I was in there and later I read them to Octavia.

“One time in school a boy from the year above me said mum was a whore and I punched him. Of course, he and his friends beat me up afterwards and even though I told mum I only did it because they had insulted her, she used it as a proof for people always being against us and only wanting to harm us.

“When I was eight Octavia was born. My mum told me to name her and I named her Octavia because emperor Augustus was one of my favourite people to read about and his sister was named Octavia, too.

“Mum told me to never tell anyone I had a sister. I didn’t really understand why but I got used to lying about it after some time. We kept O hidden in the house.

“When O was 6 mum didn’t send her to school, again using that one time I got beaten up as an example. She didn’t want her to get hurt. So I taught Octavia how to read and write, I gave her my old notebooks to read and always wrote everything down in class so that when she would be my age, she would learn it all.

“When I was fifteen my mum gave me a gun. It was small and she told me to hide it in my pocket and to only use it in an emergency. I think she got it from one of her lovers. I had gotten used to being bullied, at home I worked out every afternoon to be able to protect myself without having to shoot someone.”, Bellamy took a deep breath and Echo could tell he was getting to the important part of the story.

“When I was 18, a few months before I finished school, one day I felt like I was being followed so I had my hand in my pocket, fingers around the gun.

“Jaha had seen me and thought I looked suspicious, my hood over my head, hands in my pockets. He followed me just to see if I was okay. His son had been killed during a robbery so I guess he was just concerned. He called out for me a couple times but I didn’t react. We got closer and closer to my house and I was getting scared that he would discover Octavia if he followed me till there. I had my hand around the handle of the gun, my finger on the trigger.

“Then he grabbed my shoulder to turn me around. I was shocked and I don’t really know what happened next but I shot him into his stomach. I panicked and ran home but he saw my face, saw the direction I was running to and only a few hours later the police knocked on our door. I had been paralyzed, not able to think, not able to think about fleeing.” Echo could see the guilt in her boyfriend's eyes and she held his arm tighter to comfort him.

“They discovered Octavia, put her into an orphanage and arrested mum and me. They weren’t nice to us when they were questioning us. Mum hanged herself in her prison cell.”

Bellamy had been crying for a while now but at this sentence, he broke. Echo sat on his lap to be able to fully embrace him. She rubbed his messy, curly hair and his back, comforting him and saying soothing things. “Shh, you’re safe”, she said again. She realised something Bellamy hadn’t mentioned, actually hadn’t told her ever but she decided to wait a bit.

When Bellamy had calmed down she asked: “What was her name?”

“Aurora.”, Bellamy replied, looking up at his girlfriend and she wiped the tears off of his cheeks.

“A beautiful name”, Echo said in a calming voice and smiled. “Do you want to continue?”

“Yea…”, Bellamy breathed in again and started again. “Jaha was a highly respected man, he still is. All the policemen and women knew him so they were extra strict with the boy who shot him, especially when they didn’t know if he was gonna make it or not. During that time I decided to become a policeman myself. To make it better than they did.”

“You’re a good policeman, babe”, Echo smiled at him and gave him a light kiss on the cheek.

“You’re amazing, too!” He kissed her before he continued with his story. “After a lot of talking with psychiatrists, the court decided I was under the influence of my mentally ill mother and I only got some community service.

“Jaha survived and asked to see me. I found out my lawyer was a friend of his and he had been the one to make sure he would take my case. He was at the wedding, too. His name is Kane, he is dating Clarke’s mother now. She was also the one who saved Jaha, she’s a surgeon.” Bellamy waited a few seconds until he could see in Echo’s eyes that she remembered the couple. “Anyway I talked to the three of them, Jaha, Kane and Abby Griffin a lot then and I told them about my plans to become a cop. They are all very respected people and put in a word for me at the local police academy. Because of them I got accepted and was able to become a cop.”

“Then I’ll have to thank them a lot next time I see them!”, Echo stated.

“I guess you will.”

“Thank you for telling me this”, Echo said in a calm voice before kissing Bellamy’s forehead.

“As I said: I trust you and I love you.” He kissed her lips and after she had repeated the last three words he carried her to their bedroom and they fell asleep soon after, exhausted from the day.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke and Lexa burst into their apartment just moments before Lincoln and O did the same next door. Clothes were thrown onto the floor all over both apartments, some landed on couches, some on lamps. Both couples made uses of various pieces of furniture, crashing each other’s backs against them as they hungrily danced through their apartments, the Woods first making their girlfriends come by hand. Clarke saw how hard Lexa had gotten from seeing her come so loudly and Lexa could see in her wife’s eyes what she was going to say.

“Don’t cover it this time”, Clarke whispered out of breath.

“Let’s make a baby”, Octavia panted at the same moment as Lexa’s naked cock entered Clarke this way for the first time, making both women moan seconds before their friends in the other apartment did.

Lincoln moved into Octavia’s pussy slowly at first, making sure she was wet enough that he wouldn’t hurt her. He knew he had stretched her well enough to fit fully inside her. Hands moved over naked bodies. The kisses that were exchanged were lazy and wet. Clarke came at the exact same time as Lexa did. They knew the whole house was probably able to hear them and were proven right when, shortly after, they could hear O and Lincoln scream as they came.

“What the fuck did we sign up for here?”, Echo asked when she and Bellamy woke up just moments after they had fallen asleep, hearing the moans and screams from their neighbours.

“God no, I need to get out of here”, Bellamy took his girlfriend’s hand and pulled her out of their bed. They put on their shoes and jackets and decided to go to Niylah’s. On their way out the door, they ran into Raven and Anya who were just about to enter the house.

“What’s wrong?”, Raven asked as she saw their hurry.

“You do NOT want to be in that house right now”, Bellamy claimed, shaking his head violently.

“Or the rest of the night probably”, Echo added, rolling her eyes.

Raven understood. “Linc and O or Clarke and Lex?”, she asked.

“BOTH!”, Bellamy and Echo shouted at the same time.

“Really?”, Raven laughed and opened the door before Echo could stop her. As soon as the door was open they could all hear their friends’ moans. “God they’re loud!”, Raven gasped.

“Have you heard yourself?”, Echo asked, both Bellamy and Anya giggling and nodding in agreement.

“Hey but you two aren’t any better”, Raven shoved the shoulders of Bellamy and Echo each with one hand while walking past them, Echo to her right, Bellamy to her left.

“I kinda wanna know what they’re doing, like where and which position.”, Echo admitted, an impish smile on her face.

“Ew, babe, no!”, Bellamy lightly shoved her shoulder.

“Oh god no”, Anya started shaking her head violently, “get those pictures out of my head!”

“Beer at Niylah’s?”, Raven asked from behind them, already back on the sidewalk, but it sounded more like a decision than a question.

“Definitely”, Echo agreed and turned around to go back to where they had gone once the wedding had gotten boring (Raven’s decision).

Seeing Niylah’s confused look as they entered, Raven decided to explain before the bar owner even had a chance to ask. “Your friends are getting it.”

“Loudly”, Bellamy added.

“Too loudly”, Echo sighed and let herself plop down onto a bar stool.

Anya just held up four fingers, signalising Niylah that they all needed a beer.

The four of them drank and laughed together for two hours before Niylah had to close.

When they got home they were happy to hear it was quiet.

Before the two couples had to go into different directions, Bellamy nudged Anya with his elbow into her side. He wiggled his eyebrow into Raven’s direction before pointing at himself and then at Echo. Anya understood.

For the following hours or so, to the annoyance of the other couples, they took revenge on their siblings, friends and cousins by being even louder.

What only Lexa, Clarke, O and Lincoln knew, or better, guessed and hoped about, were the two new members of the family that were made that night.

 

* * *

 

 

The documentary they had been watching was over and the credits’ music filled the room while the sea water behind the text on the screen made the room look as though it was underwater.

Lexa pressed Clarke a little closer to herself and Clarke snuggled on to her wife’s chest. While one arm was thrown around the other’s body, the other hands found each other on Lexa’s tummy, holding onto each other tightly. Clarke lifted her head and tilted it towards Lexa’s face.

Silently their lips found the others.

The kiss wasn’t sexual. It was more. It felt like they wanted to tell each other something they weren’t able to put into words.

It felt like a promise. A promise of forever. The way their hands held, their bodies warmed, their lips moved against each other. There was a promise in those gentle touches of safety and calm.

Even though they kissed for what felt like somewhere between just a second and forever, but really was about half an hour, neither was able to think about anything other but how much they loved each other.

Lexa could feel a slight shaking within Clarke’s body as if the blonde was nervous about something. She held her wife’s hand a little tighter, making Clarke understand that whatever made her nervous was okay and that Lexa would be there with her, by her side, whatever it was.

Clarke sensed that promise in Lexa’s movements and decided it was time. She moved her hand and with it Lexa’s, towards her own tummy.

Once their hands were where she needed them to be, she let go of Lexa’s and placed it flat on her tummy, her own hand on top of it.

At the realisation, Lexa’s breath hitched in the middle of the kiss. She moved her face a few inches away from Clarke’s to look at her.

When she opened her eyes she was met with a smile and happy tears in eyes as blue as the sky. She could feel the same kind of tears form in forest green eyes as she saw the woman in her arms nod.

She pressed her hand a little tighter onto her tummy and started placing kisses all over her wife’s face.

There was no need for talking at this moment. Clarke’s hand went around Lexa’s neck and the kiss that said it all continued.

In each other’s arms they felt fragile but healing, loving and loved, caring and taken care of, but most of all happy and safe.

 

* * *

 

 

_ Hey Griffin, Lincoln is having a, Idk he called it a ‘men’s night out’ with Bell and Nyko and Idk who else and I’m kinda bored sooooo wanna hang out? _

_ Sure, I wanted to talk to you anyway _

_ What about? _

_ We’ll just talk about it tonight _

_ Alright _

_ Wanna go to that new bar that opened up next to Niylah’s? She’d understand if we went somewhere else than to her’s right? _

_ Yea dw she said even she wanted to try it out sometime _

_ Good, then see you there at seven _

 

When Clarke entered the bar it was already halfway dark outside.

The bar had opened up right on time for Halloween and was now populated by a good amount of people, though it wasn’t full yet. It was comfortably warm inside and Clarke was starting to take off her scarf and jacket as she spotted her best friend at the counter, sitting on a bar stool, nervously tapping her foot.

Clarke wondered what Octavia could be so nervous about. She, Clarke, was the one supposed to be nervous!

“Hey, youuu”. She hugged Octavia before sitting down on the bar stool next to her.

Apparently, Octavia had arrived shortly before Clarke since she didn’t have a drink in front of her yet. But with Clarke’s arrival, the bartender noticed the young women. The brunette man, who was about their age, went towards them with a nice smile.

“Hi, I’m Shawn, thanks for coming to Macallan’s!”, he said politely, “What can I get you?”

“Just a water, please”, Clarke smiled nervously.

“WHAT?”, the word burst out of Octavia without warning, making some of the other guests cast confused looks their way, “YOU TOO?”

“Wait, you too?”

“Oh my god, yes!” Octavia jumped off her chair to hug her friend, not noticing the very confused bartender.

After a few seconds, she sat back on her bar stool, now having an excited glow in her eyes. “Was that what you wanted to tell me?”

“Yes, I found out yesterday and couldn’t wait to tell you!”

“Me too! That’s actually the reason why I asked you here, I wasn’t bored, I still have so much Netflix to catch up on!”, she laughed and rolled her eyes at the same time.

“Well you gotta hurry with that now only got 9 months of freedom left”, Clarke smiled.

Octavia sighed and nodded. “Who else have you told?”

“Nobody apart from Lex and you so far, you?”

“Same, only Linc and you.”, Octavia smiled, “Raven’s gonna freak”

“Definitely!”, Clarke agreed. Her face lightened up as she pictured all her friends’ excitement at the news.

“Well the boys are already all together and I haven’t heard of any of the others having any plans”, Octavia stated, “We could ask everyone to come to Niylah’s.”

Half an hour later most of their friends were sitting in their reserved corner of Niylah’s restaurant. Only Monty had stayed at home to look after Jordan.

“Thirteen people at one table, what kind of horror story do you two have for us?”, Jasper laughed, though he did look a little concerned when eyeing Clarke and Octavia.

Lexa and Lincoln both first grinned at each other, then at their wives. Before anyone could tell the group though, Niylah arrived to take their order.

“As always?”, she looked around, seeing most of them nod she already started to turn around.

“Actually, no beer for O and me for the next nine months”, Clarke replied as if it was nothing special.

“WHAT?”, this time it was bursting out of Raven’s mouth, “BOTH OF YOU?”

After processing the news for a second, everyone else started freaking out happily, laughing, smiling and asking tons of questions all at once so nobody could understand them.

Lincoln started giggling happily, which quickly spread to Lexa.

Anya noticed and rolled her eyes. But she was actually smiling. “You kids are such dorks”, she stated.

“Anya I swear to god if you keep calling us kids when we have actual kids running around, you will not get any auntie-rights!”, Lexa responded though she finished the thread with a poked out tongue, which took away all of its seriousness.

“Dorks”, Anya just mumbled but before Lexa or Lincoln could react, Bellamy’s deep voice sounded over everyone else.

“Niylah get us some drinks, this needs a toast!”, he declared. The woman left to get everything.

Everyone had been silenced by Bellamy’s words but now Raven’s smile widened into a smug grin. “Lex and Linc are finally gonna be real daddies huh”, she wiggled her eyebrows.

“RAVEN”, Octavia, Clarke and Anya shouted but Lincoln and Lexa just looked at each other and laughed happily.

Once everyone’s drinks had arrived they looked at Bellamy to deliver his promised toast.

He got up and held his beer into the air. “To them being mummies and daddies and to us being aunties and uncles!”, he smiled and the ones sitting close to him could see happy tears forming in his eyes.

“But only if Anya behaves”, Lincoln whispered, making Lexa smile even more.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like the way I wrote this and you're all looking forward to everyone's family life as much as I am!  
> Also, I seriously need a group name for Clexinctavia or whatever because they seem to do everything together in this one.


	19. this is my home

Lexa came home at dusk and found Clarke in her art room.

She was painting a landscape of hills with trees on them.

In the painting it was autumn and all the trees were glowing in colours that looked like fire.

Lexa knew Clarke loved autumn just as much as she did. The colours were beautiful, the smell of rain was lovely and the temperature was perfect to walk around in comfortable clothing during the day and at night it was cold enough to roll up in blankets and cuddle.

Clarke turned around as she heard her wife enter the room that was filled with paintings, hung up on the walls and leaned against them at the bottom. “Hey babe”, she grinned, seeing the awe in Lexa’s eyes that was still always there when she entered the room and saw Clarke’s work.

Lexa kissed her wife and placed a hand on her belly. Clarke was five months pregnant and it was showing. “Hey big baby”, she whispered against Clarke’s lips before bowing down. “Hi little baby”, she then whispered against her wife’s belly.

“Hi mum”, Clarke imitated a baby’s voice and they both had to laugh.

“Is mum home?”, they suddenly heard a voice from in front of the door before it got opened, revealing a five-year-old boy with Clarke’s blonde hair and Lexa’s green eyes.

“Yes, I’m back”, Lexa laughed.

“Finally!”, their son Aden ran towards Lexa and she picked him up.

“She was only gone for a few hours, little man”, Clarke laughed as she tousled her son’s hair.

“But it felt like years!”, he exclaimed, throwing his arms into the air to show how long it had felt for him.

“Well, we’re all here now, aren’t we?”, Lexa smiled. “All four of us.”

“But I thought we were three?”, Aden asked. “One, two, three”, he pointed at one of them with each number he counted.

“Four”, Clarke added, pointing at her own belly.

“I was counting your little sister.”, Lexa clarified.

“But Madi isn’t even here yet!” Aden was confused.

“Well, we may not be able to see her yet, but she’s still here”, Lexa explained.

“Just like mum has her keys in her pocket”, Clarke pointed at Lexa’s jacket, “You can’t see them, but that doesn’t mean the keys aren’t there.”

“And it’s the same with the baby”, Lexa added, taking out her keys to prove they were there right before putting them back into her pocket. “And we can see her a little bit, well indirectly”

“What does that mean?”, Aden asked.

“Well, we can’t see her, but the big belly she makes mommy have.”

“That?”, Aden put his hand on his mommy’s belly.

“Exactly!”, Clarke laughed and looked at Lexa with heart eyes. Two pairs of green eyes looked back at her with just as much love.

 

* * *

 

“Oh my god look!”, Octavia shouted, pointing at a pile of plastic swords in the toy aisle. Lincoln had been walking right behind her before she had started running towards the sword. They had parked their son Artigas at Bellamy and Echo’s so that they could go look for presents for him and his best friend Aden.

Octavia picked up one of the swords, tossing another one to Lincoln, who immediately took the same fighting position as she had.

They walked in a circle, facing each other, always looking out if the other was making a move.

Octavia struck out her sword towards Lincoln’s shoulder but he blocked it skillfully.

Now it was Lincoln’s turn to strike, but his attempt was also blocked.

“Oh come on, you can do better!”, Octavia challenged her husband.

“So can you”, Lincoln replied while striking towards Octavia’s tummy. He would have hit it because Octavia had been distracted, but before the plastic blade could even touch his wife’s jacket, he stopped and let O shove away his sword with hers.

“Are you going easy on me, just because I’m pregnant?”, Octavia asked, sounding a bit outraged.

“No…”, Lincoln replied, looking sheepishly.

“Shut up and keep going”

That’s when a young woman with a little girl walked into the aisle and the two adults quickly stopped their little sword fight.

“Later at home”, Lincoln whispered into Octavia’s ear.

“Prepare to lose”, she whispered back before taking his sword and putting them back to the others.

“Okay, so what will we get our little fighters?”, Lincoln asked maybe a bit too loudly to change the topic. When he saw the heart eyes his wife was giving the swords he quickly said: “Well we aren’t buying those.”

“Why not?”, Octavia pouted.

“Because the boys won’t get a chance to fight with them.”, Lincoln explained, smiling knowingly.

“Okay true... “, Octavia sighed. “Get me those for my birthday then.”

Lincoln laughed, “Sure.”

 

* * *

 

"I still can't believe you ate the last donut"

“Hey, you had 7 before that!”

“Still!”, Lexa pouted.

"Madi ate it!"

"You do know you won't be able to use that excuse for much longer, do you, babe?"

"I know… Wanna sing her a goodnight song?"

Lexa rolled her eyes while smiling, noticing very well that Clarke only wanted to change the topic, but she shifted in their bed, sitting up and positioning herself so that her head was just above Clarke’s belly.

“Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are…”

By the end of the song, Clarke had fallen asleep.

 

* * *

 

17, 18, 19. After 20 she hit the mattress.

“You’re a goddess, Anya”

“I know.” Raven’s girlfriend reappeared from between her thighs.

They laid next to each other for a bit, Raven catching her breath while Anya watched her with loving eyes Raven knew only she got to see.

“Twenty”, she started, “Twenty orgasms.”

“And that’s nothing compared to that one time we…”

“Don’t mention that one time”, Raven cut her off with dreamy eyes. “I felt like you’d sent me to heaven.”

“Oh, we both know you’d go to hell.”

“True.”

Another minute of catching her breath later, Raven had a sudden thought.

“We should get a pet.”

“What?”

“A pet!”

“Why?”, Anya rested her head on her arm to look at Raven a bit more from above.

“Well, they all have kids now and we said in the beginning that we might have pets in this house, too.”

Anya just looked at her so she continued.

“And since the upper floors are or will be busy with kids and Bell and Echo are gone often and I would feel very sorry for a pet that had Murphy as it’s dad…”

“So we have to be the good aunties and bring pets into the family.”

“Yes!”, Raven looked a little excited but also nervous.

“What kinda pet you want?”

“Dunno…”

“Oooh, I have an idea!”, Anya’s eyes glowed.

“What?”, Raven looked at her, suspecting the worst.

“A snake!”

Raven raised her eyebrow saying “seriously” without actually saying it out loud.

“What?!”, Anya shouted in a defensive tone. “Snakes are cool!”

“Nope, not doing that.”

“Oh come on, babe, why not?”

Raven had never seen Anya pleading like this.

“Because I know at least three people in this house who would kill you for getting a snake in here.”

“Try to.”

“Huh?”

“They’d try to kill me”, Anya explained. “Those amateurs would never succeed.”

“Oh, I think if Lexa, Clarke and Harper worked together they’d…”

“Pff”, Anya simply made. “No chance.”

“Still”, Raven stayed on topic, “No snake.”

 

A couple of hours later, Anya’s Subaru (that Raven would only drive in if Anya drove slowly enough) pulled up on the driveway of the house.

“We’re becoming the lesbian aunt stereotypes.”, Anya mumbled as she got the box with their new pet from the back of her car.

“What? No!”, Raven said in a sarcastic tone as she followed her girlfriend with the scratching post.

“You didn’t”, Lexa sighed as she opened the door for them since she’d seen them pull up through the window.

“We did”, Anya replied in a halfway annoyed, halfway proud to be able to annoy her little sister tone.

“What’d they do this time?” Aden appeared next to his mother’s leg.

“We got a cat!”, Raven said enthusiastically as she opened the door to her and Anya’s apartment.

“Who got a cat?”, Lincoln asked from the story above where he and Lexa had been playing with the kids in the hallway.

“Raven and Anya got a cat!”, Lexa shouted upstairs.

“What? Really?”, Artigas, Jordan and Lincoln, in the same squeaky, excited way as the kids, shouted back and Lexa heard two small and one big pair of feet run towards and then down the stairs.

“Let us see!”, Jordan pleaded and ran into the apartment after Raven and Anya.

“See?”, Raven pointed at the cat Anya had just let out of her box.

“Damnit!”, Jordan cursed and ran back upstairs.

“What happened?”, Lexa asked.

“And who taught him that word?”, Lincoln looked confused and almost outraged. Then he looked at Anya and Raven with his eyes turning angrier. “You two!”

“Come on, Linc, not in front of the kids”, Anya almost smiled and her cousin actually calmed down.

Jordan came back into the apartment and handed over a toy car and it’s remote to Raven.

“What is happening here?”, Anya asked, looking back and forth between the boy and her girlfriend.

“I bet with aunt Raven that she would never buy a pet and she said if she did buy one, she wanted that car.”, Jordan explained.

“We have a cat so you could have this poor kid’s toy to salvage for parts?”, Anya looked shocked, well, almost shocked.

“Can we keep it?”, Lincoln asked. The cat had started walking around his ankles.

He bowed down and took it into his hands. The cat wasn’t fully grown so it - she, Lincoln had just checked - could comfortably lay in one of his big hands and only her legs would be hanging down at the sides.

“Yes!”, the little boys cheered.

“Ugh, fine”, Anya rolled her eyes.

Lincoln let the cat back down on the floor.

“What do Becca and Alie say?”, Lexa asked.

“They agreed with buying her, as long as Alie doesn’t have to clean her poop.”, Raven replied.

“Is she gonna have a name?”, Lincoln asked while the cat made her way to the small table Raven and Anya had that they barely ate from and, since it was close to the door, stored their keys in a bowl on.

“Cat.”, Anya replied.

“Good name”, Lexa grinned.

The cat, Cat, jumped on one of the chairs, then the table.

Anya watched her carefully. 

Cat walked towards the bowl and, looking Anya directly in the eyes, knocked it over so that it fell on the floor.

Anya stared right back at her. “I think you and I are going to be good frenemies.”

 

* * *

 

“Remember to tell Murphy the eggplants are ready so he can get them himself this time.”

“Can you tell him?”, Monty whined, “He’ll make so many dick jokes again, maybe he behaves in front of you.”

“Sure he will”, Harper replied sarcastically.

“Oh, they’re there already.”, Monty noticed, seeing his two friends through the two glass walls, standing in front of the door.

The friends were Bryan and Nathan, who had always been called Miller by everyone, which had gotten confusing after the two men had married and Bryan had taken his name to annoy everyone on purpose. The two were colleagues of Bellamy and Murphy but had always enjoyed farming, especially since Bryan had grown up on a farm.

At some point, Bellamy and Murphy had mentioned the big garden around and on top of their house that the Greens were building and they had asked if they could help.

Harper and Monty had happily accepted their offer and ever since, whenever they had some free time, the two men came by to garden and chat a little.

Monty opened the door for the two and they went straight through the hallway into the garden.

“Babe, which Jasminum should we get for Lexa’s birthday in March?”, Harper asked as the three men came through the door.

“Can’t you just say Jasmine?”, Miller complained.

The others ignored him since they were used to those kinds of complaints by now.

“Well we can’t take Jasminum officinale, it wouldn’t blossom then…”, Monty thought half out loud.

“Yea only like two to three months after that.”, Bryan agreed.

“Jasminum nudiflorum would end soon after”, Harper joined their thoughts, “It would be sad if she could only look at them for a month.”

“That’s true”, Miller agreed absentmindedly while noticing with disbelieve that Anya and Raven’s new cat, Cat, was currently pooping on the flowers he had planted last Friday.

“Jasminum sambac?”, Monty almost shouted excitedly.

“Yes, that’s perfect!”, Harper sounded just as happy as her husband.

Miller turned around, looking confused over their excitement.

“It may only start blooming in March, but it’ll stay beautiful for months!”, Bryan added.

“Is that your cat?”, Miller asked, pointing at Cat, who was walking through the beds like a queen.

“It’s Raven and Anya’s”, Monty sighed. He sounded a bit annoyed.

“Oh that explains a lot”, Miller laughed.

“Also we should maybe talk a bit more quietly about Lexa’s birthday present, in case she hears us.”, Harper pointed out, looking up to the windows of Clarke’s and Lexa’s apartment to check if any were opened.

“I haven’t seen either of them all day”, Monty noticed just as his phone buzzed.

 

_**Lexa** : Clarke just gave birth!!! _

_**Lincoln** : Did everything go well? _

_**Raven** : Of course it did or she wouldn’t sound so happy _

_**Echo** : “sound” _

_**Raven** : Yes, sound. _

_**Jasper** : Name? _

_**Octavia** : Madi, they told us that weeks ago _

_**Jasper** : Not me! _

_**Octavia** : You were sitting next to me! _

_**Harper** : I’m happy everything went well and I’m looking forward to meeting your little girl _

 

“So that’s where they are”, Monty smiled.

“Jordan!”, Harper called up to her son’s open window.

“Yes?”, she heard his voice come back.

“You have a new little sister!”

“Madi or Tris?”

“Madi”

 

* * *

 

Two months after Madi and, shortly after, Tris were born, it was almost Christmas.

The Griffin-Woods family was sitting on the couch, Madi on Clarke’s lap, Aden on Lexa’s and the mums sitting closely, almost cuddling. They were watching Frozen, a movie Clarke had loved when it had first come out so she made her family watch it once every winter.

Aden, now 5 and a half years old, had heard all the songs more than six times in his life (two years ago Clarke had insisted on watching it again in January) and was mumbling along with the melody and some words of the songs. Sometimes, he encouragingly nodded towards Madi, who was bouncing up and down a little because Clarke’s leg was moving to the rhythm of the song that was playing, but of course, Madi was too young to sing along as well.

Lexa looked at the three people that owned her whole heart.

They, including herself, were all wearing Christmas sweaters that Amanda in her Molly Weasley type enthusiasm had made for everyone in the house.

Lexa had to smile as she remembered everyone’s faces as her aunt had brought the big package on the first of December.

She had said it would’ve been a waste to only give them to them on Christmas because then they would only wear them for three days and she hadn’t sat and knitted 19 sweaters (14 big, three small and two tiny ones) for them to be only worn for three days. So now everyone was wearing them all the time.

Clarke held Madi close to her chest with one arm and reached for her hot chocolate with the other.

Lexa thought she looked adorable, looking over the rim of the mug, trying to drink and watch the movie at the same time. And with those two unbelievably cute babies they had made, the whole scene just was too much for her.

Clarke looked over to her wife, having noticed her overwhelmed expression in the corner of her eye. “Everything okay?”, she asked.

Aden turned around, looking a bit worried at first if his mum maybe wasn’t okay and he hadn’t noticed, but once he saw Lexa’s face, he turned back to his mummy. “Mum is just melting because she loves you so much.”, he said and turned back to the movie.

“You melting?”, Clarke asked, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

“Some people are worth melting for”, Lexa whispered and pulled lightly at her wife’s sweater to kiss her.

“Hey, spoilers!”, Clarke whispered against her lips, making Lexa smile brightly.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the beginning of the last act which I called "family" in my notes.  
> I hope you enjoy it.  
> Did you fall for the baby not being Aden in the beginning?
> 
>  
> 
> Which ones of you actually come here every Sunday(/Monday) to read the new chapter like actually waiting for the next one to be uploaded?


	20. Good old newbies

“Ariadne gave Theseus a ball of wool.

"He asked how wool would help him defeat a monster and Ariadne replied: ‘You’ll have to defeat the Minotaur yourself, the thread of wool will help you get out of the labyrinth after you have finished your mission.’ Theseus realised how smart the princess’ idea was and thankfully took the ball of wool with him.

“He tied the end of the thread to the entrance of the labyrinth and went inside.

After a long, long walk, he could hear the roar of the beast he wanted to kill.”

Artigas looked at his mother fearfully, but her calm face told him that the story would end well.

Lincoln had convinced Octavia that Tris should not yet hear such stories so he was telling her a nicer story in their bedroom and would carry her to her bed once she had fallen asleep.

“Then, Theseus rounded a corner and saw the beast, standing with his back to him, and he saw the bones of the people the monster had eaten so far. It was frightening.”

Octavia took her son’s hand to comfort him since she saw his scared-looking eyes.

“He took out his sword and, after a short fight, that the Minotaur didn’t have much of a chance at, since he had been taken by surprise, Theseus killed the monster that had eaten his friends.”

Artigas looked up at his mother, asking with his eyes if the story was finished with this, but she continued.

“After he had completed his mission, he took the Minotaur’s head as proof that he was killed and followed the thread of wool Ariadne had given him back to the surface.

"When she saw he had killed the monster and had survived, she ran into his arms and kissed him.

“Theseus delivered the Minotaur’s head to King Minos and asked him if he could take his daughter, Ariadne, with him back to Athens.

"The king said yes, thankful for the hero’s actions and the lovers boarded the ship that would take them to Theseus’ father’s kingdom.”

“Is this the end?”, Artigas asked as he noticed Octavia had stopped speaking.

“Not really, but I’ll tell you the rest tomorrow.”, Octavia smiled.

“Okay.”

“What do we learn from tonight’s story?”, his mother asked.

“That wool is not a weapon but can still help a hero to survive. Uhm…”, he tried to think of more lessons from the story, “That even though often men are the heroes in old stories, the women are really cool, too, and sometimes are the reason why the man hero survives.”

Octavia smiled brightly. “I’m so proud of you”, she said and tousled her son’s hair before kissing his forehead.

“I’m proud of you, too, mummy.”

This made her smile even more. “Good night, Artigas.”

“Nighty, and tell dad to hurry and make Tris sleep because I want a good night kiss from him, too.”

“I will. Sleep well, baby.”

“You sleep well, too!”

 

* * *

 

It was fall now. Madi’s first birthday was going to be soon and she was starting to learn how to walk. People still had to help her and hold her hand, but she was getting better every day.

Lexa’s eyes glowed up just like they had when Aden had started walking and just like they did when Clarke was excited. She just loved Madi’s cute, big diaper butt and the way her body bounced when she fell on it just before getting back up again to keep walking.

Lexa and Clarke had decided to look at a few schools for Aden, of course taking their son with them and, since Madi had complained loudly when Clarke had wanted to leave her at Monty and Harper’s, they took her, too.

The school looking turned family trip was fun but Aden didn’t seem to like the school so Lexa had suggested going with her cousin’s family to the school they wanted to look at the next week.

On the way back home, the sidewalk was filled with fallen leaves and Lexa noticed how Clarke got really excited about them again.

Aden jumped into a pile and Lexa wasn’t surprised when Clarke told Madi to stay with mum and ran after their son, squeaking just like him as the leaves crunched under her feet. They did that for the whole rest of the way, and after a few minutes Lexa bowed down to Madi.

“Do you wanna jump into leaves with me?”, she asked, making Madi’s eyes glow. She could see Clarke’s excitement in those sky blue eyes.

Madi squeaked a “yay” and nodded quickly, reaching for Lexa’s hand. Together they walked to the next pile and Lexa let Madi jump into it first before she looked at Clarke and, once she had her attention, jumped in after their daughter.

Clarke was happy that Lexa was finally able to do such goofy things in public. She ran over and jumped into their pile as well before kissing Lexa.

“Ew stop kissing mum, mummy!”, Aden screamed and covered Madi’s eyes from behind her.

“Nnnnnnnno”, Clarke decided and kissed Lexa again.

Lexa smiled into the kiss.

Before Aden had any time to react, Lexa had stopped kissing Clarke to pick him up. He squeaked but she was already placing kisses all over his face.

Madi pouted, feeling left out, so Clarke picked her up and kissed her squishy cheeks, making her smile.

The whole rest of the way, they jumped into every pile of leaves they saw, laughing while doing so and Aden even placed a small kiss on his little sister’s forehead.

 

* * *

 

A week later Octavia, Lincoln, Lexa and Clarke managed to leave their daughters at home with their aunts and uncles and took their sons to look at schools.

Of course, they had wanted to look at the school Jordan went to but they still wanted to let their sons decide between a couple of schools in their neighbourhood.

None of the four had ever picked Jordan up from his school so they were excited to see what it was like and if their boys would enjoy it there.

When they arrived at the school, the boys saw some monkey bars and ran to them while their parents went to look for the teacher Monty had asked to show them around. When they saw her, they were surprised by who it was.

Well, Lincoln and Lexa were surprised. Lexa even maybe a bit scared.

Octavia and Clarke didn’t know the teacher yet.

“Hi we’re the Woods”, Octavia introduced them, extending her hand for the woman to shake.

The teacher took her hand absentmindedly, shaking it while saying: “I know.”

At first, Clarke thought it was a bit rude but then she saw the way the woman with the beautiful curly hair looked at Lincoln and Lexa.

“Luna!”, Lincoln then called out and took a step forward to hug the woman.

Clarke felt Lexa’s hand tighten a bit around her own and looked at her wife if everything was okay.

After a second, the woman, Luna, ended the hug with Lincoln and now stood in front of Lexa. Clarke could feel Lexa’s hand twitch to just extend her hand as Octavia had, but Luna decided to hug her just as tightly as she had Lincoln.

The hug ended and the five of them stood there in awkward silence until Lincoln noticed that not everyone knew everyone and decided to introduce them.

“Oh, uhm, this is Luna Rivers”, he introduced the teacher and, after a thought had come to his head, “still Rivers, or…?”

“Yes, still Rivers”, the woman said in a polite and calm voice that Clarke really liked.

“Luna was a good friend of ours… well, of mine in high school until the year we came to your school.”, he continued his explanation.

“And these beautiful women were crazy enough to marry into the Woods family?”, Luna laughed, ignoring the reference to the complicated past she and Lexa shared.

“Hey, we’re not that bad!”, Lincoln defended himself and the two of them laughed.

Clarke could still feel some tenseness in Lexa and wondered what had happened between the two of them.

“This is Octavia”, Lincoln introduced his wife.

“I’m Clarke”, she decided to introduce herself, knowing that Lexa was maybe still too shocked to speak.

“You teach now?”, Lincoln asked.

The whole time while they went through the school, Lincoln and Luna talked about high school and some details about the recent years like their jobs. Octavia had explained to the two boys how Lincoln knew their new teacher and they seemed to like her and the school very much.

As their little tour came to an end, they were back at the spot they had started at.

“I like this school mummy.”, Aden said, holding Clarke’s hand and looking up at her happily.

“Do you like it, too?”, Clarke asked Artigas.

“Yes!”, he replied enthusiastically which relieved all the adults.

“Okay then…”, Luna started to want to say goodbye.

“Wait, we can’t just part ways now, we haven’t seen you in years and you need to see Anya and our other friends!”, Lincoln protested.

“You should come with us for dinner”, Lexa suggested, still some hesitation in her voice but also sounding more determined for something or even hopeful.

This mixture of emotions confused Clarke a little, but she decided to ask Lexa about her relationship to Luna later.

“One of our friends can cook really well!”, Octavia praised.

“I think we should explain…”, Clarke pointed out, “We live in one house with almost all our friends.”

“It’s so cool!”, Artigas said.

“Yes, I can play with Art and Jordan whenever I want and I only have to go just a few steps!”, Aden agreed.

“I would love to but…”, Luna seemed to hesitate for a second. “Can I bring my… can I bring Adria?”

“Who is Adria?”, Lincoln asked.

“My foster daughter, I guess.”, Luna explained, “Well, not really yet but… it’s complicated.”

“How about you and Adria explain it over dinner then?”, Octavia shrugged.

Luna smiled. “Okay then.”

 

* * *

 

"I'm Raven but sometimes this body is Alie or Becca, this is my girlfriend Anya, her best friend, a.k.a. my other girlfriend Echo, her boyfriend Bellamy who used to be my hookup guy, his hookup guy and friend Murphy and Murphy’s girlfriend Emori", Raven introduced herself to the hot teacher her friends had brought home.

Aden, Artigas and Jordan had taken Adria to the Greens’ apartment, where their sisters and Harper already were, and Maya had gone to help look after them.

“Way to scare off the people, Reyes”, Murphy rolled his eyes sarcastically.

“Okay, that’s interesting”, Luna smiled instead, an eyebrow raised, clearly trying to process all that information Raven had given her.

“There is so much more to learn about me”, Raven smiled back and all three people in the room that she had slept with before, sighed at this.

After everyone else had introduced themselves as well, Murphy took Monty and Jasper with him to help him cook dinner for everyone and they disappeared in his kitchen.

The evening was warm for fall and it hadn't been raining in the past few days so they decided to eat on the roof of the building. This was also practical because, other than any of the flats, the roof had enough chairs for everyone.

“Want to tell us about Adria?”, Lincoln asked somewhat quietly as some of the others had fallen into their own conversations.

“She is a student of mine.”, Luna started, surprising some of her listeners. “Her mother ran away right after she was born and I knew her father wasn’t being right to her but now he landed in prison for an armed robbery with two badly injured victims so I took her in.”

“I admire the strength you must have had to do that”, Lincoln said seriously.

“Many people would have just looked away and let her go into foster care.”, Clarke agreed.

“Well technically I’m gonna be her foster mum, it’s just that the paperwork isn’t complete yet.”

“I am so lucky I didn’t get into random foster care as well”, Raven said.

“You were in foster care?”, Luna asked.

“Her mum adopted me”, Raven explained, pointing at Clarke. “Mum drank herself to death and Abby, Clarke’s mum, was a surgeon at the hospital she died at so she took care of me.”

“And Raven was already fifteen then”, Clarke added, “I can’t imagine how much of a positive change you are making in Adria’s life!”

“It’s all very complicated but it’s the best I can do.”, Luna said.

“It’s amazing!”, Lincoln assured her.

"You're amazing", Raven agreed.

 

Raven and Luna had been talking the most during dinner so it was her and Lincoln that brought their guests to the front door when they had to leave.

“Thank you all for the invitation and making us feel warm and welcome.”, Luna nodded and hugged both Lincoln and Raven (it surprised their friends behind them that Raven didn’t flinch at the sudden touch).

“Thank you”, Adria whispered next to her. It was the first thing Raven had heard her hear this evening.

“You can come here anytime”, Lincoln told them. “Murphy isn’t the only one who can cook out of all of us and there will always be a place at our tables and on our couches.”

“Thank you so much”, Luna said again.

“Hope we’ll see you around again, soon.”, Raven genuinely smiled.

“I hope so”, Luna replied, turning her head over her shoulder as she walked away with the little girl at her hand. The lights next to the door made her hair shine golden and look like a lion’s mane.

Raven closed the door. “I like that one.”

 

* * *

  


Lincoln was sitting on the corner of Artigas’ bed, his son on his lab.

Madi’s birthday had been last week and Tris’ yesterday so today, on Sunday, they had invited everyone over.

Since it was a special occasion, Lincoln had decided to make his son’s and his wife’s hair.

He was braiding Artigas’ hair at the moment while Octavia was playing with Tris on the floor.

“I’m looking forward to seeing Luna interact with everyone”, Lincoln thought out loud.

“Especially after Raven’s reaction to her last time”, Octavia smiled.

“Exactly”, Lincoln chuckled at the thought of Raven’s excitement about his old friend. “Did you know that back in high school Lexa already thought Luna and Raven would have gotten along?”

“Really?”, his wife asked. “Well let’s see if she’s as good at calling stuff as Raven.”

“I’m also excited to see Lexa and Luna together again, without Titus around, you know?”

“I don’t know Titus, babe”, Octavia reminded him with a smile.

“Right…”

“Will we have a lot of cake?”, Artigas asked suddenly.

Both his parents laughed as he looked at them excitedly.

“We will barbeque, baby”, Octavia explained.

“Will uncle Murphy make food?”

“Yes, and Bellamy”, Lincoln said.

“Yay”, Artigas jumped up as he felt his dad was finished with his hair. “Tris it’ll be yummy!”

His sister looked excited now, too so their parents picked them up and they made their way to the roof.

 

* * *

 

The residents of the house on which's roof deck the first birthday of Tris and Madi was being celebrated were greeting all of their guests.

Lexa was standing with her wife who, alongside Luna, was listening to recipes Murphy was teaching them as she saw Costia arrive and excused herself to say hi to her friend.

“Hey, Lex, how do you survive all these stairs up here every day?”, Costia greeted her ex-girlfriend with a hug. “You won’t believe who I saw in town the other day. Well, I think I saw her, she was walking and I drove past her but must’ve been her, I swear!”

“And, Cos, you won’t believe who we discovered!”, Lexa countered and took Costia’s arm to lead her two where she had just come from.

“The person I saw was... Luna.”, Costia simply finished her sentence as she saw the woman she, too, had been talking about.

“Costia.”, Luna replied with a bit more question in her tone, but also almost playful politeness.

Lexa caught her former rival throw her a quick questioning look that read “you’re friends with her again?” in a non-judgemental, surprised way.

The two women hugged for a few seconds and even Clarke, who was struggling to pay attention to both her wife staring at the two women from her past and Murphy’s cooking advice, noticed that the hug was a bit weird.

“Why are you two behaving so weirdly?”, Lexa asked, an eyebrow raised, making her wife proud and relieved that she had noticed it as well.

Murphy stopped talking to listen to whatever tea was about to be spilt.

“Uhm”, Luna made and looked at Costia with a look that asked her to reply.

“Remember your last birthday before your wedding when I called you from Melbourne to sing happy birthday and I wanted to tell you who I’d hooked up with but you were too busy staring at Clarke?”

“Yea?”, Lexa replied innocently after a short pause. After another second, realisation struck her face. “Oh.  Ouhhh…”

“Yep”, Luna nodded.

“You and…", her face turned from surprised to confused,  "you and you hooked up?”, Lexa asked again to reassure herself, pointing first at Costia, then at Luna.

Both women nodded.

Lexa nodded.

“Okay.”

“John Murphy!”, Bellamy called out from the grills, breaking their silence. “Who makes the best wiener gets wiener!”

“Please stop making such jokes at a birthday party for kids!”, Maya complained from where she had been greeting Abby.

“He was just talking about our sausages!”, Murphy defended his friend with a grin.

“Exactly.”, Harper deadpanned.

 

After a while, everyone had sat down and started talking while waiting for Bellamy and Murphy to bring them food.

“Was it planned that you had your kids at the same time?”, Luna asked Lexa and Lincoln to fill the awkward silence after Bellamy had broken off their conversation by asking who wanted another steak.

”Well the boys were made during our shared wedding night”, Lincoln explained with a grin to his wife.

“We couldn’t go home for hours because these horny kids were doing it so loudly.”, Anya rolled her eyes.

“Doing what?”, Jordan, who had interrupted his toy car race with the other kids to come to the table and get some food.

“Doing each other’s hair, baby”, Harper quickly replied.

“Well more the other way around”, Clarke grinned at Lexa who remembered the way Clarke’s hair had looked the next morning and had to laugh.

“And the girls… well Lexa has to stop taking her hormones for a few months for them to be able to make a baby so O and I noticed and just decided to have another one as well”, Lincoln continued, trying to change the topic away from sex.

 

Artigas and Aden had decided to honour their sisters’ birthdays by carrying them on their backs and since Murphy and Bellamy had offered to carry Adria and Jordan, the barbeques had been taken over by Anya and Echo.

The kids’ parents looked at the scene, melting from how cute it was and would have probably formed a big puddle on the floor by now, had it not been late autumn.

When the kids (and Murphy and Bellamy) came back to the table, Clarke continued telling Luna, and now also the kids, about the years since Costia and Luna had left.

She told them about first meetings, high school parties, the occasional sad story. All of course in a way appropriate for the little kids, but with a few winks and gestures here and there to have Costia and Luna know what else had happened.

She talked about their weekend at the lake, everyone getting jobs, and Raven discovering Becca and Alie. She even mentioned her and Lexa’s break-up.

She explained how the big polyamorous relationship of their group had formed and told the story of how they had found their house.

When talking about the proposals and the wedding, Lexa helped her a bit, since her voice had gone dry from all the talking.

 

Everyone had gone home and Clarke had just said goodbye to her mother and Markus who had stayed longer to help clean up. She was now on her way back upstairs when Murphy, from the door of his and Emori’s apartment, called for her.

“Clarke?”

“Huh?”

He made a sign that told her to come closer. Only now Clarke could see that he looked angry.

"Earlier, when you were telling everyone about our past couple of years, didn’t you forget something?”

When Clarke didn’t reply, not with words and not really with facial expressions either, he continued. “Have you forgotten that a member of our group was sentenced to death for killing five people and sending Lincoln into a coma that he almost didn’t wake up from? And have you forgotten that we don't even know if he's alive or not?"

"I'm not forgetting!" The words shot out of Clarke's mouth. She visibly trying hard to keep her emotions at bay but Murphy could see that Clarke still thought about Finn. She thought about him often, Murphy realized from the brokenness that shone through Clarke’s eyes and he saw and that part of her life simply broke her too much to ever be mentioned again.

The two friends were staring at each other for half a minute, struggling not to give way to their own tears while trying to read the other’s emotions at the same time.

Murphy dared to break their eye contact as he saw something move behind Clarke’s shoulder.

Raven.

Murphy realised, again from the look in his friend’s eyes across the room, that she had heard their short conversation and had been staring at them just as they had at each other.

“We need to talk about him.”, Raven said in a shaky breath out, slightly shocking Clarke, who now turned towards her.

“I can’t…”, Clarke admitted as her shoulders dropped down weakly and her eyes couldn’t keep her tears anymore.

Raven made her way across the entry room as Murphy’s eyes joined Clarke’s in crying.

“The kids can’t just not know about the uncle they almost had!”, Raven continued.

“Raven is right.”, Murphy added. “He is part of those stories. He was in high school with us and he was at the lake with us. We can’t just erase Finn’s existence.”

The mention of the name made the two women flinch. No one had dared to say his name in so long, they had almost forgotten it’s sound.

“They’re still kids.”, Clarke said. “They wouldn’t understand, they…”

Murphy and Raven waited for her to continue, but Clarke took a few seconds to steady her breathing.

“They still think all killers are bad people.”

That recognition, that indirect confession of her thought that Finn was not a bad person despite his actions broke even Raven’s so well trained lacrimal gland and a tear rolled down her cheek.

“We’ll tell them”, Clarke gave in, “Just… not yet.”

 


	21. what you waited for

Soon after Madi’s and Tris’ birthdays, Halloween arrived.

Octavia, Harper, Monty, Luna, Adria and Jordan had already arrived at Clarke and Lexa’s flat.

Octavia excused the rest of her family, saying Artigas still hadn’t decided on which costume to wear.

It was planned for everyone else to stay in their flats so the kids would run around the house trick or treating before going out on the street.

Aden was dressed as a pirate, of course, proudly waving his toy sword, challenging anyone who wanted to enter the kitchen to fight him.

Octavia gladly accepted. Since she didn’t have a sword with her, Clarke threw her a wooden spoon from the kitchen over Aden’s shoulder with which Octavia immediately started fighting the little pirate.

“Hey, that’s unfair!”, Aden shouted, “You’re much bigger than me!”

To that, Octavia got on her knees, still a bit taller than little Aden, but he accepted it.

Aden won the fight, pricking Octavia into her stomach with the sword, causing her to pretend to die in a very exaggerated way.

Right when she hit the ground, Lincoln arrived with their children. Tris on his arm was dressed like Boo from Monsters Inc while Octavia had forced Lincoln to put on a fluffy blue Sulley onesie. They looked adorable together as Lincoln was carrying his daughter in his arms. Artigas next to him was dressed as a knight.

Lincoln saw Octavia on the ground, her eyes crossed, her tongue sticking out of her mouth and her hands clutched to her stomach. He pointed at Aden shouting: “Arti! He killed your mother! Avenge her!” To which his son let out a cry of battle before running after Aden who immediately fled.

Lexa came out of the kitchen, Madi on her arm just like Lincoln with Tris and helped Octavia up from the ground with her free hand. Lexa herself was not dressed up while she had put Madi in a tiny racoon onesie. The baby girls looked adorable and Clarke squeaked when she saw little Tris and her dad’s matching costumes.

“Let’s get the others then, we’re ready to go”, Lexa stated, walking towards the living room where the Greens and Rivers were waiting.

Jordan was dressed in an astronaut costume that Raven and Emori had helped him pick out because he had wanted the most accurate one of them all.

Adria was sitting on the couch next to him in her mermaid dress.

Aden and Artigas had thrown away their swords, now rolling around the carpet, tickling each other. Jordan and Adria were watching them, laughing.

Monty had his arm around Harper’s waist as he watched the kids with their son. Harper was telling Luna funny stories about the last couple of Halloweens the others had spent together.

Monty looked up when the others came in. “Shall we?”, he asked when he saw everyone had arrived.

“Yep”, Octavia said, turning around to head back to the door.

“Hey, unfair!”, Aden shouted, “You were dead!”

“It’s Halloween, young man”, Octavia said, patting his head, “people can rise from the dead today.”

“Is that true, mum?”, he asked, turning to Lexa.

“Well, if aunt O says so, it must be.”

They went around the house, getting chocolate, gummy bears and scared looks from everyone (even though none of their costumes was really scary).

“Do you still want to go out on the street?”, Harper asked the kids.

“Yeeess”, the older kids shouted and the little girls cheered too.

“More candy!”, Jordan added, storming towards the front door, making the adults laugh.

Out on the street, they soon met other families with little children in all sorts of costumes.

On the other side of the street, Lexa noticed a group lead by a girl around Aden’s age in a minion costume who eagerly ran to the next house for more candy.

She was followed by a girl of the same age that, in her costume, looked a bit like Tris in hers but seemed to be dressed as Agnes from the Despicable Me movies.

After them, came another girl, dressed in the first kind of spooky looking costume Lexa had seen today. She was dressed as Gollum from The Lord of the Rings. They were looked after by a teenage boy with blue dyed hair who looked like he would rather be anyone but here. Maybe he hoped to get some of the candy, Clarke thought, secretly hoping she could steal some of her children’s candy as well.

Behind the bored looking boy came two young women about the friends’ age. One of them, a woman with dark skin and hair in a blood red scarf kept hitting the other’s arm, pointing at children with her other hand and excitedly shouting “LOOK HOW CUTE”.

The other one, she reminded Lexa of Clarke a bit, but with a lot more curls, held a little girl dressed as a puppy in her arms that was probably around the age of four.

Maybe they had gone a long way already and the girl had begged to be carried the rest of the way as it had been the case with Aden two years ago, Lexa remembered. He had refused to go home though because he wanted to get as much candy as possible, but soon he had fallen asleep in Lexa’s arms. Soon after, Artigas had started crying because a pumpkin in a hidden corner of a house entrance had scared him so they had decided to go home.

“Guys”, Lexa called out, making some of her friends turn around. “What are the cousins of the Werewolf?”

“Here it comes…”, Octavia sighed, but she was smiling nonetheless.

“The when-wolf and the who-wolf!”, Lexa laughed.

Everyone except Clarke rolled their eyes. Clarke just smiled, thinking “yep I married that dork”.

“What?”, Lexa exclaimed, sounding a bit hurt, “It was good, wasn’t it?” She pouted towards Clarke.

“A little bit”, Clarke smiled and kissed her wife’s cheek.

“Nope”, Harper laughed, “not even that.”

Lexa just stuck out her tongue in response, causing Aden to do the same.

The group went around their block once before the girls had fallen asleep.

This year it was Aden who got scared by front yard decorations, but Jordan comforted him immediately.

When they got home, they found chocolate in front of their flat doors for each child. There was even one chocolate for Adira at the front door.

Of course, the children were all really excited, but their parents wondered which of their friends had placed them there until Clarke saw Raven spying out of her and Anya’s flat door.

Everyone said goodbye to Luna and Adria before wishing each other a good night and disappearing into their own flats.

 

* * *

 

Raven had taken a few days off of work and had immediately been ordered to pick up Artigas and Aden from preschool and Jordan from school. Harper, Monty or Clarke could have easily done it themselves but Raven hadn’t protested too much in hopes she would get to see Luna again.

Artigas and Aden had been positively surprised when they had seen that it was Raven who was picking them up.

The three of them, Raven in the middle and one boy at each of her hands, were now walking towards Jordan’s school. They were a bit late because all three boys had to be picked up at the same and the preschool was a couple of streets away.

Most kids had already been picked up so when Raven and the boys were getting closer to the school they could already see that there were only three people standing there, waiting. Luna with Jordan and Adria.

“I told you they’d be here soon, Ms Rivers!”, Jordan said, pointing at the three arrivals. “Oh, it’s Raven!”, he then noticed and ran towards her excitedly.

“Nice to see you again.”, Luna smiled.

“You too!” Raven had a brighter smile on her face than any of the boys had ever seen on her before.

“I just waited with him till he’d be picked up”, Luna explained unnecessarily, “Can’t just let him stand here alone.”

“Obviously”, Raven shrugged.

“Luna, I’m hungry”, Adria whispered, visibly feeling bad for complaining, but the grumble of her stomach that followed showed the others that it was urgent.

“Well, we better get home and cook, then.”, Luna smiled.

“Actually, Harper just cooked and she always cooks enough to feed an army so…”, Raven pointed out.

“You mean…?”, Luna started to ask.

“I mean it’d be quicker than if you still have to cook something.”

“Well,...” Luna looked down at her soon to be foster daughter, “Don’t wanna let a girl starve, do we?”

Adria smiled and nodded.

“Yayyy”, Artigas and Aden cheered.

“My mum cooks really good, you know?”, Jordan assured his classmate.

“Thank you”, the little girl looked up at Raven.

“You can come over to us anytime, really.”, the woman said more to Luna than the girl.

“You’re too nice”, Luna sighed, but it didn’t sound like a complaint.

“I don’t think anyone has ever told me that”, Raven laughed.

“Really?”

They had started walking towards the friends’ house, the women walking after the kids who were jumping into the piles of leaves the late October wind had formed on the sidewalk.

  
  


When they reached the house, they let the kids run upstairs to where the smell of Harper’s ratatouille came from.

“Wanna…?”, Raven asked, finishing the question that was going into the direction of having some free time from the kids by pointing at the door to her own flat.

Luna looked after Adria for a second but the girl seemed comfortable enough with the boys that Luna figured it would be okay to leave her with Harper.

“Sure.”

 

Upon entering Raven and Anya’s flat, Luna saw the mess of metal pieces, screws, wires and other tech stuff she couldn’t identify on the table next to the door. She looked at Raven, a judgmentally raised eyebrow and a smile on her face.

“Oh.” Raven started collecting all the pieces by scooping them onto one of the bigger pieces of metal and brought them to her room.

When she came back, Luna still stood in the kitchen somewhat awkwardly.

“Sit down”, Raven gestured to one of the chairs.

“Does it always look like that here?”, Luna chuckled.

Raven just looked at her, her eyes saying “uhmmmmmm no” in an ironic, pretending to be innocent kind of way, making Luna laugh fully.

“Coffee?”, the host then asked to distract from the conversation.

“Why not”

“Black or…?”

“Yep”

“Must be hard with all those kids all morning.”

“Says the NASA mechanic”, Luna smiled.

“Oh it’s just like building with legos as a kid”, Raven shrugged while she made coffee for both of them, “Your job is with, like,… humans… tiny humans…”

Luna laughed again. “Well, we’ve all been kids, haven’t we?”, she sighed, “I understand them.”

Raven turned around from the coffee machine, leaning against the counter.

“And I hardly think you were ever a screw.”

“But I can be for you”, Raven grinned, taking her fresh coffee, wanting to sip it like tea but only managing to lightly burn her tongue.

Luna just looked at her with a judgemental grin again.

“Sorry”, Raven chuckled.

“So, back to kids”, Luna smiled, pretending the last few lines of dialogue hadn’t happened. “Want any?”

“Uhm, no”, Raven replied matter of factly while walking back to the table with the two mugs of coffee.

“Why not?”

“Well…”, she sat down next to Luna to explain, “first of, we already have enough children in this house to be taken care of and I’m perfectly okay with just being an auntie.”

Luna nodded but didn’t comment so Raven continued.

“And, I mean, I have Cat”, she looked around if her pet was in the flat at the moment.

“Is she a cat or is that a creative name for another animal?”, Luna asked, chuckling.

“Nah, we’re not that creative”

After a second, Raven decided to continue her explanation. “Also my situation is already complicated enough like I have two other people in my head and I have two girlfriends and one of them has another boyfriend, you know the situation.”

“Do you not think a child could handle that? Because as far as I can see, the kids aren’t weird about it at all. Jordan even talks about some things his aunt Becca taught him in class sometimes.”

“It’s not that the kid wouldn’t handle it, it’s that I couldn’t handle a kid.”, Raven explained, “Like I’m okay with the occasional auntie duties like picking the kids up today but having that as a full-time thing? Nah.”

“I understand, you’re busy with your own shit”, Luna nodded.

“Yea”

Raven used the short comfortable silence to try if her coffee was the right temperature yet.

“I’m impressed you can handle it”, she admitted.

“Well, Adria is already pretty grown up for her age”, Luna looked down into her mug, “I guess she’s had to take care of herself for a while already.”

“I know what that’s like…” Raven stared into her mug, her guest now stared at her.

“Sucks we didn’t meet earlier”, Luna suddenly voiced her thought.

Raven looked up from her coffee, realising that her friend’s eyes seemed as if they could see directly into her soul.

“Yea.” The smile on Raven’s lips fully met her eyes and Luna felt like it came directly from her heart. “Why’d you leave back then?”

Luna’s smile fell and so did Raven’s as she saw that that might have been the wrong question.

“My brother died that year”

“I’m sorry”, Raven whispered, visibly shocked.

“I couldn't keep myself together, I… I don’t know I just really needed to get out. I couldn’t just stay in this town pretending that there was a single corner, a single tree that didn’t remind me of memories with him.

“I took a train up to Canada. My parents didn’t care much, I think. They always loved him more than me and now that he was gone they had no use for me anymore. I got a few jobs here and there. After living in a cheap motel for a while, I had enough money to buy a tent and rented a spot on a camping site.

“When I got older I had saved enough so I started travelling around the world, met Costia in Australia, got some jobs, met some other nice people…”

Raven could see Luna had made some amazing memories during that time and she honestly couldn’t wait to ask her all about those travels.

“But eventually I decided I needed to come back. US college was too expensive so I studied in the Netherlands in a university that taught in English. Got through by working different jobs in the evening and studying at night. I got my degree there and came back. I guess I wanted to become a teacher to help kids who may not have nice parents, like me.”

“And like Adria”, Raven added.

“Yea, like her.”

They sat in silence, drinking their coffee and when both mugs were empty, Raven, without asking, got up and made them another round.

“So how about you?”, Luna broke the silence as Raven returned to the table.

“Hm?”

“I told you my past, now tell me yours.”, she looked at her daringly at first but then, as if she had seen the tiny flicker of fear in Raven’s eyes, she added: “Only if you want to, of course.”

“Well,...”, Raven started, thinking about which point of her life she should start at. “You already know my mum died a year before your brother did.”

Luna nodded, a sad smile on her lips.

“You know that Abby took me in and eventually adopted me.”

“Tell me things I don’t know.”, Luna said and it did something to Raven.

Everyone who was around her had been there during the time since then. She had never had to tell someone about that year who hadn’t lived through it with her. But the tone in Luna’s voice made her believe that it was okay, that she could trust her and it would be okay.

“Something happened.”, she started, not ready to talk about that part yet. “Just two months after high school ended, something happened.”

Luna nodded encouragingly, telling her that she didn’t have to say what it was if she didn’t want to.

“I was mad, angry, sad and didn’t have control over myself anymore. So Becca and Alie fronted. They took care of things because I couldn’t. Before that time I had no clue that they even existed but then, on one particular day, Clarke came home to the two of them fighting out loud. Like real world out loud.”

Luna nodded again, telling Raven to continue.

“She heard them but when she reached my room they had fallen back again so I was fronting. So, she confronted me about what she’d heard. Of course, I had no idea what she was talking about then and it worried me so I immediately ran to Abby’s psychiatrist friend, CeCe, who is still my therapist today. She helped me figure out that I had DID and started building a connection between me and my two headmates. She talked to them and to me about ourselves and the other two, about our friends, all that stuff. She really helped me.”

“Can I meet them?”, Luna asked, feeling as though Raven had finished her talk.

Raven smiled. She could feel how accepting Luna was so she said “sure” and let herself fall back.

Luna noticed the switch in the body next to hers.

“Who am I talking to?”, she asked.

“I’m Becca”, a voice that sounded slightly different from Raven’s introduced herself. “And you’re Luna, right?”

“I am”, she smiled politely and held out her hand.

Becca moved the hand away, got up and enveloped Luna into a tight hug. When she was finished, she sat back down on her chair. “You remind me of Lexa, you know?”, she noticed.

Luna blinked, surprised. “How so?”

“The genuine politeness and kindness that shines through your tough exterior.”, Becca explained.

“Okay”, Luna smiled and shrugged.

“So you want to be friends with Raven?”, Becca asked next, letting her protective mother figure self shine through.

“She seems like an amazing person.”, Luna said. Realising she hadn’t really answered Becca’s question, she added: “Yes, I would very much like to be her friend.”

“Alright.”

“But I also want to befriend you and Alie, if you want that.”, Luna smiled.

Becca raised her eyebrow. All of Raven’s friends were trying to be her and Alie’s friends as well, but only a few of them had fully succeeded at it. “You do?”

“Of course.”, Luna shrugged. “As far as I understand, you’re a part of her, or, well, old Raven’s mind”, she explained, “So if I like her, there’s a good chance I will get along with you two as well and who would turn down such a great opportunity for friendship?”

“I guess that is understandable”, Becca smiled.

“What’s your favourite colour?”, Luna asked.

Becca tilted her head to the side slightly. “I’ve never really thought about that.”, she admitted. “Alie’s is definitely red, she doesn’t wear any other colour.”

“What do you wear when you’re not fronting?”, Luna asks.

“A white lab coat”, Becca chuckled.

“Why’s that?”, Luna asks.

“Well, our headspace is a science lab so I guess my clothing should be fitting to that.”

“That’s true”, Luna shrugged smilingly. “But is white your favourite colour?”

“I think my favourite colour would be a light blue.”, Becca replied. “I love the colour of the sky a lot.”

“Well the weather is good”, Luna noticed, “Should we go outside?”

“Why not”, Becca smiled. “I don’t get to do that too often.”

“Roof or garden?”

“Roof”

 

They went up the stairs, passing by Clarke who seemed impressed as she noticed from the way she walked that it was Becca climbing the stairs next to Luna.

When they reached the roof, nobody but the two of them was up there.

“Thanks for bringing me up here” Becca took a deep breath in. “I spend most of my time in the lab, or, when I’m out, in the house or at Raven’s workplace.”

Luna was happy she had been able to make Becca smile the way she was right now just by taking her outside.

“What would you do if you had your own body outside of this one?”, Luna asked.

“I really don’t know”, Becca sighed. “I couldn’t imagine a life outside of this.”

“Why not?”

“For one, I love the headspace.”, she started, “Out here I would have to buy all the equipment I use but in there I can just have everything I need magically appear.”

“That sounds really cool!”

“It is”, Becca grinned widely. “Besides, I wouldn’t be able to take care of Raven the way I can from here”, she continued, “And that is the reason I exist.”

“I understand”, Luna said and sat down on the floor between some of Monty and Harper’s plants, looking at them moving in the wind.

Becca sat down next to her.

“Would you want kids?”, Luna asked, remembering her conversation with Raven from earlier.

“I feel like I helped raise Raven”, Becca explained, “She is my kid, I don’t need more of them.”

“It’s great that Raven has a mother figure like you, after what her biological mother did.”

“I know”, Becca sighed, “That’s why her, well, our brain created us. I’m supposed to be a better mother than her mother could be.”

“From what I’ve seen, you did well.”, Luna smiled.

“Well, some of that was Abby, too.”

“Right.”, Luna remembered, “You were there when she was adopted.”

“I was”

“Did you get to see much of Abby during that time?”, she asked, “Do you know anything about the paperwork she had to do?”

“You’re asking because of your girl.”, Becca stated.

“I want to be a good mother for her”, Luna admitted, “I want to get all this paperwork done so that I can actually call her my kid. I guess she’ll have to go into another class then, but my colleagues are great teachers, too, and at least I’ll get to look after her in the afternoon then.”

“You’re doing great”, Becca assured her. “If I would have to give you one advice, it is to listen.”

“Okay?”

“Always listen to your child”, Becca continued, “And not just to their literal words, but pay attention to how she acts, what she tells you she likes and dislikes indirectly through her actions.”

“Will you help me with her?”, Luna asked, surprising Becca with how much vulnerability she let her see.

“I will”, Becca smiled, “And the parents of Artigas, Aden and Jordan will love to help you as well.”

“Thank you”, Luna smiled brightly.

“I’ll see you around then.”

“Yea, see you.”

The body switched back to being Raven.

“God, she sits weirdly”, was the first thing Raven said and repositioned her body.

“Becca is amazing”, Luna said.

“I know”, Raven nodded, “I’ll admit, I listened in on your conversation, I hope that was okay?”

“Of course”, Luna smiled.

“Good”

“Raven?” Luna redirected her friend’s attention away from the plants in the wind back to her.

“Yea?”

“Tell me about the stuff you left out in between.”

And she told her. Told her all about Finn, the thing with him and Clarke in high school, their double break up, their attempt to stay friends.

She told her about him as a person, how he could make people laugh and always wanted to befriend everyone.

Then she told Luna about the night of the accident, the morning after, the crying, the breakdowns, everything. Told her about the trial, about Lincoln’s recovery and about the decision of the judge. She told her that her last conversation with him hadn’t been her own and that she hadn’t seen him since.

She told her of sadness and pain and regret and Luna understood why nobody ever mentioned Finn.

 

* * *

 

Costia was visiting Lexa and Clarke for brunch, Lincoln and Octavia were out for a run, Monty and Harper were working in the garden and it was Raven and Anya’s turn to look after the boys while Bellamy and Echo were looking after the babies.

Artigas had gotten a bouncy ball from Murphy, who was already regretting it since the boys were playing with it in the hallway that led to the empty apartment, which was right next to where Murphy was trying to take a nap.

He had asked Raven to tell them to go play somewhere else but she had simply told him that it was his fault and called him a grandpa for taking naps at 12.

Still, she and Anya decided to go play something else with the boys anyway.

Anya sat down on the floor and Raven got herself one of the chairs they had in the entrance room to sit on when you were putting on your shoes.

Raven caught the rainbow coloured bouncy ball mid-air before it could hit the wall right next to her head.

“Hey!”, all three boys called out.

“Hey boys”, Raven simply replied and Anya grinned at her.

Ignoring the fact that their toy had been stolen from them because he hadn’t thought it was very fun anyways, Jordan walked towards Raven and asked: “What’s an ex-girlfriend?”

“Huh?”, Anya made, indirectly asking him why he was asking that.

“Mum said Costia is Lexa’s ex-girlfriend but I noticed that I don’t know what that is.”

“You’re girlfriends!”, Aden pointed out and looked at his two aunts.

“Yes we are”, Raven chuckled.

“But what does the ex mean?”

“Ex-girlfriend means that Costia was Lexa’s girlfriend in the past but isn’t anymore.”

“Why not?”, Artigas asked.

“Because she moved to London for a while.”, Anya explained.

“And then they weren’t girlfriends anymore?”, Jordan asked to see if he had understood correctly.

“Exactly”, Raven nodded.

“Why?”, Aden asked.

“Because London is very, very far away from here so they couldn’t see each other and that made them sad so they decided to break up so that they could find new girlfriends or boyfriends to be happy with.”

“Did they find new ones?”, Aden asked.

“Yes”, Raven replied, “Lexa found your mummy and they got married later.”

“And Costia?”, Artigas asked.

“I think Costia is very happy, too, even if she isn’t in a relationship right now.”, Anya explained.

“Do you have an ex-girlfriend, too?”, Jordan asked.

“I don’t”, Anya replied.

“I have an ex-boyfriend”, Raven replied, hiding her sadness at the thought from the boys.

“Is everyone as good friends with their ex-girl- and boyfriends as Costia and my mom?”, Aden asked.

“No, not everyone”, Anya replied and looked at her girlfriend carefully if she was okay or if she would have to change the topic.

“Why not?”, Artigas asked.

“Because sometimes they do something that isn’t nice and then you can’t stay friends with them because it would hurt you.”

“Sometimes good people do bad things.”, Raven added.

“And sometimes they just aren’t nice people.”, Anya continued.

“That’s not good”, Aden noticed. “Everyone should be nice people!”

Raven noticed once again that, whenever he pouted, Aden looked just as much like grumpy cat as Clarke did and she had to smile.

“I need to sit down and think!”, Artigas declared and climbed onto Raven’s lab, careful not to hurt her leg.

After a minute of everyone silently thinking about good and bad people and people who were in the grey area in between, Raven decided to distract the kids.

“Who wants to learn something pirates do?”

“Me!”, all three boys called out.

“You know what they do?”, Raven asked and got closer to the boys, “They say bad words, but psht”, she put her finger on her lips, “that’s a secret you can’t tell anyone, okay?”

“Okay”, the boys whispered.

“And when your parents ask you who you know these words from, you can’t tell them okay?”

“Yes!”

“Pirate promise?”

“Pirate promise!”, the three replied.

“Okay, so the first word that pirates say a lot is”, Raven’s voice got lower, “poop.”

Anya almost had to laugh because she hadn’t expected Raven to start with such easy words.

“Ha, I knew that word already!”, Artigas boasted.

“Who taught you?”, Anya asked.

“Uncle Murphy!”, he replied, giggling.

Anya and Raven looked at each other smilingly. Of course, Murphy.

“Okay the next word is: 'shit'”

“Raven!”, Harper called out from behind them.

“Shit”, Raven cursed for real this time and the boys laughed.

“Swear jar!”, Harper commanded.

Raven sighed and gave her two quarters from her jeans pocket.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loooooove love love love love love writing sea mechanic conversations  
> What do you think of the kids this week?  
> Also, if you're confused about the random people on the street, just included some of my friends again hehe and yes, I have a friend we call Gollum, hi Gollum! (She's the one who always shouts at me on Mondays in school when I ended with a cliffhanger again so say thank you)


	22. Happiness

About a month had passed since Luna and Becca’s conversation on the roof and both these two and Luna and Raven had met up regularly to talk.

Neither Raven nor Becca had been to Luna’s flat before and Luna still had her first conversation with Alie to look forward to.

Today, at least the first of those things was going to be checked off of the list since Luna had, somewhat hesitantly but thinking that it was time, invited her friends over to her place.

Harper had picked up all the kids from school and preschool, including Adria who was getting along with the boys very well, so when Raven rang the bell to Luna’s apartment she knew they would be alone.

Luna had cleaned up a little bit in the time between her coming back from school and Raven arriving after her own work.

“It already looks amazing from the outside”, Raven commented as Luna opened the door.

“You think so?”, Luna asked while taking a step to the side to let Raven come in.

“Yes!”, Raven, instead of taking off her shoes and jacket first, walked into the room that combined kitchen, dining and living room. “And apparently it’s just as beautiful in here!”

Luna sighed and followed Raven after closing the door. She helped Raven out of her jacket and silently brought it to the hatrack.

“It fits you, you know?”, Raven smiled, turning around a few times to look at everything.

“Because it’s beautiful?”, Luna smiled halfway.

“That too”, Raven smiled brighter than her friend, “but also the colours, I don’t know.”

The kitchen furniture was all in dark woods and had a white wall while the living room featured a modern, dark blue couch on a light grey carpet that perfectly matched the light wood of the floor.

“If you say so”, Luna shrugged. “Sucks I won’t be able to keep it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Can’t afford it now that I have Adria.”

“Oh”, Raven looked around another time, this time taking a closer look to try to see all the things Luna would miss.

“Coffee?”

“Always!”

Luna turned around on her way to the kitchen, eyebrow raised, wordlessly asking if Raven had just intentionally quoted the famous confession of love while talking about coffee.

“I swear it wasn’t on purpose!”, Raven pouted with a slight giggle that left Luna unsure of whether or not she meant it.

While Luna was making coffee, Raven decided to sit down on the couch, letting herself fall onto it to check how comfy it was.

When Luna returned with the coffee, she, after placing the mugs on the coffee table, noticed that her guest was sitting differently than she had ever seen her or Becca seen sit before.

Luna looked into the eyes of her guest for a second, waiting if they would start talking. To be fair, she was a bit unsure of whether this could actually still be Raven.

After no weird look or “what??” came as a reaction to her gaze, she decided to take action.

“Who am I talking to?”, she asked, trying to stay as neutral as possible.

“You notice already, after so little time?”, a voice that was unknown to her replied.

“I’m good at reading people”, Luna simply replied. “And I’m Luna by the way, which you probably know but an introduction never hurts, does it?”

No smile followed in return, not even a forced, polite one. “Alie”, the woman on Luna's couch simply nodded.

“I thought so”, Luna smiled.

The pause was less comfortable than it would have been with one of the other two headmates so Luna quickly searched for a way to break the silence.

“Do you like coffee?”

Alie shrugged but decided to take a sip.

“Why are you fronting?”, Luna voiced the question she felt like should be answered next.

Alie took a deep breath, something Luna would not have expected her to do after what she had heard about her friends’ headmate.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Me?”

“You.”

Luna turned her body a bit more towards Alie. “Why me?”

“They trust you.”, Alie explained.

“Okay...”, Luna nodded slowly, “What do you want to talk about?” She wasn’t quite sure of how to act around the person specifically created to have or at least show no emotions.

“I have been contemplating this for a while but I didn’t think I should tell Dr Cartwig before I told the others.”

Luna stayed quiet, waiting for Alie to continue her explanation.

“It would not have been very considerate to tell them without a warning, but I don’t seem to always know how to express certain information in a way that does not hurt other people, especially them.”

“And you want my help with telling them?”, Luna asked.

“That was my thought, yes.”

“Are they listening right now?”, Luna wanted to make sure.

“No”, Alie replied, “I hold the power to lock the room from which they could co-front.”

“What is it you want to talk about then?”

Alie looked at Luna for a second, considering whether this had been the right decision.

“I feel like I have become useless.”

Luna had not expected that and, from the way she looked at her, she felt like Alie could tell. “How so?”

“Raven’s environment has changed over the years.”, Alie started, “Her mother was cruel and selfish. Raven needed me to block her insults.”

Luna nodded along, showing Alie that she was following.

“But if you look at her situation now, the people that surround her…”, Alie left a break to search for the right words, “...they care.”

Luna started to understand.

“Raven is strong enough to hide her feelings if she ever needs to, but she doesn’t have to do it on a regular basis anymore.”

“...so you feel like she doesn't need you anymore.”, Luna finished Alie’s thought.

Her guest just nodded.

“What kind of situations did you normally front in?”, Luna asked.

“When Raven’s mother used to shout at her, hurt her physically and sometimes when she just ignored her daughter’s presence completely.

“Any situations away from her mother?”

“I fronted after Finn had been sentenced to death and a few times afterwards when Raven needed to fall back into the headspace to overcome a breakdown.”

“So only in extreme situations?”

“Mostly, yes”, Alie nodded, “Apart from the past couple of years to introduce myself to Raven’s friends and their children.”

“How was that for you?”, Luna asked, having noticed a shift in Alie’s gaze.

“I was not used to the world in pleasant situations.”, Alie simply replied.

“Do you think if anything extreme ever happened again, Raven and Becca would be able to handle it without you?”, Luna asked, not putting any effort into hiding the worry she felt for her friends.

“They would.”, Alie said convincingly, “And if they don’t, they have you now and all the other people they live with.”

“That’s true”, Luna smiled slightly, happy she had been included in the list of helpful people.

There was another short silence for thinking.

“Do you feel like being without feelings is your only purpose?”, Luna asked.

Alie looked as though she didn't fully understand the question.

“Do you think there could be any way for you to continue existing outside of that purpose?”

“No.”

“Elaborate, please.”

“I was created to help Raven by being this way, this is the only reason I exist.”, Alie explained, “I cannot imagine a life outside of this; your world is not something I desire to live in.”

Luna blinked, slightly overwhelmed by this response.

“Can an alter…”, she halted, but couldn’t find a better way to put it, “...kill themselves?”

“I can choose to cease to exist”, Alie replied. “It is called integration. Do you remember the pie chart metaphor the others tend to use to describe us?”

“The explanation that you are all parts of one circle etcetera?”

“Exactly”, Alie nodded. “Now, if I integrated, my part of the pie does not just fall away, we still need to build a 360 degrees… mind.”

“Okay” In one word Luna conveyed that she understood the last part and now needed to know what would happen to those 120 degrees.

“My third of the circle will be split between Becca and Raven.”

“What does that mean?”, Luna asked.

“They will show some of my characteristics, will get better at hiding their emotions probably, might like the colour red more than they used to…”

“They will each get a bit closer to what Raven would have turned out to be if she hadn’t formed you in her childhood.”, Luna added.

“Yes.”, Alie nodded, "Though there is no rule that each of them will get half of me. One might stay the same while the other becomes half me half themselves. I'm sorry if this is a little complicated..."

"Don't worry about it.", Luna smiled.

Alie let her headmates’, well, her friend a bit of time to process this information.

“Are you ready to talk to them?”

Alie let Raven and Becca into the room of their headspace that allowed them to hear what she was saying and hearing and see Luna across from them.

Alie told them out loud so that Luna could hear her and at points help her with her explanation. Luna did not get to hear the others’ reaction, but whenever Alie was silent for a bit, she thought she could see the emotions of her friends shine through their eyes. A caring, sad, nostalgic feeling was what those dark brown eyes transported into Luna’s heart.

“They are okay with it.”, Alie nodded after there had been a long pause for Luna once their explanation had been finished.

“I knew they would be.”

 

 

On the following afternoon, the three of them had an appointment with Dr CeCe Cartwig where Alie explained her situation again and the others assured her that they were supportive of Alie’s decision.

After the appointment, Becca called everyone, including Abby and Markus, to Niylah’s where the three of them again explained what was going to happen.

Becca even took an extra ten minutes to answer any of the kids’ questions.

“Will you leave, too, one day?”, Jordan asked, looking up at his aunt with a bit of fear in his eyes.

“Well, my purpose was to look after Raven like a mother and she does not need that anymore but I have decided to stay around to help all of your parents” - she looked at all the kids at the table - “with raising you.”

The kids nodded happily to show that they had understood.

Alie fronted again after this and everyone started saying goodbye to her, most of them with tears in their eyes.

Anya didn’t let tears reach her eyes but with a deep sadness filling her facial expression she explained that she was going to tell Madi and Tris about the amazing aunt they had had when they were babies.

 

* * *

 

While one member of the group had left, the house was welcoming two more inhabitants.

After hearing that Luna couldn’t keep her flat with Adria living there, Raven had asked the others if they could spare the empty apartment that they rarely used anyway and everyone had agreed.

The group's cars got filled with the few things Luna wanted to keep from her old place and, as a welcoming gift, Lexa bought Adria everything she would need for her own room.

Luna had tears in her eyes when Bellamy handed her the keys to the front and apartment door and she and even her shy little girl hugged everyone as a thank you.

 

* * *

 

The cold air of the coming winter was blowing around the Christmas decorations Niylah had placed and hung all over the front of her house.

It was the first of the month so, as they had done for the past couple of years, everyone met up at their favourite bar to talk about things concerning the house, but also personal news they wanted everyone to hear at the same time.

Since it was the first time Luna and Adria were taking part in this tradition, the teacher looked around carefully, taking everything in, both to prepare herself for what was to come and to simply enjoy this warm feeling of belonging.

She looked at the faces of all her new and partly old friends. She could see the love in their eyes, the different types of love actually. She saw the romantic love between Bellamy and Echo, the protective and caring love Lincoln and Octavia had for their kids, the familial love in Clarke’s eyes when she looked at Raven and the longing, concealed sexual love Lexa cast her wife’s way when she was laughing at one of Raven’s jokes.

She saw the way everyone looked at the kids that weren’t their own in a way that seemed like they were all their actual aunts and uncles. This was especially the case with Jasper and his best friend’s son that had been named after him.

Luna noticed that Adria was starting to look at her like Jordan looked at Harper and it filled her heart with the purest joy she had felt in a while.

Her wandering gaze met Raven’s eyes and her friend’s smile caught her off guard. What kind of love did Raven shoot her way? She couldn’t name it if she was being honest, but she knew that she returned whatever this feeling was.

“Okay.” Bellamy managed to get everyone’s attention with just the one, loud word. Even the kids shut up as he started to speak. “First of all, I want to say welcome to the two new members of this family: Luna and Adria!”

Everyone clapped and Adria blushed a little.

“Again, thank you guys so, so much for taking us in!”, Luna said for what felt like the thousandth time but she felt like her thanks would never be enough for how good these people made her feel.

“I swear if you thank us one more time”, Echo said daringly but had to chuckle.

“Let her be”, Harper defended Luna, chuckling as well, “We are pretty awesome after all.”

“Of course, we are”, Murphy shrugged.

“Anyway”, Clarke stopped the others in their discussion to continue the basic protocol of the monthly meetings. “Does anyone want to share something important?”, She emphasised the last word of her question, looking at Murphy as if he had shared information about his last time on the toilet before.

“Yes, uhm”, Jasper started, looking at his girlfriend as they both rose from their chairs so that everyone could see and hear them.

“You guys pregnant?”, Anya asked, “Raven, are they pregnant?”

Everyone laughed at her using Raven as a pregnancy test.

“Actually”, Maya started, breaking everyone’s laughter, “That’s kind of the thing…”

“What’s wrong?”, Harper asked, noticing the slight sadness in her friend’s tone.

“We’ve been trying for a while but uhm…”, Maya explained but looked at Jasper to continue.

“It seems like we can’t have kids biologically.”

“Oh”, some of their friends looked concerned.

Anya noticed that Raven didn’t look as concerned as she would have thought she would. Apparently, CeCe had been right that some of Alie’s lack of showing feelings had transferred to Raven and maybe Becca as well.

“But we do want to have kids”, Maya continued. “So we thought, we do have some experience with adoption in this family so…”

“Yea, we thought we might look into that soon.”, Jasper finished.

“I’m proud that you made that decision”, Monty smiled at his friends.

“You will definitely make a kid really happy by bringing them into this family”, Luna added.

“And Abby and I will definitely help you with the progress like we are with Luna at the moment, even though it will be a bit different with you”, Raven promised.

There was a comfortable silence and, since Jasper and Maya had sat back down, Clarke decided it was time for the next thing to be talked about.

“Anybody else got something to say?”, she asked, looking around. Nobody got up or looked like they were going to so she continued. “Otherwise next thing would be…”, she looked at Bellamy to help her remember but did so on her own before he could take over. “It’s December so it’s time to empty this year’s swear jar!”

Everyone looked at Harper who was the keeper of the swear jar.

“Thanks to that one time Raven freaked out because something she was building didn’t work…”

Everyone who had been home then chuckled at the memory of Raven running around the house cursing very loudly, shocking not only the children.

“... we have about $600 in the swear jar right now”

Murphy and Emori whistled at the same time, looking impressed.

“Alright”, Bellamy chuckled, “What are we gonna do with it?”

“Well”, Raven started, getting up from her chair and walking towards where Harper was sitting, “Since I basically financed this whole shit…” - she handed Harper a dollar and made her way back to her seat - “... I bet my sweet ass I get to decide what we do with it.”

Her friends were looking at her expectantly but Raven seemed to enjoy their attention so she took her time to get back to her seat, sat down slowly and looked around.

Her gaze stopped on Adria who smiled brightly and her friends knew she had made a deal with the kids again.

“We’re building a swimming pool in the garden!”, Raven declared.

“We are?”, Lexa asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yep!”, Raven nodded, “Right?”

The four older kids nodded strongly and excitedly.

“You can cancel your workout at Linc’s and O’s for next spring, Lexi, you’re gonna be digging a hole.”

 

* * *

 

Raven and Anya were hanging out at Lexa and Clarke’s flat.

They were both playing with the kids, Raven and Aden playing with cars on a carpet that had streets drawn on it and Anya walking around the apartment on her knees, encouraging Madi to walk with her.

Both kids seemed excited.

Clarke was in her art room painting and Lexa was still at work.

“What do you want Santa to bring you this year, Aden?”, Raven asked.

“A dog!”, Aden answered excitedly. “I wrote it into my letter to Santa and mom brought it to the post office this morning! I hope it’ll arrive at the north pole in time. Is it far from here to there?”

“Not that far. We’re on the northern half of earth, you know?”, Raven explained, “An Australian kid, for example, would have to send their letter way earlier.” She smiled towards Anya at the end of her sentence and Anya smiled back.

“Do you want a dog, too?”, Anya then asked Madi, who got so excited about nodding and shouting “yesss” that she fell on her butt.

“Well, if you wrote it in the letter,...”, Raven shrugged. “But were you two nice this year?”

“I was very nice! I helped mom cook and I sat almost perfectly still when mummy wanted to draw me!”, Aden explained, as if trying to impress Santa, just in case he was listening, “And Madi is way too tiny to be a bad child.”

“Well then…”, Anya nodded thoughtfully before looking Raven into her eyes. They were able to talk without speaking, just with their eyes.

R: We gotta…

A: Ask Clarke!

R: But we gotta!

A: Ask her!

R: She’ll say no!

A: Raven!!!

R: please?

A: Raven!

R: c’mon look at how excited they are

A: ugh, fine… only cuz your puppy eyes are so cute...

R: yessssss. Love you

Raven blew her girlfriend a kiss and got up from the carpet.

 

“So Clarke”, she started as she walked into her friend’s drawing room to ask her as Anya had told her to do.

“Yes, Raven?”, Clarke was concentrated on the stroke of her brush as she was trying to paint the waves as realistically as possible.

“So”, Raven closed the door so Aden wouldn’t hear her, “What do you want us to get your tiny ones for Christmas?”

“Tiny ones?”, Clarke laughed, “Ellen or Kristen?”

“Both, I think…”, Raven thought, “Wait no it was Kristen Stewart saying ‘little tiny ones’. Anyway, what should we get them?”

“Uhm…”, Clarke put down her brush so she could concentrate on thinking. She turned towards Raven, looking into her eyes as she thought. “Well, they’ve been asking for a pet but I don’t know…”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know just, maybe, a fish or something?”

“So O will make it for dinner?”, Raven laughed.

“No, stupid”, Clarke said but she had to laugh, too. “Like a goldfish you know?”

“Sure.”, Raven smiled before turning around to go back to Aden and his cars.

 

* * *

 

“Moms!”, Aden shouted from in front of their door, knocking on it wildly.

“Yes?”, Lexa managed to groan, still half asleep. The door was opened and revealed Aden with his little sister at his hand.

“It’s Christmas!”, he shouted, happiness in his eyes.

Madi either understood his words or just sensed his excitement as she started to move her body up and down as if trying to jump in excitement.

Aden let go of his sister’s hand, to which she immediately decided to sit down on her big diapered butt, and jumped onto his mothers’ bed.

“Mummy, wake up!”, he let himself fall onto Clarke who placed a pillow on her face to hide. Aden tried to pull the pillow away until Clarke gave up.

Lexa had sat up and was having an intense staring contest with Madi, trying to make her laugh by making dumb faces.

Aden followed her eyes and noticed Madi on the ground.

“Oh”, he simply said before climbing back out of bed to help Madi up.

“Why did we have kids again?”, Clarke mumbled, still half of her face covered by her pillow, looking tired and defeated from Aden’s attempts to wake her up.

Lexa was only able to shrug before a tumbling Madi threw herself against her torso.

The mother wrapped her full arms around the toddler, hugging her tightly.

Aden decided to sit down between his moms and looked back and forth between the sleepy Clarke and the cuddling Lexa and Madi. He then decided that Lexa was already occupied with one child so he threw himself onto Clarke again and cuddled her.

“I want pancakes for breakfast”, Aden decided, “With chocolate!” He thought silently for a few seconds. “And blueberries and raspberries and strawberries and apples and bananas and…”, he rambled.

“We’ll see what we have in the kitchen”, Lexa said, smiling. She could feel deep happiness and love rise in her chest. That’s why they had made kids, she thought, and when she looked at Clarke, the love in her wife’s eyes told her that she was thinking the same.

 

They got up, had pancakes with apples and chocolate for breakfast, got the kids and themselves dressed properly and went over to Lincoln and O’s, where the gang had planned to celebrate Christmas together.

 

* * *

 

Everyone had wished each other Merry Christmas and the first couple of presents had been opened when Raven excused herself to go get something from her flat.

Clarke and Lexa had looked at each other questioningly after they had noticed the smug grin Raven had sent Anya’s way before she had left and now Anya had been almost smiling at Aden ever since Raven had left.

When Raven returned there were all kinds of different reactions within the group: Clarke glared at her angrily, Aden and all the other kids jumped up excitedly and so did some of the adults. Lincoln was smiling brightly and Lexa was, too, but she also looked at her wife a bit guiltily.

Raven had entered the room with a golden retriever puppy walking next to her.

“Don’t worry, Fish and Cat get along well, he spent the night in our flat already!”, Raven declared.

“Fish?”, Luna asked, smiling, “Really?”

“Raven is just bullying me.”, Clarke forced a smile.

“Hey, I’m not bullying you!”, Raven defended herself. “You told me to g… to tell Santa” - she looked down at the kids that were playing with the puppy around her feet and then at Harper who looked a bit angry because she had almost ruined Christmas for the kids - “tell him to get them a fish and I did!” She pointed at the dog.

“It’s a dog, Raven!”, Clarke sighed angrily.

“But his name is Fish so he’s a fish!”

“And can you fly?”, Clarke asked, raising her eyebrow.

“No, but he can swim!”, Raven replied, smiling brightly because she knew she had won.

“God you’re awful”, Clarke rolled her eyes.

“I know.”

They watched the kids play with Fish for a while and Raven sat back down between the adults.

“Way to confuse the people with the names of your pets”, Luna smiled but Raven just shrugged, smiling as well.

Bellamy and Lincoln sat down to play with the kids and Fish.

While the other adults continued their conversations and talked about the gifts they had gotten other people and each other, Lincoln got a tennis ball from his sports equipment and they started rolling the ball back and forth for Fish to bring it back.

He got distracted often though and then he just walked around the circle the humans had made and licked people’s faces and hands, which made especially Madi and Tris giggle a lot.

Clarke watched how happy her kids were and decided she was only going to be angry at Raven for a while instead of killing her as her original plan had been.

 

After a while, the kids had stopped playing with the puppy and he was now walking around the room, excitedly sniffing at everything in this new environment, especially the people.

He was sniffing at the hand Lexa had extended his way as he heard Clarke’s voice.

“Hey you, welcome to the family”, she whispered.

Surprising everyone, Fish jumped into Clarke's arms and immediately licked all over her face, making her giggle.

Lexa, on the other hand, didn't look as happy. As soon as Clarke let the dog down to the floor again, Lexa grabbed her hand. She brought the hand to her mouth and quickly licked over Clarke's knuckles before adding a kiss to the same spot.

"Did you just lick my hand?", Clarke complained confusedly.

"He claimed you!" Lexa defended herself. "But HA!", she stuck her tongue out into the dog's direction, "I licked it last so it's mine again!"

 

* * *

 

"I never know who to leave the kids with when I'm busy.”, Clarke sighed, a struggling look on her face as she looked at her wife.

“Huh?”, Octavia, who was standing next to her at Jasper and Maya’s door, asked.

“This family is too big, we have too many nice people helping us!"

“And you’re complaining about that?”, Lexa chuckled behind them.

“No, it’s just…”, Clarke sighed, not knowing how to explain.

“... a struggle”, Harper finished her friend’s sentence.

“Yep”, Clarke nodded.

“I know what you mean!”, Lincoln said as they walked in after Bellamy had opened the door. “I can leave them at my mom’s, at Nyko’s, with anyone in this house, I could even leave them with Indra or Gaia.”

“And Gustus when he’s in town.”, Lexa added.

“What are you guys talking about?”, Maya asked as her nephews started running into the apartment after their parents.

“About what a wonderful big family we have”, Monty replied.

“And the struggle we have with deciding who to leave our kids with”, Clarke added.

“Oh, come on!”, Raven smiled, “We all know I’m the best auntie! Right?” She handed the kids cookies from Maya’s cookie jar and they cheered. “See?”

“Actually”, Anya cut in from the couch, “I’m the best auntie.”

Raven gasped dramatically. “How dare you!”

“You know how nobody can say bubbles angrily?”, Anya continued, ignoring her girlfriend.

“Wait, let me try!”, Aden jumped up and down, talking with his mouth still full of cookie which made him cough.

“Bubbles!”, Clarke tried and everyone started laughing.

“Bubbles!”, Aden’s face looked just as adorable as Clarke’s had.

“Bubbles!”, Bellamy tried but had to laugh half-way through the word.

“Bubbles!”, Jasper said but he hadn’t even tried to look angry at all.

“Bubbles!” Monty just couldn’t look angry even without saying the adorable word so everyone just laughed even more at his attempt.

“Bubbles!”, Echo got breathtakingly close to looking angry, but in the end, a small smile appeared on her lips as she looked at her boyfriend and he nawwed.

“Bubbles!”

The room fell quiet.

“You…?”, Lexa started, but was too confused and amazed to finish her sentence.

“Bubbles”, Anya repeated, again looking as frightening as if someone had threatened her family.

“Wow”, Raven commented and it shocked everyone even more, that Raven Reyes of all people was speechless.

“Bubbles”, Murphy tried, but despite him looking more bored than cute, Emori laughed.

“Anyway”, Lincoln started.

“Oh, yea, we gotta go”, Clarke realised as she looked at the clock on the stove.

“Where are you going?”, Adria asked.

Raven looked at Luna, wanting to see her friend’s proud face as her foster daughter spoke in front of so many people.

“Us six”, Harper pointed at her boyfriend, Lexa, Clarke, Lincoln and Octavia, “Are going on a date!”

“All of you?”, Jordan asked.

“Yes”, Lexa replied.

“It’s a triple date”, Octavia explained.

“What’s that?”, Artigas asked his mother.

“We’ll explain”, Luna smiled calmly to those of her friends who were about to leave.

“Thanks”, Lincoln tousled her hair as he walked past her.

“Poopy head!”, she insulted him since she couldn’t take revenge due to his lack of hair.

“Swear jar!”, the kids and Raven called out, making everyone laugh.

 

* * *

 

 

"How did we get so lucky?", Lincoln asked. He, Lexa and Monty were walking a few steps behind their wives and girlfriend, all watching them with heart eyes as they were joking around and laughing.

"No clue", Lexa said at the same time as Monty said, "I don't know."

"Guess you did find your soulmate after all, huh?", Lincoln chuckled, bumping his shoulder into Lexa's while walking.

Lexa bumped back into him but then sighed. "Yea seems like it", she sighed, looking at the beautiful love of her life before her. Clarke was wearing a blue jumpsuit with lots of cleavage and long golden necklaces. Lexa had almost died when she had first seen the outfit.

"We are some lucky bastards", Monty sighed, shocking his two friends a little with his choice of words. His innocent smile that followed though made them giggle again.

They were too focused on the love they had for the people in their little happy-bubble that none of them noticed the headlines of some of the newspapers in the little shop they had just passed:

 

“Death penalty to be abolished in all states”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so many ideas in my head about what to write and how to write it. With the motivation of my girlfriend Gino and my friend Bo I finally started writing them down and with the help of some other friends (especially since I don't know everything about American culture and rules) I managed to write this story in less than a year.  
> If you want to write, if you have ideas in your head then write them down, you can do it!  
> Thanks to everyone who has read and liked my story, you make me so so happy!
> 
> Tell me if you missed something in this story, please.
> 
> About the sort of cliffhanger at the end: I will start posting the sequel once we have 500 kudos! Love you!

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone who wants to chat with me can find me on Instagram @good._sometimes and @14th.clan  
> Thanks to Bo for making me actually start writing down all these ideas I had.  
> Thanks to Gino for reading every bit of this before I post it, not getting annoyed by all my ideas, being an inspiration and just being perfect in general.
> 
> My writing schedule is sometimes a bit chaotic and I forget things pretty easily so if something doesn't add up or confuses you, please ask in the comments and I'll tell you (if it's not spoilers ofc).  
> Also please excuse my English, it's not my first language, so if there are any weird words or I missed a comma,...


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